Brand New Eyes
by acacia6583
Summary: Distraught Bella runs from her life in Forks to London after a life changing tragedy. 2 years later she returns to pick up the pieces of her shattered life but can everything really be forgotten? Can Bella get the happiness she craves? Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Fan Fic so please be nice!!**

**Any constructive critisim is greatly appreciated, I would love to hear your views and what you think I can improve on.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**I dont own Twilight Stephanie Meyers does... I just own a heap of Twilight goodies!**

My life sucks, no really it does!

I have hardly any friends, no social life, no family that I talk to and so much baggage even Heathrow airport couldn't deal with it all.

It wasn't always like this though, I was popular once, I had friends, GOOD friends, a social life, I even had a boyfriend, even if he was a possessive drunk! I had a life. My family meant to world to me and despite all their faults they were incredible and even though I didn't admit it out loud I really did miss them.

My life came grinding to a halt 20 long months ago and since then nothing has been the same. I don't live anymore I simply exist.

My family hated me, quite rightly too and everyone I knew turned their backs on me and all because of _him_ and my incredible selfishness and stupidity.

If I had known then what I know now things would have turned out so differently and I wouldn't be here feeling so much guilt and pain.

The joy of hindsight eh?

I cant help but think that if I hadn't brought _him_ into our lives I would not have lost everyone I have ever cared about.

As much as I wanted to blame this all on him I knew this was just as much my fault as it was his. I hated him with all of my being, but I hated myself even more.

I sit in the middle of starbucks as I do every week wallowing in self pity, hating everyone that walks past me and wishing my life was as easy as theirs and wait for my room mate and best friend Angela. We had been living together for about 18 months now and she was incredible. She had taken me under her wing when I arrived and held me as I poured my heart out to her which lately seemed to be a lot. I owed her so much but she never expected anything in return for her kindness and that made me love her all that much more. She listened to me and didn't judge me and I would be eternally grateful to her for that. But despite being fantastic and incredible I felt terrible but I could not help thinking .. she's not Jess.

London really was miserable at this time of year, It rained a lot and when it wasn't raining it was so cold. I was used to the rain, it rained constantly back home.

When I first got here I was totally overwhelmed by all of the people. There were people everywhere I hated it, but I knew that being somewhere as big as London there was a very small chance I would be found but at the same time I didn't think I would ever be able to get used to the hustle, bustle and the constant noise. I was used to being in a relatively small town where everyone knew me and my business which is one of the main reasons I decided to leave. Too many people knew what had happened and I didn't like that. The tube was the worst place to be, I would get barged into like I wasn't even there. After getting elbowed in the ribs by a very anti social old woman I decided public transport was NOT for me and I haven't been on one since. Do these people not know the word 'excuse me'?

I had never lived in a big city before so this was all so new to me and quite frankly rather scary. I got anxious around big groups of people, I wasn't used to it and found myself feeling really claustrophobic, so I tended to avoid crowds. So much so that we did our food shopping at the 24 hour Tesco's not far from where we lived so I didn't get trolley rage or have a meltdown around all of the people. There was hardly anyone there at 2 in the morning so it as perfect. I didn't sleep much anyway so why bother wasting time lying in bed staring at the ceiling when I could be doing productive with my time like grocery shopping. Plus doing it at 2am meant that I wouldn't be tempted to run over any old people with my shopping cart.

Me and Ang had this gorgeous 3 bedroomed Victorian house in Hammersmith in Greater London, It was a beautiful place and we had turned it into a home but It wasn't MY home if that makes any sense. Angela's late aunt Gwen had left the house to her in her will and the mortgage was fully paid so we didn't have any rent to pay which was a massive bonus. It was stunning, with a really nice garden for Angela's labrador Max to run around in.

Angela's aunt wanted to keep as many of the period features as she could within the house. She left the beautiful bay windows in place even though she was one of the only ones left in the street to have them, she didn't care. She said it gave the house character.

The windows weren't the modern double glazed plastic ones, she retained the old sash windows. They were very pretty and did give the house a little something extra.

When I first got here I always remember the strange cross like pattern that was built into the wall with coloured bricks. I had never seen anything like that and found it rather pretty.

There were fireplaces in almost every room which again I found rather odd. They weren't used but they made the rooms look beautiful. I even had one in my bedroom but instead of wood in it I had a really pretty huge green vase with some artificial flowers sitting there.

The house had 3 floors and even had a basement but I never went down there. I believe Angela kept her Aunt Gwen's belongings down there as she couldn't bare to part with them. I had never met her, but she seemed like a lovely woman. Angela had lived with her in this very house from the age of 8 after her parents were killed in a car accident. So I understood her reluctance to part with her belongings.

Obviously the house had been made up to date with central heating and decoration but you could still tell it was an old house. I really did love it, it had so much character. Yeah, I know. I'm being all sentimental over a house. What can I say? I'm gonna miss the place!

I knew we needed to talk, she did too. Since I had a huge meltdown at her birthday party a few weeks ago things had been strained, she understood why it had happened but that didn't make me feel any less guilty and shitty for ruining things. All I seem to do lately is cry, scream, shout, lash out and then feel like shit for breaking down.

I knew exactly what I needed to do and it was scaring the living shit out of me, but for the sake of my sanity and everyone else around me I needed to face my fears before the men in white coats came to cart me away. I had been thinking about it for a while but I didn't have the courage to actually to something about it.

Attacking one of Angela's boyfriends best friends even though it was totally mortifying and quite frankly one of my most embarrassing situations of late it was almost a blessing in disguise, it finally gave me the kick up the backside I needed to admit I needed help.

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself recalling the look on that poor blokes face after I belted him black and blue with my handbag for trying to help me off the floor after I fell off my death trap heels. I don't even know what the hell happened, I was enjoying myself which was rare, I knew it wouldn't last. I drank too many tequila slammers and that combined with 4 inch heels was a recipe for disaster and I ended up arse over tit on the dance floor.

He only helped me up and I just freaked out and started battering him and screaming for him to get the fuck away from me. Its not funny really but If I didn't laugh at my ridiculous actions chances are I would cry and not stop!

Just then Angela arrived. She sat down and smiled warmly at was such a sweet person I knew what I was about to do would hurt her but she would understand it was for the best and being the lovely person I knew she was she would support me fully in my decision.

'Hey Bells, how are you doing?' She asked while looking down and picking at her magenta coloured nail varnish.

'I'm good thanks Ang, I really need to talk to you though'

'Yeah, I know' she replied.I could see that she knew what was about to come and that made me feel even worse. So I took a deep breathe and started.

'Ang I appreciate everything you have done for me, you have been my rock through this entire nightmare and without you I dread to think what the hell would have happened to me.. but these last few weeks have really put things into perspective for me and I know what I need to do. Please don't be mad at me, you know this is nothing that you have done. You and Ben have been incredible but this cant go on... I need to go home'.

**K what do you all think? Pants? Okish? should I bother carrying on?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to my amazing beta Magenta. She convinced me this wasn't as crap as I was sure it was lol.**

**Thank you to everyone that added this to their alerts. It made me smile!**

**Your awesome!!**

**Again, any criticism is appreciated.**

**I don't own Twilight.. I just mess with characters.**

**K here we go....**

Angela was clearly upset at my decision to return to Forks, Washington but as I thought she was supportive and told me that no matter what I had a place to come back to and was there if she needed me.

She understood that in order to heal and start feeling better I needed to do this, I needed to face my fears.

Since being here in London I hadn't used any of my credit cards or bank cards, I didn't want anyone back home being able to trace me, I was so paranoid that I was being followed that I threw the cards in the back of my wardrobe in a shoe box. I had everything I needed and I paid my bills with a cash in hand job at a local pub.

When I left I made sure I became invisible, I didn't want to be found so I made it virtually impossible for anyone to look for me.

But when I decided to go back home I had to use my credit card to buy my plane ticket so if he didn't know by now my dad would soon know I was coming home.

I have to admit I was bricking it. It had been almost 2 years since I had seen my dad or my 2 brothers and I was dreading it. The last time I had seen them was unpleasant to say the least, I had told all of them I hated them and never wanted to see them again and stormed off into the night.

I think they thought I would have a tantrum and just come back but I was so messed up at the time and so much had happened that I knew I couldn't go back.

Things could go one of 2 ways, they could welcome me back with open arms, tell me they forgave me and loved me and that they had missed me so much or they would turn me away and tell me to fuck off back where I came from.

As much as it would break my heart I kinda believed the latter to be true. And they had every right to do that. I had ruined my families reputation, ruined everything my father had worked so hard to achieve. So I wouldn't blame them if they did turn me away. I deserved it.

My father Charlie was a lawyer, he worked in Seattle which was about 3 hours from where we lived. He had worked his fingers to the bone to get where he is now. He started off in the police force but slowly realized he wanted more and went to law school and became an incredible lawyer.

My brother Emmett wanted to follow in his footsteps, he always had done since about 10 years old. Jasper my other brother wanted to be a doctor.

My ambition when I was younger was to open an animal hospital in the back garden. Jess and I would round up all the animals we could find and put them in a huge shed that Emmett and Jasper had made me. They painted it pink and we even hung curtains up at the 4 little windows. I was forever bringing home stray dogs and cats and god knows what else. I was such a sucker for animals. My dad just laughed at me but let us just carry on.

My father had such high hopes for me but I ended up being a big fat waste of space and a complete disappointment.

There was every chance I would be disowned when I got home so I wanted to hold on to all the good memories I had.

I had an incredible childhood, It was so happy, I was the apple of my fathers eye being the only girl and I was spoiled rotten.

I loved having 2 older brothers, It meant I could almost get away with protected me when I needed it, and looked after me while my dad was away on took me to their football games and used to put me on their shoulders when they had won. They were such tough guys but when it came to me I just made them turn to goo. They adored me.

No one messed with me and all the girls wanted to be my friend in order to try to get closer to my brothers. I knew what they were doing, but I didn't care as long as I was centre of attention and popular. It was childish really but at 16 I couldn't care less.

Of course the only down fall was boys, no boys ever made an attempt to get close to me when I was in high school because they were afraid they would get beaten into next week by one or both of my brothers. I loved how everyone was so afraid of them.

The only person that wasn't afraid was _Him_. He laughed at them and told them they were being too over protective and to leave me live my life. That to me made him all the more appealing, he obviously liked me enough to risk the wrath of the Swan brothers right?

I spent all week packing and repacking my things, I didn't need to do it but it was a way of calming my nerves.

On the day of my flight after not having slept a wink the night before I was so nervous I thought I would vomit.

Ang offered to make me breakfast but I had visions of hurling on the person next to me on the plane so I decided against that.

I hated flying at the best of times and what I was about to face did nothing for my fears and anxiety levels.

We made it to Heathrow airport with 2 hours before I was due to take off.

I didn't want Angela to have to wait around for me so I said my good byes and told her I would call her as soon as I got into Seattle. We had a good cry and she hugged me and told me she would miss me.

My flight was departing at 12.35 to Philadelphia and from there we were going to Seattle. It was going to take like 10 hours to get there so I had plenty of time to catch up on the sleep I missed out on the night before.

I made my way to the gate and sat there reading for a while. Before I knew it US AIRWAYS flight US0729 to Seattle was being called. OK shit, now the panic has set in! My palms were sweating and my head was pounding. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst through my chest!

Fuck, what was I doing? This was a really stupid idea. I must have stood there clutching my ticket like it was gold for about 10 minutes before I was jolted out of my thoughts by another announcement for my flight.

Ok ya pussy its now or never, move your arse and get on the damn plane!!!

How I got on the plane without having a full blown panic attack was beyond me, I hate flying did I mention that?

At 10.30pm that night we touched down in Seattle. My nerves were shot to pieces, I was probably one step away from being sectioned I was bordering on hysterical!

I decided that as it was late I would stay in a hotel that night. By the time I had my baggage and left the airport it was almost 11.30pm and then on top of that there was 3 hour drive so I decided to wait until the next day to drive.

I hopped in a taxi and headed to the La Quinta Inn just down the street from the airport, checked in and grabbed my key. By this point I was so tired I could barely function. I sat down on the bed and just must have passed out cold with my clothes still on as the next thing I knew it was 7am and the light coming through the curtains was so bright I thought my brain was about to implode! I was so tired last night I hadn't even drawn them. Ughhh.

I completely forgot last night to call Angela to let her know I had arrived, she was probably frantic by now, I sat up, reached into my carry on and turned my blackberry back on. I had 3 texts off Angela and 4 voice mails. Whoops!

I dialed her number praying she wouldn't get into trouble at work for taking my call. We worked together at the pub in the evenings but during the day Angela was assistant manager in a really swanky clothes shop.

She finally picked up 'Oh my god Bella, do you know how worried I was when you didn't ring me? Are you ok? How did it go? Where are you? When are you coming home?'

Whooooooooooooa, brain freeze! This girl could seriously talk, my mind frazzled with the million and one questions.

'Well, good morning to you too Ang, what the hell did you have for breakfast this morning?' I chuckled, there was silence.. Okaaaaaaaaaaay too early for jokes!

'I'm fine Ang, I got into Seattle really late last night and crashed in a hotel I'm really sorry I didn't ring you I was so tired I pretty much passed out as soon as I got here! I haven't been home yet, Im heading there today'

'Oh, ok. But are you ok?' Ang asked sympathetically.

'The truth?'

'Yeah, the truth' She said.

'OK, I'm more terrified than I have ever been in my life, This not going to go well Ang, It was such a stupid idea, I think I should just come back'

'ISABELLA MARIE SWAN' uhoh, my full name, I'm about to get a serious mouthful!.

'You did not fly all the way over there to back out now, so get your backside in the shower, make yourself look pretty and get over to your dads house, you NEED to do this or your gonna make yourself ill with worry. You need to beat this Bella, you can do this. Remember Im here for you and if you need me I'll even fly over there but Bella you need to do this, you need closure'.

How can she be so optimistic knowing what I'm about to face. I didn't want another argument so I just agreed with her, told her to stay put in the UK and that I would call her back when I got to Forks. I think I might need another pep talk before I actually go through the gates to my families house.

I said my good byes to Ang and jumped in the shower. My mind was all over the place, it took everything I had to just get on the plane to come here, this was definitely too much. What was I thinking? I know whats going to happen, they will turn me away without even hearing anything I have to say.

They wont want to know me, and even though in my heart I knew what I had done was completely despicable and they had every right to tell me this and tell me never to come back the thought still crushed me. I just wanted my daddy to hold me and tell me he loved me. But I knew that would never happen because I was dirty, tainted, a cold blooded killer.

I didn't deserve anyones love, pity or sympathy. All I deserved was to be scared and alone for the rest of my life.

**So, what do we think? If I do happen to get anything wrong when it comes to America and that please feel free to correct me. Im from the UK so I might get a few things wrong.**


	3. Chapter 3

4 hours I sat there. 4 fucking hours sat down the street from my house willing myself to actually drive up to the gates. Everytime I tried I backed out and decided to give it a few more minutes. By this time it was 3pm and I was starving, busting for a pee and had cramp in my arse cheeks.

I knew this could not go on.

I closed my eyes, counted to 20 and took huge deep breathes! OK woman its now or never.

I started the car and drove up to the gates.

My dad never used to be so uptight about security but before I left he had had this massive electronic gate with intercom installed and hired like a bazillion security guards.

I remember screaming that he was too late as the contractors installed them.

As if we were in any danger now! My only danger was lying in a morgue with multiple gunshot wounds.

I pressed put the window down and pressed the buzzer before I had another chance to bottle it again. A smooth voice came over the intercom.

'Yes, can I help you?' Hmm, that voice sounded familiar.

'Er yeah, Im here to see Mr Swan, is he available?'

'Do you have an appointment? Miss..?'

'Nope, no appointment and my name is........ Miss Swan'

Silence...

'Hello?' I ask wondering where the voice has gone to

More silence. Fantastic I've given the security dude a heart attack! Way to go Bella!

I knew I should have called.

Just as I was about to throw the car into reverse and get the hell out of here the voice came back.

'Miss swan? Bella Swan??'

'The one and only' I chuckle into the intercom.

'OK, wow, erm can you drive down to the house and I'll meet you at the front?'

'er, sure'

I put my hands on the steering wheel and let my head fall onto it with a deep sigh.

Fabulous, Im not even gonna get to see my family now, some security guard on an ego trip is gonna tell me to get the fuck off the property and probably not even tell them that I was here.

I sit up and head down the drive that lead to my childhood home.

It really was a stunning place. It was my grandfathers house. He died before I was born so I never had a chance to meet him, he left the house to my parents. It was a 6 bedroomed 3 floored house named Big Horn Hollow. Yeah, dont ask about the name, we inherited that too. My father used to call this place 'Renee's Palace' for a long time as my mother loved this house and did most of the redecoration herself.

It wasnt one of the biggest houses in the area but it was certainly one of the most beautiful to look at. We had an excersise room that Emmett had begged my father for, he said he couldnt stand going to the gym and being around all those sweaty teenagers. My dad finally caved and the boys practically lived down there.

There was also a games room equipt with a pool table, 50 inch plasma flat screen on the wall, the comfiest sofas on the planet and a dvd cabinet stocked with every DVD known to man kind. My brother Jasper was a huge movie nut, he would constantly wittle out quotes from any movie. I used to joke that he needed to get out reminded me of Tony Dinozzo from NCIS with the constant movie quotes.

There were 6 huge bedrooms, the only one without an en suite was my room, and that was because I had decided that I wanted a huge walk in wardrobe instead of a bathroom, there were like 5 of those in the house I could use one of them, I had a serious shopping habit which meant I had more clothes than either Emmett, Jasper or my father put togther and there was the small fact that I lived at the top of the house in the attic - yeah I know, how very cinderalla? It wasn't like that at all, my room was gorgeous with a sloping ceiling on one side and 2 huge bay windows that I would stare out of and think or watch my brothes playing basketball with their friends. I was completely secluded up here and I loved it. Noone could accidently barge into my room if my brothers decided to have a party while my dad was away. My room had a hidden staircase and was completely off limits to the likes of the common rif raf my brothers used to bring home and call their friends. Jessica was so jealous when I showed her the size of the wardrobe my dad had built for me, but after explaining that what was mine was hers anyway she didnt mind so much.

Im brought of my memories by a figure step out from the front door with his arms folded. He had a full head of crazy bronze hair that was sticking up all over the place.

Oh you have GOT to be kidding me? HIM? what the hell is he doing here and where are my dad and brothers?

No, it cant be him, he went to UCLA and then moved to San Fransisco with his tramp of a girlfriend Tanya just before I moved away.

As he got closer I prayed it wasnt him, but how many people have THAT walk and that mental unruly hair?

I could see him clearly now, oh this was just getting better and better. Just what I needed. Standing outside my house in all his gorgeousness stood none other than Edward friggin Cullen.

I pulled up and parked the car and he started walking towards the side of the door.

I didnt look at him, I couldnt. The last time I had seen him the look of pity in his eyes made me wanna puke and rip his hair out of his head!

He barely spoke a word to me after what happened to Jessica not that I blamed him cos noone else said much to me either.

I shook the thoughts from my head and sat up straighter. I was not that person anymore, I was strong, confident I could do this.

Ahh who was I kidding , I wasnt strong I was nothing but a coward or I would never have run away in the first place. So I slumped back against my seat and tried to control my breathing! NO crying Bella, pull yourself together.

He tapped on my window with what sounded like keys. I undid my seat belt, grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and opened the car door.

I stood in front of him still not looking at his face and said

'Hello Edward, long time no see'

'You came home' was all he was no tone to his voice I noticed.

I just nodded as he turned to walk to the house, I followed him and stepped in to the foyer. I stood there and looked around, tears pricking my eyes. Nothing seemed to have changed, it was exactly as I left it. The foyer was huge and off to the left was our family room. We spent most of our time in this room together. The wallpaper was kinda dated but my mother had decorated while she was pregnant with me and my father being the sentimental kinda guy he was refused to change it as it was the only thing left in the house that reminded him of her.

The hardwood floor looked so much shinier than I remember though. I hated walking on it with sneakers on, my feet would squeek on the floor and make my teeth hurt, it was almost like someone dragging their nails down a chalkboard. Yeah, same reaction! I would get the soles of my sneakers stuck almost on the floor and go flying. My balance is not good at the best of times without adding buffed floors to the equation!

I turned to find Edward wringing his hands together and rocking back and forth on the heels of his shoes.

'Erm, Is my father here?' I asked, although I was pretty sure as his car wasnt in the drive that he was at work.

'No, hes away for the weekend in New York. Emmett is here though' Edward said as he turned to face me.

I looked up at him, afraid of what I might see and he was just staring down at me with a confused look on his face.

'Bella, why are you here?' He asked me.

'What do you mean _WHY _am I here? This is my home... I need to see my family Edward, I need to try and put things right if I can, I need.. I just ... I need them'

'They thought you were dead, do you have _any_ idea what you have put them through? Your father was a mess. He didnt eat or sleep. He stopped working Bella, when have you _ever_ known your father to not work? Your brothers spent every damn day searching for you, you could have let them know you were alive and didnt want to be found'

'You think walking away was _easy_?' I spat at him. 'You have NO idea what I went through and how I was feeling so dont you stand there and judge me when you dont know what the fucking hell I went through'

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and I could see he was pissed off. What the fuck did he have to be pissed off about? This wasnt his family, he had wanted nothing to do with me, he made that very clear before I left. He never spoke to me and barely looked at me and yet here he stood acting like I had just walked off into the night for no reason.

'You don't k_now_, Edward. How the fuck do you think this has been for me? I moved somewhere I didnt know, I had no friends no family no money and nothing going for me. I was so broken I didnt even think I could be fixed. I wanted to die, I tried to die because of how ashamed and guilty I felt so don't you dare think that me walking away was taking the easy way out'

Who the hell did he think he was? I barged past him and headed for the stairs. In normal Bella style I managed to trip on the first step and face plant the marble staircase. I landed with a loud thud and groaned. Great, that would bruise tomorrow.I reached down to touch where my shin had bashed into the stairs when I felt Edwards fingers on my arm and I stiffened. 'Leave me alone, Im fine' I seethed. I snatched my arm from his grasp and turned around to see him walking back out the front , whatever.

I sat down on the stairs and cried. Cried for myself, cried for my family and everything I had put them through. I knew they would be a mess, they obviously thought the worst when they found out I had left. I knew I didnt want to be found but I think deep down I wanted them to come look for me and take me home and tell me everything would be ok.

I cried for my scars both the mental and physical ones but most of all I cried for Jessica and her family. I really needed to go and see her but I knew now was not the time. I wasnt ready for that yet. So much for me not crying. At least it wasnt in front of that moron.

The house was quiet, TOO quiet I didnt like it. This place was normally full of laughter and fun and love. It didnt feel the same, something was missing.

I composed myself and headed up the stairs to my old room. Nothing had changed in here either, well almost nothing. There was a huge picture of me and Jessica on the back wall between my two windows. That wasnt there when I left. It had been smashed to pieces on the floor. Someone had obviously replaced the frame and hung it back up for me.

As much as it pained me to see her smiling face it was strangely comforting.

My room was still as beautiful as I remember, I had pink painted walls, go figure right? I was once such a girly girl. My home was so male dominated I felt I need to keep some feminity in the house.

I had a huge collage on the left side of my room near my wardrobe door of all my friends and family. I had ripped out all of _his_ pictures and set fire to them so thankfully I didnt have to look at his face, I didnt think I could handle that.

I sat down at my dressing table and looked around, I honestly didnt think I would ever be back here. I walked over to my windows and sat on the huge window ledge and looked out over our garden. We had probably an ache of land out there, right at the end of the yard was a little river and then the woods. I never went past the trees in our garden as Emmett had convinced me there were ghosts out there. I shit myself until I was about 15 although I never admitted to him I was scared of what he had told me but every so often I would be convinced we were being watched and that creepy feeling - even though I knew we couldn't possibly be being watched - still made me uneasy so I just stayed away just to be on the safe side.

I smiled while remembering all the good times here. I looked down again to see Edward emerge from the decking at the back of the house, he had changed and was wearing a pair of 3 quarter length shorts a black shirt that from here looked 2 sizes too small but shit did it show off his muscles. I always knew he was gorgeous but then again so did he. He was one of the biggest man - whores I had ever met, that and the fact that he was one of my brothers best friends meant he was completely off limits. He was an arrogant pig that treated women like dirt and that was a total put off.

He was a love 'em and leave 'em kinda guy. He never once treated me like that though, he wouldnt dare. My father would have threatened him with his shotgun if he had. Our family were close to Edward's so he knew better than to be disrespectful towards me. He only had one girlfriend in the entire time I knew him, he had many women but only one he kept around. I could never understand why, she was a skanky hoe bag by the name of Tanya. She was a vile creature who Jess and I spent hours making fun of.

Edward did enjoy winding me up, he knew I was attracted to him,I mean come on, who wasnt? But I had no intention of acting on my feelings, it was only a tiny crush and quite frankly god knows what he was riddled with, yuk, I had seen a few of his conquests, it wasnt pretty! But whenever he could he would embarrass me and go out of his way to try and make me turn as many shades of red as physically possible.

I blush easily which he found highly amusing. I remember once walking in on him in the shower after a party at our house. I was mortified and turned crimson but he just stood there with his annoyingly gorgeous crooked smirk and asked me if I was going to stand there and just stare could I make myself useful and scrub his back. I was beyond horrified and avoided him at all costs for the next week. He would joke that it was only fair if he saw me naked too which used to make me flush even more furiously. I knew he wasnt interested in me in the slightest and that my reaction to him only egged him on but I still had the hugest crush on him.

I was brought of my day dream and noticed that Edward was staring up at my window while I gawped at him like a mindless school girl with my mouth hanging open. I saw him snigger and snapped my mouth shut and turned around fuming.

That arrogant prick, as if he would still get the same reaction out of me he did back then. I wasnt the same person.. . not by a long way.

I was completely exhausted so I collapsed onto my bed and fell asleep.

When I woke I had a thumping headache from all the crying I had done. I knew I needed to go downstairs and talk things through with my brothers, sooner rather than later.

I jumped in the shower quickly and changed my clothes. I was rather surprised that all my old clothes still fit me. I had lost and gained so much weight over the last year due to comfort eating. Angela had forced me to go to the gym with her after 6 months of me sitting on the sofa all day eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream and watching Jeremy Kyle reruns. It made my life slightly better watching other people act like idiots on national where do shows like this find these people? They all had revoluting teeth. Can we say Dentist?? But then I discovered the joys of kick boxing. It was seriously theraputic kicking the living shit out of a bag!

I grabbed a pair of dark black jeans and a Forks high hoodie that I think belonged to Emmett when he was on the football team back in high school and threw them on.

I tried to do something with my hair but it just didnt wanna play today so I just shoved it back up in a pony tail and pulled the hood over my head.

As I walked down the stairs I could hear laughing jeering and talking. Ahh crap I just realised what day it was... Friday.... Friday nights were Jasper and Emmetts movie night! They would have all their 'boys' over to watch movies, drink beer and eat thier body weight in popcorn and chips.

I had contemplated waiting til morning but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway and I was pretty sure they all knew I was here as Edward would have probably tattled on me. God he was such a brown nosing arsehole.

I stopped on the bottom step, pulled my hood down and thought ok its now or never. I rounded the corner slowly and stepped into the living room. There were floor to ceiling windows in here, my mother had a thing about light apparently. You could get out onto the decking from here and down into the garden, The view from this room was spectacular. There was a huge fireplace in the centre of the room with an enormous picture of Emmett, Jasper and myself when we were younger hung above it, I think I was about 6 when it was taken and wearing quite possibly the most hideous dress known to man kind. My dad refused to take it down even though it was highly embarrassing.

Emmett said he looked 'shit hot' and that 'girls dig baby pictures' even though he was like 10 at the time. Whatever, it was horrendous!

There were 3 huge 3 seater black leather sofas which were currently filled with rif raf. A few of them were playing one of the games consoles and jeering each other on. Why they had to do this in the family room and not the games room was beyond me.

Emmett was laughing at something that Jacob Black said and Jasper was busy texting on his phone while sitting on the arm of the sofa.I recognised a few of them, I think there was Mike Newton who was so slimy he could give an slug a run for their money. Tyler something or other was playing on the playstation with a boy who I think was called Sam and then there were a few faces I didnt recocgnise or I couldn't see.

I spotted Edward in the corner of the room in the arm chair sipping on a bottle of Bud. When he saw me he sat up straighter and had an odd experession on his face. I bet the smug prick was probably gonna enjoy me getting chewed out by my brothers.

Ideally I had wanted to do this in private but there was no backing out now.

Someone cleared their throat and suddenly all eyes were on me... except Emmett and Jasper. Em was laughing at his own joke and Jasper was probably texting his latest conquest.

'Er, hi guys' I managed to say in a really shaky voice.

Emmetts head snapped up and he spun around and looked at me with his mouth wide open. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Jasper too looked equally stunned, he looked up and had such a shock when he saw me that he fell off the side of the sofa. He bolted off the floor and looked at me.

'Bella?? Is that you?' Emmett asked while squinting at me. Yeah cos I was standing so far away from them, they were only the other side of the room for gods sake.

Jasper was still glaring at me and from the shock and surprise on their faces I take it Fuckward hadnt told them I was here. PERFECT!!!!

'Hey, Em, you guys got a minute?' I asked while looking down at my feet and shuffling from one leg to the other.

The next thing I knew Jasper had me by the arm dragging me roughly towards the kitchen.

Oh bollox, the shit had hit the fan!


	4. Chapter 4

Jasper had been pacing the kitchen for about 6 minutes although it felt like 6 hours when he turned to stare at me. The expression ' If looks could kill' suddenly came to mind and I winced.

This was nothing that I didnt see coming but now I was about to experience the 'wrath of the Swan Brothers' I was actually bricking it.

I now know how Eric Johnson felt after he tried to stick his tongue down my throat after 5th period when we were seniors in high school. He instantly knew my brothers were going to choke him and hid from them for weeks. I found it highly amusing.

He was scared of coming to school and was constantly begging for my forgiveness, little did he know my brothers usually struck when their victim least expected it. Just when he thought it was safe poor Eric was stuffed into his locker with his underwear so far up his behind I felt sorry for his testicals!

He didnt look me in the eye after that. Poor poor Eric.

I had a newfound respect for him now I was facing the same fate.

Jasper was very rarely angry. He was usually the calm one, the mediator. He usually calmed Emmett down after he lost his temper so this was completely new to me.

I looked over at Emmett who was just staring at me like I had grown a second head. I gave him a slight smile which probably came off as more of a grimace than anything else.

Jasper sighed and said 'We need to call dad'

I panicked 'NO, no please not yet, I need to talk to you guys first then I can think about dad.. Please Jaz not yet'

'He DESERVES to know your here Bella' Jasper said 'Thats if your planning on actually staying this time?"

OK , I deserved that.

'I'm staying as long as you will have me' I muttered looking at the floor.

'Bella, we need an explanation. You cannot just walk in here after almost 2 years and expect everything to go back to how it was, you need to tell us where the fuck you have been' Emmett sounded scary when he was serious.

'I know, and I promise I will, I just need to get my head together first ok?'

'NOT good enough Isabella' Jasper interupted ' Start talking NOW or you can march your butt back out the door'

Ouch!

'Jas man, you cant say that. Dont say that to her' Said Emmett.

I could feel the tears pricking my eyes but I refused to let them see me cry, I had done that enough. I was stronger than that. No crying Bella, No crying!

'Em, don't sit on the fence. We have a right to know where the fuck she has been and why she didn't contact us. Don't you wanna know?'

'Of course I do, but I don't want her bolting again man'

Am I not here?? Why are they talking about me like Im not even in the room

'Whatever, you come and find me Bella when your ready to talk, until then Im going to Alice's'

Jasper barged past me and stormed out the front door slamming it with such a force I thought the glass in it would shatter.

Yep, that went just as well as I expected it to.

Lovely!

I looked up at Emmett who was just staring at me with such a loving expression that I just burst into tears. Bollox to my no crying rule, I couldn't do it, I had no fight left in me.

Emmett rushed over to me as I sank to the floor against the fridge and held me.

'Shh, tink shhh, dont let him get to you. He's just shocked'

He called me 'Tink'. That made me cry even more.I was howling at this point and probably snotting all over his shirt but I didn't even care.

Tink was his nickname for me when I was little. When the film Hook came out I was convinced I was destined to be a fairy. I would flit around the house with fairy wings on and a wand thus gaining the name 'tinkerbella' which Emmett shortened to tink. Edward when he was feeling particularly annoying would call me 'Stinkerbella'. He was such a delightful specimen.

'I'm so sorry Em, I'm so sorry. I couldn't handle it, I needed to get away' I sobbed into his shirt.

'Its ok, we can talk later sweetie just relax'

We sat there for a while, my backside was numb from sitting on the tiled kitchen floor and I had pins and needles in my left leg.

I thought about how things were and how happy we were until I ruined it. I missed it so fucking much. I loved my family so much and I treated them so badly just to be with some boy that didn't even care about me. He used me to get what he wanted and Jessica paid the ultimate price.

A cough interupted my thoughts. Edward was standing against the door frame with one arm against it above his head.

'Everything ok in here man?" He asked.

'Yeah, cool' Emmett said. 'I got my sister back' I could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said it.

At hearing this I bawled again. I must have looked ridiculous wailing like a 5 year old but I was so past caring.

'Where'd Jaz go?' Edward enquired

What the fuck? Did he not see me and my brother were in the middle of a 'moment'? God what an annoying ass hat.

I pointed towards the door and shouted 'YOU.. OUT' at him.

He just looked at me as though I had told him the sky was multicoloured. He held his hands up over his head like he was about to be arrested and backed out of the kitchen.

'Whooaa way to go Bella, when did you get some balls?'

I just laughed at my brother. There was no way I would have dared to speak to Edward like that before. Mainly cos his skankazoid Tanya would have her claws out in a matter of seconds. I wondered when she was going to make an appearance. I would have to remember to get the disinfectant out, She was as filthy as they come. YUK!

I was past caring how I spoke to people these days, it was about time I spoke my mind and stopped letting people walk all over me. If I wasnt such a pushover then chances are I wouldn't have gotten myself into this mess in the first place.

If I had a superpower I would so love the power of seeing the future!!

We sat there for a while longer and the doorbell rang, Emmett hopped up and said he would be right back. I got off the floor and realised just how dead my legs and ass cheeks were and toppled back towards the floor.

Just before the impact I felt a pair of hands around my waist pulling me back to my feet. I didn't even need to look up to see who it was, I knew that smell anywhere.

'You ok there?' He asked.

'Yes, Edward I am fine, I am perfectly capable of standing on my own 2 feet. What are you doing? Going for a sainthood or something?'

'Clearly you are not capable cos in the times I have seen you since you have walked through that door you have fallen twice. Still vertically challenged I see?"

He smirked at me and I really wanted to smack the grin off his face.

'Ass' was my witty retort as I stomped away.

Emmett was standing at the door with a leggy blonde who was dripped all over him. Hmm, where did he find these floozies?

She just looked at me and quirked her eyebrow at me and looked me up and down.

'Don't you look at me like that missy, I know Kickboxing and Im not afraid to use it' I barked.

'Whooaaa tiger, no need to resort to violence' Emmett chuckled.

'Who do you think your talking to?' the bimbo asked with her hands on her hips..

'Look at me like that again woman and you watch what happens' I pointed at her.

Stuck up slag, who did she think she was looking me up and down.

I stalked off towards the family room, I heard the skank demanding to know why Emmett didn't defend her and he simply replied 'cos thats my sister'

Evidently she knew to shut up after that and they left.

Noone was in the room when I came in, they must have all left while I was crying a hole into Emmetts tshirt.

I turned around to see Edward standind in the doorway again.

'Christ, what do you want? Cant you just leave me alone for like 2 minutes? I dont need a damn babysitter, Im not gonna run off again so you can run along now. Im sure one of your floozies can keep you company'

Ok I was probably slightly harsh but seriously can you blame me? He was hovering around like a fly around a bad smell.

His smirk faded and his eyes darkened.

'I was just going to ask if you wanted pizza, we are ordering in'

Ok, now I felt bad.

'Yeah, sure, thank you' I replied feeling like a royal bitch.

I plopped my arse onto the sofa and put my head in my hands, Wow if I thought this was bad wait til my dad comes home. If Jasper had told him I was back then chances are he would come home sooner.

I knew things wouldn't be back to the way they were straight away, It would take a while.

I had disgraced my family and then turned my back on them so they had every right to be pissed at me. Hell, I would be pissed if it was the other way round.

About an hour later I headed back to the kitchen to find the pizza box on the side and noone else around. I munched on it and decided I was determined to make things up to my family no matter what.

I went out the car and grabbed my suit case from the trunk. I was so tired the night before I had forgotten. I wasn't sure whether it was wise to unpack or not, I didn't know how long my trip would even be.

I popped the trunk and pulled at my suitcase but it was jammed, so I pulled some more. The damn thing was wedged tight so I opened my legs slightly, bent my knees grabbed the handle and pulled while leaning back. Next thing I know Im flying backwards onto the gravel with the handle of my case in my hand. I landed with my legs in the air looking like a turtle stuck on my back.

Fucking great!!!

My ass was now killing me and my suitcase was broken! Cheap nasty crap! Angela warned me against buying shit from Camden market. Go to a decent shop she said, don't be buying rubbish from a market its not worth it she said.

Yes, thank you very much Angela.

I sat up and rubbed at my elbow while staring at the broken handle in my hand. I looked up to see Edward heading round the side of the house shoulders shaking while shaking his he laughing at me?? That prick!

That boy was REALLY beggining to piss me off!

'Fuck you' I shouted as I stood to my feet.

I brushed myself down in time to hear Edward shout back 'YOU WISH'

I stood there with my mouth open and my fists clenched so much I thought I would draw blood. That antagonistic shit head.

I slammed the boot and stomped back up to the house and up the stairs to my room.

I hated Edward Cullen with all my might. He was gorgeous, sexy, he had a panty dropping smile and the most adorable eyes ever and that hair, what I would do to be grabbing onto that hair..... What? No, I hated him!

He was arrogant, annoying completely self centered and a pig.... A gorgeous pig? Can pigs be gorgeous? This one is.

_Oh for the love of god!!!_

I had only been back 24 hours and already I was letting that .. .that BOY get under my skin. He always knew how to press my buttons.

I would just have to not let him get to me, I didn't come back for him. Hell, I didn't even know he would be here. I was surprised he wasn't off somewhere spending his inheritance money. Maybe he could buy his cheap girlfriend a pesonality transplant? And possibly remove the stick from up his butt in the process.I laughed at my own little joke but it came out as more of a snort.

I decided to ignore him and sort out my problems. I needed to sort my relationship with my brothers and father out IF it could be sorted.

I decided that tomorrow I would start the first phase of my healing process.

I was going to see Jessica!


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up on Saturday morning covered in sweat and breathing like a dirty phone call. My hair was stuck to my face and I was pretty sure I had been screaming as my throat hurt like hell.

The nightmares weren't as frequent as they used to be but when they did come they were so intense it took me a while to get myself together.I knew it was only a nightmare but those eyes, they haunted me! No matter what I did I could not get his menacing evil eyes out of my head. I remembered them more than anything.

I was still no closer to getting over this, I had hoped that by coming back here I would be able to gain some closure eventually. I didnt expect it to happen straight away, it would take time, I understood that.

I threw back the duvet and chucked my legs over the side of my bed and scrubbed my face with my hands. Ugh, another day of drama.I wondered if Jasper would talk to me today. I needed to speak to him and try and explain but I knew he wouldnt come around easily as I had really hurt him badly.

I took a long hot shower to losen my muscles and got myself ready for the day ahead. I knew today was likely to be severely unpleasant but I had been putting it off for a long time. I owed Jessica this much at the very least.

I trudged down the stairs to the 2nd floor, I couldn't hear anyone but then again it was only 8.45am so chances are the boys were sleeping off a hangover or had girls in there with them.I came down the main staircase and grumpily dragged myself into the kitchen. There sat at the island drinking straight out of the orange carton was he not ever go home?

His hair was sticking up in about a million different directions and he had that horrible smirk on his face that was totally gorgeous but made me wanna smack him all at the same time. No one else had the same affect on me that he did and he loved it. He knew exactly what to say or do to push me over the edge and get me to start lashing out at him. What annoyed me the most was the angrier I normally got with him the more he enjoyed it.

'Good morning Tink' He said' Sleep well?'

I turned to look at him and narrowed my eyes with my hands on my hips.

'What are you doing here? Dont you live like the other side of town?'

'Actually I live here now'He replied looking down at the newspaper in front of him.

'Uh, come again?' _Hmm, I might walk in on him naked again_. I mentally want to smack myself around the head. 'Yeah, when your father made me head of security he asked if I wanted to live here, I'm here all the time anyway so it makes sense'

'Fantastic, just when I think things couldnt get any worse!' _Yeah like its THAT much of a big deal having that gorgeous annoying beast living under the same roof as you_.

'OH come on now 'Stinkerbella', we will have a blast' I wondered how long it would take him to break that one out. As predictable as always I see.

'Yeah, not a chance. And dont call me that you know Emmett doesnt like it' He was smugly grinning at me and replied 'Well Emmetts not here'

I ignored him and turned to the cabinet to get a glass but as usual I couldn't reach them - I'm the shortest person in the house and apparently the glasses _ had _ to be that high. I wasn't going to ask that idiot to get me one so I got one from the dishwasher and went to the fridge to pour myself some orange juice.

What a surprise, there was none. Tardward had drank it all, from the carton!

'You can replace that juice too! Don't drink out of the carton, I don't wanna catch none of your hoochies germs' I snickered.

'Bella Bella, Bella. Your so uptight. You need to get laid' He chuckled at himself and I froze. Who the fuck did he think he was? I slammed the glass on the counter and stormed out. I didnt even bother to see the look on his face as I stomped off through the kitchen.

'Bella, shit I'm...............' was all I heard as I grabbed my coat and bag and headed to my car. God he was such an ass. Of all the things to say he goes and says the one thing that truly strikes a nerve.

I drove around town for a bit, not that this town was very big but it was still pretty early. I was starving and remembered I was yet to eat this morning and with the boy wonder sitting in my kitchen like he owned it I had forgotten so I made my way to the Lodge, this towns only diner.

It was nothing special but desperate time and all that and If I didn't eat soon I would probably eat my hand bag. I walked in and sat at an empty booth. A woman with a name tag that said Trudy took my order, Coffee and pancakes.

I needed something in my stomach this morning even though chances are I might vomit later but still If I didn't eat I would become even that was even possible.

I looked out of the window and started thinking of all the times Jess and I would come in here and order milkshakes and talk about boys. She had the hugest crush on Emmett , It was gross. She would sit and gush how he looked at her or how he spoke to her when she called me and how he smelt when he hugged her. Yuk.

Emmett wasn't interested in her like that, he saw her as another little sister. Yeah, he was highly protective of her and warned boys away like he did with me but it was purely because he was doing her a favour not because he had an ulterior motive like she thought.

Every time she saw him with a new girlfriend she would come over cry her heart out and make me watch Dirty Dancing with was our little ritual and to say it happened often would be an understatement. My brother was a man whore - not to the same extent that Edward was but Jessica really believed she would be the one to 'tame him'. I used to laugh at her and tell her she was delusional but she was convinced they would get married and have babies.

I looked around to see a few people looking at me, when they saw me notice them they would quickly look back to whatever it was they were doing. Great! Talk of the town AGAIN. Jeez did these people not get bored?

I thought while I was there I had better call Ang. I hadn't spoken to her in a few days so she was probably gonna go nuts on me. I called her but she didn't pick up, she was probably at work so I left her a message telling her what had happened so far and that I would call her back a bit later. I didn't tell her I was planning on seeing Jess, I wanted to tell her that after it happened.

Trudy brought my breakfast over to me and stood and looked at me. I looked up and smiled but she still stood there like she was waiting for something, I thought I was meant to tip AFTER I had finished?....

'Sorry to stare dear but are you Isabella Swan?' she asked.

'Yeah, thats me.' I replied with a slight smile.

'How are you dear? You look good'.She looked really nervous.

'I'm fine thank you' I didn't know this woman, I remember seeing her a while ago but never to talk to, I know she was just being polite but I couldn't help but feel like people were just being nosey.

She reached down and rubbed me on the forearm and said 'Its good to see you back sweetie, Your father must be over the moon that your home?'

'Well actually, hes away at the moment so I haven't seen him yet'.

'Oh well, I'm sure he will be delighted to see you. Ill leave you to your breakfast. Take care'

And with that she went back behind the counter and into the kitchen. OK that was bizzare. I finished up my pancakes without really tasting them and paid. O

nce back in my car the evil feeling of dread was starting to creep over me. I drove through town and past the Cullens house. I should probably call in and see how they are before I leave. They were so nice to me.

Carlisle was probably the only one who didn't look at me with pity and disgust in his eyes, I was very grateful for that. Granted he is the local Doctor and was probably only doing his job by being impartial but I still appreciated it.  
I pulled up and walked through the gate, I really did not want to be here, but it was now or never, I had to get this over with.I slammed the door and walked up the lane towards where I knew Jessica. would be.

My mind was racing a million miles an hour. What the hell was I meant to say to her? It had been far too long, I should have come before but my shame and guilt kept me away.I walked up the path and looked around, wow this place really needed clearing up, there were dead leaves everywhere. The trees were starting to lose thier leaves and were a lovely red and orange shade it was really pretty actually.

The sky had gone a dark grey colour which wasn't rare for this place. No doubt It would rain soon and I didn't bring an umbrella. Great!  
I sighed deeply sat down and looked around. It was eerily quite but I suppose I couldn't expect anything less, there was no one around except an old man walking some kind of fluffy thing that I think was meant to be a dog but it just looked like a rabbit on a leash.

Right here I go, Im just going to bite the bullet and say my peace.

'Hey Jess. I'm so so sorry I've not been to see you. I know you probably hate me right now and you have every right to I wouldn't blame you' I chewed on my bottom lip before carrying on.'There isnt a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I have missed you so damn much Jess, you know if I could change the past I would do. I just need to know you forgive me'

I was sobbing again at this point and it had started to rain ligtly but I didn't care I needed to get this out. Almost 2 years of pent up anger, aggression, guilt and hurt I was not about to back out now.

'Jess I hate myself for what happened, I can't do this without you. I need you. My brothers hate me and when my father finds out I'm back hes probably going to boot me back out again and tell me not to bother coming back. Im so scared. It took everything I had just to fly out here and Im terrified this is going to be the last time I see anyone'

I must have looked so stupid sitting here in the rain like a hyterical blubbering mess sobbing over Jessicas I didn't care, this needed to be done.

* * * * * * *

I lay across her grave on the wet soggy grass. I didn't care if anyone saw me, chances are they would have either known who I was and left me to it or called the police and said some crazy woman was having a meltdown in the town cemetary.

I lay there for what felt like hours in silence. I had said my peace and even though I knew that Jess couldn't hear me I still hoped she could and would show me any sign that I was forgiven.

My family had paid for her headstone after what had happened as Jessicas mother wasn't well off so my dad offered to pay. It was a beautiful marble headstone with a white marble angel sitting on top looking down. She was an angel so it was really fitting but I refused to have anything to do with buying it, I think I was still in denial when the funeral was being prepared.

I was disgusted with myself, this was the first and only time I had been to see Jess and she had been gone for 20 months now. It had been a long and hard 20 months. Jess was my best friend and sister. Her life had been cruelly ended and it wasn't fair. I hated myself for being the one to indirectly cause it. Nothing I did was intentional but that didn't do anything to lessen the guilt I felt.

And to make matters worse I couldn't even go to the funeral. Her body wasnt released to the family for 3 weeks and due to unforseen circumstances- me being stuck in the damn hospital - I couldn't make it even though I desperatly wanted to say goodbye. That was yet another way I had let her down but I just wasn't strong enough.

I remembered back to the time I found out she had died. I was sitting with my brothers, Edward and Jacob Black in the living room watching Fight Club when my dad came in and asked the boys to turn the tv off. I had been really pissed off at Jessica. She was meant to meet me the day before and hadn't turned up so I had turned my phone off and thought screw her. We had had a massive fight a few months before and hadn't seen each other since. She had tried to tell me to stop seeing my boyfriend as she didn't like him and I had gotten pissed off at her.

My dad bent down in front of me and asked me if I could come with him to his office and I knew straight away that something was wrong. I asked him what was wrong and he said he needed to talk to me in private. I told him whatever he had to say he could tell me in front of the guys, they would find out anyway, I told them everything.

Even though we had had our differences lately I could tell my brothers anything. I even trusted Edward with my life. Sure he annoyed me and I wanted to ter his head off for the majority of the time but when I needed him he was was like having another brother. I think thats why I tolerated him, he had his faults but also his good points. Things between us all had been strained lately but after I got rid of _him_ things had started to improve.

My dad looked at the boys and then back to me and said 'No baby, You need to come with me. Its really important'

'Dad, tell me seriously your scaring me' he had a really sad look on his face, one that I had never seen before.

'Sweetie, Im so so sorry. I don't know how to tell you this' He looked to the boys again and shook his head. I looked at them but they too had really weird expressions on their faces.

'Bella, honey. Its Jess. They.. uh, the police, they just called. They found Jessica last night. Shes gone.'

Huh? Gone where?

'What? Dad, what are you talking about?'

'Shes gone Bells, she died'

I remember hearing this high pitched blood curdling scream. What the hell did he mean she was dead? She couldn't be, I had only spoken to her the other day. We were gonna sort things out. They were wrong it wasn't my Jess it had to be someone else. I was aware that someone was still screaming and then realised it was me.

I heard leaves crunching behind me and knew someone was approaching but I didn't care enough to look. I was still sobbing my heart out. I didn't think I would ever be able to get over losing Jess. It was still so raw and fresh and hurt every time I thought about her. I could handle what happened to me, but I knew I would never get over jess. It should have been me under here and not her.

I cried loudly again and my entire body shook. Things were never meant to turn out this way. We were meant to get married and have babies and then our babies would grow up to be best friends just like we were. It was so wrong and so damn cruel. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again. The leaves crunched behind me again and I heard someone clearing their throat. I'm not moving I thought. They are going to have to surgically remove me from the ground, I had 2 years of making up to do and I sure as hell wasn't about to leave. I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to come shuffling behind me continued and I pulled myself up and turned my head toward the noise.

There standing with his hands in his pockets looking at the floor was my dad.

If I wasn't standing I think I might have fallen over from glanced up at me and I noticed that he looked old and tired but it was still him and damn I had missed him.

I pulled myself off the floor and stood up in front of him. What the hell was I meant to say? This was not how I visioned our meeting to go but then again nothing else went to plan so why would this?

'Bella, what are you doing out here in the rain?' He asked me.

'I needed to see Jess, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just turn up I didn't know what to do. Im so sorry' I was sobbing again, all I did lately was cry, Im surprised I had any tears left. I was looking at the floor chewing on my lip when all of a sudden I was grabbed and hugged so tightly I thought my ribs would break.

'Baby I have missed you so much. You have no idea how many times I've wished that you would just come home. Thank you for coming back you have no idea how much this means to me'

He was crying now too and I just hugged him like my life depended on it.

'Come on, lets get out of this rain before we end up with pneumonia' I nodded into his T shirt and smelled him. I felt so safe in his arms, I had really missed led me to the car and we got in.I was freezing, sitting outside in the rain was not one of my finest ideas.

'How did you know I was here?' I asked suddenly realising this was a really strange place to meet up after all this time.

'Well Jas told me you were home and Bella remember this town isn't very big, I got an earlier flight home from New York and heard from a few people that they saw you coming here' Yep that made sense, this place was full of gossips.

'Right' I replied. My teeth were chattering at this point so my dad put the heat up

'What about my car? Its a rental' With that he flipped open his phone and dialed a number.

'Edward son its Charlie..... yes, Im with her now, listen can you please come to the cemetary and the pick up the car? I'm driving Bella home now. Oh and Edward? Can you please grab some towels and bring them downstairs? Thank you son I'll see you when Im back'

Son? huh? I had really missed loads.

'Thank you Dad' I smiled at him, I didn't know what else to say.I don't think I could say much more actually my teeth were chattering so much.

My dad had hugged me, he had no idea how much that meant to one small action meant so much, my heart felt like it was about to burst. I hadn't been held by my father for years and even though it felt strange it also felt so right.

We arrived home quite quickly and I hopped out of the car to be greeted by Edward and Emmett. Em smiled warmly at me and Edward just looked at the dad turned and looked at me, he smiled and held out his hand to me.

'Lets go have a talk shall we sweetheart?' He said. I just looked down, nodded and cried some more. This was it, I was about to find out if I was to be disowned for good and I was praying with all my heart that I wouldn't be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you so much to everyone that has put this story on alert, my inbox was full this morning and that totally made me smile!**

**As I said before this is my first Fanfiction and I'm aware its not as good as some of the others out there but I gotta start somewhere right? If there is anything you think I can improve on, please let me know**

**Thanks again to my incredible beta Magenta for giving up her time and reading this. Your wicked love thank you!**

**I don't own Twilight.......... I just wish I owned Edward!**

I followed my father into his office with my head down and my shoulders hunched. I was completely exhausted. Tired of living how I was, tired of crying and tired of feeling like I was worthless.

Angela used to tell me that the key to getting better was to admit that I was not to blame for everything that happened and even though I knew she was right I just couldn't do it.

I had refused professional help, I thought I would be able to deal with things my own way and to be honest the thought of telling a stranger my inner most secrets scared me more than anything. It took me long enough to open up to Angela.

Dr Cullen had recommended some good shrinks to me but I was adamant that I didn't need help I just needed time to think.

My father sat at his desk and motioned for me to sit down. This room was like his sanctuary, he spent hours and hours in here working or I never really saw the fascination with this room, it was dark and boring and smelled like polish and whiskey.

Directly opposite the door was a huge rounded almost mahogany desk with a small bookcase built into the front of it, behind the desk was a matching wall unit with a glass cabinet containing glasses and a few tropheys my brothers had won as kids.

Off to the left of the room was a huge portrait of my mother. She really was beautiful, She like me had long brown hair and big brown eyes, pale skin and full pouty lips. Emmett used to joke that I was the favourite because I reminded my dad of her so much.

She died when I was 2 from Cancer, it was a huge shock to everyone as noone even knew she was ill and by the time she had found out it was too late, the cancer was already terminal. It destroyed my father. I didn't remember anything though, I was far too young. I only knew what she looked like because of the pictures and the video footage my father kept of her.

"Bella, come sit down please' My dad interupted my thoughts and I sat down in the brown leather arm chair in front of his desk. He was running his hands along the back of his neck which he did when he was either pissed off or nervous

'Now Bella, Im not going to sit here and pretend that Im not upset with how things were left. I was...... we all were devastated Bella, you have to understand that no matter how hard things were for you we would have been here for you, running was not the only way to deal with the should have talked to us'

I looked up to see my father choking back his tears, he was a man of very little emotion so to see him like this meant that I had broken his heart and that in turn broke mine, all over again.

I knew I had disapointed him but how could he think after everything I had been through I could stay there like nothing had happened, no amount of talking could have fixed the way I was feeling and the hatred I felt for ... well life.

'Dad, I'm sorry, I didn't plan on leaving, well not for that long anyway, I just needed to sort my head out, things just got too much for me. I don't know what else to say other than Im sorry' I hung my head in shame.

'I know you are honey, Im just glad you came home at all. I knew you were safe.. well, eventually.. but that didn't stop me hoping you would come home when you felt you could. You had your life in London and I knew when you were ready you would contact us'

_London? I dont remember telling him I was in London._

'How did you know where I was?' I asked curiously.

'Bella, I have contacts. It took a while but we eventually found you. I kept tabs on you every once in a while but told my employees to watch from afar and not contact you in any way'

I wasn't sure whether to be pissed off or pleased he had gone through all the trouble of finding me.I knew he had the power to track me down but after everything the way I had left things I honestly didn't think he would want to. I wanted him to look for me but I never ever expected that he would.

'Did Jas and Emmett know where I was?'

'No, only me and a few close employees knew, as I said I knew you would come home when you were good and ready and I felt your brothers - even though their intentions would be good -would try and force you to come back and I feared you would flee again'

OK, that made sense. If they had come barging into my life there chances are I would have bolted again.

'Dad, I know its gonna take a while but I really want to earn your forgiveness and trust again.I'll do anything I promise, But if you feel you can't do that please just tell me and I'll go home again.' I really didn't want to hear his answer but I knew it was better to just get it over with than beat around the bush.

'Bella, you _ARE_ home, don't let me hear you say otherwise again'

The hugest smile spread on my face, I flew up from my chair and launched myself at him. I had honestly expected him to ask me to leave again. Finding out he knew where I was all the time was somewhat weird but I did understand it in a way._ I think?._

'Thank you so much Daddy, I promise I won't ever let you down again. I'll make this up to you'

'Sweetie, you have nothing to make up for, you did nothing wrong and the sooner you realise that the better things will be for you ok. You can't go on like this though so I have a few conditions that we need to discuss ok'

_Conditions? Uh oh, Why did I not like the sound of that?_

'Oh. OK.' I said slowly .

I went back to the chair and sat myself down again. Bring on the conditions!

'Firstly, I want you to promise me that if things get too hard you will come to me... Please, dont leave us again, it was hard enough the first time, I dont think any of us can go through that again'

_OK that was reasonable. _

I nodded. 'Secondly, I think it would be highly benefical for you to see someone on a regular basis, You might not think you need it but therapy will help you out a great deal'

'Dad, no I don't need therapy, Im fine!!!'

'No arguments Bella, these are my terms' My father said sternly.

I slunk back in the chair, folding my arms over my chest roughly and huffed loudly. This was completely ridiculous. I did not need damn therapy, I had managed for this long without it!

'And lastly there is Edward. I'm aware that you and him never really saw eye to eye but that boy has been a vital part of this family for a while now. I expect you to show him respect and treat him how you would expect to be treated. He has helped me out a great deal over the last few years when he could have been off anywhere in the world. He has shown this family great loyalty and I have repaid him by offering him a place to live and a full time job as my head of security. He will know if you sneak off at night time and will not hesitate to tell me. If you go anywhere you must let him know and stay in contact with him'

'WHAT? Are you serious? I do NOT need a babysitter dad, Im 22 years old. This is ridiculous'

_OH my god was he insane?_ Had the last few years killed off his brain cells? That sneaky little bastard Edward must have brain washed him, it was the only logical solution. That or there must be something in the water..note to self... don't drink the tap water!

'Bella, these are my terms. I need to know your safe especially when I'm not around which unfortunatley at the moment is more often than I would have liked. Emmett and Jasper have their own lives , I cannot expect them to drop everything and watch you. Edward will be getting paid to do this so I expect you to listen to him. I'm not doing this to be mean I just think considering the situation it might be in your best interest to have him around'

'This is not fair Dad, I dont need HIM of all people hanging around me watching my every move, I'm not going to leave again I swear. Please don't do this. I'll do anything, please' I was begging now but I didn't care, this was by far the most insane thing I had ever heard.

'Bella, enough. Its not forever, I just need to know that your ok. Edward is a good person, I know you have a hard time trusting people but I can assure you he will go out of his way to do whatever he can to protect you. Do you have any idea how people round here could react if they know your home? This is for your sake as well as mine'

Oh for the love of all things holy! He had a point but I would be damned if I would tell him that. This was a really small town and I wasn't the only one that blamed myself for what happened. A few people had been really horrible after I came home from the hospital, I had death threats and wreaths delivered to the house. Someone had slashed the tyres on my truck and even thrown nail varnish remover all over it. I loved that truck too, but I refused to have it fixed. It was tained now, just like me.

I guess that's another reason my dad had those god aweful gates installed.

'Fine' I sneered.

He was not getting away with this! I was furious, no I was _BEYOND _furious, if steam could have come out of my ears at that point it would have. How did a reunion with my dad turn into a business meeting?

I wanted to tear someones head off. Of couse first on my hit list was Edward friggin Cullen.

Reluctantly I agreed to my fathers insane conditions, gave him a sickly sweet smile and left his office.

Edward was standing in the doorway to the living room leaning against the frame eating a red apple.

I stomped past him and towards the stairs, if my dad thought I was going to listen to that jackass he had another think coming. I was going to make this as uncomfortable as possible for him, he would quit in no time. I chuckled at the thought of driving him so mad he would have to leave.

I didn't need a fucking babysitter ,and I certainly did NOT need Edward Cullen hanging around like a bad smell.

'Wow your just a little ray of sunshine today aren't you' Edward said with a sexy smirk on his face.

'YOU' I pointed at him. 'I am watching you Cullen, you put ONE foot wrong and I'll see to it that your life is a complete misery' _Hah, take that!_

'I don't know what the hell you've done to my dad to make him think the sun shines out of your ass but I can assure you this little arrangement' I motioned between us. 'WON'T be happening. YOU, leave me alone do you understand that?'

'Sure princess, anything you say' He replied.

Was he not affected by anything I said? It was like he was bullet proof or something, all my insults just bounced right off him, it was clear I needed to try harder.

'ARGGHHHHH' I threw my hands up in the air, I turned on my heel and stomped, well more like slapped up every single step. It didn't matter that they were marble I wanted everyone in the damn house to know how pissed off I was.

I heard Tardward chuckling at me from the doorway so I took off one of my black flat shoes and launched it over the banister at him and carried on stomping up the stairs. With any luck my shoe just lodged itself up his perfectly straight nose.

I thew myself onto my bed face first and screamed into my pillow. This was so not fair, I was not a child. On the one hand I was kinda pleased that I would see more of Edward but on the other hand he was so infuriating that I just wanted to scream at him.

I was more annoyed at myself for feeling this way. Yes ok, he was stunning , I would be lying and completely stupid if I didn't think of him that way but after all the years of him tormenting me I thought of him more as an ass wipe than anything else. _ Ok, so that may not be completely true._

I was so pissed off that he was going to have complete say so over my social life _( Not that I had one but that was completely besides the point, it was the principal that mattered)_ I knew he would do everything in his power to make my life even more miserable. Like I didn't have enough to contend with without adding his ego to the equation. Gah!

* * * * * * *

The next few weeks dragged unbelievably slowly. I busied myself rearranging my bedroom, alphabetising my music and books, and visiting Jess.

I went every day without fail and sat there for hours. I read to her mostly or spoke to her about my day.

I would tell her about the most mundane things and how I was planning to torment Edward and how my father had made me make an appointment with some head doctor over in Seattle.

My first appointment was on Thursday this week and I was dreading it, even more so because I had been told Edward would be accompanying me. I guess my father didn't trust me enough to go on my own. _Wonderful!_

I had even been to see Jessica's mother and sister. It was a very emotional reunion and despite my fears Jess's mother was overwhelmed to see me and spent the whole time hugging me and telling me it was so good to see me.

I spent the afternoon after our reunion in Jess's old room, it was just like it was when she was still alive. There were pictures of me and her everywhere, pictures of us at First beach in La Push, horse riding and even some of her with was one of her sitting on Emmetts lap one summer when we were about 15.

She was so pleased when I took that picture, she cherished it. She placed it in a heart shaped frame and kept it at the side of her bed, saying she wanted it to be the first thing she saw in the morning and the last thing at night.

I had laughed so much when she told me I almost choked, christ I missed our random conversations more than anything.

It had only been 3 weeks since I had been home but I was already starting to feel a little more at ease about things, mainly because I had the majority of my family back.

I still hadn't really had much of a conversation with Jasper though and that was starting to take its toll. Everytime I walked into a room he made an excuse and left, I knew why but he never admitted it was because of me. Emmett tried to make me feel better by hugging me and telling me that Jas had a lot going on right now but I really didn't know what else to do. I had hoped that in time he would forgive me and we could start acting like brother and sister again. We were really close at one point, and it broke my heart to see that he couldn't even stand to be in the same room as me.

I had met his girlfriend Alice too, she was at the house a lot, but they were always locked up in his bedroom or just about to leave. I had only spoken to her a few times but she seemed lovely.

She told me that he just needed time and that even though he was glad I was back, he was really upset with the fact that I hadn't contacted him to let him know I was ok. I understood that. I was closer to him than I was to Emmett or my father so I did get that he was upset at me but I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before it all got screwed up, before _He_ came along.

On Wednesday that week I came downstairs feeling completely drained. I don't think I had brushed my hair all week so far? Ahh well, it wasn't like I was going anywhere special. If she was lucky I _might_ even make an effort tomorrow for the shrink lady but that was only if I was in a good mood.

I made my way down the staircase and into the kitchen. Edward, Alice and Jasper were at the island laughing about something when I walked in.

'Hey Bella, come sit with us' It wasn't a question it was more of a demand.

'Hi Alice, how are you?' I asked as I sat down opposite her and Jasper.

'So, we are going camping next weekend, do you want to come?'

'Erm, I'm not sure thats a good idea but thank you for the invite' I looked up towards Jasper and he hadn't even acknowledged my presence

'Yeah Alice, Bella doesnt do 'the wild'" Edward made air comments with his fingers.

'What? How would you even know that? For all you know I did a lot of camping back in the UK' I turned to look at him and saw that he was smirking.

'I highly doubt that princess, although looking at your hair it does kinda look like you slept in a bush last night' I glared at him and he laughed. _Crap, that laugh was sexy. How was I meant to be pissed at him when he did things like that?_

'Guys!' Alice shouted 'You want to come your more than welcome to Bella, it would be lovely having you there, right Jas' She nudged Jasper with her elbow and he just grunted and said he had to go speak to my father.

I sighed as he left the room and looked down at my hands in my lap.

'Bella, I promise you I will try and fix this' Alice said rubbing my shoulder before leaving the room. I had only known the girl for a few weeks and already I adored her, she was such a nice warm person, it was impossible not to.

'Wow you sure know how to clear a room huh' the annoying thing next to me said

'Shut _UP_ Edward, If I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it'

'What? I'm just saying, you really do need to lighten up'

'Whatever'

'Ready for our little road trip tomorrow Stink?'

There was every chance that I might end up throwing him out of the car tomorrow and running him over with it.I smiled and tilted my head to the side, yes, I can see that running him over would be really satisfying!

'Just so you know, the only reason I haven't ripped your arms off and bashed you round the head with them is because for some fucked up reason my dad seems to actually like you, so do me a favour and shut the fuck up will you? No, I'm not looking forward to driving to Seattle with you and No I'm not looking forward to seeing some quack when I don't even need to'

'Your father obviously see's great potential in me' Edward replied.

'Obviously althought I'm failing to see the attraction' I mutted at him. He laughed again and stood up.

He turned to face me. 'Bella, Jasper will come around, I know he loves you'. And with that he left me alone in the kitchen with my big hair.

Was he just nice to me? That was a side of him that was rare, It was usually only saved for the women he seduced or when he wanted to impress my father.

If Im being completely honest I really did want to go camping with my brothers, Alice and Edward but I didn't think I was ready and as me and Jasper were hardly on speaking terms I thought it might make everyone else uncomfortable too.

I spent the rest of the day wandering around the house and garden. It was times like this I wished I had friends. I was really lonely and needed someone to talk to and christ I was seriously bored, the house was huge and I had nothing whatsoever to do. I needed to get out.

I went looking for Edward as I needed to tell him where I was going if I left the property at any time.

After about 20 minutes I gave up looking and headed to my car. My dad had sent the rental back and bought me a new Volvo thing. I had no idea about cars. All I knew was it was black, had a cd player and went pretty damn fast. It got me from A to B and thats really all I cared about.

I drove into town and parked up. There really wasn't very much in Forks but I hadn't been here in such a long time I just wanted to explore and get out of the house cos seriously I was going stir crazy in that place.

I had been out for about an hour when I saw Mike Newton, Lauren Mallory and Tyler Crawley come out of Mike's families hardware store._ Ah shit._

I had hoped they hadn't seen me but yeah I'm just not that lucky.

'Bella?' Tyler asked.

'Hi Tyler, Mike, Lauren' I said with a nod.

I hadn't been particularly friendly with any of these at school, I knew them but we weren't friends. Mike had the biggest crush on Jessica from middle school and would follow her around like a lost little puppy dog. She thought it was cute but made it clear she wasn't interested in him like that, She was saving herself for my brother!

He continued following her until she eventually begged me to tell him that she was a lesbian just to get him to leave her alone. The idea was insane and had me laughing like a hyena but Emmett had over heard this and pulled Mike to one side and told him if he didn't leave Jess alone he would tie his testicals together._ Ouch._

'Hey Bella, how long are you home for?' Mike enquired.

'Um, for good I hope' I replied.

'How you can even show your face around here after what you did is laughable _Bella_'She sneered my name. Lauren was a bitch back in high school and it seemed the years had turned her into an even bigger one.

'Lauren, don't' Whispered Mike

'Why? She should know how the majority of this town feels about her, you of all people Mike should be pissed off with her after what she did to Jess'

'It wasn't her fault Lauren, how the fuck could she have known?' Mike interjected.

'OK, I'm gonna just go' I said while backing up the street.

As I was trying to leave Lauren grabbed my arm hard and yanked me back towards her.

'You, you bitch. You shouldn't even be here, go back to wherever it was you were and don't come back. You have caused enough trouble to last a life time'

How fucking dare she? She didn't even know the full story, none of these brainless morons did.

'You didn't even know Jess, she didn't like you and she certainly did NOT call you her friend so what the fuck makes you think this has anything to do with you? Back the fuck off Lauren'

I felt a sharp pain across my left cheek, that bitch had hit me.

I was horrified, I didn't wanna cry in front of them but shit that hurt. I certainly hadn't expected that.

She sniggered at me and told me 'You deserve that and more and If you don't stay out of my way I am going to make your life even more impossible'

My face stung and so did my eyes with unshed tears.

'Lauren Mallory, if you lay one more finger on her I will break that damn arm of yours do you understand me? What the fuck do you think your playing at huh?'

I turned to see who had come to my defence, I had heard that voice before but I couldn't place it.

Standing in all her beauty was the blonde tramp from my house the first weekend I was home. My brothers girlfriend.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to my amazing beta Magenta, your awesome. **

**And thank you Susan Collins for reviewing, it totally made my day:D**

**I don't own Twilight... unfortunately. I don't even own a little Edward action figure. What I do own however is a grumpy husband and 2 miserable children!**

I knew certain people wouldn't be too pleased that I was home. Jess was a very well known loved person and her death had hit our small community hard. But finding out that it could have maybe been prevented by me was what made people so angry. I wasn't responsible for her death but I was to blame.

Angela used to get so mad when I said that, she would tell me if I really thought that then I was as stupid as them.

I knew being back here would stir up old memories and I was expecting to hear things said about me and to be stared at but shit I never expected to be chinned by Lauren Mallory. She was a small girl but christ did she pack a punch.

Emmetts girlfriend pulled me towards my car and put me in the passenger seat. She climbed in and drove towards my house.

'Are you ok?' She asked.

'I'm fine, thank you' I replied.

I was so horrible to her the first and only time I had met her and now she had come to my defence, I felt terrible.

'I'm really sorry about when I met you, you caught me at a really bad time. I didn't mean to insult you' I quietly said.

'No worries, Bella right?'

'Yeah, Bella' I said flatly. I must have sounded so defeated but I couldn't help it. I didn't like Lauren and while I understood some people's reactions hers certainly shocked me. She treated Jess like shit when we were back in school and suddenly now she cares?

'I'm Rosalie. I hate that bitch, I couldn't just let her carry on talking to you like that. She had no right to hit you'

'Well, I appreciate it thank you. She's right though I shouldn't have come back here'

'Bella, Lauren is _never_ right, have you seen her hair and that outfit? Who ever told her it was ok to wear that obviously needs a white cane and a guide dog. And don't let Emmett hear you saying coming back here was a mistake. He's been so happy to have you back, your all he talks about'

'Really?' _Wow, that was a really nice revelation._

'He told me. You know about what happened?' She seemed kinda nervous about telling me this.

'Oh' was all I could manage to come up with.

'I think your really brave coming back here. Not many people would have survived going through what you did. Your a survivor. So why not start acting like it instead of wallowing in self pity?'

_Wow harsh much?_

This girl didn't even know me and here she was basically telling me to pull my head out of my backside and get on with things, I huffed and threw my arms over my chest and looked out the window and realised we were now sat in the driveway of my house.

'That's easy for you to say' I muttered while fiddling with my seatbelt.

'Yes it is, I've been where you are.I thought my life was ruined 4 years ago after my parents were killed in a car smash, I was on this path of self destruction and I couldn't care less who I took with me. I let my rage take over Bella and it wasn't pretty. You need to think about the people around you. Not only do your actions affect you but them aswell and believe it or not those people inside that house care about you very much. Just think about that ok'

And with that she undid her seatbelt and left the car.

I sat there for maybe 10 minutes just thinking. OK she was right but did she have to be that blunt? I didn't even know her but what she said had struck a nerve.

The dull throbbing on the side of my face brought me out of my thoughts and I pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror at my cheek. It was red, swollen and already starting to bruise. I had better get inside and cover this up before I faced the Spanish Inquisition.

I got out of the car and snuck into the house. I was in stealth mode as I tiptoed across the foyer to the stairs. I made it to the 3rd step when I heard him.

'Hold it! Where have you been? I thought we agreed that if you were going to leave the grounds you would let me know?

Oh my god I felt like a 15 year old that had just been caught sneaking back in after a night of partying by her father.

'Erm, sorry Edward I tried to find you. I needed to get some air' I hadn't turned to look at him yet. One look at my eye and there was gonna be trouble.

'Right, and you couldn't call me?' He continued.

'OK, you caught me, I'm sorry, I need to pee can we carry this on later?'_ Hah, quick thinking Bella he would have to let me go now._

'So eager to get away that your actually apologising to me? What's going on Bella?' _Busted!_

What was he fucking Colombo? God he was so pushy.

'Fine' I turned around to face him and saw that he was standing with his arms folded across his chest tapping his left foot at me. He could be such a woman sometimes.

'Care to explain what happened to your face?' He asked motioning towards me.

'I had a slight altercation thats all _No_ big deal and no reason to inform my father ok'

'Wrong, It is a big deal when you walk in with a black eye so start talking' He raised an eyebrow at me and waited for me to continue.

'Edward its nothing for you to worry my father about and oh yeah, _NOTHING_ to do with you so back off' I was beginning to get pissed off at him now.

He started up the stairs towards me and grabbed my chin to inspect my face. Ouch, his big hands were hurting me.

'Ow, shrek what do you think your doing?' I swatted his hand away and took a step back.

'I'm just looking, you need to put some ice on that' Edward stated.

'No, I don't and look with your eyes not your hands you big oaf' I stomped up the stairs, down the landing and towards the door to my staircase.

Once in my room I flopped down on my window ledge and looked out of the window.

Rosalie was right, I really did need to get out of this slump I was in but where the hell did I start?

Things were getting better when I was with Ang. I mean it wasn't like I was healed but other than her noone knew what I had been through so I didn't have to deal with the constant stares and whispers about me. But here? It was like I was stuck in a gold fish bowl for everyone to see and I was suffocating.

Just then the door to my room flew open and there stood Edward carrying a bowl of water, a packet of cotton wool between his teeth and frozen peas sticking out of his trouser pocket.

_I should have locked the door_.

He set the things down on my dressing table and turned to face me.

'I won't tell your father on the condition that you let me clean your cheek' He stated.

'Whats with all the damn conditions? Is it too much to just let me get on with things my own way?"

'Yeah, _look_ where that got you! So are you going to sit still while I do this and not complain or am I going to have to get Alice and Rosalie to come up here and hold you down?' He looked rather pleased with himself. He knew there was no way in hell I wanted any more people invading my personal space.

'Whatever, but if you hurt me I'm gonna kick you ok?' He laughed at me while shaking his head.

He pulled the chair from my dressing table in front of me, ripped open the packet of cotton wool and dipped it in the water. He scooted closer and moved my hair behind my shoulder and started wiping my cheek. It didn't hurt too much, but I knew there would be a bruise tomorrow.

'So Rosalie told me what happened' He said. Wow even his breathe smelled nice, minty and fresh. He was so close to me I could feel the warmth coming off his body.

'Why didn't you hit her back?' I just shrugged and he carried on talking.

'I didn't have you down as the type to just let someone hit you and get away with it. I saw how you reacted to Rose just looking at you'

'I'm tired Edward. I just want to be invisible. I'm sick of everyone looking at me like I'm something they stepped in. I have feelings too and this fucking hurts'

'Well your going to have a bruise in the morning thats for sure' Edward chuckled

'Not my eye you moron, I hurt, _this_.. just being here is so hard you have no idea' I looked down at my lap and sighed. I closed my eyes and let big fat tears splosh onto my cheeks. I was sick of being in constant pain, my heart was broken from losing Jessica and I didn't think that would ever be fixed. I looked up through my tears and saw that Edward was staring at me.

'Bells, you have to let people help you or you wont ever get over this. Keeping all this in is dangerous. I know I annoy you, that's what I do best but Im telling you as a friend that you need to let go of all this anger or your going to hurt yourself'

I sighed again and wiped away my tears. 'I know. Rosalie said the same thing'

'She did? So she is capable of human emotions then. That's nice to know'

I chuckled at him and he stood up and collected his things.

'Here' he said while handing me the frozen peas 'Put these on your cheek, it will help take the swelling down. I won't tell Charlie about this but promise me if anyone gives you shit again you'll come tell me?'

I nodded and gave him a small smile as he left the room.

I spent the rest of the day locked away in my bedroom writing in my journal. Angela had suggested writing my feelings down when I was down or whatever but I never bothered but it seemed like a good idea as I had nothing better to do right now and surprisngly it actually made me feel slightly better getting it all out and if im being honest I didn't really fancy going downstairs to play happy families when I felt so depressed.

I emailed Angela but didn't mention what had happened in town. I told her I missed her and asked her if she wanted to come and visit me soon..

I woke up the next day at 8 and dragged my sorry ass to the bathroom and showered. As I was leaving Jasper was coming out of his bedroom. He stopped and looked at me, he gave a slight smile and headed for the stairs.

OK so it wasn't an actual conversation but I had a smile, that's progress right?

I got dressed and dried my hair. I thought I had better make an effort today so I actually brushed my hair. It was ratty as hell and hurt brushing but when I was done it looked ok. I was probably missing half a head of hair and my scalp felt like it was on fire but my hair was brushed so mission accomplished.

I applied some concealer to my face to hide the bruise that had appeared on my cheek over night. It wasn't a big one which was a relief but it was certainly noticable as I was so damn pale.

I would just have to wear my hair down so that noone would see it.

I had an appointment with the therapist at 2 so we would have to leave pretty soon to get there on time as it was like a 3 hour drive.

I headed downstairs and made myself something to eat, I hadn't eaten dinner the night before so I was starving. I put some bacon under the grill.

'Hey tink, any breakfast going spare' Emmett hopped onto the island and smiled at me. He had really big dimples and a gorgeous smile but despite being huge he could be quite graceful when he wanted. Unlike me of course, If I had tried to hop the counter I would have ended up missing and broken my face. Yep I had the grace of a sumo wrestler!

'I can make you something if you want?' I told him.

'Sure, Im a growing boy I need sustenance' I laughed at him. 'Em your 26 your hardly growing any more'

'You know I never say no to food' He had that goofy smile plastered on his face again. How could I resist? I put some more bacon under the grill and starting frying up an egg

'So, I hear you got bitch slapped by Lauren Mallory huh?' Emmett asked me

'Ahh, you heard about that and I really wouldn't call what she did a slap, she full on punched me'

'My girlfriend has a big mouth! Normally I wouldn't complain especially when she uses it for ...'

'EMMETT, I so don't need to hear what your woman does with her mouth ok? Thank you very much' Oh dear got the mental image would be burned into my brain forever more. _Thank you Emmett _

'I wasn't gonna say... ok so why didn't you go all wootang on her? You do kung fooey don't you?'

'Kickboxing' I corrected him.

'Yeah, that.' He answered.

'I dunno, I was so stunned I didn't have time to think and the next thing Rosalie was there threatening to break her arm if she touched me again'

'That's my girl' he chuckled.

'I said sorry for being all bitchy to her too'

'Yeah she told me that too, I think she likes you which FYI is totally rare, she never likes anyone. She said she can relate to you and you both share a mutual hatred towards Edward. I don't get it, most women love him but for some reason you 2 seem immune to his charm' I laughed at him again. He was totally ridiculous but I loved him to death.

I flipped the egg and pulled the bacon out.

'Egg and bacon sandwhich ok Em?'

'Sure is Tink, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse'

I plated up his food and handed it to him. 'Hey Bells, good luck for today ok'.

I was quite surprised he knew where I was going today but I thanked him anyway and ate my sandwhich.

Half an hour later me and Edward were in his car headed for Seattle. He had told me once I got in that under no circumstances was I to touch his Ipod and if I did I would be walking home. I think I called him a miserable shit head and we went on our way.

I must have fallen asleep cos when I next looked at the clock on the dashboard it was almost 11am.

Edward turned to look at me and smiled.

'Hi' he said, 'You ok?'

'I'm good, just nervous' I admitted.

'I've never had to do anything like this so I don't know how its going to go for you but my advice would be to just talk to your therapist. That's what they are getting paid for'

'Thanks' I said grimly. I really was nervous, I didn't know what to expect and that unsettled me.

I sat back in my seat and listened to the music that was being played. I never pegged Edward as the classical music type. There was so much I didnt know about him even though I had known him for years.

'Classical music?' I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

'Debussy is brilliant, this song relaxes me'He replied.

'What's the song called?' I asked. It was actually very beautiful, I wasn't one for piano music. I found it boring and generally stayed away from it but this was as Edward said very relaxing.

'Its called Clair de Lune, do you like it?'

'Yeah, its not bad' I smiled at him and turned back to the window.

'My mother taught me how to play this on the piano when I was younger' he said.

'Wow, I had no idea you could play the piano?'

'Theres alot about me you dont know Bella'

Ok that was true. I think this was the first time in a long time that we hadn't fought or bickered. It was nice.

I put my head back on the seat and pulled my feet up to my knees and rested them on the chair. I was just getting comfy and Edward slapped my legs down.

'Hey' I snapped at him.

'No feet on the chairs' He snapped back and just like that Dickward was back.

'Your such a whiny bitch, its just a car and its not like my feet are even dirty'

'That is besides the point don't stick your feet up on my chairs or you can walk home' He snapped back at me.

'GOD. Your so annoying' I shouted at him and turned away from him and looked back out the window.

The rest of the journey passed in silence. Apparently the moron driving was like in love with his car. I would have to remember that the next time he pissed me off.

Maybe I could deck it out in pink fluffy would have a heart attack if he got into his precious car to find it had a pink fluffy steering wheel cover and pink seatbelts. I internally laughed. He should really learn not to wind me up so much.

We arrived in Seattle with 45 minutes to spare. 'You wanna go get some lunch before your appointment?' He asked me.

'No. I'm fine, I just wanna get this over with' I said.

'Suit yourself, I'll eat when your in there. Its an hour right?

'Yep' I said popping the 'p'

We pulled up to the building and I got out. I told Edward I would call him when I was done so he could pick me up and he agreed and sped off. He didn't even wait to see if I had gone inside. Obviously he had more trust in me than my father did.

I went inside and looked on the board to see which floor I was meant to be on. I headed to the elevator and pressed the button for the 6th floor. I was seeing someone called Dr Jones. It made me giggle when I heard that and I now kept humming the Aqua song 'Dr Jones' in my head.

I climbed off the elevator and told the girl at the reception I had an appointment and she told me to sit down and I would be called when the good Dr was ready. I read for a bit, fiddled with my phone, read another cheesy celebrity magazine about who had had work done this week and who was sleeping with who. I really couldnt care less.

My palms were sweating, my head was banging and I felt sick. This was all before we had gotten started. I hated feeling this out of control and nervous. I had this god aweful feeling of dread and I could not shake it. I had felt like this before but not for a long time. Christ I hadn't even spoken to the woman yet.

I was just about ready to grab my bag and bolt out of the door when a woman of about 45ish stepped out of a room and called my name. My head snapped but and I looked wide eyed at her. She smiled reassuringly at me and motioned for me to follow her.I stood up, how I don't know, I wasn't sure how my legs were carrying me, they felt like jelly. I shuffled towards her office with my head down.

'Hi there Isabella, Im Dr Jones but you can call me Melinda'


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for reading my lil old story! I love waking up to reviews and alerts that people have added my story to their favourites so thank you to everyone that has done that:D**

**Again, thank you to my awesome beta Magenta.**

**How lush did Rob and Kstew look at the BAFTAS this week eh? I was totally ready to hump the tele when he came on hehhee!**

**Anyhoo, heres the chappie, hope you like it!**

**I have never been to therapy so please forgive me if I have written anything wrong.**

**Cheers again for reading!**

**I don't own Twilight.. sadly! The wonderful Stephanie Meyers owns everything! **

I stepped into Dr Melinda Jones's office and looked around, I was still nervous as hell and her shit eating smile did nothing to calm that. The office was light and airy and not what I expected at all.I think I had expected a dark room with a therapists sofa and nothing else. I've never stepped foot into somewhere like this, what was I supposed to think?

There was a huge window at the other end of the room and the walls were painted like an off white colour.

There were frames on the wall with certificates in them, presumably her qualifications? I personally didn't care if she was a rocket scientist I doubt she would be able to do anything for me.

The wall to the left of me had a chocolate brown and Turquoise wallpaper with chrysanthemums on it. _Interesting choice of wallpaper for a theme wall Shrink lady!_

There were a few enourmous house plants dotted around the room and a few smaller ones on the window ledge.

There were two cream leather sofas facing each other with rather large cushions at either end which were the same shade of turquoise that was on the walls and on the floor between them both was a large brown, white and turquoise carpet. Evidently Dr Jones was a fan of 'bringing the outdoors inside'

Did she not watch Justin and Colin's 'How not to decorate'?

Even the curtains were a shade of green that to me looked like someone had vomited on. _Yes, It would appear I was not a fan of the green and brown!_

She asked me did I want to sit down? Well no, not really but whatever, the sofas were comfier than standing on my feet for the entire hour.

She sat down opposite me and took her glasses off, she smiled at me and grabbed some sort of folder.

'So Isabella, I'm Dr Jones. How can I help you?"

'It's Just Bella and you have my file so you obviously know what's wrong.. just.. I dunno, fix me'

I did not want to be here, discussing my problems with this woman. I know I agreed to come here but seriously did I have much choice? How is this even going to help me? I promised my dad I would come but I didn't say anything about having to like it, or her. I would do my time, let her yap and I would be on my merry way.

_'_Alright then, just Bella. Yes, I have your file and I have read it's content but that's not what I'm concerned about. I want to hear from you how you are feeling. This won't work if you aren't prepared to help yourself. What you have been through will not be something you can just 'fix' you need to want to help yourself. Let's start with Why did you come here today?'

_Well that was easy._

'My dad made me' I replied while shrugging my shoulders.

'Do _you _want to be here?'

Well no not really, of course I didn't want to be here, I was doing it because it was one of my dads insane conditions. If I had honestly thought something like this would help I would have come all those months ago.

'I don't think talking will help me' I said.

'How do you know if you don't give it a shot? She asked

I just shrugged again while looking at one of the potted plants, what was with all the damn green? I loved green but this was just too much.

'Well, what will help?' She asked while putting the pen she was holding to the corner of her mouth.

'A time machine? I muttered sarcastically.

'Look, Isabe...Bella. Can I be honest with you? You need to give this a go, you need to try. If it doesn't work out you can at least say to your father that you gave it your best shot. He can't ask anymore than that. We dont have to talk about anything heavy today if you dont want to. We will go at your pace until you feel comfortable and think you can trust me. I want to be able to help you, so why not let me try? What do you say?'

I know what I wanted to say and none of it was particularly pleasant, actually It might have gotten me thrown out and banned from the building, but the thought of seeing the disapointment on my dads face stopped me from flicking her the 'V', telling her to ram her session and walking out.

'Fine, whatever. If it keeps my dad off my back, lets do this!' I retorted with fake enthusiasm.

'So, how about we start with why you think you need to be here'

'My best friend died and I feel guilty.' I said nonchalantly

'Did you kill her?' She enquired

_What? she was meant to be on my side, why the fuck would she ask that?_

'NO, of course not. Why would you even ask that, what the fuck is wrong with you? I screamed at her, I didnt even care who heard me, she didn't even know me why the hell would she say something so blunt and cruel?

'Well you said you felt guilty and if you didn't kill her why would you feel guilt?'

'I didn't murder her......... my actions led to her death but _no_ I didnt murder her' I sneered the last part to her. What was my dad even thinking putting me through this? It was hard enough that I had to live through this once without having to recall it to this ... witch.

'Ok, so we've established you were the one who killed your best friend but you believe you are to blame? Why do you think that?'

'Because If I hadn't introduced _him_ to her, to my family then she would still be here' I could feel my chest start to tighten at the thought of him. I was so not ready to talk about him yet, I just couldn't, I didn't have the strength.

'Who is _'him'?' _

I wasn't even listening at this point anymore, all I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears and my breathing which was fast and ragged. I kept seeing that bastards face with that evil sneer as he stood over me. I would never in a million years forget the way he looked at me, even as he was dying he still kept sneering at me. It was an image that would forever be burned into my brain.I closed my eyes and slumped backwards on to the sofa while trying to catch my breathe. I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs. Crap, I thought, I'm having a heart attack in the Dr's office!

'Bella? Bella, look at me, relax. Ok relax' Dr Jones was in front of me now holding my hands as I gripped by bag in a death hold.

I felt dizzy and sick,I thought I was about to pass out.

'Here, drink this' Dr Jones handed me a glass of water and slowly after about 5 minutes the thumping in my ears started dying down. I could hear over my heart beating and the dizzyness started to fade.

'Are you alright Bella? Do you need me to get you a Dr?' Dr Jones asked.

'I thought you were a Dr?' I said while leaning back on the sofa with my eyes closed.

I heard her chuckle and she sat back down.

'How often do these attacks happen Bella?' She asked

'They used to happen a lot... but got better with time. The last few months though they have been coming .. more, the nightmares have been more frequent too, when I do eventually manage to get to sleep that is. Its just because I'm back here and reminded of everything'

I was still feeling light headed and the pain in my chest was still there although not as crushing as it was before. My breathing had calmed down and I didn't feel as nauseaus as I had done.

'Did you ever seek medical advise or take any medication for this?'

'No, I didn't think I needed to see a Dr about it, I didn't want them to think I was going insane, I thought I was just stressed about everything that had gone on'

'

'I believe its possible that you have may have Post-traumatic stress disorder which is very common in people who have had a traumatic experience such as yourself. You are exibiting some of the main symptoms such as the strong guilt you feel over your friends death, the nightmares and the angry outbursts. What you just experienced was an anxiety attack. I think you should consider maybe taking some kind of medication for this'

'No, I don't need medication thank you, I've dealt with this for long enough now, I really don't want to have to rely on medication'

It was true but more than anything I was afraid that I would lose control and become dependant on the pills and to be honest that was just another problem I could do without. So I told her thank you but no thank you.

'Right, well we still have another 30 minutes what would you like to talk about?"

'Actually, I think I'm done talking' I said, it was true, I had said too much already, I just wanted to go to sleep or even cry. I had had enough.

'You've done really well Bella, I think we should stick at this, Let's talk about your best friend.' She quickly put her glasses on and looked at her folder. 'Jessica, let's talk about Jessica.'

'No, I don't want to' I stated.

'Alright, then why don't we talk about your family. Why did you decide now to come back home? Why not say a year ago?'

'I wasn't ready to come back then, I was still a mess' It was true, this time last year I was a wreck, It took all of my energy just to get out of bed in the morning, Angela was fantastic, she would coax me out of my room with the promise of no talking, buffy reruns and a huge tub of ice cream. She was really a god send.

'Your ready now?'She enquired.

'Well, Im here aren't I? I sarcastically replied to her. I knew I was being a bitch to her but she just caused me to have a massive panic attack my pushing me to talk about things that I clearly wasn't ready to talk about and as I didn't want it to happen again so if I didn't talk then nothing could happen.

'Yes, your here. But why did you decide now?" She pushed.

I sighed and thought I might as well just tell her or she wont ever let up.

'I needed closure. I needed to be told by someone other than Angela that I wasn't to blame for this nightmare. My family were constantly on my mind, I missed them. I missed jasper even though I'm pretty sure he hates me.I want my life back, I want to be the happy care free girl I once was and not this sobbing quivering mess. I miss Jess more than anything.

This would never have happened if I had just listened to everyone, they warned me _he _was bad news but I didn't listen. I wanted some fun, but now all I want is my boring life with Jessica back'

I hadn't realised I had spilled all of that out until I had finished. The floodgates had been opened.

I choked back a huge sob and hung my head.

'Thank you for telling me that Bella, I appreciate how hard it was for you and how upset you are right now but believe me this will all help. I know you don't think therapy is the answer but I assure you I will do everything in my power to help you over come some of the emotions you are feeling'

'Thank you' I muttered

'So, tell me, who is Angela?'Dr Jones asked me

'She's my room-mate back in London, she took me in when I had no where else to go. She's incredible.'

'She sounds lovely, do you still keep in contact with her?'

'Yes, every single day we speak. She's really proud of the fact that I decided to come to therapy, even though technically it wasn't my decision' I smiled as I thought of how excited Angela had sounded when I told her. She thought it was an excellent idea.

'She sounds like a wonderful friend Bella' Dr Jones smiled at me.

'She is' I smiled back.

'Who is Jasper?' She enquired.

'Jasper is my older brother' I told her

' I see, so why do you think he hates you?'

'Jas is pissed at the way I left, I couldn't handle being the person everyone was talking about. I live in a small town, _everyone_ knew what that monster had done to me and Jess. I couldn't handle the constant stares and people talking behind my back so instead of ignoring it I ran. Alice.. Jasper's girlfriend told me he was really upset that I didn't think I could talk to him about what was going on, it wasn't that I couldn't talk to him, I couldn't talk to _anyone_. They didn't know the full story and I didn't want to make them feel even more disgusted by me so I didn't tell them'

'So what is the full story Bella?'

'I don't .. I can't.... I'm not ready' I stuttered out.

'OK, ok, we don't need to talk about that today, we can approach this slowly. Its up to you what you want to tell me remember that, but I want you to know for your first session you have done really very well.'

I knew I had opened up, I was pleased but at the same time annoyed that this woman who I had only know about an hour had broken down the barriers I spent a long time trying to put up. No one had ever pushed me to talk about what had happened before, I guess they just thought with time I would get over it. My dad pretended like nothing happened, which was really hard seeing as I had made the national news. My brothers didn't ask me anything and never pushed me for information. They barely spoke to me, I just put it down to them not knowing what to say or that maybe they were just too disgusted with what I had done.

Edward had told me he was there if I ever wanted to talk and I nearly took him up on the offer until I heard his evil girlfriend tell him I was a freak and he needed to stay away from me. After that I refused to aknowledge what had happened, I suffered alone until I couldn't take anymore and left.

I remembered the night I had stormed out, everyone was sat in the living room watching some lame assed game show on the tv. They were laughing and joking like nothing had even happened and I was so pissed. How could they act like I had not been through hell and back. Losing Jess was bad but then having to sit around and have everyone act normally just crippled me.

I screamed at them and told them they were all selfish pricks and ripped open the front door.

My dad told me to come back inside and appologise for my behaviour but I told him I hated him.. that I hated them all. Edward was just stood there gaping, he didn't know what to do or say but this was nothing to do with him. This wasn't his family and I was sick of being treated like I was glass. They all tip - toed around me like I was about to break. To me, that was worse than living through what I did.

Dr Jones brought me out of my little bubble of thought. I knew she was talking but I didn't hear what she said.

'Huh? Sorry, what?' I asked.

'I asked, if you can, can you tell me what happened to _him?'_

I sat there for a few minutes wondering what the hell to say....I took in a huge breathe of air and looked at Dr Jones.

'He's dead. I shot him. After he left me to die'


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed, its really made me smile.**

**I don't own Twilight, the amazing Stephanie Meyers does. **

**My beta Magenta is incredible and without her support and encouragement I would probably have given up a long time ago. Thank you so much babe, your the best!**

Yeah so therapy was fucking horrendous. I left the room after my session had ended feeling totally raw and called Edward and demanded he met me now.

By the time I had gotten downstairs he was waiting for me leaning against the passenger side door with his arms folded and his shades on.

He quirked an eyebrow at me as I stomped in his direction and opened the door for me. Before I had even gotten to him I shouted 'Dont even fucking ask'. He just raised his hands above his head and held the door open for me.

I was angry at myself for revealing to her as much as I did, I promised I would never tell anyone again after Angela what exactly had taken place that horrendous afternoon. It was just too hard, the feelings I got when I thought back almost choked me.

Edward got into the car and didn't say a word to me, I could tell he was dying to know what had happened but I was so annoyed I wanted to fume in silence.

That hour had dragged so much, I had felt more pain in that hour than I had in the last year of my life. She had pushed me so much I felt I had to tell her. She knew what she was doing and that bugged me.

Even though I was pissed off - and quite frankly I wasn't really sure why I was so pissed off - I still felt a little bit better, like a slight weight had been lifted off my shoulders by being able to bare my soul as such.

She arranged that I would see her twice a week for the next few months and then after that less if needs be. She was really understanding considering she was sat opposite a murderer. If it were me I would have bolted faster than my uncoordinated feet could carry me.

I sat there muttering to myself until Edward finally shouted.

'Bella!'

'What?' I answered back.

'I thought you didn't wanna talk? Your sat there like a crazy person talking to yourself! So either talk to me about what happened back there or shut up cos I can't hear the music over your nonsense'

'Well, thank you mr sensitivity' I retorted.

'I try my best' He smiled at me.

'Well, I'm glad you can see the funny side of this, enlighten me Edward, _which _part is amusing you so much? The fact that I have just had to reveal almost everything I have felt over the last 2 years to someone I don't even know or after all of that I have to come out and face _you_?'

'Jeez Bella, you don't have to be such a bitch. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Next time I won't bother I'll let you stew in silence'

'_Lighten the mood_? What the hell is wrong with you? Nothing can possible make me feel better right now, You have no idea what the fuck I've just been through, you said it yourself you haven't ever been to therapy, it wasn't sweetness and light let me tell you that right now'

'For someone who didn't wanna talk you sure are yapping a lot' Edward was beginning to get irritated by me, I could tell by the way he gripped the steering wheel.

'Fuck _you_' I spat at him.

'No, Bella fuck YOU. I'm so sick of this, I can't do anything right with you, so fuck it. I give up.

Everyone is watching their step with you and watching what they say and I'm fucking sick of it. You walk around like your the only one with problems? We all have problems but none of us are acting the way you are. I have tried to be polite and understanding cos I know you went through shit after what happened with Jess and James...'

'Don't you fucking _dare _say his fucking name Edward. I don't want people to watch what they are saying around me, I want them to be normal around me for fucks sake. I don't want to be constantly reminded about it. And problems? You don't know _shit_ about my problems, no one does and do you know why? Because none of you cared enough to ask me how the fuck I was feeling'

I was fuming, I was ready to spit venom at him. He had just implied that what I had gone through was not that bad, well fuck him and his assumptions, I don't need this shit.

'Shit, Bella, I _know_ you've had a hard time, I'm not trying to over look that...'

'_A HARD TIME?' _I screamed. 'My boyfriend murdered my best friend Edward, does it get much fucking harder than that?'

He shut up, and tightened his grip on the steering wheel again. I could see by the muscles tensing in his jaw that he was raging too.

I was so angry, I needed to get out and get the hell away from him.

'Stop the damn car' I cried.

'WHAT?' He shouted back.

'I said, stop the fucking car, I'm getting out'

'No, your not, don't be ridiculous' He roared at me.

'Yes, I am and if you don't stop I'll throw myself out.'He slammed on the brakes almost choking me with my seatbelt. I scrambled to undo it and ripped open the door. It was raining and we were in the middle of a deserted road.

I started walking up the side of the road still crying and fucking cold. I didn't mean to flip out at him like that but I was still feeling so fucked up from the session that I didn't know how to react.I was so bewildered by what had just happened that I was feeling both numb and raw at the same time and that confused the shit out of me. And then to have him start on me as well was just the iceing on the cake.

I could Edward shouting at me to get back in the car but I ignored him and carried on.

I turned my head towards him and flipped him the bird and stumbled on a broken branch and fell over onto my knees. I sat on the muddy wet floor on my soon to be bruised knees and bawled my eyes out.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off.

'Bella, come on its cold you can't be out here' His voice was soft and calm now. The complete opposite of when he was shouting at me minutes before.

'I don't care' I sniffled ' I cant do this Edward, I thought I could but I can't'

'I'm sorry, I really am' He said.

He reached out and this time I didn't push him away, I didn't have the energy to tell him to get away from me.

He sat on the floor with me, put his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. I cried so hard that I didn't think I would ever stop. Edward had never held me like that before, I felt terrible for having yet another melt down on him but I felt so safe in his arms I didn't want to move.

He was stroking my hair and telling me he was sorry. He had no reason to be sorry, I was the one that went beserk at him.

'I didn't mean what I said Edward I'm sorry' I said while sniffing into his shirt. He smelled so good.

'It's alright but I really think we should get back into the car before one of us gets sick.'

'Okay' I responded.

He helped me to my feet, brushed the hair away from my face and put his arm round my shoulder guiding me back to the car.

'Hows your leg?" He asked.

_I had forgotten about that. _

'It's ok, it doesn't even hurt' I said quietly while looking at the floor. I would bruise tomorrow, I always did.

We drove back to Forks in silence, neither of us feeling the need to talk.

My fathers car was in the drive so I thought I had better go check in with him and let him know how things had gone today.I wiped under my eyes with my finger tip, and got out of the car.I took a few deep breathes and followed Edward to the house.

I heard laughter and shouting when I came through the front door and saw that Emmett was arm wrestling with Jacob Black in the living room. They were both equally huge so it was really anyones fight.

The Blacks lived over on the reservation and were also close friends of the family. My dad had grown up with Jakes father Billy, they had gone to school together and Billy was my father's best man at his wedding to my mom.

With my dad working so many hours they didn't spend as much time together as they used to but went out fishing as much as possible.

Jacob was a few years younger than me but was probably about 3 foot taller. Ok maybe a slight exaggeration but he was huge.

He had long black hair that was pulled back into a pony tail. He was scrawny when he was younger but now he had grown into a strapping, really good looking lad with a cheeky smile.

'They will never grow up' My dad said. I hadn't even realised he was standing there.

'No, they probably won't' I said as I watched them messing around like kids.

'So, how was today?' He asked.

'How do you know I even went?' I replied while giving him my sweetest smile.

He smiled and replied 'I know you went, Dr Jones called me. And Edward called while you were in to say that you had gone'

'Does patient confidentiality stand for anything these days? Jeez , and does Edward seriously need to tell you everything? Are you gonna have me micro-chipped next?'

'You know that's not a bad idea' My dad smiled at me as he walked away.

_He wouldn't have me chipped I laughed to myself.. Would he? _

I just rolled my eyes and carried on watching the boys. They seemed so carefree, it was nice to see.

I used to be like that. There was a time when I probably would have dived in and helped one of them win their stupid arm wrestling contest but I almost felt like an outsider, out of place so instead I just stood and watched them.

I glanced over at Edward and he looked up to me and smiled. He motioned with a move of the head for me to join them but I just smiled and shook my head and moved towards the stairs. I was wiped, I needed to have a shower, my face was still tight from crying so much. I just wanted to relax.

* * * * * * * *

I came down after my shower starving and dying for something to drink. The boys were still in the living room watching a movie and I didn't want to disturb them so I headed to the kitchen to make something to eat.

It really annoyed me when I was younger that the glasses were in a long tall cupboard on the top of the shelf, I could never reach. I usually had to drink out of a mug or check the dishwasher to get a glass out. But the dishwasher had been emptied and as usual I couldn't reach to get a glass.

I thought about climbing but that wasn't really an option as I would probably fall off the counter and break my legs and be stuck in the house for even longer and that really would suck!

I reached up on my tip toes and stretched out my fingers and grabbed out for a glass. My finger tips touched the rim of one of the face down glasses and I pulled it towards me.

_HAH! __Vertically challenged me:1, stupid glass cabinet: 0._

No sooner had I thought that the glass came tumbling out of the cabinet, I tried to catch it but missed and the glass smashed on the counter. Fucking _GREAT!_

_Was I completely incapable of doing anything for myself? _

I started picking up the pieces and placing them in what was left of the broken glass but me being me I managed to cut the tip of my finger. I went to reach to put my finger under the cold water tap but stumbled and while steadying myself by reaching the counter top my arm knocked over the upturned broken glass, the jagged top of it piercing the under neath of my forearm. I screamed out in pain.

_Shit that hurt_.

_I didn't dare look, too much blood made me queezy._

I must have made enough noise as the next thing I know, Emmett, Jasper, Jake and Edward were piling in the kitchen.

They all just stood there looking at me. Jasper was the first to move.

'Edward, grab a towel, Emmett go get dad, Jake grab Bella she looks like she's about to pass out or throw up'

I was lowered to the floor and Edward wrapped a towel around my arm. Yep,just as I thought _loads _of blood_._

'Jas man, dad left. He's gone over to see Billy, they were talking about going fishing or something.' Emmett said as he returned to the kitchen.

'Shit' Jasper muttered.

'I'll call Carlisle he can meet us as the hospital'Edward said

'I'm gonna puke, Jake don't let me see or I'm going to vomit on you' I cried while trying not to look at the state of the arm was throbbing and I felt nauseous from the pain. _Seriously could this day get any worse?_

'Bells, as much as I love ya if you hurl on me that is _it_, friendship over' Jake whispered as he pulled my head to his chest to stop me from seeing the mess I had managed to make of my arm.

'Bella. You need to stay calm ok, just breathe we are gonna get you to the hospital. Are you alright?' Jasper asked me while taking my face in his hands.

'No, it really hurts' I sobbed.

'Carlisle said to bring her straight down he will be waiting for us' Edward interrupted

'Ok, come on'. Jasper lifted me off the floor and carried me out of the kitchen, through the foyer and out onto the drive way. He plonked me in the back seat of his SUV and Edward climbed in beside me. Jasper and Emmett climbed in the front.

'I'm gonna head home and see if I can catch my dad and Charlie before they leave ok?" Jake stuck his head in the front window. 'Get well Bells'

'Man, get your head out of my face' Emmett yelled 'And don't think this means you won, just cos I got up first to see what all that noise was' He pointed at Jake.

'Whatever man, I'll take a rematch and I'll kick your ass at that too'

'EXCUSE ME' I shouted 'Could we discuss this another time when my arm isn't hanging off please? I was dizzy with pain and not in the mood for chit chat.

Jasper looked in his rear view mirror and sniggered.

'Keep still Bella, I need to keep pressure on your arm' Edward tightened his grip on my arm and I winced.

'I would but it kinda hurts having had my arm severed and all' I sarcastically remarked.

'Don't be so dramatic you've cut yourself, your not mortally wounded' Edward smiled.

'All I wanted was a damn drink which I didn't even get' I cried.

'See, this just proves that drinking from the carton is in fact good for you' Edward said while trying to hold in a smile.

'Pssh, whatever, I still don't want hoochie germs.' I said while giving him a small tight smile.

He hadn't mentioned what had happened in the car earlier, and hopefully he hadn't said anything to my brothers about it. I was grateful that he was acting so normal around me, I have to admit I was worried incase he started treating me differentlty again, he wasn't used to having to deal with me and my emotional instability.I liked the thought of having him back in my life and I really didn't wanna lose that just because I had a massive melt down on him.

We arrived at the hospital and true to his word Carlisle met us at the doors and ushered us through to a nearby room.

'Wheres the cafeteria at? I need something to eat' Emmett asked while rubbing his stomach.

'Do you ever _not_ think about your stomach?' Edward looked at him and asked.

'No, not really, so come on show me the food!' They started heading off up a hallway.

'WAIT, no, you can't just leave me here on my own. LOOK' I said pointing at my arm, 'at what happens when I'm alone'

'You 2 go, I'll stay with Bella' Jasper added.

I must have been looking at him like he had 4 heads or something as he asked 'What?,I've already eaten'

'Oh, ok. Thank you for staying with me'.He gave me a tight smile but I knew he was just being polite. I could see he didn't want to be there and that hurt.

We waited for about 10 minutes for Dr Cullen to come back, but it felt like much longer. We didn't talk, we just kept glancing at each other and when one of us saw us looking at theother one we put our heads down. Yep, this was awkward.

Just then Dr Cullen appeared with his tray of 'goodies'which consisted of one big fucking needle!

'Right then young Miss Swan, lets check the damage shall we'?

He removed the towel and had a look.

'Yeah, your going to need a few stitches in this, your going to need an x-ray to make sure there is no glass still in the wound and then I'll clean and stitch you up. Sound good?' He asked

'Great! Another scar to add to the collection' I muttered.

'I'll do my best to make sure you are left with a very small scar and luckily for you as this is on the under side of your arm it won't be very noticable unless you show someone'

'Just fabulous' I retorted. I felt bad for being such a bitch to him but I was in a great deal of pain and everyone just seemed so bloody cheerful.

I was sent for an x-ray and told there was no glass in my arm, it was pretty much a clean slice, _well as clean as a jagged broken glass cut could be_. Jasper waited outside for me while I was fixed up.

Dr Cullen gave me something for the pain and injected my arm to make the area numb while he cleaned and stitched me back up. I felt like a patchwork doll or something.

'So, Bella. How are you doing? Your father told me you were back in town'

'I'm just peachy, as you can tell' I replied while motioning with my good arm towards my bad one.

'You _know _that's not what I mean' He said.

'Yeah, I know and honestly? Not that great'

'Well you know if you ever want to talk my door is always open'

'Thank you' I said sincerely.

'Is Edward driving you insane yet? He smiled

'You have NO idea. I'm beggining to think he wants to see me sectioned. I've missed it though, I've missed them all' I said quietly.

'What did you do to your cheek?' He enquired.

'I had a fight with Lauren Mallory's fist..... it won' I joked.

'I hope you reported that?'

'What's the point? She only said what everyone else is thinking,she's the only one that has the balls to come out and say it'

'That's not true Bella, you know that' Carlisle replied.

'Maybe' I almost whispered.

'Ok, we are all done here. Keep the bandage dry and I'll see you in a few days to check it over'

'Thank you Carlisle. Not just for this but you know... everything. You were one of the only ones that was nice to me after what happened and for that I'm eternally grateful'

'Bella, Your more than welcome sweetheart. Now lets go find them boys before they get themselves into any mischeif'

I smiled at him and he helped me off the table I was sat on.

I came back out in the waiting area to find the boys along with Rosalie and Alice. Jake and Emmett were sitting sideways in their chairs with their legs dangling over the side throwing M& M's at each other to see who could get them in each others mouths. Rosalie was complaining that they were being gross,Edward was twiddling with his phone and Alice was sat on Jaspers lap and they were giggling to each other about something. It was a nice scene..... a scene I clearly wasn't a part of and I sighed.

It had been a long time since I had felt completeley comfortable around everyone. Rosalie and Alice were new additions to the group but they seemed to mesh well. I had yet to see the Queen Bitch Tanya. Edward hadn't mentioned her but they were joined at the hip before, she wouldn't let him out of her sight, she was so worried someone would steal him away from her that she was practically glued to him.

Mind you if I had a guy _that _hot on my arm there would be no way I would let him go either.

'Bells, you ready to hit the road' Emmett asked me chewing on a pepperami. _Did that boy ever stop eating?_

'Yeah, good to go' I replied.

'So, you ok? No amputations?' He asked with his eyebrow quirked.

'Nope, the arm is still in tact' I smiled at him.

'That's my girl, now lets go. Its pizza time soon and I'm hungry'

'Dude you just like ate your body weight in candy, what the hell is wrong with you? Do you have worms or something? Jacob asked.

I laughed at this as Emmett gave him the stink eye and ushered me towards the door.

Carlisle said goodbye to us and said he had some more work to get on with. He smiled at us all and left.

Jas and Alice rode back in her car while Emmet, Rosalie, Jake, Edward and I piled into Jaspers Car.

The ride home was amusing. Jake and Emmett argued like an old married couple. Rosalie acted like their mother and took it in turns between smacking Emmett round the head and reaching back to slap Jake for doing or saying something stupid.

I just sat there and watched it all, I had to smile. It was really funny to see everyone acting so normal around me. Edward sat to my right with his left arm on the back of the seat almost around me so he didn't disturb my bandaged up arm.

We got home and I hopped out of the car. Edward and Emmett went upstairs to get changed as they were going for a run and Jake headed home.

Alice and Jasper were no where to be seen so I was left alone with Rosalie.

'So, how long have you been crushing on Edward?' She asked me while checking her nail varnish.

'What? No, I don't like him, not like _that._ Hes a pain in the ass' I nervously laughed!

OK, I had had the biggest crush on him when we were kids but he never paid any attention to me and other than Jess noone knew I even liked him.

'Come on, I see the way you look at him. He's gorgeous,who in the right mind wouldn't be attracted to him.'

'Yeah, hes attractive but that's _Edward, _As in always taunting me and driving me insane Edward. Plus he has a girlfriend anyway' I replied.

'No, he hasn't. Rosalie retorted.

_Oh really?_

'In the whole time I have known him I haven't seen him with the same girl twice' she mentioned. _Same old Edward!_

'Another reason for me not to be interested then, hes still a man -whore. What happened to the royal bitch Tanya?

'Oh her.. yeah he doesn't talk about her. She cheated on him when they were in San Fransisco. I think that's why he moved back here.' _Poor Edward. _

'Huh, so the 'playa' got played? Too funny' I giggled.

'Bella, don't do that. Don't go all Ghetto, it doesn't suit you' And with that she turned around flipping her hair and headed out into the kitchen.

_What? I thought it was funny!_

Ok, so he doesn't have a girlfriend. I was kinda dreading bumping into the shrew again anyway so that was good news.

I was hoping that what happened on the way home earlier wouldn't make things awkward between us, I'm glad I was so open with him but at the same time scared that he would think I was this unstable headcase and want to keep his distance. One of the good things about being back here was Edward. As much as he annoyed me I loved seeing him. He made me smile even when he was taunting me. I didn't realise how much I had missed him until I had come back and to be honest I was glad when Rosalie told me he wasn't seeing Tanya anymore, it made my stomach go all flippy.

I loved his annoying quirks, his messy hair, his jibes that anyone else would probably have killed him for, his smell was incredible. He had a body to die for and his voice did things to me that no one else's had ever done.

Oh and those eyes, I could stare into them all day and never get bored!

Suddenly it hit me, like a ten tonne wrecking ball.

_I still had feelings for Edward Cullen. _Shit!


	10. Chapter 10

**Right first of all I wanna apologise for yesterday's epic cock up! I tried to add this chapter 3 times to FF but every time instead of uploading this chapter like I wanted, it uploaded chapter 9 AGAIN!! So Im really sorry to everyone that had an email saying it was updated when It wasn't. Hopefully today it will work, Thank you all for being so patient.**

**I am totally loving how many people have added this to their favourites! Thank you:D**

**Thank as always to Magenta, and Susan Collins for constant advise.**

**If you haven't read it yet, check out 'A beautiful Complication' By Susan Collins. Its brilliant. Docward is seriously fucking hot!**

**http://www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5716156/1/A_Beautiful_Complication**

**I don't own Twilight.. All that belongs to Stephanie Meyers. I just have random thoughts about Edward...**

**I hope you enjoy :D**

The next few weeks passed without any more drama, I had the stitches removed and my arm was healing nicely.

The scar wasn't too big and Dr Cullen was right when the redness had gone it wouldn't be that noticable.

My eye had healed too, I hadn't bumped into Lauren either which was great but I was kinda betting that had something to do with Rosalie scaring the living shit out of her.

I had spent alot of time with Alice over the past few weeks. We hung out a lot, went shopping, got manicures, went for dinner and generally just talked.

She had noticed just how tense I had been and suggested we go to a day spar to get pampered. I was slighlty apprehensive as I had never been to one before but it was incredible! The massages were so relaxing I didn't ever want to leave.

While there Alice mentioned she was getting herself a brazillion and I should have one too.

To say I was somewhat less than amused would have been a huge understatement. There was no way in hell I was letting anyone with wax of any kind near my nether regions! NO way, no how!

Apparently according to Alice men don't like hair down there, but as I had no intentions of letting a man see down there I was adamant it wasn't gonna happen. Eventually after half an hour of nagging I finally agreed, mainly just to shut her up. She just smiled at me, jumped around and hugged me.

She had a habit of giving me this huge sad puppy dog eyes when I tried to say no to something and damn her she got me everytime.

I had the damn brazillion and christ almighty I almost flew off the table.

_Mental note: never have one of those again_.

I left the room in serious pain with red swollen girly parts and walking like John Wayne.

Alice just beamed at me. I told her to stop grinnng and get in the damn car before I waxed off her just laughed at me.

Therapy had been getting better, I had seen Dr Melinda a few more times and was even beginning to relax a bit more around her.I was now seeing her twice a week every week.

And what was even better was now my father trusted that I was actually going to see her I was able to drive myself. I no longer had to rely on Edward to take me.

She had told me to take things slowly and that it would take time for me to trust her completely. She knew I had issues trusting people, especially new people and told me that when I wanted to talk to her about anything she would be there to course that made me feel a lot more at ease with her, I did talk to her more at first it was about all the good times, things that had happened before he.. James had come along, how my life was before Jess died and how it had changed since.

I talked to her about Angela and how I was feeling guilty that I still hadn't gone back to London to see her but she assure me that Angela as my friend would be pleased at the progress I was calmed me immensely, I hated the thought of dumping my only friend without a second thought.

I called her all the time and we emailed each other a lot but it wasn't the had promised that when she could she would come over and visit me but she had just been promoted to manager and didn't want to start her new position by taking holiday which I understood.

I was still wary around both Alice and Rosalie, even though they had done nothing but try to help me. I had been spending much more time with them both but other than Angela I'd had no female friends since Jessica and it almost felt wrong, like I was cheating on her memory by allowing myself to be friends with them but Dr Melinda assured me that was a natural feeling.

I found myself wanting to talk about him too. I hadn't allowed myself to say his name in a long name disgusted me and brought back too many painful memories but I had found that by talking out loud about Jessica I had started feeling somewhat better.

I had only heard his name once in a long time and that was when Edward had mentioned it in the car on the way home from my first appointment. Hearing it wasn't as bad as I imagined but I was already having a break down so that didn't help matters. I don't know what I thought would happen when I heard his name again, I wasn't prepared to find out.I vowed that I would talk about him to Dr Melinda.. eventually.

Things had started improving with Jasper too, very slowly. He acknowledged me when I walked into a room and didn't find a reason to leave.

I even heard from Emmett that Jas had bumped into Mike Newton in a bar in Port Angeles and told him if him or any of his little friends did anything to hurt or upset me again he would throw them in moving traffic.

_Awwhh my big brother really did care._

Sure he hadn't told me that since I had gotten back but if he was willing to say that to Mike when he was meant to be a friend then I knew he cared about me.

I hadn't really seen as much of Edward as I would have liked. Since my revalation about still having feelings for him I sort of avoided him. I wasn't sure how to act around him. Usually I would prance around him in sweats and over sized t - shirts that belonged to Emmett or with huge hair because I couldn't be bothered to brush it but now I was finding myself intentionally dressing better and doing my hair just in case I bumped into him which lately was quite was always out.

I had been invited to friday night's movie night which was now being held in the games room as my father had gotten so annoyed with the constant noise when he was trying to work in the office next door. So for his own sanity he had banished the boys back downstairs. I really didn't want to go but Alice insisted that I 'stop being such a pansy and do as she said'

At about 4pm that afternoon she knocked on my door.

'Come in' I shouted while sitting on my window ledge looking out over the garden.

'I have goodies', Alice sang out ' Come on we only have 3 hours to get ready'

Ohhhhh, I didn't like the sound of this.

'Ready? For what? Where are we going?" I asked, going out was not on my list of things to do today. In fact other than getting up I had nothing on my list and I was more than happy with that!

'It's movie night Bella you need to look your best' She replied.

'Ok, its apparent I'm missing something here, what are you talking about? I enquired.

'Go, get in the shower and I'll get your outfit ready'.I was baffled, why did I need to get ready when we were only going downstairs to watch a film? Surely my sweats and a hoodie would be appropriate?

I wasn't about to argue with her, she was only 5ft 4 with spiky black hair but she was a force to reckoned with. I shall call her mighty mouse... but not to her face as she was way to scary for that. I didn't want to wake in the morning to half a head of hair like that girl 'snot face' in Drop Dead Fred.

I grabbed my dressing down and made my way down the stairs, out into the landing and down the hall and went to open the bathroom door when I collided with something hard and wet.

'Oof, SHIT' I shouted as I bounced backwards and landed on my ass.I looked up and saw Edward standing in the doorway with just a towel wrapped around his waist. He had another towel around his shoulders drying his insane hair. .GOD I think I just fucking flat lined.... look at those muscles, that chest.... LOOK... the happy trail!

I knew I was staring with my mouth wide open but shit I couldn't help before me was perfection in a blue towel. _Oh my, hes naked under that towel....._

'Like what you see there Stink?" Edward asked me with his famous panty dropping smile spreading over his face.

'Er, shit...... Sorry, I er.. I didn't know anyone was in there' God, I had turned a really nice shade of beetroot and couldn't even form a coherant sentance.

'No worries , you just carry on. Let me know when your done staring so I can go get dressed' He smirked.

I stood up and tried to look anywhere but his nakedness, I wasn't sure if it was possible for die from embarrassment but I was about to find out.

_Please floor open and swallow me up, Ill never ask for anything again. Please!_

'Shut up ass, I was just thinking that you needed to work out more. Have you gained weight?' I snickered and pushed past him into the bathroom and slammed the door before he had a chance to say something equally as bitchy to me.

Oh my god, I had to say that to get the hell away from there. There was no way I wanted him to know the impact he made on my girlie parts. Maybe it was a good idea that I had that brazillion!

_Yeah, as if he's ever gonna see your flange...my subconscience said._

Hmm, 'flange.' That word rolls right off the tongue doesn't it?..... tongue, the things Edward could do with his tongue..... _ SHUT UP FREAK_ I thought while leaning with my back against the bathroom door.

I was pretty sure he was gone so I banged the back of my head off the bathroom door to shake away the naughty thougts I was having about Edward and his tongue.

That was completely horrendously humiliating but at the same time amazing, he was gorgeous.I hadn't seen anyone looking that fine since..... well the last time I had seen him almost naked.

Edward 2 years ago made me all hot and bothered... Edward now made me wanna dive on him and dry hump his leg like a randy dog!

_Shit, cold shower __needed NOW_!

_I hadn't thought about a man sexually in a very long time so to say I was flustered was a complete understatement._

I showered, washed my hair and hopped out hoping I wouldn't bump into Edward again. That little encounter had left me feeling rather hot and bothered. I grabbed my dressing gown and threw it on and made my way up to my bedroom.I prayed Alice wouldn't see me still blushing.

Alice had layed out a black and red plaid skirt that would barely cover my ass and a plain black strappy top Apparently we were going for the emo look tonight. _What?_

How were my sweats any better than this monstrosity?

'Aliceeeeeee' I whinged ' Can't I just wear something else?'

She plonked me down and started brushing my hair.

'Bella, your a very pretty girl you need to show it off more, you hide behind too many baggy clothes'

'I like baggy clothes Alice they are comfortable' I argued back.

'Yes, but you look like a boy'

'I do not' I pouted._ Did I?_

'Just humour me please?'

'Whatever, but I still don't know why your even bothering, its not like we are even going anywhere. But if you want to waste your time then you go right ahead'

'How are you going to win over Edward if you have big hair and smell like old socks Bella?'

_EH?_

'Alice. NO. I told you I am not interested in him like that you have to stop this. I want to pull his hair out not run my hands though it'

She did not need to know I was lying through my teeth about him. I was already her pet project, I didn't want to make matters worse but admitting to her that I wanted to ride him like a cowgirl!_Oh the mental images!_

'I see things you don't see. You are perfect for each other even if you are trying to injure him once in a while'

'If I do this will you leave things alone? He's not interested in me and I have no desire to get involved with anyone right now ok?'

'Fine but when he see's you tonight he's going to be interested' She chuckled at me and carried on drying my hair.

Good luck trying to get me to look decent you meddling little mouse I thought as she started applying make up to my face.

When she had finished I was astounded. She had done it,she had pulled off the impossible. I actually looked.. _good!_

She had made my hair look kinda messy but hot, it was down feathered around my face. She had given me smokey eyes and put peace lip gloss on my lips. I would never in a million years think of doing something so bold to myself, I never wore make-up. Most of the time I just couldn't be damn I actually looked.. decent.

'There!' she said while inspecting her handywork. 'I am good! See how amazing you look Bella?'

'If I was a lesbian I would so do you' She exclaimed.'But I'm not so don't go getting any ideas about me ok.'

We both laughed as I got my outfit on. It felt good getting ready for something even though we were only staying in the house , I hadn't had this much fun in a while.I had had my reservations about what she expected me to wear when I saw it but looking in the mirror I realised I actually looked pretty damn good! The emo look worked well.

'Thank you Alice, I love it. You're a miracle worker' I said as I turned to hug her.

'Don't go crying now, you're going to ruin your make up, and really all I did was accentuate your natural beauty, now come on its almost time lets get downstairs' She pulled away from me and started putting the make - up away.

'Wait, aren't you getting ready too?' I asked puzzled.

'I already have my man, I don't need to impress anyone' She grinned at me and pulled me through the door and down the stairs.  
We made our way to the games room and came across Jake carrying a slab of beer , 2 bottles of soda under his arms and chips balanced on top of the beer.

'Wow Bells, you sure scrub up well, how you doing?' He asked looking me up and down.

'Ah, I'm good Jake thank you, do you need a hand with that?

'Please woman, I'm fine'He replied

'You sure are' Alice muttered under her breathe. I'm pretty sure I wasn't meant to hear it. I turned to look at her with my mouth open.

'What?' She asked all innocent 'He kinda is'

'I know right' I laughed. We both burst out laughing and Jake turned to look at us.

'What?' he asked while still trying to balance everything.

'Nothing. See you in there'. Alice said I hadn't laughed like that in ages it was really refreshing.

'Come on you, lets go' I said as I dragged her to the door of the games plopped ourselves down and waited on the boys arriving.  
Jasper arrived about 10 minutes later, he kissed Alice on he head, said hi to me and went over to look at the dvd's.

The room was pretty dark and had a dark wooden unit surrounding the huge plasma tv holding almost every dvd known to man was a massive black leather corner suite in front of the tv screen and 2 reclining leather chairs at each end of the sofa, and numerous beanbags on the floor scattered around. It was like being at the movies, we spent a lot of time in here when we were younger. Jasper invented Friday night movie night when I was about 10 and since then it had been a tradition to come down here. At the end of the night we picked a name out of one of my dads old police hats and whoever's name was pulled got to pick the movie the following Friday and the rules were, no-one was allowed to moan about the person's choice. We just had to sit and watch it.

It was clearly Jasper's turn the week before as he was now scouring the hundreds of dvds that lined the shelves. It really was an impressive collection.

'I'm gonna get a beer, do you want one?' I asked Alice as she stared at my brothers backside. She clearly adored him.

'Sure, thank you' she replied.

Emmett and Edward arrived just as I stood up to go to the kitchen. Emmet was chewing on a pepperami. They seriously smelled disgusting, I don't know how he can even eat them.

'Whoaaa Tink looking good' he declared as I blushed past them both.

'Uh, thanks Em' I replied.

'Whats the occassion?' He asked with his eyebrow up.

'Cant a girl look nice without a million questions?' Alice responded sitting on her knees on the sofa I turned and smiled at her and made my way out of the room, I didn't dare look at Edward, mainly cos I was so embarrassed about staring at his half naked body earlier and having naughty thoughts about him.

As I was leaving I heard Emmett say 'Dude seriously did you just check out my sister?'

_Oh. my. god_. I internally did a happy dance. Did Edward just check me out? YAY!

'Shut up man,I was just looking' Edward said.

'Well don't or I'll poke your eyes out with this here pepperami' came Emmetts reply.

I had to laugh at Emmetts protectiveness, but as if Edward would ever try anything with me. The thought made me giddy beyond belief but I knew in reality it would never happen. As much as I wanted it to, I had to be serious. I could look from a far. _Right?_

I grabbed Alice and I a bottle of beer and the doorbell went, I assumed it was Rose, she said she was coming too so I opened it and wasn't Rose It was some blonde with penciled on eyebrows. She was checking her nails and looking rather bored and looked me up and down.

'Is Edward here?' She asked while chewing on gum.

'Yeah, you are?' I retorted.

'I'm Angel where is he?' She didnt wanna be getting snappy with me.

'Well _Angel_, hes busy, you might want to make an appointment' I pushed past me into the foyer, I turned to see Edward standing in the doorway of the kitchen looking rather flustered.'

Come on in why don't you?' I muttered sarcastically

'Angel, hi' he said while looking past her towards me.

'What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting tomorrow?'

'I know baby but I missed you and thought I would stop by to see you' She had a really horrible nasally voice that would really quickly get on my nerves. She was so... bleugh. Her spray tan kinda made her the same shade as a tangerine. _Oi Angel, the oompa loompa's called... they want their war paint back_.

Her hair was so blonde it was bordering on did have a nice figure with legs that went on forever but those were clearly _not_ real breasts! I don't know why but I started feeling really..... aggrevated, like I wanted to launch myself at her and rip out her cheap tacky hair extenstions.

I have never felt so much hatred for a person I don't even know before I was shocked at my reactions.I slammed the door shut and looked over at Edward who was clearly uncomfortable with the public display of affection being shown by Angel. Who names a child Angel? Yuk.

I just rolled my eyes and headed towards the games room and sat down with a sigh.

'Why so blue bella? Alice asked me while playing with my hair.

What the hell did I say? 'I just saw Edward and his new tramp of a girlfriend together and I wanted to beat her with my high heels?' _No, that wouldn't go down too well. _

_S_he would know then how I felt about him.

'I'm just... ahh, I don't know Alice I don't feel too well, I might just have an early night' Her smile fell and she grabbed onto my wrist.'

No, you did not get all dressed up to spend the night alone, your staying!' _Consider yourself told Bella_.

She really was rather scary when she was angry.

'Yes, but Alice...........' Just as I was about to carry on when in walked Edward with her attached to him.

'Room for one more?' He nervously asked rubbing the back of his neck.

Alice looked at me with her mouth open in shock.

'Bella, I had no idea, I swear' She whispered.

'Its fine, but I can't sit here all night watching _that_ Alice' She just rubbed my arm and told me don't worry.

'Sure, pull up a chair' Jasper added still looking into his dvd cabinet.

I wasnt sure where Emmett and Jake had got to but I was pretty sure food had something to do with it.

I just wanted to hit something or someone.. maybe I could throw Alice at Angel?, I'm sure she could do a lot of damage when aimed correctly.

All the feelings I felt when I was 16 came rushing back, seeing Edward with another girl crushed me, It left me feeling sick and weak. I hated that he had such an impression on me and really he had no clue. The strange sensation in my chest was taking over me, I had to get out of there.

I looked over at Edward who was looking rather out of sorts with Angel sat on his lap. She was sucking at his neck and running her nails down his chest. Even her nails were stuck on. Was nothing about this broad real? What the hell was Edward thinking? He looked up and we locked eyes, he just quirked his head and the corner of his mouth turned up like he could read my mind and knew what I was thinking about. He had to see what he was doing to me, and he seemed to be enjoying it.

'Bella, will you come with me to the little girls room please?' Alice asked bringing me out of my plans to choke Angel with her extentions.

'Sure' I replied standing up and leaving the room.

'God, what is that thing attached to Edward?" She gushed as we headed towards the bathroom.

'I know right, what a total beast' I said with no emotion in my voice.

'Your jealous'Alice said while looking in the mirror and messing with her hair.

'I so am not'I snapped.

'Please Bella, how can you be so blind? You totally have feelings for him.'

Right now the only feelings I had were ones of total annoyance that he was bringing random floozies into my fathers home... Thats my story and I'm sticking to it!

'Bella, you like him don't you? Alice grinned at me.

She could see straight through me and my lies. I threw my hands up in the air and leaned against the counter. 'Yes, ok. I like him. Are you happy now? I've admitted it. I fancy the pants off Edward' I sighed.

'Alrighty then, we need to get to work' She said while nodding her head.

'Er Alice, Im not sure if you saw the mutant currently attached to him? There is no work to be done,its over! He's already taken.' I really was upset. I had just assumed he was still with Tanya, who looked like a princess compared to I found out he was single I had gotten so excited but now my hopes were crushed. Even though I knew we couldn't be together I didn't want to see him with anyone else either.

_Yes, I know selfish right?_

'We need to get to work on getting rid of Angel.'I saw a mischevious look spread on Alice's face I didn't know whether to laugh at it or run screaming.'Are you in?' She asked

'Sure, why the hell not' I responded.

I dont know what the hell she had up her sleeve but I'm sure it probably wasn't anything good.I could see it would be a disaster but hell, I didn't care. This was gonna be too much fun to pass up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey there my lovelies! Anyone still there?? Anyone?**

**Alrighty then, I hope your liking this so far. This chapter was really fun to write. I hope it comes across as funny.**

**Thanks again to the wonderful Magenta for constantly putting up with my harassment! I love ya bird!**

**So here is the next chapter, I hope you like.**

**As always, I own nothing. **

Alice scared me. She looked so angelic yet she was so devious at the same time.

I had no idea what she had up her sleeve she scheeming little devil she was but I could imagine we would get ourselves into a serious amount of trouble!

_I was more than totally up for it_.

I wanted that fake bimbo gone more than anything and this was the perfect way plus imagine how much fun we would have trying?

So I told Alice that we would think about what needed to be done and brainstorm together in the morning.

We headed back to watch the movie and even though the lights were out and she couldn't see me I shot daggers at Angel all night.

Jasper had chosen Fight Club with Brad Pitt. I hadn't seen it in a long time but It was one of my favorites. I wasn't really paying much attention to it though, my thoughs were else where.

I guess I knew now where Edward had been lately. I knew he had been out so my guess was he was with her.

She was so vapid and nasty I didn't see what he saw in her. The women he brought home previously had at least been attractive, and had more than 1 brain cell. Tanya was a serious bitch to me but she was pretty, she knew it though and that to me was really unattractive. I had no idea why she was so mean to me but I usually just said something equally as shitty back to her, maybe she saw me as a threat? Which was kinda funny considering that Edward didn't give me so much as a second glance back then. I eventually came to the conclusion that she was naturally a bitch and couldn't help looking like she was chewing on a wasp. She had a permanent scowl on her face when I was around. Stupid twat.

He was such a gorgeous looking creature he could do so much better than Angel, to me she looked like a drag queen.. but I was insanely jealous so chances are I was only seeing the ugly in her... which to me was a _lot!_

When the movie ended I looked at Alice who was cuddled up with Jas. They really did look happy together. He clearly adored her, and throughout the entire movie he didnt take his hands off her. My brother was in love and that made me so happy. Emmett was really happy with Rosalie too, they were so different yet fit together so well. If im being completely honest I was jealous, I would love to find someone like that.

The only person I had ever had strong feelings towards was Edward and that was when I was a teenager. It was a silly little crush but it was the _only_ crush I had ever had. No one had ever captivated me the way he did, except for maybe Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.

Even when I got with... James... I never felt much, there was no spark. Sure he was attractive but I didn't feel for him an ounce of what I felt for Edward and I felt bad for that. That was the main reason I broke up with him. I didn't want to be with someone I only had luke warm feelings for. It wasn't fair on either of us.

I wanted Edward but he never noticed me, so when James came along and starting giving me the attention that Edward didn't I lapped it up.

I was with him as an act of rebellion, I know that now. But at the time he was different, he broke the mold and I liked that, it didn't matter that I wasn't attracted to him, what mattered was seeing what life _could_ be like. I wanted a change, some adventure and I thought I could experience that with him.

It was only when I got with him that Edward did start paying attention, but it wasn't the kind I wanted.

He would tell me I was being wreckless and to stop seeing James before he got me into serious had never said anything like that before and deep down I was convinced that meant he cared for me.I'm sure on some level he actually did but it wasn't the type I craved so desperatly.

I told him I didn't care what other people thought and told him to stay out of my business. Even when Jesssica told me she had heard James was bad news I kept seeing him. I knew he drank, I knew he had a bad reputation and I was pretty sure he had done drugs too but he was fun. There was no harm in that right?

_Wrong... very very wrong!_

I looked up to see Edward looking at me over the top of Angels head, his brows were furrowed like he was concentrating hard on something. When he saw me looking he gave me a smile. I smiled back and put my head down to hide my blush. It didn't matter it was a dark room, my blush was illuminous and very embarrasing.

Alice yawned and stood up and turned the lights on, she told me she would see me in the morning for coffee and reached down to give me a hug.

Jasper said he was going to drive her home and they left with Jake, they would drop him off at the reservation on the way to Alice's house.

Emmett said he was gonna go call Rosalie and go for a shower. She got stuck at work so she couldn't come over. She was a nurse over in Port Angeles and as someone had called in sick she had to cover.

I kissed him goodnight and off he went.

Angel was still attached to Edward, he had attempted twice to get up but she had just clung onto him like a leech.

I rolled my eyes and stood up I needed to get out of these clothes and get the hair spray out of my hair. I really liked getting dressed up, it was fun. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time. It was a shame Rosalie couldn't have been here. I didn't know her as well as I knew Alice but she seemed like a nice person and despite our differences at first she had been nothing but considerate towards me. She would have something to say about the 'beast' that's for sure.

Edward managed to detangle himself from Angel and stood up. She was whinging about him being comfy and pouted at him. Did she think that looked sexy? It so was not, she looked like a trout!

'Um goodnight guys, nice to meet you... Angel' I said as I headed towards the door.I didn't really want to be nice to her but I didn't want Edward knowing I was jealous and acting like a bitch.

Angel just turned to look at me, her upper lip raised into almost a snarl.

'Yeah, whatever' she replied with a wave of her hand, like she was dismissing me. I'm sorry, _whose_ house is this?

I looked from her to Edward who was giving me an apologetic look.

'Good night Bella, see you tomorrow?' He asked.

'Sure' I replied and left the room.

I showered dried my hair and climbed into bed. I tried to sleep but my mind seemed to want to have a conversation with itsself.

I was annoyed that I felt so envious of Angel. Edward wasn't mine, he never was and most likely never will be. I felt such strong feelings of hate for a person that didn't deserve it. Yes, she was faker than Pamela Andersons breasts,had the personality of a plank of wood and her attitude was worse than a hormonal teenage girl but that didn't mean she deserved what Alice and I were going to do to her.

I decided to tell Alice that it wasn't going to happen. If she was as horrible as we thought then sooner or later Edward would see it and end things for himself. Who were we to interfere? As much as I liked the thought of making her life miserable I just couldn't do it.

I eventually fell asleep even if it was for a few hours. I kept waking through the night.

I could have sworn that I saw Edward in my bedroom at around 2am that morning but as I was half asleep I had just thought I was dreaming about him.

It was quite common for him to appear in my dreams... Lame I know but I couldn't help it.

I woke every few hours and finally at 7 am I had had enough of tossing and turning and decided to get up and go for a run.

I threw on a pair of track suit bottoms, a vest top and a hoodie grabbed my trainers and my mp3 player and headed downstairs trying not to wake anyone.

I stepped out of the back door onto the decking. Despite it being early it wasn't that cold. Sure it was October but it was still mild compared to London.

It was drizzling but that wasn't really much of a surprise, it rained here like 89% of the time.

I put my ear buds in and cranked up Flyleaf's Arise and jogged down towards the end of the garden and into the woods. There was nothing like raging music blasting in your ears first thing in the morning to wake a person up!

I hadn't ran for ages so I didn't want to end up with cramp so I just took it easy and tried not to trip over anything, If I fell out here known my luck I would probably get eaten by a bear.. or something equally as hungry. _Did we even have bears up here? _Ahh well, I wasn't prepared to take the chance so I was careful.

I ran for about 35 minutes before I realised I was seriously unfit and would probably have a heart attack if I didn't go home now. I was wheezing like a 90 year old chain smoker and breathing lik e a dirty phone call, plus I was starving and needed something to eat. _Christ, I sound like Emmett!_

I jogged back to the house and thought if everyone was still asleep then I would make them breakfast. It had been a long time since I had made anything. I decided on a traditional English breakfast for them all. Eggs, bacon the works.

I got to the back door and was pretty much soaked through, it was a fine misty rain but I was drenched. I took my shoes off and opened the back door to the smell of bacon. Damn, someone had already beaten me to cooking.

It was only 8.30 at this point so I wondered which of the boys was up first.

I went through the living room, out into the foyer and turned into the kitchen. My mouth was watering, I really was starving. I could make breakfast tomorrow that wasn't a problem and don't they say that food always tastes better when someone else cooks it?

I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks and if possible my jaw would have hit the floor. Standing at the cooker singing away to the radio was Angel.. in one _my_ fucking nighties.

She didnt even notice me standing there gaping like a fish at her.

I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna wring his gorgeous neck I thought as I turned and marched up the stairs towards Edwards bedroom. I had never been in there before but that wasn't going to stop me.

I slammed open the door, banging it violently against whatever was behind.

'Edward Cullen, you wake your sorry ass up _now_' I shouted as I ripped the bed clothes off him.

'What the fuck?' He shreaked his voice thick with sleep.

He tried to grab back the covers but I held on tight and stepped back away from him.

' I am cold, wet, aching and seriously pissed off Edward get up out of that bed before I drag youout and explain why your tramp is wearing my fucking clothes'

Any other time he probably would have come up with something witty to say right about now but as I had just burst into his room and woken him up he only looked bewildered and sexy.

He was nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

'Ah, that'He said with a small laugh.

'Yes, _that_' I snapped while standing there with one hand on my hip and the other holding onto Edward's duvet. I was trying so damn hard not to let his incredible smell affect me. He smelt so fucking manly.

'Er well she didn't want to go home last night so she asked if she could crash here. She had nothing to wear so I went into your room and grabbed something from your drawers, I'm sorry but she just wouldn't shut up. Apparently my clothes make her itch'

'You could have asked me' I said as I threw his duvet back at him.

As much I was enjoying looking at Edward squirm in just a pair of boxers I wasn't in the mood to eye him up.I wanted to be angry at him, and I was having a hard time staying mad while his abs were on show.

'You were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you. Which reminds me, do you know you talk in your sleep?'He smiled up at me.

'Thank you' I snapped. ' I am aware of that yes'

'You know, you said some pretty interesting stuff' He sat up and rested on his elbows with those gorgeous shoulders on display. I really wanted to lick his collar bones.

'Don't change the subject Cullen, I'm serious don't do it again. I don't give a shit who your fucking this week but do _not_ let her wear my clothes ok, what did I say about hoochie germs?'

'Fine, I'm sorry' He said 'Can I go back to sleep now?'

What no retort about the hoochies? wow, he must be really tired not to have picked up on that.

'Whatever, oh shes making breakfast by the way, don't think any of us will be cleaning up after her, make sure she does it ok?'

'Oh, shes still here?' He asked looking nervous again.

'Obviously she couldn't get enough of you' I laughed. God, I was so jealous I wanted to poke her eyes out.

'Well, who can resist such gorgeousness' He motioned towards his body and laughed.

_Yes, who indeed._

'Ok, see you later, and sorry for the wake up call' I said and went to leave.

'Oh Bella. I just wanted to say, you looked really good last night' I blushed so hard I thought my face might explode.

'Uh, thanks' I said as I left the room. I slammed the door and ran back up to my room to grab my cell phone.

The phone rang 4 times and then Alice picked up.

'Good morning sunshine' she sang. She was seriously too happy this time of the day.

'Alice, we need to meet to put the plan into action.... that bitch is going down'

She laughed at me and told me to meet her in an hour in the lodge cafe in town.

I showered , changed and headed out of the front door, ignoring the beast in the kitchen and got into my car.

Thankfully my dad had relaxed one of his insane conditions. I didnt have to tell Edward where I was every second of the day as long as I didn't go off on my own. He was still worried that I would get attacked again. I assured him it wouldn't happen again, but most of the time I didn't out alone just in case he was proved right. But this time it was an emergency and I was meeting Alice so it wasnt like I was going to be alone for long.

Alice's bright yellow beetle was already parked up in the lodge when I pulled in.

I locked the car and headed in to meet her. I was seriously starving, but I wasn't about to eat whatever Angel was making. Just to prove a point really. Ok, I was being really childish but I don't care.

Alice smiled at me and I sat down in front of her.

'Whats up Bella?' She asked as I took my seat and grabbed the menu.

'You are not going to believe who was in my kitchen cooking breakfast this morning' I said.

The waitress came over and asked what we wanted. I ordered french toast and coffee and Alice ordered just a coffee. Apparantly she was watching her , I needed food and now.

'Well, it can't have been Jassy as he can't cook - he could burn water if he had the chance' She giggled at the thought. It was true he was a terrible cook.

'No, it wasn't Jas, it was that monstrosity Angel'

Alice gasped and put her hand over her mouth. 'No, way. She stayed over?'

'Yep, and get this.... she _demanded_ that Edward sneak into my room last night for something to wear. She said that his clothes make her itch. So she was strutting her stuff in the kitchen this morning in _my_ clothes'

'No fucking way' Alice gasped.

'Way' I replied. 'I actually considered calling this whole thing off, I didn't think she deserved it but now I so totally do. So come on, what do you have up your sleeve?"

We were interupted again by the waitress bringing us our breakfasts. I tucked into my french toast while Alice sat there thinking.

'Well, how about we dye that platinum hair of hers bright orange?' She said.

'Yeah, good plan but how do we do that without her noticing?'

'We could put food colouring in her shampoo?' I almost spat my food out, that was an awesome idea. Although how we were going to get the dye in there would be tricky.

'I love it Alice thats so.. sneaky' She had the biggest grin on her face ever.

'Wait, wait, I have a few more. We could put laxitives in her coffee so shes got a serious case of explosive shitting all day?'

Again I laughed out loud at this, I loved it.

'Alice, your so devious. Does Rose know what we are doing?'

'Actually shes meeting us here in a bit so we can fill her in, I'm sure she has something equally as horrible up her sleeve.'

I thoughtfully sipped on my coffee imagining her face when she realised her blonde hair had been dyed a hideous patchy shade of orange or something.

_Yes, I would enjoy this._

'Ok, this is going to be so much fun, but the guys can't find out'

'That goes without saying' Alice replied.

We sat in silence for maybe 5 minutes when suddenly I had an idea. I was so excited and loud that Alice sent the rest of her coffee flying in shock.

'I've got it, we could put her phone number somewhere so she gets like horny old men calling her all the time' Oh I could be just as devious.

'I like it, but next time you have a brain wave please give me some warning, I really don't want to wear my coffee' I laughed and said I was sorry.

Rosalie arrived maybe 10 minutes later.

'Morning girls, wow Bella you look like shit' I raised an eye brow and stuck my middle finger up at her. She just laughed and clicked her fingers at the waitress. If anyone else had done that they would have been ignored or thrown out but Rose was someone people didn't mess with.

_No one happened to mention that to me before I went all psycho bitch on her._

'So, Edward brought a girl to movie night last night Rose' Alice said.

'Emmett did tell me, quite the 'looker' too I hear' She snorted.

'Yeah, I got Bella all dressed up to look good for Edward and it was ruined so we have decided to pay her back and make her life miserable. Are you in?'

'Sure, why not. I haven't felt the need to mess with someone since Lauren.' Rosalie said.

We replayed the events from the night before and Rose sat there taking them all in, nodding when she needed to.

After telling her everything she finally agreed that something needed to be done.

'So, what do you have so far?" She asked.

We told her our ideas for 'Operation byebye skankzilla'. She howled with laughter when we told her the name.

_I thought it was rather witty. hehe._

'They are ok to start off with but they are slightly juvinile. If your serious about getting rid of her we need to crank up the crazy a do know Edward will go mad if he finds out right? Oh and thank you for finally admitting you like him even if he is a serious pain in the ass, I was wondering how long it would take you to 'fess up.'

'Thank you for that, and yeah I know hes gonna go mad' I replied 'so I wanna keep this between us please?'

'Sure thing' Rosalie replied.

'So, girls, when can we start?

We all looked between each other and smiled, I was so looking forward to this. Angel would get what she deserved and we got to do some girlie bonding at the same time.

About a week later we were about to put 'Operation byebye Skankzilla' into motion, we had thought about asking her to come with us to a spa so we could do something to her hair then but we knew there was a chance she woulnd't come or end up blaming the spa for ruining her hair so we decided against that and the idea of spending any m ore time with her than nessesary was frightening, so the next idea was to pretty much force her to shower so we could mess her hair up.

Alice came up with the idea of accidently dumping something on her head,so she would be forced to run upstairs and shower off.

On Thursday that week we invited everyone over for dinner. Alice was making Pasta Arrabiata and had planned to trip with her plate and poor Angel would end up wearing it. It was so horrible and childish yet made me laugh so much. The thought of seeing Angel in that state was too good an opportunity to pass up. Alice was totally in her element, she was so good at being bad.

I walked into the kitchen at 5pm to find Alice going crazy with chilli peppers and garlic.

'Whooaa Alice we are gonna stink after eating this' I said with a laugh.

'Bells, we aren't meant to be eating it we are meant to be humiliating Angel with it'

'Good point, so you don't think this will be humiliating enough for her without us colouring her hair too?'

'Bella, your not wussing out on us now are you? After all the hard work we have put into this, the hours of preperation'

'NO, no. I'm not I just kinda feel bad'

'Well man up and quit being such a whiny bitch, its happening end of, Rose is in the bathroom opposite Edwards bedroom now removing all the shampoo now and replacing it with the hair dye'

'WHAT? I thought we were using food colouring Alice?'

'Nah, its more fun this way don't you think? And besides its semi permanent' _Oh this was not a good idea, it would be highly amusing that was for sure but I could see this was going to be a disaster._

I left Alice to her cooking at went upstairs to get changed and prepared for the night.

I came down at about 7.30 to find that everyone had already arrived.

Rose was smirking at me when I came into the room and nodded her head ever so slightly. No one noticed it but I knew she meant we were good to go.

We had seated Angel closet the door to the dining room so Alice could 'trip' and throw the bowl of food everywhere.

But when we all went to sit down Angel insisted that Edward sit by the door as it was drafty. Alice beckoned me and Rose into the kitchen in a panic.

'What do I do? If I throw this now its gonna go all over Edward'

'Collateral damage' Rose simply stated with the wave of her hand.

'What? I can't cover Edward in this too'

'Sure you can' I stated.' Think of it as payback for sneaking into my room last week' I sniggered and thought how Edward would look also covered in food, It made me laugh so hard I thought I would pass out from lack of oxygen.

Rose and I took our places at the table, She was sat next to me opposite Angel so we could see the state of her easily.

I heard the clinking of Alices heels on the tiled kitchen floor and tried to stop myself laughing. I couldn't help it. Rose elbowed me in the ribs a few times to get me to shut up. Luckily no one else noticed, I don't think.

I looked up to see Alice enter the room carrying a huge glass bowl of Pasta Arrabiata. She smiled as she walked in and then 'tripped' over the bottom of her trousers. It all happened in slow motion, she squeeled and everyone turned to face her, Edwards face went from a smile to a look of horror as red sauce and pasta went flying everywhere. The bowl landed on the table with a thud and the pasta landed on both Angel, Edward,the table and the floor.

I clasped my hand over my mouth to stop me from laughing.

Angel stood up and screamed. Edward looked equally as shocked and just glanced around the table. I couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing. Alice who was apologising profusely also started laughing followed by everyone else at the table. Edward also had a smile on his face but Angel was seething. She was beyond angry.

Rose suggested to Edward that he take Angel up for a shower while we got the mess all cleaned up. I even offered to let her wear something of mine just so she had something to wear. _See, I can be nice...._

Emmett was moaning that he was looking forward to dinner and was starving. so he said he was calling for pizza. Even Jasper had a smile on his face at what had happened.

Angel was shreaking that her dress was ruined and Edward ushered her up the stairs towards the bathroom.

'Oh my god Alice, you klutz. That was hilarious' I laughed.

'Yeah Alice, since when did you wear trousers that were too long for you so you would fall over them?' Jasper asked.

_Uhoh, he was suspicious._

'Actually we just bought them yesterday I didn't have time to take them up yet' Alice said in her matter of fact voice.

'I see' He replied.

Emmett got up and went to order the pizza and Rose, Alice and I went to work at cleaning up the mess in the dining room. It was one hell of a throw there really was pasta everywhere. Jasper wandered off and left us to it.

'That was fantastic Alice, I thought I was gonna throw up from laughing too much' I snorted.

'It was classic' Rose agreed.

'Did you see her face? She was so pissed'

'Imagine how pissed she will be when she see's the colour of her hair' Rose burst out laughing again.

We finished cleaning up and washed up the dishes, the pizzas arrived and Emmett almost died when he heard we were waiting for Edward and Angel before we could start eating.

About twenty minutes later we heard a god awful blood curdling scream. Angel was screaming and shouting. Edward too was shouting, shit it sounded like world war 3 had broken out up there. I kinda hoped she would blame him and then they would break up.

She came down the stairs shouting ' I don't care if you can fix it Edward I look like crusty the fucking clown'

'Angel, I swear I didn't know. Do you think I would have used it too if I had known?' Edward shouted back.

_He used it too? Huh?_

I looked at Rose who looked at Alice, all 3 of us darted to the kitchen door and stuck our heads round to see what was going on.

Angel came storming down the stairs with patchy green hair that was sticking up in all directions. Edward was hot on her heels, his face was contorted and full of rage._Uh oh._

He too had green bits in his hair, obviously not as noticable as Angel's. It had run down the side of his face and neck too. She stormed out the door in the same pasta covered clothes.

'_Green?_' I hissed at Rosalie

'That's all I could find, now shut up I'm trying to listen' She whispered back

Edward stopped at the door, put his hands on his hips and looked down. I heard him exhale from where we were.

I looked over at Alice who was trying so hard to hold in the laughter. He must have heard as Edward turned his head to where we were.

He tilted his head to the side and marched towards the kitchen. At the top of his voice he shouted 'BELLA, what did you do?'

_ME? why was this my fault? Oh crap, he was pissed. _

I grabbed both Alice and Rose and we bolted towards the back door in the kitchen.

That was one extremely unhappy Cullen, I was in serious trouble.


	12. Chapter 12

We bolted out of the back door like bats out of hell. I never really understood that expression until now, but I had an incredibly pissed off Cullen on my tail so I was legging it out that door faster than my feet could carry me.

I luckily had the sense not to wear high heels to dinner, not that I could have forseen this, they are comfier and seriously helped in the fleeing from Edward department.

Alice and Rose tottered behind me shouting for me to slow down. Not a fucking chance, Edward was gunning for me, I found it highly hilarious but the look on his face said he wasn't impressed. So I wasn't about to stick around to find out just how fucked off he was.

Technically it wasn't even my fault. Alice had 'tripped' sending the dinner everywhere and Rose had switched the shampoo. I just sat back and watched the events take place.

I made it down the steps, onto the concrete patio and across the grass, where the hell I was running to I don't know but I kept going.

I turned to see Rose and Alice still behind me, Edward was no where to be seen though. _Thank god_

I turned and carried on running but the wind was knocked out of me by what felt like a fucking brick wall. I hit the floor with such force I thought the grass would have a Bella shaped impression in it when I got up.

I was flipped over by a seriously pissed off Edward. The shit head had rugby tackled me to the floor.

He grabbed my arms and roughly shoved them above my head, gripping my wrists tightly.

He was sat completely on top of me and was leaning down over me, I couldn't breathe let alone move.

'Edward what the fuck? Get off me' I said while trying to wiggle my way out from underneath him.

'Bella, WHAT did you do?' He fumed while looking down on me through his thick lashes.

'I didn't do anything, now get the fuck off me' I shouted back.

'My hair is green Bella, _green, _I know you had something to do with this, I saw the guilt written all over your face as you ran from me.' I could see the green hints in his hair and giggled at him which seemed to piss him off even more.

I tried to pull my hands free but he just pushed them further into the ground.

'Edward your hurting me, let me get up' I pleaded still trying to hold in my laughter. I was very _very_ aware that Edward was straddling me, I was enjoying this immensely.

'Not until I get my answer. I saw you laughing before Alice even tripped now tell me what the fuck happened'.

I was pretty sure what happened was kinda self explanatory and at the thought of Alice throwing food everywhere again I burst into fits of giggles, so hard that I was snorting. _Wow, how attractive am I?_

Alice and Rose finally got to where I was lying on the ground, Rose was whining that she had probably ruined her heels and someone was about to pay.

'Edward what are you doing? Get off her' Alice said while bending over with her hands on her knees

'You three, have a lot of explaining to do. Someone is going to tell me what the fuck just happened in there and why Angel has green hair.'

Alice and Rose cracked up laughing again, I seriously thought I was about to die I could hardly breathe. This situation was so hilarious yet so stupid. I really hadn't meant Edward to get caught in my childish little vendetta but now that he had it was very entertaining. Of course he didn't see it this way which was why he was looking daggers at me.

I tried to roll onto my side and throw him off me but he was so much bigger than me so it didn't just pinned me down even harder.

'Come on Eddie, it was just a bit of fun' Rosalie said.

'Shit, I'm so unfit guys' Alice huffed.

'Fun? You call _that_ fun?' He let go of my hand and pointed towards the house, I used this opportunity to sit up, he quickly realised what he had done and moved to grab my hand, we both moved towards each other and cracked heads.

'Ow, fuck' Edward shouted while holding the top of his nose.

I scrambled up while he was momentarily blinded and high tailed it back towards the house.

Shit he had a hard head! My forehead was broken in like 12 places and now I had a killer headache._Yes, I'm aware I'm being dramatic._

I ran to the stairs and took them 3 at a time, I made it to my bedroom and slammed the door. I leaned against it and took heavy breathes. I was seriously not made for running, I was so out of breathe.

Edward was not a happy camper, I knew this would end badly, I didn't however expect that I would get the sole blame for it.

But man, that was a rush. I hadn't had that much entertainment in a very long time. Not since Emmett and Jasper put superglue on the toilet seat when I was 13 and my dad had gotten his backside glued to it. He was cursing for days. Neither of the boys admitted which one was responsible so to get the right one my dad punished them both.

Edward was never going to talk to me again. I should never have gotten involved but it was too hilarious to pass up.

I decided to go back down stairs to face the music, It wasn't fair to let Rose and Alice take the rap for it, Yes they executed it but I was as much as involved as they were.

I found Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose in the living room giggling to each other.

'Hey guys, I'm sorry for running off and leaving you to deal with that. Edward was so pissed,' I said as I sat down on one of the sofas.

'No worries Bells, he'll see the funny side and maybe even thank us for it ..... eventually' Alice started giggling again which made me smile.

'It was pretty funny right?' I asked.

Jasper and Emmett agreed that it was amusing but that we should stay out of Edwards way for a while.

'Bella, you have nothing to worry about. I told him it was me' Rose added while flipping her gorgeous hair.

'Rose, you didn't have to do that' I insisted.

'Well, it was me, you didn't switch the shampoo with hair dye, I dont think he believed me though.

'I knew something was going on when I saw Alice's trousers, there is no way in hell she would wear something so long' Jasper added.

He looked at me and smiled. We had been getting on so much better lately. There had even been actual conversations between us. I understood how upset he was that I had just left considering how close we once were. He had told me he felt like he had lost his best friend as well as his sister and that really upset me. I assured him I would never do anything so stupid again and we hugged. Since then he had been much more civl with me.

'Theres still some pizza Bells' Emmett said 'Go grab some before I eat it all'

'Will do, thank you' I grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box on the counter and ate it while thinking about how I was going to explain things to Edward. It was all in good fun, I hoped he saw that. I didn't want him to think I was completely insane and convince my father to put in a nut house.

I thought I had better go clean up the bathroom, there was a chance it was still covered in hair dye and if my father saw that when he came home from work he would have a fit. He used his en suite most of the time anyway but if that stained and he saw it he would pitch a huge fit.

I told everyone I would see them tomorrow morning and headed back upstairs.

It took me the best part of an hour to clean up all the mess but when it was done it was as good as new. I threw the offending shampoo bottle away just in case it was used again.

As I left I looked up at Edward's door which was closed. I had better appologise for ruining dinner and .. well.. Angel.

I knocked but there was no answer so I just assumed he was ignoring me and went back up to my bedroom.

I didn't sleep well that night. I actually felt really bad about what we had done to both Angel and though it was really fun I actually felt bad.

I would apologise when I next saw either of them.

The following few days were uneventful. I didn't see anything of Edward to apologise. My father even got wind of what happened and even though he found it somewhat amusing he told me that we should all make ammends.

_At least he didn't blame just me._

I spent the days wandering around the big old house twiddling my thumbs while everyone else was out working.

Emmett had a job with my dad in his law firm and Jasper had his own business as an accountant.

With everyone out or avoiding me I was bored. I really wanted to get a job so I decided to call my dad at work to find out what he thought.

After 3 rings someone picked up.

'Charlie Swan's office how may I help you?' A very chirpy woman's voice said.

'Hi, I was wondering if I might speak to Mr Swan please?' I asked almost as cheerfully.

'Who may I ask is calling?' She responded

'It's his daughter Bella'

'Oh of course, one moment please Ill just see if he's available' She said.

She placed me on hold and I sat on the arm of the sofa.

I heard tyres on the gravel outside and dashed to the living room door so I could peek out the windows next to the front door. Shit, It was Edwards car.

He got out looking all gorgeous. Oh the things I wanted to do to that man.

I darted back in the living room so he didn't see me spying on him and sat back on the sofa.

My dad finally picked up and said 'Hey sweetie, everything OK?'

'I'm good dad, I just wanted to run something past you' I said as Edward came through the front door.

'Ok, shoot' my dad said.

'Well, you know how everyone is out during the day? I'm getting bored of being on my own all day. I was wondering if you had any objections to me getting a part time job or something' I hoped he would say yes as I was going stir crazy in the house.

Edward hadn't come in the room, he had gone straight upstairs. I was a little bit disapointed that he hadn't come to speak to me but just put it down to him being polite with me being on the phone and all.

'Bella, thats a wonderful idea, it would certainly give you something to do, what sort of things would you be intersted in doing?"

'I have no idea, anything. Just as long as I get out of here for a few hours a day'

'Well, how about working at my office? We have a position available for a receptionist as the current one decided to leave after having a baby. My secretary was going to advertise the position this week sometime'.

'Really? That's perfect'

'Alright, I'll speak to her and get the details. I can't imagine it would be anything more than answering the phone, copying paperwork, making appointments that sort of thing'

'Thank you Daddy, I'll see you tonight ok?'

'Sure, be good'

I rolled my eyes, of course I would be good. _Wasn't I always?_

We said goodbye and I hung up.

Edward was coming down the stairs as I came out of the room. I stopped and looked up at him.

'Hey' I smiled.

'Hey yourself' he replied.

'Edward, I'm really sorry about last week. It seriously was only meant as a bit of fun, I had no idea things would get so out of hand' Ok that was a lie, it happened exactly as we planned but I had no intention of making things worse by admitting that.

His hair still had a faint green tinge to it but it wasn't very noticable which was really good as I loved his hair.

'Bella, its fine. Rose explained it was all her doing. Don't worry about it.

'I really am sorry Edward' I said sincerely 'Hows Angel?'

'Yeah, she's ok, I haven't really seen much of her, she thinks I was in on the whole prank and is kinda pissed at me' Shit as much as I really wanted to feel bad I just couldn't. I really was warped.

'Listen Im heading over to my parents house for a while, do you want to come?'

'Oh, I don't know, I wouldn't want to be in the way.'

'It's fine, your more than welcome to come' He replied.

'Thank you. I really had nothing to do anyway'

He led me out to the car in the driveway and opened my door. Ever the gentleman.

Since I had realised I still wanted him, I didn't have a clue how to act around him. I was usually such a bitch to him but it just didn't feel right to be so mean to him when all I wanted to do was suck his face off.

He got into the car and turned on the radio. I remembered the rule from last time, no touching the radio and no putting my feet on the seat.

I was actually really looking forward to spending some time with him away from everyone else, although I hadn't got a clue what we would even say to each other.

'You didn't have to do this Edward, thank you' I said while staring at the side of his head. Even his ears were pretty. _Oh dear lord I had it bad, I sounded so ridiculous._

'No worries Stink' He smiled. ' I was heading over there anyway, and at least if I keep an eye on you I know your not getting into any trouble'

I knew he was joking so I smiled with him. We drove the rest of the way to the Cullens in a comfortable silence. I kept trying to sneak looks at him while he wasn't paying attention but he caught me a few times so before I died of shame I stopped.

The Cullen house was immense. It was one of the bigger houses in the area. It was gorgeous and looked like a mansion. I was always jealous of Edward for having such a stunning house when we were younger. Despite that though he was constantly at our house. His parents were always working so it made sense that when they weren't there he would come to ours. My dad always treated him like another son anyway so it wasn't like he was in the way at all.

We drove up the driveway and towards Edward's childhood home. From the outside the property didn't look too big but to me it always reminded me of somewhere a princess would live.

It had a very elegant stone exterior with huge windows, it really was stunning.

We got out of the car and Edward led me to the front door, I took my shoes off as I really didn't want to get the floor all dirty.

The foyer was beautiful, one wall had the same stone as the outside ones and the others were a bright cream colour which gave the impression that it was larger than what it was.

A giant black piano was sat off to the side of the room and a huge staircase off to the right of us which led to a magnificant balcony.

Even though I had been in here many times every time I was blown away. It was such an incredible place to be, I often wished I lived her when I was younger.

'Come on' Edward said taking my hand and leading me through a door to the kitchen. My stomach tightened at his touch, the way his hand felt in mine was just indescribable. Something so simple like holding my hand turned me into a whimpering mess.

Esme Cullen was one of the nicest most beautiful women I had ever met. If I could have chosen someone, anyone to be my mother I would have chosen her. When I had female problems as a younger woman she was the first person I called. She told me all about my periods and bought me my first bra. As my mother had died when I was so young I had no female influence in my life other than Jessica and her mother but she was always so busy with work, Jess and her sister I didn't want to add to her workload by dumping my problems on her was more than happy to help me, she had no daughters of her own and was over the moon when I asked her even if it was severely mortifying.

She was sat in the kitchen at the table reading a magazine when we entered.

She hadnt heard us coming and obviously was not expecting us as she shreaked with delight when she saw that we had come for a eyes lit up and the smile on her face was one of pure happiness.

I hadn't seen her since before Jessica died, I know she visited me while I was in the hospital but as I was in a medically induced coma I wasn't aware that she was there. I felt terrible knowing that I had left yet another person behind that cared for me so much.

She grabbed me and hugged me, she was around 5ft 5 with beautiful copper coloured hair, obviously that's where Edward got his colouring from, and had the warmest smile on the planet.

'Oh Bella, its so good to see you. I'm so glad you came for a visit' She gushed into my ear as she held me.

I hugged her back, I had missed her so much.

'Edward my boy, so what have I done to deserve a visit?' She patted Edward on the cheek and kissed him before heading over and putting the kettle on.

'Can't I just come and visit without their being a reason?' Edward said defensivly

'Of couse you can sweetheart, would you like something to eat or drink?'

'I'll just get some water if you don't mind please Esme' I said. I was still beaming. I hadn't expected to be so pleased to see her.

Edward grabbed us 2 bottles of water from the fridge and we drank in silence. It was nice, not awkward at all like one would have expected after not seeing her for almost 2 years.

'Come on Bells, lets go check out the house' Edward said 'That ok mom?'

'Sure honey, I gotta finish up your dads dinner and take it to the hospital anyway. Will you be here when I get back?'

'Maybe' Edward said while grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door before I even got a chance to say goodbye._Oh the hand holding again_.

We headed up the staircase and across the landing to Edwards bedroom.

'What are we doing here?' I asked.

'I just wanted to pick up some music and some books. I know my mom can be a bit overwhelming sometimes so I thought you might wanna come up here instead' he said while shrugging his shoulders.

'Esme is cool, I don't mind her.' I replied.

He smiled down at me and opened his bedroom door to me. I stepped inside and looked around. I had only been in here a few times when I was a child but it hadn't changed very much.

This room was the place of my fantasties. I often dreamt that he would bring me in here and kiss me but it never happened.

The only times I had been in here was an accident. The Cullens had had a halloween party when I was about 14, they went all out every year and decked the entire house out. It looked incredible but I got shit scared by a zombie that popped out of a coffin so I bolted up the stairs and into Edwards room.

He wasn't really into the whole Halloween thing even though his parents were so he was in his room on his bed reading when I burst in. I didn't even know whose bedroom it was I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Edward had looked at me like I was insane and asked what the hell I was doing in his room. I explained and he had let me spend the rest of the party locked away with him playing computer games and watching movies. It was officially the best night of my life, only him kissing me would have made that evening even more perfect.

The second time had been a dare from Jessica, I had to steal a pair of Edward's boxer shorts and bring them to school the following day. I had to scamper up some fucking trellis outside his window without making a noise or breaking my neck while Jess looked on from behind the garage. I did the dare, got his underpants but not before sniffing his pillow like the freak I was and high tailing it out of there before I was caught and arrested for tresspassing which would have been highly embarrasing as at the time my father was the police cheif, I can't imagine that would have gone down too well.

'Bella?' Edward asked.

'Huh?' I responded 'Sorry I was just remembering the last time I was in here, it seems like a life time ago'

'Yeah, I remember that. You were kind of a freak back then' He said while smiling at me and nudging me with his elbow.

'I so was not' I said as I swatted his arm.

His room was a typical boys room, he had posters of half naked women on one side of the room, and a huge tv on the other side hanging on the wall with shelves of dvds, video games and music on them.

We sat around for the next hour listening to music, lounging on his bed and giggling at the things we got up to in the past.

He told me he had found out from one of the boys at school about the underpant stealing did I not know that? I was completely horrified and told him it was a dare but he just laughed at me. _He wouldn't be laughing if he knew I still had them in a box under my bed would he_?

Despite the events from last week we were getting on better than we had ever done before, it was brilliant. I loved this side of him, and being around him made me forget why I feeling so down all the time. I was happier now than I had been in a long time and Edward had a lot to do with that. Granted it was also because I had my family back and had made some incredible friends in Alice and Rosalie but Edward played a huge part in why I smiled a lot more now.

A few hours later we went back downstairs with all the books and music Edward wanted to bring back home to find the house empty. Esme had gone over to the hospital and hadn't returned so Edward left her a note telling her we would be back in a few days and that he would call her later on.

I grabbed a load of books off the counter and grabbed my bag, Edward was armed with Cd's, Dvd's and video games.

We headed back to our house and I said goodbye to Edward. My dad had left a message telling me that the job was mine if I wanted it and could I come in the following afternoon for some training. I was so pleased, today had gone so well.

I had spent some quality time with Edward and Esme and managed to get a job - albeit with my dads help but it was a job none the less.

I headed upstairs with a smile on my face, I was going to email Angela and then get changed.

Edward had accepted my apology, I was mildy surprised that he didn't make me sweat it out or retaliate but I realised he was far too mature for something like that. Emmett on the other hand would have done something equally as horrible but not Edward, he was different.

I hopped in the shower after telling Angela how my day went and got my pyjamas on.

I really missed her and begged her almost to come out here so she could see just how much things had changed with me. I really wanted her to be a part of my happiness too. I headed downstairs and made myself a mug of hot chocolate.

My legs were itching like crazy but I just ignored it, I was in too much of a good mood to let anything spoil it.I had had a really hot shower so I just put the itching down to that.

Edward and Jasper were in the kitchen when I arrived.

'Hi guys' I smiled brightly.

Edward just nodded his head and had his dodgy looking smirk on his face.

I wondered what the hell that was about but carried on making my drink.I chatted to Jasper for a few minutes before he said he was heading over to Alice's and said good night to us both.

The backs of my legs up by my backside were itching like hell. I think my dad might have changed the washing powder. I tried to itch while Edward wasn't looking but it was no use, my backside was now itching too, it felt like my skin was on fire. I needed to scratch, or tear the skin off, I wasn't fussy.

I would have to leave the room, there was no way I could scratch that itch while in the same room as Edward. It would be beyond mortifying. Seeing me with my hand down my pants scratching my arse cheeks would not consitute as being sexy in the slightest.

I turned and saw him looking at me with a mischevious look in his eyes.

He smiled at me. 'Problem Bells'? He asked me sweetly as he stood up and walked towards me.

I backed up into the fridge and just stared at him, I couldn't even speak.

Edward was stood right in front of me with his body pressed to mine. He grabbed my arms and held them to my side so I couldn't itch and lent down so that his mouth was right next to my ear.

'Did you really think I was going to let you get away with dying my hair green Bella?" He whispered into my ear. His breathe tickled me and made me shiver. I gasped and he sniggered.

'Edward' I protested 'I told you I was sorry'

'Even so, I knew you had more to do with it than you let on so now we're even' He chuckled into my ear and pressed his head to mine. I thought I was about to flat line there and then, then he would have to give me mouth to mouth. _Ooooh Good idea Bella!_

And there was me thinking he wasn't childish enough to retaliate. That conniving shit head.

I tried to wriggle my hands free as by now the itching had become unbearable but he held me tighter. Had he gotten Rose and Alice back too? I would have to warn them.

'What did you do'? I asked while trying not to show him how much he was affecting me.

He leaned into me closer which at the time I didn't think was possible, my breathe hitched in my throat and I could feel the blush spreading from my neck up my face.

If my fucking fadge wasn't so itchy there was a chance I would be pretty turned on right now but along with my legs and my ass my lady parts were now starting to burn.

'I went through your underwear drawer just like you did mine, only I didn't take anything... I added a little something'

I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smirking. He brushed his nose up my cheek making me shudder again. He knew what he was doing, he wasn't stupid. He knew the impact he was making and he loved seeing me squirm.

If I wasn't held still there was a huge chance I would have pushed him to the floor and jumped his bones right here in the kitchen.

'What did you _do_ Edward?' I pleaded while trying to wriggle my hands free from his grasp.

'I put itching powder in your knicker drawer' He ran his lips across my ear as he laughed again causing goose bumps to break out all over my arms._Ooooh what a sound_.

I was speechless, literally I had nothing to say. There was a chance even if I did try to say something it would come out as garbled nonsense anyway so I figured it was best just to keep quiet and avoid any more embarrassment.

I was seriously turned on by what was happening but seriously pissed off at the same time. That sneaky, sly little bastard. _How the fuck had I not thought of doing that?_

Oh he was going to pay, I had no idea what I was going to do but I knew for sure that Edward Cullen was going to know _not_ to mess with me.


	13. Chapter 13

Edward Cullen loved his car. I mean like seriously _loved_ the damn , I think worship might be the correct word to use here.

Personally I thought it was a rather feminine car but I didn't dare say that with him around, there was a chance he would either keel over and have a heart attack or stick me in a head lock until I took it back.

It was a silver Volvo thing with tinted windows. Yeah ok so it was an attractive looking car but everytime he started yapping about it all I could hear was 'blah blah blahhhh'.

Cars bored me, they got me where I needed to go, I did _not_ need to know how big its engine was, how fast it went or what the friggin horsepower in it was. _What does that even mean?_ Ugh.

As long as mine worked I didn't care about much else. But Edward knew his car inside out. He washed it more than I washed my hair. I wouldn't be surprised if he had named it either.

So I decided after Edward had put itching power in my underwear and made me itch like I had crabs that he would pay. Revenge would not only be sweet but it would most certainly involve his pride and joy.

Not only did he leave me with a seriously itchy fadge he also turned me on so much with his whispering and pressing up against me that I could barely move for a few minutes after he left the kitchen. He knew the impact he had on me, well if he didn't, he was bound to know now. I'm pretty sure as he was whispering things in my ear that I moaned._ Yeah, I fucking moaned.... despite having crotch burn._

I vowed that I would get my revenge, but my lack of knowledge about cars would be a problem, I would need some outside help or I would have to spend hours on the internet trying to find the perfect plan.

After I told Alice on the phone what had happened in the kitchen she squeeled so loud I thought my ear drums would burst, she said she knew Edward had feelings for me and that she wanted to be maid of honour at the wedding.

I had to laugh at her enthusiam but convinced her that there would be no wedding and despite the affect he had on my nether regions the only thing I wanted was to make him suffer. What he did was all part of his plan, he wasn't attracted to me he wanted to see me squirm.

I was itching for days despite having washed every item of clothing I owned and scrubbing the drawer clean. I even found it sprinkled in my fucking bed which made me even more determined to do something horrible to his precious car.

I had contemplated putting Nair in his hair gel and watch his hair fall out but I have to admit I'm rather partial to that hair and see it fall out would be a crime against humanity so I decided against it.

Alice had told me she was going to think of something and consult Rose. She had changed the operation name to 'Operation fuck-up Edward' which made me laugh even more than 'Operation byebye skankzilla'.

I hadn't seen much of Edward in the following few days after the kitchen incident, but when I did all he did was smirk at me and look down towards my bits and tilt his head. That was enough to turn my face the same colour as beetroot and send me running.

I even had to tell my dad I would pass on the job for a little while as I was so itchy I could barely sit still. I really didn't want to embarrass my father my scratching my flange in public so I told him I wasn't ready just yet but in reality I wanted to devote all my time concentrating on bringing Edward down. _Yes, Im aware that sounded like it came from a cheesy mafia movie._

I don't think he expected any retaliation from me but it sure was coming. I decided to leave it a few days to let him think he was in the clear and then strike.

We had all been invited to the Cullen's for dinner on Sunday so I had until then to plan something. His humiliation would be a public one that was for sure. That would teach him not to mess with a girls under garments.

Alice came over that night so we could brainstorm, she had so many ideas that had me laughing like a hyena but nothing that would be embarrassing enough.

She thought about putting super glue all over the steering wheel so he got stuck to it but known my luck he would have an accident or end up in the hospital having a steering wheel surgically removed from his hands. I didnt want to injure him, just humiliate him.

She also thought about decking the inside out in all pink which made me laugh as I had considered that the first time he drove me to Seattle.

Rose text me and told me to stick a rotten fish under the bonnett so that when he turned on the air con his car would reek of fish but again it wasnt enough, it would only mess up his car not embarrass him like I wanted.

Just then I had a brain wave, I jumped up from the bed and bounced like an excited child after eating too much sugar.

'Glitter Ali' I shouted.

'What about it Bella?' She asked while typing away at the computer.

'What about, we use Rose's idea with the air con and stick glitter in the air vents? So that when he turns his air con on he'll be blasted with glitter. It will cover him and the whole car, and when he walks into his parents house he's gonna sparkle like a mother fuckin fairy. He'll be sparkling for weeks, it will be hilarious.' _Wow sometimes I even amazed myself, this was an incredible idea._

I was at this point on my bed, on my knees clapping my hands.

'Oh my god, Bella... I love it. That is hilarious. But how are we going to get the glitter in the vents without making a mess?' She was on the pc chair looking towards me tapping her index finger on her chin.

'What about Jake? He knows all about cars, he might help us' I suggested

'He does owe me so yeah thats not a bad idea' Alice said.

'Er, why does he owe you?' I enquired.

'I hooked him up with his current girlfriend Leah as he didn't have the balls to ask her out' She told me. I didn't even realise he had a girlfriend. Apparently everyone but me was happily involved with someone.

'Ahh ok, right so you think he will help?'

'Sure, why not'

'OK' I said' Call him and see if he can come over'

Alice pulled out her phone and dialed Jakes number and told him she needed a favour and could he come over.

He agreed and said he would be here in about twenty minutes.

I was giggling like a school girl again when my phone went off, I had a text. I wondered what else Rose had come up with but it wasn't her it was Edward, his name was programmed into my phone as assmunch.

**Assmunch: Hey Stink, how's the itching? You should probably go to the Dr about that. Yuk!**

I read it again and growled in frustration, he was just begging to be punished. Alice asked what was up so I showed her the text. I could almost see the smirk on his face when he hit the send button.

'Are you going to text him back?' Alice asked.

'Should I?' I replied.

'Sure, do it, see what he says' I grabbed my phone off the bed and text him back.

**Not content with making me itch like a whore with crabs your now trying to drive me insane via text message? Very mature Edward. B.**

I slid my phone shut and threw it back onto the bed. Alice was just looking at me, clearly she was amused.

'What Ali? I asked her in annoyance.

'Nothing, He really gets to you huh?'She practically sang

'Yes, he's so infuriating.' I sighed.

'But you like him' She smiled.

'That is whats so frustrating'

My phone beeped again signalling I had another message. I reached over and grabbed my phone and slid it up

**Assmunch:You deserved that for turning my hair green. And I quite enjoy annoying you. No retaliation? I am disapointed, I rather enjoyed our little session in the kitchen. **

_Oh sweet baby Jesus.. ME TOOOOOO_ I thought, but I was not about to let him know that so I text him back.

**Well unlike you Cullen, I'm not as childish as to resort to such pettyness, now leave me alone I'm busy. As for the kitchen incident... You instigated that I just stood there.**

I showed Alice what I had written and she smiled. Not petty my ass, he wasn't gonna know what hit him.

He text me back a few minutes later.

**Assmunch: I didn't hear you complaining, in fact I think all I heard was you moaning. Night Stink .**

I growled in frustration again, he knew how much he had wound me up, that was all part of his twisted little plan to humiliate me like I had done to him. Well he was not about to get away with that, I wasn't going to take this lying down.. unless Edward offered. Gah me and dirty mind!

Jake arrived about 30 minutes later and we explained what we had up our sleeves. He was reluctant at first but when I threatened to tell Emmett he was the one that hid a vibrator in his school bag when we were in high school he relented and said he would be glad to help.

The vibrator had gone off in Emmett's bag in his locker and the janitor had heard it and alerted the principal. When his locker couldn't be opened because the lock had been super glued - again thanks to Jake - the principal had no chioce but to alert the emergency services. They were conviced there was a bomb in there and evacuated the school. 45 minutes later the fire department came out of the school holding a bright blue rampant rabbit and explained that it was the cause of the noise. When the principal had asked whose locker it had come from all head's turned to Emmett who was beyond mortified and threatened to murder the person responsible. My dad grounded him for a month for being so immature. The emergency services had waster their time on a silly little prank and my dad didn't find that funny at all so he took away his xbox, to say Emmett was pissed off would be an understatement.

To this day he doesn't know it was Jake. I only know as he admitted it to me one night when he was drunk. He said he had expected that Emmett would pull it out in the middle of football practice in front of all the guys not the way it had happened.

We told him what we had planned for the car and he said he would help by putting the glitter in there. He said he would leave the air con on so that when he turned the engine on it would go off and the glitter would go everywhere.

I had told the Cullens I would be bringing dessert with us so I could 'accidently' forget it at home and while we were all in the Cullens Jake could put the glitter in the air vents and turn on the air con. Edward would have to come back here and pick it up and when he was in the car he would get blasted. It was perfect.

We all knew Edward wouldn't let anyone else drive his car so we would have to make sure we all drove with him or time it so that we were the only ones there and as he got blasted everyone else turned up to witness it.

It was brilliant, I just hoped it all went according to plan.

Sunday rolled around and I was sick with nerves, he would so get what he deserved today, I just hoped nothing happened to fuck up my plans.

I had asked Edward if he could drive me and Jake over to his parents house as my car had been taken into the shop as its breaks were lose. In actual fact this was a lie, it was just a way of making sure we all got there in one car, my car was hidden at Jakes house.

He had agreed but warned me yet again about touching the Ipod. _yes thank you, you anal idiot, I do remember _

I got dressed and headed downstairs. I was wearing a blue sundress even though it was drizzling, I didn't care, I wanted to look nice. My hair had been left down and was in ringlets down my back.

I wore a white short sleeved cardigan over the top and white high heeled shoes. I knew there was a chance Edward would go insane later on but there was no way I was running this time, I wanted to see the state of him and he wouldn't do anything in front of his parents. _Would he?_

Jake and Edward were waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs when I came down, both just stared at me with their mouths open.

'What? Do I have something on my face?' I asked.

'Er no' Edward replied rubbing the back of his neck. 'You look nice'

'Thank you, now come on, let's not keep them waiting' I said as I headed out the front door. I was beaming, he said I looked nice!

Alice had text me to make sure I forgot the dessert. I had made a strawberry cheesecake. Edward's favourite so I knew that when I mentioned I had forgotten it he would want to come back and get it.

I sat in the back behind Edward in his car and looked out of the window, I kept glancing up to see him looking at me through the rear view mirror. All I could see was his eyes but the way he looked at me turned me into a pile of goo. Thank god Jake was in the car too or I might have jumped into the seat, straddled him, stuck my boobs in his face and caused an accident. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have gone down too well when our parents found out.

We arrived at the Cullen house and ran inside which was rather difficult considering I was wearing heels. Jake said he needed to go to the bathroom and headed off down the hall.

We made it to the kitchen and Edward took off his coat, I took off mine and said I would hang them up in the closet in the foyer. He smiled at me and said thank you, hah he thought I was being nice but in actual fact I was using this opportunity to grab his car keys and hide them in a plant pot on one of the window ledges in the foyer..

I text Jake who was still in the bathroom and told him where they were and told him to make sure they were put back in his pocket when he had finished.

I went back into the kitchen and sat at the table. Esme was cooking lasagne and it smelled fantastic. It was one of my favourite meals ever, and Esme knew that. God, I loved that woman. Her lasagne was one of the best I had ever tasted.

She poured me a glass of wine and told me I looked lovely, I thanked her and blushed, the whole time I noticed that Edward was looking at me, I was sure he had sussed me out.

About 10 minutes later, Jake came in and apologised saying he had a bad stomach. Edward wrinkled his nose up and told Jake he really didn't need to know that. Jake nodded at me slightly to let me know all was done.

Just then I hopped up making everyone jump.

'Esme, I forgot to bring the cheesecake, I spent hours making that I'm so sorry' I wailed.

'It's ok dear, You didn't do it on purpose' She said while rubbing the top of my arm. _Oh little did she know._

'The others aren't here yet, I'll go home and get it. Edward can I use your car please?' I said while holding out my hand for the keys.

I heard him snort as if to say 'Yeah right' and turned to look at him.

'Bella you are _not_ driving my car' He said.

'And why not?" I asked defiantly crossing my arms over my chest making my breasts pop out over the top of my bra.

'You.. your... No' He rubbed his palm over his face 'I'll go, it won't take me long' He said while looking at my boobs. _Thank you for whoever invented the push up bra._

I quickly grabbed my phone and text Alice ask her where she was, her, Rose, Jasper and Emmett were arriving together in Jaspers car. I told her she had 5 minutes tops to get here. Edward saw me texting and asked me what I was doing.. _Rut Roh... busted._

I told him I was checking to see where everyone else was. He cocked his eyebrow at me and then shrugged his shoulders, shit he knows something is up. I saw that look on his face just before Alice dressed him in pasta, he knew then and he knows now so I just tucked my phone away in my bag and carried on sipping my wine and pretended like everything was normal. I was such a shit actress.

He stood up and kissed Esme on the cheek and said he would be back soon and went to grab his coat. I followed him out and said thank you and apologised for being so forgetful. He winked at me causing my legs to turn to jelly.

I _almost _for a split second felt bad for what was about to happen but then I remembered the itchy red burning skin and my desire for revenge instantly won over my conscience.

It was still raining so he dashed over to the car while I watched from the porch.I hadn't factored the rain into the equation but it would make the glitter stick to him even more. And I was slightly excited at the prospect of seeing an angry hot , damp Edward.

As he was leaving the others pulled up in Jaspers SUV, Alice put down the window and asked him what he was doing and he motioned towards me while saying something I couldn't hear, I guessed he was whinging that I had forgotten the dessert and that he was having to go home and get it. I couldn't help but smirk.

They pulled up and Alice hopped out and hugged me.

'Are you ok?' She asked concerned nodding her head in Edwards direction.'I brought my camera too, just in case you wanted to capture the moment' She started sniggering. _Hell that was an awesome idea, why had I not thought of that?_

'I'm good, now come on, we are going to miss it' I smiled.

Everyone else had got out of the car and made a dash to the porch, Rose was bitching at Emmett for not bringing an umbrella and he just shrugged his shoulders and grinned his cute toothy grin at me.

Edward started the engine and I looked at Alice. Shit. I was panicking now. I had just messed with Edwards pride and joy, I had a feeling this was going to be a disaster of epic proportions. My heart was hammering and my throat was dry like I had just swallowed razor blades but there was no backing out now, the deed had been done.

Edward's door flung open and he roared. _He fucking roared. _

It was quite possibly one of the sexiest mother fucking noises and one of the scariest I had ever heard.

He climbed out of the car and stood at the side of it holding onto the door for dear life covered from head to toe in glitter. He had rain dripping down his face and off his nose. I really wanted to lick him.

He had his head down but was looking up at me snarling, even severely wound up he was so fucking sexy. He slammed the car door shut and a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds and covered him and his car. I was right. He fucking sparkled, It was one of the funniest things I had ever witnessed.

Alice grabbed the camera and started clicking away taking pictures of his humiliation but he was so annoyed that his attention was pointed at me and me only.

I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore, he skulked towards us as I was trying not to lose conscienceness.I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe and clinging to Alice so I didn't fall off my heels.

Alice and Rose were also howling by this point mainly at my reaction but also at the fact that Edward was standing there looking so ridiculous and so incredibly furious.

Emmett was the first to talk.

'Dude what the fuck are you covered in?'

Edward just glared at him and then turned his attention back to me. I jumped slightly at the intensity of his gaze.

'Glitter?' He seethed. I backed up towards the front door while still giggling. 'You put glitter in my fucking _air vents_?' He fumed while still walking towards me. I burst into fits of giggles again and almost fell over.

Esme and Carlisle appeared at the door with Jake. Alice and Rose were in hysterics and Jasper and Emmett just looked bewildered.

Carlisle started laughing which pissed Edward off even more and Esme just stood there obviously wondering what the hell had just happened and why her son was so damn angry.

'_You_ deserved that Edward for putting itching powder in my underwear drawer AND in my bed' I shouted in defense.

He was stil moving towards me with a really menacing look on my face so I darted behind Jake using him as a sheild.

'You did _what?'_ Esme asked, clearly shocked by her sons behaviour.

_Hah, take that mamma's boy._

'_She_ dyed my hair green and chucked pasta all over me and Angel' He said while pointing at me. He looked like a school boy in trouble so I started laughing again.

'Who is Angel?' Carlisle asked.

'My ex'. Was all Edward said. My heart flipped and the internal happy dance started again. His ex? That was fantastic news.

'Edward, go take a shower and then we will have dinner' Carlisle instructed.

'And what good is a shower going to do me _Dad? _The rain did nothing to get this shit off, my ass is still twinkling like one of Lisa Frank's fucking unicorns ' He snapped.

At this Jasper and Emmett burst into fits of giggles, I just hid behind Jake some more.

He was staring daggers at me but it was honestly absoluetly hilarious, his face was priceless and if I'm being honest he totally deserved that.

I just wondered what he would come up with next. No doubt it would be something equally as horrible. _Bring it on, It will only make revenge even sweeter punk._

'You will be cleaning out my car Stink' He pointed at me. 'It's fucking _everywhere_'

At this I was howling again. He was so pissed off, it had gone completely to plan. Although I have to say I hadn't expected him to be quite so annoyed. It was only a car, and it wasn't like I had caused permanent damage, he was clearly over reacting.

'Edward, mind your language' Esme scolded.

'Whatever' He growled.

He slunk past everyone and glared at me, his stare did strange things to me, and my girlie parts. Now the crotch burn had gone I was totally turned on.

He headed up to the bathroom and slammed the door.

We were all ushered into the living room by a rather flustered Esme. I apologised to her and she just patted my shoulder. Carlisle gave me a grin and winked at evidently had enjoyed my antics, even if Edward hadn't.

The rest of dinner passed with no more problems, the Lasagne was divine but it always was when Esme cooked it. The garlic bread was stunning too. Edward spent the rest of the evening glaring at me, still sparkling like a pretty little princess, yet trying to burn a hole into my head with his death rays but I just kept throwing smiles at him and he scowled even more.

I was in some serious trouble when we got home, I knew that. I might have to stay with Alice for a few... months until he got over it.

At about 8pm we all decided to head home. We thanked Esme and Carlisle for their hospitality and hopped in Jaspers car. It was a bit of a squeeze with 6 of us but we managed, I just hoped we weren't pulled by the police.

Edward had stayed behind with his parents so I knew he was really annoyed. He was probably gonna get chewed out for his obscene language.

Alice told me how hilarious she thought his face was when he got blasted with glitter. Even Emmett thought it was funny. I was getting worried though, I had really upset Edward. I knew that by messing with his car I would strike a nerve but I hadn't expected him to be so angry with me, it was only a joke.

We piled into the house and Emmett drove Jake home. Alice, Rose and I tucked into my delicious cheesecake. We watched a movie and I decided to head up to bed.

I headed up the stairs feeling really tired. I didn't feel as satisfied as I should have done after doing what I did to Edward. He did deserve it but it wasn't as funny as it was last time. I think I had crossed a line. He probably wouldn't talk to me again and on top of it all I had to clean his bastard car. I certainly hadn't bargained for that.

I slipped into my room without turning the light on and kicked off my shoes. I took off my cardigan and went to reach to undo the zipper on my dress. I heard a noise and my head snapped up.

Sitting on my bed twisting his phone in his hands in nothing but a pair of jeans was Edward looking really very pissed off and gorgeous._How the fuck did he get in here? I didn't even know he was home. _

I was frozen and he smirked at me, He got off the bed and made his way towards me.

'Bella, Bella, Bella' He said while shaking his voice was low and husky.

I went to say something but my brain just wouldn't work, I kept staring at his chest. His eyes were boring into mine and his lopsided smirk was doing extremely wonderful things to my insides. My mouth was hanging open but for some reason my brain had turned to mush. _Oh, you know full well the reason.....It's standing in front of you with no shirt on._

I gulped and backed up into the wall next to my door. I was praying for a replay of the kitchen incident but he looked too angry for that.

He stood directly in front of me and ran the back of his fingers down my bare arms. I shuddered at his touch, I had no idea just his finger would make me feel so desired. _Imagine what the rest of him would feel like?_

I went to say something and he put his index finger over my lips and shushed me. I so wanted to lick that finger but I imagined that wouldn't have gone down too well.

I was looking up into his eyes, I couldn't look away, I was attracted to his eyes like a moth to a flame. He licked his lips and I honestly thought I was going to die right there and then.

He was now leaning into me and breathing into my hair, even that felt incredible. He reached his hand behind me and pulled open the door.

'I'll be seeing you Bella, soon' He breathed huskily into my ear and slid past me making sure he was still touching me and with that he was gone.

My heart was hammering in my chest and my clit was throbbing like it never had done before. I was so turned on I thought my knickers were about to spontaneously combust.

I'm pretty sure I whimpered a few times at that, It was impossible not to when I had that magnificent creature with barely any clothes on touching me. _Fucking hell he was hot._

This was the second time in a week something like this had happened. I didn't want to push my luck but I was convinced there was something in it, or at least I hoped there would be.

I knew he was going to do something in retaliation but fuck me I couldn't wait, especially if got that sort of a reaction out of him.

If it means I get to rub up against Edward Cullen, then there was no way in hell I was going to stop this. I couldn't wait to see what he came up with next.


	14. Chapter 14

Jessica's 2 year anniversary was approaching rapidly and the more I tried not to think about it the more I actually did and it was beginning to get me down.

At this time last year I was a jibbering mess on Angela's kitchen floor crying that the world hated me. Angela had promised that things would get easier but at the time it was so hard to even think about getting over losing Jess let alone actually _trying_ to move on and to be perfectly honest I wasn't sure if I wanted to get over it. At the time the pain was a constant reminder of how fucking stupid I had been and I was so angry with myself I never wanted to forget.

I spent the majority of my time curled up on my bed crying or sitting in the living room staring out of the window. I knew I needed help but I didn't think I deserved to be helped so I just suffered in silence.

It had only been since I had started seeing Dr Jones here that I finally realised I did deserve help and despite still feeling incredibly guilty about Jessica's death I knew now that I could not have prevented it. James would have done what he did regardless of whether I was there or not, I was just caught in his twisted cross fire.

But not only was Jess's anniversary looming, so was his. When I had shot him I felt nothing other than pure relief. I didn't feel any remorse or guilt. James was not worthy of my guilt after what he had put my best friend through. Poor Jessica suffered terribly at his hands and I felt better in the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to harm anyone else in the same way he had hurt her, he was an animal, he didn't deserve to live when Jessica had died so horrifically.

I knew my family would be horrified to find out I had murdered someone but at the time I had no choice, it was kill or be killed and I knew that if I let him win then he would get away with what he did to Jess. I was the only one that knew what had happened and if I died then the truth would too, he had to pay.

It took all of my strength to pull myself off the floor after he had stabbed me but while he was distracted I had managed to grab the gun from his jacket pocket and pointed it at him.

The look he had on his face is one I will never forget, his smirk was twisted and his eyes were empty.

It... _he_ was pure evil, This was not the man I knew, or maybe I just never knew him at all?

He told me I was weak and that I didn't have the balls to shoot him and I almost threw the gun on the floor and gave up,but when he told me that Jess had cried my name as he killed her I saw red and shot him over and over again until there was no strength left in me.

I was in so much pain from being stabbed, losing Jess, and finding out James was responsible that I collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Waking up in the hospital had been horrendous, my family were at my bedside as were the Cullens but as I looked into their eyes all I could see was disgust and pity. The police kept coming in to see me from time to time and everytime I would expect them to arrest me but it never came, they told me it was clear from my injuries that I had acted in self defence, they believed I had suffered enough and decided not to pursue the case.

I was pretty sure me not being arrested had something to do with my father but I wasn't going to prison so I wasn't about to argue.

I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks which meant I had to miss Jessica's funeral, I really wanted to go but I was so unwell.

Dr Cullen had been adamant that I stayed in the hospital and it wasn't fair on Jessica's family to wait even though they offered. I had been insistant that it went on without me. Jessica deserved the best send off, she was the kindest, sweetest most incredible person and because of my selfish actions her life had been cruelly cut short, I honestly believed I didn't deserve to be at her funeral when I caused her death.

I hated remembering what had happened it only made me feel more anxious and more depressed , and as the date got closer my level of anxiety got higher.I was finding it hard to concentrate and had lost my appetite, and along with not sleeping very well I was shattered and completely worn out.

My mood swings were all over the place more so than usual so I got the feeling I was being avoided by my dad and my brothers.

A few weeks ago Dr Jones told me that I had made some wonderful progress and had cut my sessions from 2 a week down to 1 and told me if I needed her in the mean time to just call her, but after last weeks session I told her with the date approaching I might need more time with her to understand my feelings and not shut down like I did last year.

I was so reluctant to talk about what had happened but once I finally started talking it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I was completely proved wrong. I wanted to think that therapy wouldn't work but in actual fact talking about Jess and James had made me realise I wasn't to blame.

If you had told me this time last year I would feel this way about therapy I would have laughed.

This year I was stronger though, I had my family back and I had some incredible friends but that did nothing to keep the feelings of anxiety at bay.

Everyone also knew it was approaching and the light hearted atmosphere in the house had faded and been replaced by a somber one. I did my best not to let my feelings show as even I was aware I had made some incredible progress in the last few months but as the days went on and the anniversary approached I started feeling tense and panicky again.

Edward must have noticed the chance in my demeanor also as he was yet to retaliate for me glitter bombing his car last week. I had been waiting for it and secretly hoping for repeat performance of the bedroom incident but so far nothing had happened. Even though it was a silly game I actually looked forward to seeing what he came up with next. He had finally started relaxing around me and was treating me incredibly well.... if you consider putting itching power in my underware and practically molesting me in the kitchen with his breathe well.... and to be honest I didn't want to risk loosing that by reverting back into miserable wreck I was before.

I lay in bed staring up at my ceiling and wondered what the hell to do today when my phone started ringing. It was Alice.

'Good morning Alice' I said into my phone.

'Good morning precious' She sang back 'Do you have any plans for today?' It wasn't even 8am and she was already bouncing around. I hated that she was such a happy morning person.

'Other than lying around doing nothing, my schedule is pretty free. Why do you ask?"

'Well, I was thinking we could have a girlie day, do some shopping and go out for dinner maybe watch a movie you know. The boys are going fishing for the day with Charlie and Billy so I thought we could pamper ourselves. Rose will be here in 20 minutes so get up and get ready'

'Yeah that sounds really good actually. Wait, what do you mean Rose will be _here_? Where are _you_?' I asked.

'Oh, I'm downstairs in Jassy's room' She gushed. That was obviously why she was in a good mood. Thank god I lived up here, I really didn't want to know what my brother and her got up to down there. Ugh.

'Alice, if your downstairs why didn't you just come up?

'Oh, well, me and Jas.. we just .. um.. He's in the shower'

'Oh...._OH..._ gross, I don't need to hear about your sordid little sex life, I'll see you downstairs in about 20 minutes.

I laughed at I hung up and climbed out of bed. A girls day was just what I needed to take my mind off the crap I had been thinking about for the last few days.

It would only have been better if Edward was there today but as it was a girls day I doubted that would happen and that made my heart sink.

I got showered and changed without washing my hair and headed downstairs to find Alice and Rose. They were in the kitchen at the table with Edward and Emmett eating breakfast.

'Morning' I said as I sat down. I looked over at Edward to see he was smirking while looking into his cereal bowl, his eyes were crinkled at the side. He was wearing a pair of faded flannel type pyjama bottoms and no top and his hair was all over the place even more so than normal.I thought back and I don't think I had ever seen him not looking incredibly delicious even when he was taunting me.

His chest was just begging for me to touch it, I really wanted to run my fingers up and down it maybe down by his happy trail somewhere...

Alice cleared her throat and my eyes shot up to hers, she had witnessed me eye fucking Edward and was smirking at me with her eyebrow raised.

I instantly felt my face start to go red, my cheeks started getting hot so I looked down at the table.

_Could I be anymore obvious? _

I mean, I wanted him to know I liked him but at the same time I didn't in case he rejected me and I got consumed most of my thoughts lately awake and asleep. My nightmares had been replaced by dreams of me doing extremely erotic things to Edward and now I could barely look him in the eye.

It was technically all _his_ fault I was having all these dreams, he caused it with his bloody whispering in my ear.

I couldn't get his voice out of my head, which wasn't a bad thing as it was a damn sexy voice. I wanted to use it as a ringtone for my phone but that would just scream 'headcase' and I really didn't want him thinking I was some kind of stalker.

I looked up again to see Rose staring at me too.

'What?' I asked as I went to pour myself a bowl of cornflakes.

'Oh nothing, we'll have a little chat later ok Bells. We need to leave soon if we wanna hit the stores'

'You girls going out?' Edward asked waving his spoon around.

I sat back down at the table and started eating.

'Yeah we are going lingerie shopping. Bella has no hope of getting laid with the underwear she has... although _you_ would know that as you rooted around in her drawers' Rose put her hands on her hips and tilted her head to the side and smiled at Edward.

_Oh dear god, she didn't.... she fucking DID!_

I coughed and choked on my cereal while wishing the ground would open up and swallow me.

'Why Rose? _Why_ would you say that?" I stuttered.

I looked at Edward who was sat there with his mouth open, clearly shocked.I glanced over at Emmett who was equally as horrified at what his girlfriend had said but he just shrugged and carried on eating his breakfast. Nothing would ever come between Emmett and his food that was for sure.

'Relax sweetie, he knows I'm joking' She smiled while winking at Edward.

Alice was covering her mouth with her hand to stop me from seeing her laughing.

'Keep going and I'll slap both of you' I said with a smile on my face.

'Er, ok. With that I'm leaving. I'm going fishing, ya ready Em?.

'Sure' Emmett replied, he kissed Rosalie and headed out of the kitchen.

Edward turned to me and said 'See you later'.

I just smiled as he put his head down and turned to leave the kitchen after my brother.

He was clearly embarrased, why I don't know as it was _my_ underwear that was yet again centre of attention.

'Since when did you fish?' Alice asked

'I don't do it often but Emmett and Jasper were going so I thought I would tag along, I don't have anything else to do'

'Have fun' I said while finishing up my cereal.

'Will do. You guys have fun shopping for... yeah shopping.'

He left the room with Alice and Rose giggling at him, poor Edward. I had never seen him looking so flustered before.

'Thanks for that Rose' I snorted at her.

'That's ok, but I'm serious if you wanna hit that' she pointed towards where Edward had left ' then you need to seriously ditch the Bridget Jones knickers and get something a little sexier.'

'I happen to like wearing comfortable underwear thank you very much' I said.

Alice started laughing again and told me to hurry up.

I ran back upstairs grabbed my bag and phone and brushed my teeth. Edward was leaning against his doorframe when I came out.

'Have fun today Bella' He smiled. Even though I had seen that smile so many times it took my breathe away every single time.

I smiled back and told him to enjoy his day and headed back downstairs to where the girls were waiting for me. I completely adored him and the stupid idiot was so oblivious.

* * * * * *

We had a fantastic day shopping, I spent the entire day smiling. We had manicures and caught a cheesy romantic movie but I had such a good time. Alice and Rosalie were becoming very good friends of mine and I loved them dearly. I bought myself a few new pairs of shoes and as Rose suggested I bought some new lingerie. I had no idea if anyone would ever see it but the girls had said it made them feel good so I thought why not.

I ended up buying boy shorts, thongs, which to me resembled dental floss and matching bra's. Rose was right they were really pretty. I also got a few silk night dresses to wear instead of shorts and a vest top. Apparantly if I wanted to get 'my man' I needed to start dressing like a girl. What ever, did comfort not mean anything anymore?

After paying for everything we headed to a restaurant to have some dinner. I wanted to treat the girls for doing so much for me but they flat out refused.

We laughed, talked and I drank too much wine and started feeling rather fuzzy so we decided we would call it a day and head back to the car.

Alice too was rather tipsy but as Rose was driving she drank only water. We cackled as we talked about boys and I may or may not have let slip to them that I wanted to sit on Edward's face. The look on Rose's face was priceless, Alice was howling and calling me a hoochie but I was having too much fun to I would do to sleep with a man that fucking gorgeous.

Alice started talking about her's and Jasper's sex life and I gagged a little bit.

'Al, seriously I do _not_ need to know what you guys get up to in bed, I'm his sister, I could be like mentally scared by those images thank you vey much.'

Rose started laughing.

'When you have a sex life of your own you will want to know allllllll the details' Alice chimed.

She had me there, I would probably be asking them for advice so I might need to get used to the sex talk. Angela was so reserved she never spoke about sex in front of me but these two didn't care what they said or who heard them. I loved that about them.

We got home at about 6pm that night and decided to carry on with the drinking in the living room. Alice grabbed a bottle of white from the kitchen and came back with the bottle opener.

We put Top Gun in and gushed over Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer. Of course we paused the volleyball scene to get a good look at the abs a few times.

I was really feeling rather hammered by this point and decided to call it a night before I fell over.

The girls were still giggling and crotch watching.. Alice was convinced if she paused in the right place she would get a eyeful of Tom Cruises tackle, whatever I could barely see straight so that was my cue to leave.

I kissed them both on the cheek and said goodnight and grabbed my shopping bags.I kicked off my shoes and headed up the stairs. It would appear I was better on my feet while intoxicated. _Huh, go figure._

I hadn't heard the boys but Edward's car was in the drive so he had to be around somewhere.

I hadn't drank for a long time and came to the conclusion that I was in fact an incredible light weight. I had only had maybe 5 glasses and I was seeing double. I was definetly going to regret this in the morning.

Maybe I could go and jump on Edward and blame it on the booze? Actually thats a _really_ good idea. I could then just pretend I had no idea what he was talking about when he asked me the following day, I could claim alcohol induced amnesia._ That's a real condition right? _

I got to the top of the stairs and tip toe'd over to Edwards door and put my ear against it. The tv was on so he was home, I wonder why he didn't come down to speak to us? I could even smell him through the door, his smell was musky, manly and down right fucking sexy. I leaned in and smelled his door but moved too fast and bashed my fore head off the door.

'Fuck' I whispered and bolted towards my stairs so much for me being inconspicuous and stealthy. He had to have heard me. I darted in my room, dumped the bags and leaned against the door. My hair stuck to something and pulled._ Ouch, what the fuck was that?_

I turned on the light, my jaw hit the frigging floor. Holy shit how much did I drink? I rubbed my eyes and blinked while looking around my room slowly. _OH. MY . FUCKING. GOD._

I knew I was kinda hammered but fucking hell I wasn't _that_ mashed. My room was covered from top to floor in bright yellow, pink and blue post its.

_Fucking POST ITS._

It was so bright I didn't know whether to leather the shit out of Edward or grab the nearest pair of sunglasses I owned. Not that I would be able to find them with all the damn post its everywhere.

They were on my windows, my drawers, my wardrobe, my bed,all over my mirror and walls and even on the fucking carpet. I turned and my door was even covered in them, no wonder my hair got stuck when I put my head against it.

That fucking ass hole!! He had a thing about my bedroom that was for sure.

How the fuck was I meant to get changed or get into bed?

I stood there seething in my drunken state and shouted at the top of my lungs.

'EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN'

I ripped open my door and marched down the stairs, round the corner and bashed on his bedroom door.

He opened it and leaned his arm against the door. 'Yes Bella, how can I help you? He smiled at me.

'I.. you.. wha.. ARGHHH' I barged past him into his bedroom and folded my arms.

'What's wrong Bella, you look like a little flustered' he said smugly while closing his door.

'You shit head, what the fuck did you do to my bedroom?' I demanded.

'Oh, so you've been up there then?' He asked sweetly.

'Yes, I've fucking been up there. I was almost blinded by multi coloured post its. What the fuck?'

'Well you know how much I love my car, I know how much time you spend up in your room so it made sense that I desecrate your space like you did mine'

I sighed and flopped down on his bed.

'Where the fuck am I going to sleep now Edward? I can't exactly sleep up there. I'll have a killer hangover in the morning as it is without adding being blinded by all that colour to the equation' I was rambling, clearly alcohol mixed with Bella equaled a gibbering mess.

He laughed that fucking sexy laugh again and sat down next to me.

'You should have thought about that before you touched my car Stink' he whispered while leaning into me.

I was really quite partial to him invading my personal space.

'I'm not leaving' I said stubbornly 'You can fucking sleep up there'

'I don't need to sleep up there, I have a perfectly adequate bed right here' he said while rubbing his bed. _Feel free to rub me up like that Mr Cullen I thought _

'Ok, whats with all the huge words Edward? I'm having a hard time focusing here. For your information you do _not_ have a bed to sleep in tonight as I am sleeping in it'

I folded my arms across my chest and looked over at him smugly. He hadn't expected that and chances are had I been sober I wouldn't have come out with something to ridiculous but drunk Bella was much more confident. I kinda liked her.

'You can't sleep in here Bella' He muttered in an annoyed tone.

'Watch me' I snapped back.

I stood and went to his dresser and pulled out an old Forks High T shirt. I was changing into this, there was no chance I was going upstairs to get changed, he would probably lock me out.

'What are you doing?' He asked, I turned to face him and he was shocked by what I was doing.

'I'm getting changed, now do you mind?' I motioned with my finger for him to turn around.

'Fine whatever, but your sleeping on the floor. I don't give my bed up for _anyone' _He snapped.

'Not a fucking chance am I sleeping on the floor, you sleep on the fucking floor'

He trashes my sanctuary and then expects me to sleep on a hard cold floor? Not a chance, he didn't bank on this happening but fuck it.

I was not leaving and that was that.

I was having a hard time getting my bra off under my clothes without falling over and making myself look like a complete twat so I gave up and just pulled off my clothes and slipped Edwards T shirt on. It smelled just like him and I almost dropped dead right there and then. I was almost naked in Edward's bedroom about to sleep in his bed. Ok it wasn't romantic like I had expected but shit it was happening so I couldn't care less.

I turned and marched back over to the bed and pulled back the covers.

He looked at me as though I had just grown another head.

'Bella, what the fuck?' He said through gritted teeth.

'I am NOT sleeping on the bastard floor Edward, now move over, quit whinging and suck it up'

'Well neither am I' He snapped. 'This is my bed woman'

'Fine' I shouted.

'_Fine' _He mimicked me.

Oh my fucking god, I was in Edward Cullen's bed in one of his shirts and he was going to be sleeping with me... in the non sexual sense .. but still this night would quite likely go down in history as one of my best nights.

He stood up and took his shirt off causing me to almost fall off the fucking bed, Ohhhh thank you lord. I silently prayed.

He then took off his trousers and slung them over a chair and turned to me.

'Hope you don't mind me sleeping in this' He sniggered, ooooooooh sneaky sneaky, he had to know what his body did to me.

I wasn't even able to speak, my mind was blank. Unable to trust my voice I just shook my head.

He smiled and said he was going to brush his teeth. I just lay there frozen. My heart was pounding and my flange was screaming at me... well it would have been had it been able to talk. I was so god damn horny it was unbelieveable and I was about to spend the night with the object of my fantasies. Thank god I got drunk or I would either have gotten into my bed or slept on the sofa but in my intoxicated state I had been so defiant I refused to leave.

It was clear Edward had not gone fishing today, that must have taken hours all by himself. I wondered if Emmett and Jasper were in on it.

While Edward was gone I had a quick peek around, I leaned over the bed and pulled open his bedside drawer. Nothing intersting in there, a few magazines, some lube.._ eww_ and his wallett.

The door opened and startled me. Me being the incredibly clumsy twit I was I went flying off the bed and landed in a heap on the floor. _Great, could this night be any more embarrassing? _

Edward came to my side and helped me up, I pulled down my shirt after flashing him my underwear and pushed the hair from my face. He was standing so close to me I could feel his warmth._Or maybe that was just the redness in my cheeks?_

He leaned down and whispered 'Rosalie was wrong, You don't wear granny underwear' _Gah!!!!!!_

He pulled back and smirked at me while sitting down on the bed. I was incredibly turned on and embarrassed at the same time but I pretended like I wasn't and rushed around to the other side of the bed.

I climbed into the bed and he scooted closer to me, dear god I'm about to die from an Edward induced cardiac arrest.

'Ok if we watch a movie?' He asked?

'Sure' I squeeked. I was feeling slightly more sober by now and was beginning to lose my nerve. Before I made and even bigger tit of myself I really should leave but I couldn't find it in me to get up. I wanted to stay here forever and lick him. _Where did that come from? _

He turned on Smokin' Aces, one of my all time favourite films. Anything that combined Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Durand was a smash hit in my books regardless of what went on. It was even better because Ben affleck wasn't in it too long.

'Bella, can you please stop figiting, Im trying to watch the movie' He pointed at the tele and I stopped what I was doing. I wasn't even aware I had been fidgiting, I was nervous, who the hell wouldn't be? I couldn't help it.

'Sorry' I said 'But is there like any chance you can move over please? You're almost sat on me'

'Maybe I like sitting this close' He said in a low sulty voice.

Oh boy..... He was doing this on purpose to see if I had a heart attack. That wicked bad man, I totally adored him.

I yanked the blankets over me and sat there awkwardly trying to concentrate on the movie but it was proving really difficult with that sex god perched next to me. Edward also appeared rather nervous but pulled the duvet back off me.

'Stop hogging the blankets Bella' He said through gritted teeth.

Okaaaay this was awkward.

After about 20 minutes I started feeling really sleepy, Edward was seriously close to me so I really didn't want to fall asleep and miss it. There was a chance this might not happen again, I wanted to make the most of it. I was very aware of my bare leg touching his and it sent shock waves through me. I'm sure he keeps moving it on purpose. So far this prank had been the best of all, even if it hadn't meant to turn out this way.

I was so sleepy and eventually leaned my head against his shoulder, I wasn't even really aware I had done it at first but it felt incredible. He had a comfy shoulder. Edward made no attempt to move away so I assumed he didn't mind what I was doing.

I must have dropped off, it was the best night's sleep I had gotten in a long time. I was so comfortable and relaxed. I stretched and inhaled. All I could smell was Edward, It was certainly an incredible smell to wake up to in the morning. I had a slight headache but that was probably due to the wine I drank last night.

Shit, last night...... Memories from last night came flooding back and I opened my eyes. I was lying on my side with my head on Edward's bare chest. My breathe hitched as I realised his arms were around me, one was on my arm as it was draped over his stomach and the other one was on the small of my back touching bare skin. My shirt had ridden up exposing my black panties. Oh shit, how mortifying.... but at least they werent the old frumpy ones.

He was still sleeping and breathing into my hair, I looked up at him, he really was just perfect. His skin was flawless, his lashes were long and thick and his jaw was so strong and masculine I wanted to suck on it. He had a slight smile on his face even though he was sleeping, he was the most beautiful man on the planet.I couldn't help myself, I rubbed the back of my hand down of his cheek and jaw and he let out a slight moan. _Shit, I think I just sent my ovaries into a spasm._

I was so relaxed I didn't want to move, but I was still tired so I closed my eyes and made the most of lying like this with Edward before he woke up and kicked me was so warm so I snuggled up closer with him and stroked his bare chest.

The next thing I realise I can hear Emmetts booming voice.

I was lying facing the other direction with Edward directly behind me, we were spooning and he had his arms completely wrapped around me again.

Oh my.. Edward was _extremely_ happy this morning.... well at least his penis was.

It was pressing into my still exposed back and making me feel all sorts of incredible.

I heard Emmetts voice again and realised he was here in the room with us. Shit, he had caught me spooning with his best friend.

'Edward man wake the fuck up' He bellowed.

He groaned into my hair. I just pretended to be asleep.

'EDWARRRRRDDDDD' Emmett yelled at the top of his lungs.

Edward shot up causing me to jump.

'Em man its not what it looks like' Edward protested his voice thick with sleep.I too sat up on my elbow and leaned closer to Edward while glaring daggers at Emmett. How dare he barge in and ruin my happy time?

'Your in bed with my little sister you fucking bastard how is that not what it looks like? Emmett screached.

Rose burst into the room to see what the noise was all about and when she saw the position we were in she just smiled.

'You' he pointed at me' Get up out of that bed before I drag you out'

'What the fuck Em?' I shouted ' I'm not a child, don't talk to me like that. We were watching a movie chill out'

'_THAT_ is not what you do when you watch a movie Bella' I sat up even more and the duvet fell down revealing that I was wearing Edward's clothes.

Emmetts eyes widened even more, I thought steam was gonna come out of his ears, his face was red and all contorted, he looked at me to Edward and back to me again. Ohhh boy, my brother was not a happy camper. He lunged towards the bed.

Edward let go of me and shot out of the bed. 'Emmett I swear, I didn't touch her. She was only in here cos of what I did to her bedroom I let her stay but I swear I didn't sleep with her'

He was shitting himself, it was hysterical. I burst out laughing.

'Bella, tell him please before he kills me' He shouted shrilly. He was clearly terrified of my brother.

Emmett was still glaring at him ready to throttle him, he turned to me waiting for an explanation. Should I tell him I slept with Edward and let Emmett pummle him, that would be revenge enough for what he did to my room or should I tell the truth and plot my retaliation?

'Well' Emmett pushed.

I looked over at Edward who looked simply breath taking in just a pair of black boxer shorts and just didn't have it in me to be that mean to him. I smiled at him and turned back to Emmett.

'Em, he's telling the truth, we watched a movie and I fell asleep, nothing happened'

Rose grabbed Emmett and pulled him back out of the door. Edward just stood there rubbing his hand over the back of his neck, I noticed he did that a lot when he was nervous or angry.

'Sorry about that Edward' I said sincerely ' I should have just slept on the sofa'

'No its fine' He said while looking me in the eye.

'I should probably go' I said climbing out of his bed. I made my way to the door and turned to say thank you. He was inches from my face and I gasped.

'You talk in your sleep Bella' He smirked. 'You talked about _me_ in your sleep Bella'

Oh shit. What the fuck had I said?

'What?' I said , I hadn't mean to sound as panicked as I did but shit that took me by surprise. 'What did I say?'

He moved closer to me and kissed my cheek. Fuck, that took me by surprise I was _never _washing that cheek again. _Wow crazy stalker fan girl much?_

'Have a good day won't you Bella' He said millimeters from my face.

I just nodded and backed out of the room not tearing my eyes away from his. My face was burning red and my breathe was raggid and he just stood there looking all gorgeous and smug like the cat that got the cream.

I wanted nothing more than to push him to the floor and rip his boxers off.

I knew for sure in that instant that I would stop at nothing, Edward Cullen would be mine...


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you so so much to everyone that has been reading this. You guys are awesome, you totally make my day when I read all the great reviews or when this is added to someone's favourites!**

**Anyhoo, there wont be many more chapters I don't think. Maybe 5 or so more? :( I've had great fun writing this, even if it is a bit raw in places, but its my first story so its bound to be crap, I gotta start some where right?**

**Thank you to my awesome beta Magenta for seeing things I don't and putting up with me constantly messaging her.**

**Thank you to Susan Collins who has been wicked and has given me some incredible support! Cheers guys your incredible.**

**As always, I don't own Twilight.. it all belongs to the wonderful Stephanie Meyers.**

I knew exactly how I was going to get Edward back for trashing my room and all I needed was Alice and her camera. I knew this whole thing had gotten completely out of hand but I found that it brought me and Edward closer even if I was close to throttling him at times,

Do you have any idea how long it too me to remove 17 bazillion post- it's from the walls and floors? Ok so maybe that was a slight exaggeration but still it was _a lot_ and it took me an hour and 25 minutes!

An hour and a half completely wasted, I should have made Edward help me but to be honest just being in close proximity to him was enough to kill off any remaining brain cells and send my hormones into spasm. So instead I decided to peel the damn things off myself. It served me right after what I did to his car, Edward didn't even make me clean it despite telling me that I would have to, I just assumed he had done it himself.

I don't think I would have minded cleaning it either, his car smelled just like him and I could smell that all day and not get bored, and who knows I might even have rubbed my cheek where his backside had been on the chair. Yes, I know that's completely gross but come on, the boy has a might fine derrier.

I thought back to this morning and smiled, I had never seen Edward looking so delicious and terrified before. When Emmett burst in I thought Edward's eyes were gonna pop right out of his head. He lept from the bed with the grace of a ballerina and the speed of a cheetah. Waking up next to him, wrapped in his arms had been incredible, I felt like the luckiest woman on the planet. If I could wake up like that every morning I would die a very happy woman.

I really hoped that this wouldn't cause them to fight, Emmett was very protective when it came to me which was completely understandable, I did have the most terrible taste when it came to men but Edward was different, if we ever did get together he would treat me with nothing but respect. He would never do anything to hurt me, Em knew that but that still didn't stop him scaring the living shit out of Edward.

Emmett had a mean stink eye and he knew it and now so did Edward. I don't think he had seen this side of my brother before which is why he was so terrified and quite frankly I found it pretty funny. Edward was adorable looking all scared early in the morning.

Alice came over later that afternoon and demanded I spill the beans about the previous night. I of course played dumb and said I didn't know what she was talking about which was rather pointless seeing as Rosalie had told her about walking in on Edward and I in a somewhat compromising situation.

'You slept with him didn't you?' She pointed.

'Oh my god, NO I did not Alice'

She grabbed my chin in her hand and started moving my head from side to side, inspecting my face.

'Hmmm, I believe you, You don't look freshly sexed up'

'What'? I asked almost choking on my own saliva.

'You don't have that glow about you' She waved her arms around to emphasise her point.

'Okayyyy, thanks for that, so did you bring the camera?'

'I sure did cupcake, what do you want it for?' Alice asked while handing me her camera and the pc adapter.

'Theres just a few pictures on here I wanted to print out, is that ok?'

'Sure, go right ahead. I'm just gonna go see Jassy, I'll be back in around 27 minutes'

'Alrighty .. wait, what? That's kinda random, why 27 minutes?' I asked while trying to figure out how to turn the damn camera on, I was not technologically savvy in the slightest and the damn thing was beginning to piss me off already.

'Well, thats how long it takes for me and him to.......' I cut her off before she managed to finish the end of her sentance.

'Whoaa... TMI, I do _not_ need to hear anymore just forget I even asked' She giggled and stood up to leave the room.

Again with the sex talk, I really didn't need to know what my brothers got up in their own time. The thought made me shudder. If I didn't have a sex life, I didn't want to hear about theirs.

I finally turned on the stupid camera and started flicking through the pictures, I found the ones I wanted and started giggling to myself again, the pictures were even funnier looking at them from this angle.

I plugged the camera into my desktop computer and uploaded the pictures to my hard drive. I printed the picture and grabbed my sharpie and began writing on it. My tongue was hanging out as I sat there concentrating.I must have looked ridiculous but I couldnt care less who saw me, this prank was gonna be epic, he would never live it down.

35 minutes later Alice bounced in the room, I just rolled my eyes at her and she giggled.

'I know what you mean now about the 'glow' Ali, your looking kinda flushed there sweetie'.

'Shut it you, Your just jealous cos your not getting any.... yet' She smirked

'Well after Edward see's _this_ I don't think thats gonna happen any time soon' I held up the picture with a huge beam on my face. Alice gasped and her hand flew over her mouth.

'Bella, you didn't'

'I did' I had the biggest shit eating grin on my face.

'He's gonna go insane' She laughed.

'I know right, but that serves him right, did you see what he did to my room ? It took me almost 2 hours to peel off all those fucking post- its'

'Are you sure thats why your doing this? To get revenge?'

'Of course Alice, he deserves it'

'Ok, Ok... I just thought you might be doing this as a way of grabbing his attention'

'Ok so there might be that as well' I laughed

'You know I'm quite the photographer, I should do this for a living'

'It really is good, you caught him just at the right moment' I agreed

'Come on' I said while getting up and grabbing the picture, 'We are off into town to photo copy this bad boy 2000 times'

'I suppose your going to want help putting them up too?'She asked while folding her arms and cocking her eye brow at me.

'Well duhh' I said

'So articulate Bella, I'll help on the condition that you feed me while we are out'

'Done, now come on before my conscience wakes up and I change my mind'

We hid the picture in Alice's over sized hand bag and called Rose and told her to meet us at the post office so we could photocopy the picture.

20 minutes later we were standing outside waiting for Rose, I couldn't help it, I couldn't keep the smile off my face, when Edward found out what was going on he would go mental but this was hilarious, plus there was a slight chance he might start rubbing himself up on me again._Yes I was looking forward to that the most._

Rose arrived and stepped out of her car looking like she had just come from a photo shoot, she was gorgeous, her legs went on forever and ever and ever... I was so jealous.

'Hey girlies, whose life are we ruining today?' She said with a huge grin.

Alice pulled out the picture to showed her, Rose looked at it and her eyes almost popped out. She looked up at me and back down to the picture.

'You know hes gonna kill you right'? she asked.

'I know, what do you think?'

'I think its funny as fuck but we can't just put these up around Forks though, he'll have them pulled down before we even finish doing it, we are gonna have to do this in Port Angeles too, you up for that?'

Alice was bouncing up and down clapping her hands, she really should lay off the sugar she was a little too hyper for my liking.

'Damn right, he's not gonna know whats hit him' I replied.

'You said that last time and look what happened' Rose sniggered.

'Shut it, this is pay back' Her and Alice smirked at me but I ignored them.

We piled into the shop and made 500 copies of the picture, the guy at the counter just raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything as I paid. I gave him my best smile and winked at him as we left hoping that was enough for him not to contact Edward and let him know what we had planned. I had no idea if they were even friends but everyone knew him, there was a slight chance he would let him know what he had seen.. but it was a chance we would have to take.

I looked it and giggled again, On the page was a picture of Edward covered from head to toe in glitter looking all mean and angry and severely pissed off glaring at me.

Alice had taken it just as the sun hit him so he was all sparkly and pretty. And under neath in huge ass black writing was:

**Sad, lonely princess seeks a prince to rescue her.. Call this number if you think your man enough for the job. 202 765 8845**

The number's was Edward's and I was praying with the amount of posters we were gonna put up he would get a few phone calls at least.

Armed with the pictures and 5 rolls of tape we started off around Forks, hanging pictures every where we could think of, on walls, shop windows, bus stops and telegraph poles. Yep, we did a really good job taping them everywhere. I was pretty damn impressed with us even if we did get a few strange looks in the process.

We then headed to Port Angeles and hung up the rest, we stopped a few times at service stations and hung some up in the toilets. I sniggered to myself thinking of who might see these.

After 2 hours we were shattered and headed into to a cafe to have a coffee and a chat. I was exhaused but finding this beyond hilarious, we sat there for maybe an hour discussing our plans for Christmas and new year, The Cullen's were having a huge party like they did every year on New Years eve and I was actually really looking forward to it, Maybe if I was really lucky I would get a New Years kiss off Edward? That's if he didn't throttle me for plastering his phone number across half of Washington. I giggled into my coffee.

As we were discussing our plans my phone rang. It was Edward.

'Oh my god what do I do? If I tell him we are here he's going to know what I did' I gushed

'Relax and act normal' Alice said. So I flipped up my phone and answered.

'Hello' I said.

'Bella, where are you?' Edward asked.

'Well hi there to you too' I replied sarcastically

'Hi, Where are you?' He asked again.

'I'm having dinner with Alice and Rose, why?'

'Oh, no reason, I was just wondering'

'Er, ok' I had no idea why he was calling me, he must have already had a few phone calls and realised I was behind it.

'When will you be home?' He asked me.

'Not sure, probably in a few hours, we are going to a spa. Alice thinks I need another brazillion, its been a while since my last one and I have stubble.. which itches but your a guy you wouldn't know about waxing and stubble...' I rambled, shit I was nervous and was just talking crap. Alice and Rose were sniggering at me so I swatted at them with my free hand as if to tell them to shut it. I was aware I was rambling but the word vomit just kept on coming. I needed an off button for my brain.

'BELLA' Edward shouted.

'What?' I asked

'Stop talking'

'Sorry, I kinda got carried away' I was blushing now.

Fantastic, he even gets me blushing when I'm on the phone with him. But shit his phone voice was pretty damn hot too. You know the type that makes your panties combust just from saying hello? Yeah, his voice was like that.

'So, I'll see you in a few hours' He said

'Yep' I replied.

'Alright, well er.. see you later'He all of a sudden sounded somewhat awkward, not the suave guy oozing confidence that he was a few seconds ago.

'Ok bye Edward' I said with a shy smile on my face.

'Oh and Bella?'

'Yeah?'

'Behave won't you?'

'I always do' I grinned.

'Hmm' He replied. Shit that was a mother fucking sexy noise.

'Bye Edward' I said and slid my phone shut. I was beaming and the girls were just starting at me waiting for an explanation.

'What?' I asked

'What the hell was that?' Alice asked me while motioning towards my phone.

'That was Edward' I said nonchalantly.

'Obviously genuis, he's calling you now?" Rose looked shocked that he was calling me, mind you I was kinda shocked as he had never done it before, sure I had the odd text off him but it wasn't like that was on a regular basis ... unfortunatly.

'Apparently he is' I said while sipping my coffee which was at this point cold and foul.

We paid the bill and headed home, I was still on a high from speaking to Edward on the phone, and slapping up 500 posters of his pretty face all around the town.

I could not stop thinking about him. I now knew exactly how Jessica felt when she had that crush on Emmett. I liked Edward before but my feelings were so much stronger now, they were on a completely seperate level to what they were when I was younger. I looked forward to getting up in the morning so I could catch a glimpse of him, and looked forward to coming home just so we could spend time together. I had it bad, I knew that.

Alice and Rose dropped me home and said they would call me later. Edward was out but my dad was home so I sat with him and we had a good talk. He told me that Jessicas mother was having a little memorial for her and I was welcome to come as I couldn't make the funeral, I was thrilled but bricking it at the same time.

Despite the fact that it was not a happy occassion I was really pleased that I had an invite. It was on Saturday this week and she wanted me to say a few words.

I did panic at hearing that, mainly because not everyone was pleased I was back here in the first place, and I didn't want them to think I was pouring salt on the wound so to speak by standing there and telling everyone how incredible Jess was.

Everyone knew that and I knew that the majority of them still blamed me for what had happened in the first place. Look at how Lauren reacted and she wasn't even that close to Jessica.

My dad sensed my distress and assured me that nothing would happen and told me if I didn't feel up to it I didn't have to talk but I kinda felt like I owed it to Jess and her family to stand up there and give her the most incredible speech, something I couldn't do 2 years ago.

I told my dad I was going to cook him a Chicken Tikka curry and headed off into the kitchen to start preparing the dinner. Emmett and my dad loved curry so I decided to cook the one that Angela taught me when I moved in with her.

I mixed up some cumin, coriander,garlic,turmeric and chilli power with lemon juice, water, tomatoe puree and maranaded the chicken breast in it, It would take a few hours to maranade so I decided to do some laundry and go for a run while I was waiting.

I got changed and grabbed my Ipod and a hoodie that was in the laundry room and headed out the back door. I had no idea what I would say at Jess's memorial, I know she wouldn't want people mourning her. She was so full of life when she was here, so happy that I knew she would want us to celebrate her life but I couldn't find it in me to celebrate losing her, she had been my best friend, my only friend at one point and for a long time and when she died it felt like I had died too.

I suddenly felt terrible for having such a good time while being back here. I felt so incredibly guilty for laughing and smiling and contemplating having a relationship with Edward when she could never do anything like that guilt I was feeling consumed me so much it felt like it was tearing a hole in my chest.

Tears started stinging my eyes as I ran, my chest was heavy and my legs were aching but I kept on running. I knew deep down Jess wouldn't have wanted me to be so miserable, she would want me to have fun and get over losing her but for some reason the guilt hit me like a tonne of bricks. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of the hoodie I had grabbed, it wasnt mine, I think it might be Emmetts, I was sure he wouldn't mind me wearing it even if the sleeve was now covered in snobs. I wasn't watching where I was going and tripped on a branch and went flying into a tree banging my head and elbow as I fell.

I slumped to the floor with my back against the tree bringing my knees up to my chin and cried. I hadn't cried in a few weeks which was miraculous considering I cried all the time before I came home, so now the tears were coming thick and fast and were non stop. I still had my earphones in listening to 30 Seconds to Mars's Kings and Queens when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I jumped as I hadn't expected anyone to be out here, not that I would have heard them anyway with this thing blasting in my lug holes. I looked up and saw Edward kneeling in front of me, his eyes held a concerned expression. I just sobbed and put my head back down.

Things had been going so well and then I had to break down in front of him again, I know he didn't care, he would have comforted me no matter what but I really hated appearing so weak all the time.

He sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulder pulling me into him and I cried some more. I had been such a bitch to him and yet he still dropped everything and came to my side when I needed was so selfless, another thing I completely adored about him.

He held me and stroked my hair for about 5 minutes before we actually spoke.

'I'm sorry' I choked out,

'Hey, its alright. Don't apologise' He replied while rubbing my arm with the arm he still had around me.

'I just feel so ridiculous, I'm sick of feeling this way'

'Hey, come on. It's fine' He said.

He had such a way of making me feel so calm when he was around, he didn't even have to talk, I felt so safe when I was near him and even more so when I was wrapped in his arms. I wanted to curl up here and never leave.

'How did you know I was here?' I asked suddenly wondering what he was doing out here.

'I did shout you a few times, but you didn't hear me' He picked up my ear phone off my chest. 'This obviously was why you didn't hear me. I saw you leave, I was headed out here anyway and thought I would join you.

'Sorry, I didn't realise' I said sniffling.

'Did you hurt yourself?' He asked.

'Huh?'

'When you fell, did you hurt yourself?'

'Oh, no I'm ok I just bumped my head I'm fine' I looked up at him and looked up at him thankfully, his beautiful smile shone down on me. He really was stunning, his eyes were so bright and they twinkled when he smiled. He must have seen the way I was looking at him, with complete adoration, but he didn't mention anything.

'So, whats wrong?' He asked me while twiddling with a strand of hair in my pony tail.

'Oh you don't want to hear about my problems Edward, I don't wanna drag you down too its not fair' I said while sniffling again.

'Bella, I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want to hear it'

I knew he was right, he was the kind of person that meant what he said and if he said he wanted to hear about my problems he would do nothing but listen and give me advice.

'It's Jessica's anniversary on Saturday' I said while looking down at my sleeves, I had pulled them over my hands and was playing with them.

'Yeah, I know. That's why I called you this morning, I knew this week would be hard for you'

'I just feel so guilty Edward, for having fun, making friends and you know just actually living when she can't' Tears brimmed my eyes again.

'Jess would not want you to feel like this Bella, you know that'He said while drawing me closer to him again.

'I know, I'm just so confused. Her mom wants me to speak at the memorial and I don't know if I can' I paused and carried on fiddling with the sleeves of the jumper.

'If you don't want to do it I'm sure Mrs Stanley will understand, she knows how hard this is and won't expect you to do something you feel uncomfortable with.

'I know, but I feel like I owe it to Jess, you know what I mean, I let her down, I need to do this to try to make it up to her."

I looked up at him and he had an almost confused expression on his face, I loved looking at his face, If I could I would all day.

'Bella, you do now that what happened to Jess was not your fault don't you?'

I knew that _now_ but it didn't help when it came to my guilt.

I looked down at my sleeves and cried silent tears, I know Jess wouldn't have wanted this for me, if she could slap me now she probably would have done and told me to pull myself together.

I looked up at Edward again and nodded ever so slightly, he wrapped his arm around me tighter and I turned to face him and buried my face in his chest,I wrapped my arm around his waist and held him tightly while he rubbed my back, told me he was here for me and kissed my hair which made me cry even harder. I was so confused, I was torn between feeling grief, hate, and anger over losing Jess to having such strong feelings of love towards my new friends and family and it was fucking with my head. I felt so unbelievably lost that I felt like I was drowing under the pressure of my emotions.

We stayed like that for a while without saying anything else, it was so calming being around him, he made me feel like I was the most important person in the world, It was just another one of his incredible traits.

As much as I would have loved to stay there all day we had to get up and get back to the house so I could finish up the dinner.

I let go of Edward and sat up looking at him through sad eyes

'Thank you Edward, you always seem to be the one helping me pick up the pieces when I have a meltdown'

'You know I'm here for you Bella, you could do this every day and I would be right by your side.' He replied, he brused a stray strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear stroking my face at the same time.

'I know and that means so much to me' I replied back.

'I would do anything Bella,You have no idea how much I care about you and if you need me I'll be there'

I knew he was being completely honest, he was one of the only people I knew I could trust explicitly.

He stood up and held out his hand to me, I reached out and took it and he pulled me to my feet, I brushed myself down with my free hand, I had leaves all over my backside and down one side of me from where I fell. I was suddenly aware that Edward was still holding my hand, my heart started racing at his touch. Something so simple as holding his hand meant the world to me.

He moved his head in the direction of the house and suggested we start up back towards the house.

'Is this ok?' He motioned towards our clasped hands.

'Its perfect' I replied back trying to hide the smile that was attempting to break through.

'You know, my hoodie looks good on you' He smirked at me.

Shit, I didn't even realise it was his, I just assumed it was Emmetts, that was fantastic! Not only did I have an emo break down, I had covered Edward's hoodie in crusty snobs.

'Oh sorry, I just grabbed it from the laundry room, I didn't know whose it was, I'll wash it.'

'Its fine Bella, it looks better on your than it does me' He threw me his gorgeous most dazzling smile. Thankfully he was holding my hand or my legs might have given way . He had a way of making me go from feeling so low one minute to high as a kite the next. Bipolar much?

We got back to the house and I Edward finally released my hand, he was so warm and safe it made my heart swell.

We headed into the kitchen and I checked on dinner, the chicken was smelling good so I washed my hands - not that I wanted to, Edward had been holding onto my hand for the last 10 minutes but not wanting everyone to get salmonella I decided it was for the best. I chopped up some onions, peppers and mushrooms and put the maranaded chicken breast in to cook.

I turned to clean up and noticed that Edward was still in the kitchen watching me, he was leaning up against the fridge with his arms folded and one leg crossed over the other with the most adorable smirk on his face.

I immediatly started blushing and smiled down at the floor , god he had such an impact on my feelings it was so intense. I heard a shuffle and looked up, he was standing directly in front of me, there was no sexy rubbing up against me though like last time unfortunatly, I stepped back and leaned against a long cupboard, he moved and put his arms up against the it at the side of my head.

My breathe hitched and I'm pretty sure my blood pressure was through the roof. _was it getting hot in here?_

I looked a mess, my hair was all over the place from being held against Edward for so long and my face was red and blotchy from crying but for some reason he was staring down at me, I couldn't take my eyes off him, his gaze was so intense.

'Bella' he sighed and leaned closer to me.

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT, he was gonna kiss me._

My internal happy dance was doing the friggin macarena as he leaned closer to me still gazing into my eyes.

He licked his lips and smiled at me slightly and brought his face to mine, he rubbed his nose against mine and I closed my eyes.

I felt his lips graze mine ever so slightly and he brought one of his arms down and around my waist pulled me towards him more.

I gasped as he did it and he grazed his lips over mine again, I opened my eyes and stared into his, I had never seen this look in his eyes before, it was incredible and made me go weak in the knees. He hadn't even kissed me yet and I was like jelly, he smiled at me again and moved in to kiss me.

I thought this is it, I'm finally going to know what its like to kiss Edward Cullen, I had been fantasising about this for years... among other things obviously.

I closed my eyes again and waited for it, It was been a fucking long time since I had kissed someone but it was like riding a bike right?

I felt his breathe on my face and felt him pull me closer, I smiled and licked my lips.

Just then, I heard it.

'Hey guys whats up?'

_WHAT THE FUCK_? My eyes flew open and Edward growled.

I'm about to get a leg poppin' fucking snog off the man of my dreams and in walks fuckin ALICE, all smiles and happy. _oh right, so its ok if she gets some just not me?? _

He let go of my waist and stepped back. _Nooooooooooo come back. God damnit._

Alice just stood there like butter wouldn't melt and smiled at us both, oh she knew what she had done. If only he wasn't teasing me with his fucking lips and we could have kissed but fuck me that was some seriously erotic shit.

I think he suddenly became aware of what the fuck was going and and he ran his hand through his hair looking quite sheepish and stuttered that he had something he had to do and left the room, I just stood there frozen. Oh my fucking god, he almost kissed me! _That must mean something right?_

My insides were churning and I felt like a buzz of adrenaline in me, I was giddy and nothing had even happened.... well it WOULD have done had snogblocking Alice not walked in.

I looked at her, actually I kinda glared at her.

'What?' She asked all innocent and shit.

'Alice' I hissed.

'_What??_' she said again

'You have the worst timing'I turned back around to check on the dinner I had only turned my back for a few minutes even though it felt so much longer when Edward was around. In his presense all logic and reasoning flew out of the window, the entire world revolved around him when he was that close to me. _Surely it wasn't normal for someone to do that? _

I didn't see Edward for the rest of the week and I was really gutted, if he had tried to kiss me once surely he would do it again.. Right??

Saturday was fast approaching and I was a nervous wreck. I had decided I would say something to honour Jessica's memory but I also decided that afterward the girls were taking me out to get me shit faced, chances are the way I would be feeling a liquid lunch would be desperatly needed.

I couldn't stop thinking about Edward, he consumed my every single thought whether I was asleep or not, even when I tried not to think about him I always did. I knew I had strong feelings for him, that much was obvious and knowing that he might actually resiprocate those feelings to some extent made me giddy with anticipation.

Everytime he was around my stomach would flip over and I would smile involuntarily, the slightest little touch would send my body into over drive. I couldn't help it though, and when he tried to kiss me the other day my heart was beating so fast I thought it would come flying out of my chest, I had never ever felt like this before and the feeling was incredible and almost a little bit scary.

I knew what I was feeling was more than just a crush like it was when I was younger. I was without a doubt, completely and utterly head over heels in love with Edward Cullen.

**Yay, she finally admits it. About bleeding time too!**

**I'll try to update once a week, if not more. I usually write 2 or 3 chapters in advance so if I do get a bit stuck or real life gets in my way you wont have to wait too long for an update.**

**Next chap will be up in a few days. Hope you enjoy reading **

**Sae x **


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all so much for being so patient with me, you are all amazing!**

**Thanks again to my amazing beta magenta who puts up with my endless rambling!**

**Thank you to Karon and Susan who always give me such wonderful feedback, I love all the reviews so thank you!**

**I own nothing!**

**Here we go!**

Saturday almost killed me, it was one of the most emotional, heart wreching experiences of my life.

I was so worried about how people would react to me being there but when I got there I was relieved to see it was only close friends and family that had been invited. Not the common rif raf like Lauren and Mike I had expected to see.

I just wanted to scream at anyone that did give me shit that it was highly inappropriate of them to be taking the attention away from why we were actually here. We were honouring and remembering my best friend.

The service was beautiful, it was held in the local church. Jessica had been christened here, her parents were married here and she always told me that when her and Emmett got married they would do so here, so I knew the place meant a lot to her.

A few people including Jess's mother,sister and a few relatives stood up and spoke about thier favourite memories of her, some which made me smile and most that made me bawl my heart out. I had expected it to be hard especially as it was still so raw to me but it was just so so emotional.

They had played Jessica's favourite songs and even showed a huge array of video's and pictures of her at stages through out her life and I was in almost every picture which broke my heart all over again.

My family had all come with me, we were all so close to Jess that she almost became part of our family too, it had devastated them when she died.

Edward also came along, he knew Jess well as we were always together, he had text me in the morning before the service and said he would come along for moral support. So I was there sat between my dad and Edward both of them holding my hand while I cried silent tears. In my lap was a piece of paper, a poem that I had found that I wanted to read out.

Every so often I would glance over at Emmett and Jasper who were giving me encouraging smiles, but I was still a complete mess.

I had tried so hard to stay strong but as soon as they started showing the pictures on this massive huge screen I broke down. Seeing her smiling and having a good time brought back so many memories for me good and painful and knowing I would never see that smile again because of my actions almost crushed me.

When it was my time to get up and speak I froze, I couldn't get up. I was a wreck, but looking over at Jess's mom and seeing how proud she was of me for even being there gave me the strength and determination to get up and speak.

Standing there was terrifying, my mouth was dry and my legs shaking. Seeing that no one looked at me with disgust or like I shouldn't have been there gave me the incentive I needed to speak.

I was so nervous but Jess deserved this and I was not going to let her down this time.

'Jessica was my best friend, my sister and one of the most incredible people you could ever meet' My voice was shaking, I was so nervous. I looked around the room swallowing thickly and saw that Edward was nodding at me as if to tell me I was doing ok, I looked over at Jess's mom who was smiling at me through her tears. I smiled back and glanced down furiously blinking away tears.

'I had a huge speech prepared but I'm not going to read it, It seems really depressing and Jess wouldn't want us to be grieving even though its hard not to, she would want us to celebrate her life and remember all the brilliant times we had together. They always say the good ones leave us first and I could not agree more. Jess was one in a million and no one could ever take her place. I love her with all my heart and not a day goes by when I don't think about her and wonder what life would be like now with her still here'

Tears were stinging my eyes at the thought of her and threatening to spill over.

'As you know, I didn't make it to Jess's funeral so today for me this about saying good bye to her properly, she was my _everything_ and my life without her is so painful.' I turned to look at a huge picture of her that had been put at the front of the church. I smiled remembering how care free and amazing she was.

'Without you Jess I'm lost, I miss you so much but I know one day we'll be together again, you meant so much to me and I'm so so sorry I didn't tell you that more often. I will never get over losing you, with time it will get easier but I know I wont ever get over this pain. You know more than anyone how I wish things had been different and if I could take your place you know I would in a heart beat.' I was pouring my heart out in a room full of people, some of whom I had never met before but I just had to get all these feelings out. I turned back to the chruch full of people and saw my dad was wiping his eyes with a hanky and smiling at me.

'I found this poem and when I read it I instantly thought of Jessica so I would like to read it for you all'

I looked at my peice of paper and wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down my cheek. If I started crying while standing up here, I knew I wouldn't stop.

The poem was beautiful, I wasn't very articulate so I knew despite wanting to I couldn't write anything quite as lovely. So I decided to read the one I had found.

'The poem is called Miss me, but let me go' I swallowed and took in a huge breathe of air, held my head up and started reading.

'When I come to the end of the day,

And the sun has set for me.

I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little, but not too long,

And not with your head bowed low.

Remember the love we once shared---

Miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take,

And each must go alone.

It's all part of the maker's plan,

A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick at heart

Go to the friends we know.

And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds---

Miss me, but let me go'

The poem was so typically Jess, she was such a happy person, I knew that seeing us so upset over her would only make her sad so when I came across this I knew it was perfect.

I let my shoulders slump and let my tears fall. I had stood and said my peice for Jess but it was so emotionally draining. I looked up towards Jess's mom to see if what I had said was good enough and she was bawling too, It broke my heart to see her so fragile and empty. She looked how I felt.

I stepped down and walked down the aisle back towards my seat, I walked past Mrs Stanley and she reached for my hand.

'That was just beautiful Bella' She cried.

'I'm so sorry' I choked out.

She stood and grabbed me, hugging me tightly as I cried into her hair. My heart was smashed into a million pieces and I knew that it would never be truly fixed.

'Thank you so much for doing that, it means so much' She took my face in her hands and kissed my forehead.

'I miss her so much, It's so hard' I cried

'Shhh, I know I know' She said while hugging me again.

She let go of me and I kissed her cheek and headed back to my seat.

I sat down and my dad grabbed my hand.

'Bella, you did so well sweetie, I'm so proud of you, Jess would have been so proud of you'

I looked up at him through my tears and smiled.

It took all of my strength but I had done it, this was by far one of the hardest things I had done in a long time and just being here meant so damn much to me.

After the memorial we headed back home, I was emotionally wiped so I didn't speak to anyone. I just stared out of the window wishing that things were different. I knew being there and doing what I did It would bring back memories but I didn't expect to feel so exhausted.

I must have fallen asleep in the car as when I woke up I was in my room on my bed fully clothed. My dad must have carried me up here.

I stayed up there for the remainder of the day just starting out of the window.

My door knocked a few times and my phone rang but I just ignored it and carried on just starting off into space.

Today was hard, emotionally and physically. I just wanted to be on my own for a while to think without everyone else yapping in my ear.

I fell asleep again eventually but had a nightmare for the first time in a few months. I woke up crying and sweating with my throat hurting again,

My door flew open and in came Edward looking terrified.

I flicked on my bedside lamp and looked at him , wondering what the hell he was doing.

'I heard you screaming, are you alright?'

'Oh, sorry. I had a nightmare' I said my voice croaky and hoarse.

He walked over to me and sat down next to me on the bed.

'Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

'No, I'm alright but now your here would you mind staying until I fall back asleep?' I wiped my eyes with the heels of my hands and scooted over so he could climb into bed with me.

He lay down beside me and threw his arm around my head, I rested my head on his chest like it was the most natural thing on the planet. We had only slept like this once before but it felt so... _right_. Although the last time I was in this position all I could think about was sex... now all I could think about was having a friend to hold me and stop my nightmares reoccuring.

We lay in silence for a while, Edward was drawing patterns on my bare arm with his finger tip soothing me immensely.

'Bells, you asleep?' He asked.

'No, just thinking' I replied my voice still thick with tears.

'You did really well today. You should be really proud of yourself' He said softly.

'Thank you, it was hard though. I didn't think I would be able to do it' I said back.

'Well you did and you did a terrific job'

I smiled and snuggled closer to him, I heard him exhale through his nose and he started rubbing up and down my arm with his hand and finger tips. His touch was so relaxing, it wasnt long before I started drifting off again, feeling much better that he was next to me.

I woke up in the morning to light pouring through my window alone. Edward must have left when I fell asleep, he probably didn't want to chance Emmett finding him and kicking the shit out of him for spending the night with me again.

I decided today was a great day to stay in my pyjamas and not move. I was good at doing nothing, it was something I could do well especially as I felt so completely wretched.

I flicked on my cd player and turned on Plumbs 'Cut', it was a really beautiful song even if it was a bit depressing.

I booted up my computer and checked my emails and found I had a few from Angela. I hadn't checked them in a few days so she was probably frantic. It was expensive for her to keep ringing my phone so I told her to just save her money and email me.

The first one was asking how I was and telling me how things were there, Her and Ben had broken up and I felt so guilty that I had only just read this. So I emailed her back telling her how sorry I was about the break up and how sorry I was for not getting in touch with her sooner.

I read the next few and found that she had booked time off over christmas and new year and she had asked if she could come visit for New Years, I was so pleased. It was only a few weeks away so I was so excited. I emailed her back telling her I couldn't wait to see her but that as a christmas present I wanted to buy her ticket. I knew she would say no but I wanted to do it for her, it was the least I could do.

I had one off Jessica's mom too thanking me for yesterday, it made my heart soar to hear how much I had touched her just by saying a few words.

I signed onto MSN messenger and saw that Edward and Alice were online. I didn't usually speak to people on instant messenger but I had no intention of leaving my room today except to pee so if people wanted to talk to me they could do so on here.

Alice popped up on my screen asking if I was ok and I told her I was alright but wanted to spend some time alone, she said she understood and would be back on later after she had taken her mom grocery shopping as her car was in being fixed.

I said bye to her and smiled, Alice was fantastic. I adored her , she had been so amazing to me as well as Rose but part of me still felt guilty for having them as friends when Jess wasn't here.

I was brought out of my thoughts by an instant message from Edward.

: Hey. you alright?

I smiled.

**Bella:** I'm good thank you. And thank you for last night, I'm sorry I woke you.

I waited for his reply anxiously.

**: **Don't worry about it, you worried me is all. Sorry I left, after what happened last time with Em, I didn't want to push my luck with him.

**Bella:** Well I appreciate it thank you. So what are you doing online?

: I'm trying to find the contact number for my cell provider, I keep getting crank phone calls at all times of the day, so I wanted to see if they could find out what is going on.

'FUCK' I shouted out loud. With everything that had gone on I had completely forgotten about the posters Alice, Rose and I had plastered up all around Forks and Port Angeles.

Shit, he was gonna go mental when he found out, I chuckled to myself.

**Bella:** Uhoh, not good. Did you piss off a girlfriend?

I had to try and throw him off the scent for a little while, I was in no fit mental state for him to be retaliating just yet so I needed a few more days at least until he found out it was me behind the calls.

: Oh, I know who is responsible, I'm just biding my time before I do anything. You wouldn't happen to know anything about it now would you?

Bugger, busted! He knew it was me, but he obviously hadnt seen all the posters that we had plastered around the place or he would have mentioned it already.

**Bella:**Me? No sorry. I know nothing. So, Angela is coming to visit for the New Year, she just broke up with her boyfriend. I cant wait to see her.

I changed the subject hoping that he wouldn't mention anything else about the phone calls he was getting.

**:** I see, that should be nice for you, Maybe she will keep you out of mischeif?

Crap, I needed to end this conversation before I implicated myself even further.

**Bella: **Hah, funny. Right I'm signing off. I have things to do. Catch you later?

**: **You sure will Stink, in the kitchen maybe?

Gah, he was trying to kill me. How I would love a repeat of what happened in the kitchen, only this time Alice would be gagged and locked in Jaspers bedroom so she couldn't interupt us.

**Bella: **You wish stud, I'm leaving now......

**:** I'm not stopping you leaving..........

**Bella:**You're still talking to me aren't you?

I was smiling hard at this point, he was so damn cute even over instant messenger.

**: **Bella?

**Bella: **Yes?

: You're still here. You can't seem to tear yourself away from me.

I laughed out loud at his, _oooh little did he know._

**Bella:**LOL. For the sake of your head I'm leaving now.

: My head?

**Bella**: Yeah, incase it swells so much you can't leave your room. hehe. It's a pretty head I wouldn't want to see it get hurt.

. Flattery will get you every where Miss Swan. My head thanks you.

**Bella**: good bye Edward.

: Good bye Bella......

I smiled and signed off. _God he was adorable._

I text Alice to tell her he had been getting crank phone calls and she text me back laughing and said she would call and see me tomorrow.

I spent the rest of the day in my room, I rearranged my wardrobe and threw the clothes I didn't want in a black bag, maybe I could see if Jess's sister wanted them?

I put my Katy Perry CD in and danced around my room still in my pjs. I needed to chill out and there was nothing like loud music to make me feel better.

I spent the rest of the day writing in my journal and doodling pathetic little hearts with Edwards name in them all over the pages.

I even called Angela and we had a long conversation about Ben. She had found out he was cheating with a regular in the pub so understandably she was devastated. She was meant to be spending Christmas with him and was gutted.

She had no other family as she was brought up by her Aunt so the thought of her alone in that big house over Christmas made me sad. So I suggested that she spent it here with me.

She insisted that she couldn't do that but I told her I really wanted her to and she finally agreed, she even let me pay for her ticket on the condition that she paid me back. I agreed but had no intention of actually taking any money from her.

I hung up, grabbed my purse off my dressing table, grabbed my credit card and booked her a plane ticket. She would be coming on December 22nd and staying until she had to be back at work on the 4th Jan,. I was so excited at the prospect of spending all that time together.

I called my dad just before I confirmed the ticket suddenly realising that I hadn't even checked it was ok with him

He said it was more than ok and couldn't wait to meet the girl he had heard so much about. Ang would be coming in less than 3 weeks, I was so excited.

The next few days passed unevenfully, I finally came out of my self imposed solitary confinement on Monday afternoon. I smelled so bad I was convulsing myself and decided if I didn't take a shower my room might kick me out.

I went grocery shopping on Wednesday with Emmett who was acting a bit strange. He kept staring off into space and had an odd expression in his face which worried me as he was usually such a happy person. Even when I mentioned what we were having for dinner that evening he didn't bat an eye lid so I knew something was kept telling me not to worry and ruffled my hair. That annoyed me when we were kids and annoyed me even more so now.

On the way home he finally confessed that he was feeling sick with nerves as he was going on a date with Rose on Fridy night. I didn't get what he was so nervous about, it was hardly their first date. he proceeded to tell me he was planning on asking Rose to marry him. I almost crashed the friggin' car when he told me. I slammed on the breaks, pulled over and hugged him so hard. I was so pleased I cried, it was the best news I had heard in a long time. It was just the kind I needed to hear to pull me out of this damn funk I was in.

Rose and Emmett were made for each other and they clearly adored one another so to say I was over the moon would be an understatement. I was estastic.

He told me that Jasper and Edward knew and showed me the ring he had chosen. He kept it tucked away in his jacket pocket. It was a stunning platinum diamond engagement ring encrusted with 4 smaller diamonds on either side of the big one. Rose was a lucky lucky girl, I was so jealous but over the moon at the same time. He confessed that despite being so confident all the time he was scared she might say no, I assured him that wouldn't happen as she was in love with him, he beamed at me and made me promise not to tell a soul.

I had a text off Alice on thursday evening telling me we were going to Friday night movie night whether I agreed or not which made me smile. Edward and Jasper were going to be there and it was Alice's turn to pick a movie.

I really didn't feel up to it but Alice was so persistant I agreed in the end to shut her up, plus Edward would be there... that was reason enough.

But I told her we would not be playing dress up Bella.

Friday rolled around and I was rudely woken at 10am by Edward tickling my face with a feather. What the fuck??

I didn't know whether to kick the shit out of him or be pleased I woke up to such a pleasant sight.

I leaned up on my elbows and looked at him. I couldn't decifer the expression on his face, he almost looked playful.

'Edward, what are you doing?" I asked while wiping the sleep from my eyes.

'So, I was in town this morning running an errand for your father and I came across something'

He had a mischevious glint in his eyes and I suddenly realised what the hell he was talking about. The fucking poster.

'I have no idea what your talking about Edward' I tried to play it cool.

'Oh you know _exactly _I'm talking about Bella' He held up the poster in front of me and my eyes widened in shock.

'I er.. We.. ' He held his hand up to shut me up which I did immediatly.

He turned the poster towards him and read out

'Sad, lonely princess seeks prince to rescue her........'

At hearing this I cracked up laughing, cackling and snorting. _Such a lady I thought._

'Oh, I'm glad you find this amusing. Do you know how many phone calls I've had about this ? I lost count at 34'

I cackled again and sat up properly.

'I wondered why people were looking at me funny, now I know why' he mused.

I looked up at him and saw that he was smiling with me. Im glad he was taking this in such good spirts. I can't say I would have been the same had the situation been reversed.

'Even my dad saw this and didn't tell me' He said.

I giggled again and apologised to him. He smiled and sent my heart soaring. Something was brewing between us, I knew he didn't feel as strong as I did about him but I knew he felt something and I felt like I was going to burst with pride.

'So, its movie night, You in?' He said while nudging my leg with his. He was sat on my bed facing me.

'Sure, its just us, Alice and Jasper though, Em is busy' I beamed at thinking what Emmett was doing tonight

'You know?' He asked

'Yeah he told me the other day when he took me grocery shopping, I can't believe my brothers getting married. I gushed,.

'Hold up, she hasn't said yes yet' He retorted.

'No, but she _will............._ or I'll kick her ass' I smiled again.

'Get up, I thought we could do something today'

'Like what?' I asked. Actually I didn't really care, spending the day with Edward was a bonus no matter what we did

' I wanna take you somewhere but we have to walk through the woods so wear something appropriate, none of those heel things ok?'

'Alright, I'll be ready in half an hour' I beamed at him,

I pulled back the covers and slid out of bed, Edward was still sat on my bed, I could feel his eyes on me. I cleared my throat and he shot up.

'Oh right yeah sorry, I was thinking. You just er get ready and I'll see you downstairs.'

'See you' I smiled as he left the room.

I hopped around the room waving my arms like a spaz, so pleased that I would be spending the majority of the day with Edward.

I got dressed and put on a pair of hiking boots, I grabbed a warm coat from my wardrobe and headed downstairs with my phone.

Edward was waiting for me in the kitchen, he had made a packed lunch for us and was putting it in his backpack.

When he saw me enter the room his face lit up and I'm pretty sure my face mirrored his.

'Ready?" He asked

'Yep, did you want a hand with that?" I motioned towards the food.

'No, I'm all done. Let's get going its about an hours walk'

He put the bag on his back and we made our way out the back door to the edge of the forest at the back of the garden.

Once in the woods he reached out and took my hand which I think caused my heart to stop beating. I glanced at our clasped hands and my stomach flipped.

He saw me looking and said 'Just in case you fall over again you know'

'Right, I do fall a lot' I agreed with him. If you looked up the definition of Klutz in the dictionary there would no doubt be a picture of me falling over something like....... thin air.

We walked in silence holding hands, our arms brushing against each other once in a while, and everytime it sent my nerves into spasm and made my heart race.

I had no idea where we were heading but I was with Edward so I knew I was safe.

About 45 minutes later we arrived at a clearing in the forest. Before us was a huge open field covered in bluebells. It was breathtaking. He led me into the middle of it and sat down on the grass, he motioned for me to come and sit with him.

'What do you think ? He asked.

'Wow, this place is amazing. It's beautiful Edward. I sat down next to him and he looked into his lap with his brows furrowed.

'I used to come up here a lot to think you know, I've never brought anyone else up here' He looked up at me and met my gaze.

'Thank you for bringing me here, It's wonderful'Wow I felt so honoured to be the only person he had brought here.

He lay back on the grass and stared up at the sky which was surprisingly blue.I lay next to him and for the next few hours we talked about anything and everything. The converstion inevitably involved Jess as she was there when we were both growing up but then it turned to James.

I hadn't told anyone how I found out James was responsible for Jess's death, they just knew that he was.

I found myself opening up to Edward.

James and I had broken up 2 weeks before Jess's death, I had realised that my family were right and he wasn't good for me, that and I really wasn't that interested in him so I decided to end it.

He seemed to take it well and told me that if I ever needed him to contact him, he even asked me if we could stay friends. I was pleased he had taken it so well, obviously we just hadn't meant to be together.

After Jess's death I had no one I felt I could talk to so I turned to James. He was not boyfriend material, not for me anyway, but I wanted him as a friend so I went to his apartment. I had only been here once before and I only stayed in the living area.

When I got there the door was already open. I called his name a few times but he didn't answer so I just walked in.

I assumed he had heard about Jess and would probably expect me to turn up. I had turned my phone off after it had happened as I was inundated with phone calls off old class mates and people I barely knew offering me their sympathy. I didn't want any of it, I just wanted her back.

I looked around the place for him and couldn't find him, there was only one room I hadn't checked and the door was shut so I pushed it open. It was completely dark so I fumbled looking for a light switch while calling James's name.

I found the switch and turned it on and was instantly horrified by what I saw. The room was like a dark room, for photography, the window was sealed off and no light was coming through. Around the room plastered on every wall were pictures of Jessica. Some were taken from a distance and some up close but it appeared that she had no idea she was being photographed.

She was smiling in almost every one of them. There were more of her hanging on like a washing line, I stepped into the room and looked closer at them, they were of her lying on the floor with blood trickling down the side of her head, her eyes were wide with fear but completely empty. Around her neck was a shoe lace. I gasped, my hand flying over my mouth and jumped back absolutely mortified but as I backed up I hit something I spun around and came face to face with James.

He had an sick even sneer on his face. My eyes were wide and I was completely terrified, It hit me so hard when I finally concluded that he had been the one that killed her. I vomited on the floor and screamed.

Clearly I was not meant to have found this room and I was fucking shitting myself wondering what the hell James was going to do now that I knew. I knew there was no chance I could just walk away and pretend like I hadnt seen any of this, he knew that I would be running straight to the police station.

'What the FUCK are you doing here?' He spat at me.

'I needed someone, I'm sorry, I'll leave' I tried to dash past him but he grabbed the back of my hair and pulled me to the floor. He punched me in the face and dragged me from the room kicking and screaming.

He punched me some more and I finally blacked out.

I looked up at Edward who was sat there completely shocked.

'I had no idea Bella' He said while holding my hand, his thumb rubbing circles into the top of my hand.

'I was so stupid Edward, I should never have gone there that day but I didn't know who else to turn to'

'He got with you to get closer to Jess' he concluded.

'Yes, the police said afterwards that they had found thousands of photo's of her over a span of 18 months. He used me to get closer to her but she knew he was bad news and warned me to stay away from him'

'He was sick, there was nothing you could have done to prevent this you realise that right? He would have done that regardless'

'I know, but that doesn't make me feel any better'

'Thank you for telling me that Bella, it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to talk about that'

I smiled at him as he continued to rub my hand.

'I trust you explicitly Edward' I said

'I know, come on lets have something to eat'

We tucked into peanut butter and jam sandwhiches, Edward apologised for not being able to come up with anything better but I just laughed it off, the fact that he had gone through the trouble of bringing me here and being thoughtful enough to bring anything to eat made me smile.

After we had eaten we headed back home. Edward had confided in me too, he told me that he was devastated when he found out Tanya had cheated on him in San Fransisco. Within hours of finding out he had packed his stuff and was on the first flight out of there. I felt there was something he was holding back but he had already shared so much I was grateful that he felt he was able to.

We got back to the house with just half an hour left before movie night started. I found Alice who was wondering where the hell I had gotten to but when she saw I was with Edward she just smiled at winked at him. He just dipped his head and sat down on one of the sofa's. Alice had chosen Wild Hogs. Another film with Kevin Durand, I was definitely being spoiled with all these hunky men. I needed a good laugh so this film was perfect.

I sat next to Edward who put his arm around the back of the sofa and I leaned into him, I was becoming so much more daring around him. At one point I would never even dreamed about doing this with him but I knew he didn't mind. Half way through the movie Edward started playing with my hair, I gotta admit I totally love it when he does that. It was something so simple but it was the simple gestures that I found so endearing.

I looked over at Alice and Jasper who were engrossed in each other not the movie, they were kissing extremely enthusiastically, I almost felt like I was invading on a private moment between them.I chuckled and carried on watching the movie. I laughed at it a lot, it was really funny. I needed a good laugh after the week I had had and being here wrapped in Edwards arms again made me feel so much better.

I looked up and saw that Edward was looking down at me.

'What?' I asked him

'Nothing' He smiled back

'No, come on, what?' I nudged his ribs with my elbow.

I sat up so that we were looking at each other without craning my neck.

He leaned his forehead against mine and breathed in deeply through his nose.

We were inches away from each other and all I wanted to do was have him try and kiss me again but I got the feeling he didn't want to.

'I just.... I'm really glad you came back Bella'

Wow, my heart just about burst.

'Me too Edward I whispered back.

He looked into my eyes like he was glaring into my soul and kissed the tip of my nose. I shyly smile at him he rubbed his nose down my cheek while wrapping his arm around my back tickling down my spine. He pulled me to him and I rested my head on his chest still with the biggest grin on my face. Had he just admitted he liked me? Was I being too optomistic?

I looked over to see that Alice and Jasper had detached themselves from each other and were staring over at us. _Uhoh, busted_.

Alice suggestivly raised her eyebrows while giving me the thumbs up and Jasper was smirking as if he knew something we didn't.

I just snuggled into Edward's chest and carried on watching the remainder of the movie.

Emmett called Jasper to tell him that he had proposed and Rose had said yes, I was so pleased and we all started congratulating them both down the phone, he said he wasn't coming home that night and had checked into a hotel room, apparantly Rose wanted to show him her appreciation. I was thankful they had the sense to get a room and not do it here. We said we would see them tomorrow and hung up.

The movie finished not long after and I said I was going up to bed. I hugged Alice good night and she whispered that she would come and see me in the morning for the info. I just laughed at her and said good night. I kissed Jasper on the cheek and went to leave.

'Bella, can I walk you to your room?' Edward asked

'Sure' I said while sneaking a glance at Alice who was bouncing up and down like a friggin spaz.

He took my hand and we headed up the stairs. I prayed that he wasnt leading me on, and that he actually liked me back or I know I would be devastated if I found out he didn't like me in return.

We got to my room and he let my hand go and opened the door for me. He was such a gentleman. I would have to remember to thank Esme for raising such a wonderful son.

'I had a really good day' I blushed.

'I did too, thank you for coming with me' He said while closing the distance between us. He wrapped one hand around my waist and pulled me closer to him in a hug.

I felt his breathe tickle my ear, he put his hand under my chin and lifted my head and gazed into my eyes adoringly. I knew in that instant he felt something for me. He leaned down and touched his lips against mine. _OH. MY. GOD Edward Cullen kissed me._

It was a soft passionate kiss, no tongues involved. This was Edward showing me he was prepared to risk Emmetts wrath.

He pulled his lips away from mine and smiled.

'I know you have feelings for me Bella' He whispered seductivly

'Uh huh' I replied still intoxicated by his presence.

'I feel the same way you know?' He said

'Uh huh' I replied again. I didn't trust my brain to come up with something clever or witty so instead I just mumbled.

'See you tomorrow?'

'Yes' I whispered as he kissed my neck.

_Holy fuck that was hot._

He released me and left me standing there like a fucking moron in the middle of my room.

Fuck, he liked me! I was completely overwhelmed. I never in a million years thought someone like Edward would be capable of having feelings for someone as boring and mediocre as me.

He was gorgeous and incredible and I was plain. If Alice had heard me saying such things she would have smacked me until I took it back.

I got changed and got into bed falling asleep with a huge smile on my face.

I woke up the next morning after having the most incredible sleep, I may or may not have had a really sexually explicit dream about Edward too, but I slept really well.

I headed downstairs to find a package on the kitchen table. There was a note from Edward on top of it which made my heart sore.

It read:

'Bella, this was delivered for you this morning but I didn't want to disturb you while you were sleeping. See you later. Edward. x '

I smiled as I opened the large white box on the kitchen table. I wondered what the hell it was. I took off the lid and peered in, my smile instantly faded. I dropped the lid and screamed as loud as I could. This was not what I had expected.


	17. Chapter 17

**I decided to post another chapter this week as I was so completely astounded as to the response of the last chapter...... and I kinda felt bad about leaving it the way it was lol!**

**Thank you so much for the reviews I got, it totally made me beam, you have no idea how much it means to me to get such positive feedback.**

**Thank you to Magenta as always for devoting her time to looking through my chapters!**

**Also, I would like to take this opportunity to pimp out her first story, Its incredible, set in world war 2, its so beautifully written. Check it out girlies! http://www(dot) fanfiction(dot)net/s/5827929/1/Angel_of_war**

**I dont own Twilight, but I do own the New Moon DVD.. yay!!**

I recoiled in horror with my hand over my mouth. What the fuck was going on? Why the hell was this doing in front of me? My eyes welled with tears and I gagged, I bolted from the room and to the bathroom where I dry heaved until I could barely breathe, I slumped onto the floor beside the toilet shaking like a leaf.

Did Edward do this? Why would he want to be so cruel?

I know I had played a few mean pranks on him but this was down right sick. I had never done anything horrible enough to warrant this.

I thought back to the night before, him telling me he had feelings for me, him kissing me and holding me and I burst into tears.

Never in my wildest thoughts had I imagined Edward could do something like this. I was horrified, disgusted and felt incredibly stupid.

I was sucked in, I fell hard and fast and been let down yet again. My head was spinning, how could Edward tell me that he cared for me and then do something so down right cruel? He was tortuing me emotionally and it was killing me.

I remembered the date today too, how fucking sick could he be sending me that on the anniversary of James's death knowing full well I would be feeling really emotional and vulnerable anyway?

I thought My Edward was different. _Hah, MY Edward, that was a fuckin joke. _

He wasn't mine and I very much doubted he ever would be. He had used me and then left that monstrosity in my house.

Was it to remind me how fucking stupid I had once been? I was stupid for trusting him and for falling for him again. I buried my head in my knees and cried. I had no idea how long I was sat on the cold bathroom floor but eventually I heard voices.

I dragged myself up, holding onto the toilet seat for support and opened the bathroom door. I didn't dare look in the mirror, I was a mess, I knew that without looking in the mirror.

I heard Edward and Jasper laughing with Alice as I left the bathroom and headed to the living room. How the fuck could he stand there laughing after what he had just done? I'm glad he found this shit funny. What exactly was funny about the way I was feeling right now?

I rounded the corner and glared at them all, I was still shaking mostly with anger but I was just so upset too.

Edward looked up and saw me and a huge smile appeared on his face, his smile then faded when he saw the state of me.

'Bella, what happened?' He said actually sounding concerned. _What a fuckin laugh. _

Jasper and Alice also stopped what they were doing and looked up at me with confusion on their faces.

'How could you' I seethed.

'Bella? What?' Edward asked me.

'I trusted you' I screamed at him.'How could you be so fucking _cruel_?'

I was now bordering on hysterical and tears were streaming down my face.

'I have no idea what your talking about Bella' He said as he walked towards me. As he stepped closer to me I backed away from him, I wanted him no where near me right now.

'Guys, whats going on?' Jasper asked sounding quite panicked.

'Ask _him' _I spat

'I _dont_ know what your on about' Edward said, he sounded aggitated now but what right did he have to sound to angry when I was the one that received that fucking box.

He was standing in front of me now and tried to put his arms around me, I roughly shoved him in the chest away from me.

'Fuck Bella, what the hell is your problem?' He yelled.

'How can you stand there and pretend you don't know whats going on Edward? I trusted you, I told you everything and this is how you repay me?? How could you stoop so low?'

'Will someone _please_ tell me what the hell is going on?' Alice shouted

Tears were streaming down my face and I was so angry I was shaking.

'_He_ got me back for putting up them posters, He sent me _that_.' I motioned towards the kitchen and they all headed in there to see what I was talking about.

I heard Alice gasp. Edward and Jasper said nothing.

They came back into the room and stared at me, I was livid.

'Bella, I swear to fucking god I did _NOT_ do that' Edward claimed.

'What, so it just appeared out of thin air? I snapped.

'It wasn't _me_, how could you think I would do something like that?'

I didn't want to hear anymore and turned my back and walked away. I stormed up to my bedroom and slammed the door. I turned my phone off and threw it on the dressing table and flopped onto my bed. He stood there and lied to my face, he had the audacity to try and hold me after being so fucking cruel. What the hell was wrong with him?

He genuinly sounded like he had no clue what was going on but seriously who else would have done something like that?. I lay on my bed and cried into my pillow for what felt like hours. I was completely in love with Edward yet so confused.

My head was swimming with so many different scenarios.

Who else would send me a wreath with a note that said . **_Bella, It won't be long, we will be together again soon. James. xxx_**

I must have dropped off as when I woke up Alice and Rose were in my room talking, Alice was sat next to me stroking my hair. As I came around they were talking.

'I _know_ he didn't do this Rose, he's not like this. You haven't seen him, he's devastated, in all the time I have known him I've never seen him on the verge of tears before'

'Who else had the opportunity and the motive Al?' Rose replied.

I lay there listening and pretending I was still asleep.

'No, your wrong, he didn't do it. He really cares about her her, why would he risk losing her again after all they have been through?'

As I was lying there, the cogs in my head were turning and it all clicked into place. Edward didn't do this. I had lashed at him instinctivly and he hadn't done it. _Oh my god, what have I done??_

'I really hope your right Alice, Emmett was so angry I thought he was going to kill him, he'll have a black eye for sure'

At hearing this I shot up completely forgetting I was meant to be sleeping.

'Emmett hit Edward? I yelled.

'Your awake then?" Rose smirked.

'What happened?' I demanded.

'Emmett and Edward got into a fight - Edward has gone to his parents house' Alice said while still stroking my hair.

'Shit, is he ok?' Despite blowing up at him I didn't want to see him get hurt. I still loved him, those kind of feelings didn't just go away.

Lashing out at him had been a reflex, he was the only one in my mind that had a reason to do that to me but deep down I knew he wasn't capable of being so mean.

'I have to see him' I cried as I got off the bed.

'Bella, I think thats a bad idea, you should just stay here' Rose said while holding my forearm

'No, I have to go to him' I hopped off the bed, threw my hair in a pony tail, grabbed my phone and ran down the stairs leaving the girls in my room.

I bolted out the front door even though there were people in the kitchen. I had no idea if the package had been removed or if it was still there.

I got in my car and headed towards the Cullen house tears still streaming down my face, I had to talk to him. I needed him to tell me what was going on.

Edwards car was in the driveway when I pulled up, I got out of the car and ran up the front steps and banged on the door.

Carlisle answered the door with a concerned expression on his face.

'Bella?' He asked

'Where is he? I have to see him' I said through my tears.

'I don't think its a good idea sweetie, I think he needs some time on his own'

'No, I need to see him Carlisle _please'_

'Dad its ok, let her in' I looked up at the staircase where Edward was standing. He looked like he had been crying, his beautiful face was all bashed up.

Carlisle moved aside and I smiled at him before making my way to the staircase were Edward was.

'I. I. need to talk to you' I said without looking Edward in the eye.

He turned and walked back up the stairs without saying anything to me and headed down the hall to his room. I followed him feeling completely dejected and stupid. I knew better than to jump to conclusions but I was just so all over the place I had been sure he had done it. Edward wasn't nasty though, I knew that. I had to make this right before I lost him altogether.

I stepped into his room and he was sat on his bed with his head in his hands.

He looked like a lost broken little boy , I had done that to him and I felt like the worst person in the world. My lip quivvered and I sank to my knees in front of him and cried.

'I'm so so sorry Edward' I sobbed.

I didn't dare look up, I didn't want to see the rejection and hurt in his beautiful face. _What had I done?_

I was the biggest bitch on the planet, out of everyone I could have blamed I go and blame the only person that has been there for me through thick and thin.

I loved this man, how could I think he would have anything to do with this?

I looked up at him and he was rubbing his hands through his hair still not looking me in the eye.

'Edward, please talk to me' I begged.

'Do you have any idea how I feel being accused of something like that?' He asked me, in a hard cold voice.

I totally deserved the way he was speaking to me but I flinched anyway.

'Do you _honestly_ think I'm capable of doing something like that to _you? _Do you really think that little of me Bella?

'I didn't think I'm sorry, I put 2 and 2 together and came up with 7. I just assumed it was you' I said while looking at the floor.

'That's your first problem Bella, you didn't stop to even ask me you just flat out accused me' He spat.

'Edward, I said I'm sorry'

What more could I say? I knew he was angry, I didn't blame him but I hated the fact that he was treating me so coldly, it devastated me.

I looked up and saw that his face under his eye was all swollen and sore. Rose was right, he would have a black eye in the morning. I instinctivly reached up and rubbed his face with my finger tips. He flinched and grabbed my wrist stopping what I was doing.

'Don't Bella' He snapped.

'I'm sorry, please don't shut me out. I need you' I begged him again. Shit I was panicking now, he was really hurt by my actions.

'I think its probably best if you leave, I'd like to be on my own for a while'

I didn't know what to say, I wanted to beg him to talk to me, and accept when I said I was sorry, but I knew Edward and if he wanted to be on his own to think then no matter how much I begged he wouldn't listen anyway, it would just piss him off even more.

He let go of my hand and I stood up. I could feel the tears well in my eyes again. I walked to the door but before I left I turned to look at Edward who was still sat on the end of his bed looking at the floor through his open legs.

'I really am so sorry Edward, please believe me' I sobbed as I left the room.

He didn't even reply, he didn't look up. I was heartbroken.

I ran from the house and into my car. I slumped my head against the steering wheel and sobbed my heart out. I had lost him. One of the best things that had ever happened to me and I go and fuck it up and lose him. I was devastated by my stupidity. I was so in love with him, it hurt me so much to realise I would never be with him.

I drove him feeling so unbelievably miserable. I couldnt believe what was happening, just as things start going really well for me along comes someone ready to fuck it up for me.

I got home and Emmett was waiting for me, I didn't wanna talk to him not after what he did to Edward so I just ignored him and carried on into the house while he called after me.

My dad was in the kitchen with 2 of the towns police men, when they saw me I just rolled my eyes and headed up the stairs.

'Bella?' My dad called

'What?' I said back

'Hows Edward?"

'How do you think dad? I accused him of sending that to me, he hates me.' I sank on to the steps and my dad came and sat next to me wrapping an arm arond my shoulders.

'He'll come round sweetie, I know him'

'Emmett punched him,and after what I did he won't forgive me. I don't think I can fix this' I sobbed

'You really like him don't you?'

I looked up at him, his eyes held such adoration for me.

'Yes, I do and I thought he liked me too'

'Maybe thats why he's so upset then Bells? Cos he cares about you too?'

'Well, I guess I'll never know, I royally screwed up. I didn't even think,I just accused him. I'm so stupid'

He held me tighter and kissed my hair.

'Your not stupid sweetie, but I do think you acted rashly. He'll come around and I promise you I will find who sent that to you.'

'Thank you dad, I think I'm gonna go lie down.'

'Love you Bells' He said as I stood up to leave.

'You too' I smiled even though I really wasn't in the mood to be smiling.

* * * * *

I stayed in my room for the next few days, only coming out to have something to eat and go to the bathroom. I kept texting and ringing Edward but his phone kept going to voice mail, I guess he didn't want to talk to me. I even checked MSN to see if he was on there and he never was. He hadn't come by the house either. I had really screwed things up.

On Thursday that week after hardly speaking to anyone I came downstairs to find my dad and brothers shouting in my dads office.

'You have to tell her' I heard Emmett say. 'She has the right to know'

I kept quite but stepped closer to the door to hear what they were saying. They were talking about me that was for sure.

'You really think she wont freak out when she finds out?' My dad replied in quite an aggitated tone.

'I think Emmetts right dad, if she finds out that we have hidden this from her she will go mad, I think we should show her'

I heard enough, what the hell were they keeping from me? I burst through the door and stood there with my hands on my hips.

'Show me what?' I demanded.

All three of them stared at me, wide eyed. They knew they were busted, they had no choice but to tell me now.

'Bella sweetie, how are you feeling?' My dad asked me. I knew he was stalling but I wasnt having any of it.

'Dad, what is going on?' I asked

Jasper and Emmett looked worried and were looking at each other having an almost like they were having a silent conversation with each other.

'Its nothing for you to worry about Bella' My dad replied,

'Bullshit, if it wasn't important you wouldn't be yelling about it' I plonked myself down on one of the chairs.

'I'm not leaving until one of you tells me what the fuck is going on' I said stubbornly.

'Bella, we wont let anything happen to you alright? We'll do everything in our power to keep you safe' Jasper said.

Ok now I was worried, Jasper never panicked and he was clearly scared. What the fuck was going on?

'What?' I muttered confused.

'Things have been arriving for you all week, we thought at first it was a sick joke but we have reason to believe now someone may actually be out to harm you Bells' My dad said.

Someone was trying to harm me? _WHAT? Who???? WHY?_

'I don't get it, what things?' I asked

Emmett handed me a stack of papers. I looked at them and my heart sank. They were pictures of me, some of me in the woods behind my house while running, some of me in town , some of me with Alice and Rose and some of me with Edward but in every one my head was circled with red marker pen ,with like a bulls eye drawn on it . I felt sick. Who was taking pictures of me?

There were even some of me inside the house, obviously I was being watched.

Something was going on and I had no idea what but I had the chills, goosebumps broke out all over me. Someone was out to get me.

'Bella are you ok?' I looked up to see all 3 of them staring at me.

'When did these arrive?' I asked trying to hide my nerves.

'Some came yesterday and some a few days ago but these came today' My dad handed me some more sheets of paper.

I literally stopped breathing when I saw that someone was threatening me in them. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry. Surely this wasn't happening? This was ridiculous.

'Bella under no circumstances are you to leave this house on your own, do you understand me?'

'This is a joke right? This can't be happening' I said in barely a whisper.

'Bella its happening and until we know for sure if its a genuine threat. I want you to just listen to me, Please sweetie just listen to me and not leave the house alone'

I just nodded at him.

'I have had your car chipped so I know where it is at all times just to be on the safe side'

Usually I would have fought him and called him insane for suggesting something so ridiculous but I had no energy, I wasn't about to fight with him so I just nodded.

Emmett and Jasper were just standing there, normally Em would have been joking and laughing but seeing that he wasn't made me realise this was not a joke, this was real and they were worried. So naturally seeing them panic caused me to panic too.

'Does Edward know?' I asked casually.

'Edward is aware of the situation yes but has said he will be staying with his parents for a while' My dad told me.

'Oh' Was my reply.

He didn't want to be anywhere near me, and that hurt me so much, I had prayed that after a few days he would cool off but he had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

I was being watched by some lunatic and all I could think about was Edward. _Great!_

Over the next few days I started getting weird phone calls from an unknown number. At first I thought it was Edward calling me back but when I answered all I could hear was heavy breathing. No one would talk. I really wanted to turn my phone off but deep down I was praying that Edward would call or text me back so I never did. I just kept it on vibrate and ignored the crank calls. Someone was obviously bored, I didn't pay any attention to it and despite my fathers concerns I never told him about them either. What was the point in getting him even more worked up?

I emailed Edward a few times too telling him how much I missed him and how sorry I was but he never replied, I wasn't even sure if he checked his email but I never gave up hope.

I missed him so much. I even found myself going into his room just to smell him, to be close to him. I slept in his bed almost every night which I totally get is kinda weird but I needed to be near to him and this was the closest place right now.

I constantly wondered where he was and what he was doing. I know this must have seemed really stalkerish but after having him in my life every second of every day to having him just gone was really hard, harder than finding out some freak wanted me dead,

I woke up one morning about a week later in his bed holding on to his pillows to movement in the bedroom. You know that feeling you get when you know someone is in the room with you? I felt that and shot up to find Edward standing there with a duffle bag putting clothes into it. He was facing away from me, he looked so sad.

'Edward' I exclaimed.

'I didn't mean to wake you, I was just collecting a few things' He said not looking me in the eye.

'Please Edward talk to me, I'm sorry' I begged.

'I know you are Bella, but I need some time with my family'. He turned to me and smiled a small smile but it was a start right?

'Please don't leave me' I said in a small voice.

He sighed and sat on the end of the bed looking at me.

'I just need some time to figure shit out' He sounded so worn out. I looked at his beautiful face, his black eye was gone but he had bags under his eyes which suggested to me he wasn't sleeping very well and he had stubble all over his face.

'I miss you' I said sadly 'We all do, Emmett didn't mean to hit you he was just worried' I babbled.

'I know that, we've talked things with me and Emmett are ok now.' He said.

_What so he can forgive Emmett for thumping him but he cant forgive me for making an honest mistake?_

A mistake that clearly had devastated him I thought sadly.

'So come back...... _please' _I begged. I just wanted to touch him and tell him how sorry I was or to hold him and never let him go.

'I don't think thats such a good idea Bella. I'll still see you around'

He stood up and collected a few more things and put them in his bag. Surely what I had done wasn't that bad? I said sorry, how many more times could I say it?

'I'll see you soon Bella' He said.

I freaked and dived out of the bed. 'No Edward, please don't go. I need you, you can't leave'

I was sobbing by now and acting like a crazy person, first I sleep in his bed in his clothes then I try to stop him leaving.

'Bella I need to do this. I'm sorry' He slung his bag over his shoulder and looked at me with such sadness in his eyes. I wanted him to bend down and kiss me and promise me everything would be ok but he didn't.

Why was he doing this? Couldn't he see I was in love with him?.

'No, please Edward, I love you' I looked up into his gorgeous green eyes silently begging him to say it back, but I knew deep down he didn't feel that way about me.

'I know' was all he said as he turned and walked from the room leaving me on my own sobbing and shaking. I had just opened up and told him how I felt and he rejected me. My heart shattered into a million pieces and I fell to the floor.

I was sick of pretending I was ok, I was not ok, far fucking from it.

I had just lost the love of my life, and on top of that some lunatic with a grudge was giving me shit. I needed to get out of the house. I wanted so much to go after Edward but I knew he would just blow me off and tell me to go home so instead I decided to go see Jessica. I went up to my bedroom and changed into a pair of tracksuit bottoms and grabbed Edwards hoodie.

I was in a daze, in the space of 2 weeks my life had been turned upside down again. Why was this constantly happening to me? I wasnt a bad person, _was I_?

Sure I was a bit of a tool sometimes, I didn't think before I spoke but I wasnt a bad person, so why did shitty things keep happening to me?

I headed out of the house quietly, I knew my dad would go insane for leaving without telling him but nothing had happened except a few phone calls, so I decided it would be ok to head out for half an hour, I had been cooped up in the house for almost 2 weeks and I was going mad.

I hadn't even seen Alice and Rose, I missed them both so had rang and text me but it wasn't the same. Rose was busy at work and with wedding preperations and Alice knew I wanted to be alone, and I did at first... now I was just bored, I needed my friends, I needed Edward. My heart was aching for him already.

I got into my car and headed to the cemetary, I pulled up and got out heading up the path to where Jess's grave was located.

I sat down next to it and started pulling off the dead leaves, It was quite cold today so I was glad I brought the hoodie. I started talking to her, telling her about the shit that had happened and how royally I had screwed up with Edward. I told her how much I loved him and how much I had hurt him.

I had to make this right but I didn't have a clue where to start, it was clear he needed time on his own but all I could think about was the fact that he was no longer going to be around.

How was I meant to fix this when he wanted to be no where near me?

I heard leaves crunching and turned around, I had deep down hoped that Edward had come to me, to tell me how he felt and that he forgave me, I saw feet but before I had chance to look up to see who was approaching me I heard a thud and felt a searing pain in the back of my head. Then the world went black.

**So what do we think? Another cliffy... sorry dudes lol!!**

**Lemme know what you think and who you think is messing with Bella!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hola girlies, This chapter is slightly shorter as real life has totally been getting in my way - how rude is that?**

**Thank you again to my amazing friend and beta Magenta, your wicked! **

**So, I've been listening to Halestorm loads this week , check them out if your into female fronted rock bands, totally shit hawt!**

**Anyhoo I don't own Twilight but thanks to my friend Donna I am now the proud owner of the Robsesssed DVD which I've totally had to hide from the hubster as he keeps threatening to throw all my stuff out as its taking over the house! I did warn him it was grounds for divorce if he did, and so far my stuff has remained safe! *phew***

**K next chappie, as always let me know what you think:D**

When I was younger life seemed so much easier. I had my entire future planned out, I was going to marry Edward and have a million gorgeous bronze haired babies and Jess was going to marry my brother and we would eventually become sisters, just like we always wanted to be. We would sit around and talk about our weddings and what our dresses would look like, who would be our bridesmaids, she even wanted my dad to give her away as she had no father of her own. Of course we had to get their attention first... but we had plenty of time to do that, we were only 12.

Looking back it was the most absurd conversation we had ever had and it was highly unlikely to happen but I would give anything to be back there now thinking the way we did and having those mundane conversations.

I had lost Edward and Jess was gone, neither of us had our happy ending. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

I knew I was lying down and had been for some time as my legs were numb and my toes had pins and needles in them. My shoulders were aching and my arms were behind my back. My head was throbbing and I couldn't see anything. I opened my eyes and still all I saw was black.

Death cant be _nothing_... surely there is something in the after life? Even if its just haunting people or whatever but that can't just be it? I thought at least I might get reunited with Jessica and my mother but so far it was nothing but blackness and pain. Hang on you can feel pain when your dead? I thought the pain ended when you died? _Wow this was confusing._

I heard a crunching noise and I jerked forward slightly. _Ahhh so Im not dead then?_

Totally not the time to be making inappropriate comments to myself but it was either that or I was gonna cry and never stop.

I finally realised I was moving, well I was.. we had just stopped.

What the hell am I doing lying down? Where am I?

I suddenly realised where I was meant to be and remembered someone had hit me on the back of the head.

I tried to remember who it was but all I could feel was a searing hot pain in my head and shoulders. I tried to move My hands to instinctivly touch where I was hurting but they were tied. Now I really was frightened, someone really _was_ out to get me.

I started crying hot salty tears and lay there shaking silently as I realised I might not see my family again, might never see Edward again. I had felt this feeling of dread before and that was after I had found the pictures of Jess in James's house. I had this intense pressure in my chest and was shaking involuntarily. My breathing was fast and my heart was hammering out of my chest, I felt like I couldn't breathe deep enough to get enough oxygen into my lungs. I was fucking terrified.

I moved my head but realised that there was something stopping me from being able to see, I had something over my head. I tried to move my head from side to side to get it to move free but it wasn't budging.

I had like a zillion scenarios playing around in my head as to why I was here and the only person I kept coming back to was James What if I hadn't killed him? People survive gun shots don't they? I didn't stick around long enough to make sure he was dead I just assumed after shooting him that many times that he had died, but what if now I was back he was after revenge?

I had survived once, I highly doubted I would for a second time.

I was going to die without saying the things I needed to the most to the people I loved the most. My poor dad having to go through this again, it would kill him. He loved having me back, he was so happy. Even my brothers had said he had mellowed out since I was back, and my brothers, my amazing brothers who meant the world to me, they were going to be devastated and so angry at the fact that I stupidly went out alone. Would they blame me? Think it was what I deserved for not listening?

I had a habit of doing this, people tell me things for my own safety and I don't listen, I think I know better. But look where its gotten me...._ twice._

And Edward, poor beautiful Edward. I would never find out if he ever loved me see his stunning smile again and never have him hold me again.

I cried some more, I have no idea how long I was lying down but with the noises and the vibrations I made out that I was in the boot of a car maybe?

That's probably why I couldn't see anything, that and the fact that I was fucking blind folded.

I remember when I was 6 I told Edward I was going to marry him, he was about 10 at the time and he laughed at me. He told me he was never going to get married because he would have no time for girls when he became the 'bestest most amazing astronaut in the world'. His words, not mine.

I must have known deep down back then that we were meant for each other. He was adorable even 15 years ago.

When the Cullens first moved into town, they knew no one. Emmett had befriended Edward in school, he had no siblings and no friends and Emmett felt bad for him so he took him under his wing, as did Jasper. The three of them over the years became a force to be reckoned with. They were inseperable, and if someone pissed one of them off they pissed all of them off. So most of the time people didn't do anything to wind them up.

I remember falling over as I was coming out of school once when I was about 8 or something and banging my knees up, instead of helping me people pointed and laughed. Edward had come to my rescue and told people to back off or he would flatten them. _My hero_.

He wiped my tears and told me that if anyone gave me shit to come and find him. I can't remember exactly when my crush on him started, I just knew for a long time that I liked him and wanted to marry him. Even if it was a silly joke back then, I still wanted more than anything to be able to do that.

But the chances of that happening now were bleak, If I managed to live through whatever the fuck was going on then maybe I could mend our fractured relationship, if thats even what we had? We had shared one kiss but that one kiss had meant so so much to me. It was more intense than anything I had ever shared with anyone before.

Angela would be so proud of me... _Oh shit, Angela_.. She was meant to be coming to see me in a few weeks, she would be devastated to find out something horrible had happened to me. She was the type of person that would blame herself even though this was far from her fault, she would never harm a hair on anyone's head I loved that about her. She was so selfless and incredible and the thought of not seeing her again broke my heart.

We came screeching to a halt, I heard the tyres stopping. _Yep, definetely a car._

I heard the car door slam shut and I started panicking again Thinking of my family had calmed me some but that feeling of dread never really left.

There was noises pretty much right next to my head, a few thumps and eventually sunlight. Well not much but you know when you have your eyes closed and someone opens your curtains to sunlight? You can still see it through your closed eye lids? Yeah, it was like that.

Someone yanked my arm and pulled me, a searing pain shot through my shoulder and I cried out. The person didn't talk or tell me to hurry up they just kept pulling my arm and hauling me out of the car. It had to be James, I can't believe I didn't check that he was dead, I should have gone to his fucking funeral just to make sure he was dead and buried, I should have spat on it too the bastard.

I was whimpering as I was being dragged across the floor, road, whatever it was. I still couldn't see much, other than the odd flash of light. My shoulder was causing me some serious distress, much more than my head, other than the thumping pain it didn't feel too bad.

'Who are you?' I suddenly shouted out feeling brave.

'What do you want with me?'

No one replied, they only gripped the top of my arm harder and tugged me. I almost fell over my feet but managed to correct my footing.

I heard the creacking of an iron door or something and was pushing inside it.

The person let go of my arm and I heard the door slam shut. Now I had more room to move I managed to wriggle my wrists hoping to get them free, I managed to get one lose but by now even my wrists were stinging with the constant friction, I knew that who ever it was meant business.

I managed to losen my wrist enough to pull it free and pulled whatever it was covering my eyes from my face. It was like a bandana so I pulled it down around my neck. I reached up and touched my sore shoulder. I didn't remember injuring it so I wondered if I bashed it when I was thrown into the boot of the car? It was stiff and sore, I had probably just pulled a muscle. I was seriously unfit so it wouldn't surprise me if moved the wrong way it would seize up!

I looked down at my wrists and they were red and bloodied up, I had been tied up with rope and had some serious burns on them due to me moving them so much. They were painful but I was in survival mode, this was nothing compared to what I had been through.

My eyes stung and I blinked about a thousand times just to be able to focus, they were dry and sore but I saw that I was in a small room with no furniture, no nothing. It was dirty and smelled like urine. It made me gag, there was a small window that was pretty high up but when I stood on the other side of the room I could see out of it slightly. It looked like I was downstairs in some sort of cellar? I could see the ground outside above me, I didn't recognise it though so I had no idea where we were. I ran over to it and reached up to see if it could be opened but there wasn't even a handle or anything that I could grab, it was like it was welded shut. I slapped the wall hard and grunted._ Fuck!_

I slunk down under the window and stared at the door, There was nothing in the room that I could use as a weapon or anything to defend myself if anyone did come back but I guess they wouldn't have thrown me in a room with anything that could be used to harm them.

James had been wreckless for leaving his gun where I could reach it last time, he obviously thought I wasn't able to move as he had just stabbed me in the side, he made that mistake once, I very much doubted he would do it again.

I sobbed into my knees, I couldn't believe I was having to go through this again. Would my family know I was gone yet? Would they be out looking for me?Would Edward be helping them?

If I ever got out of here I would do nothing but spend the rest of my life trying to make things up to my family and friends,. I would never again be so wreckless and stubborn, If someone told me something for my own safety I would take it at face value and never question it.

I must have fallen asleep, how I managed to relax enough to do that I have no idea but when I woke up there was a plate of food in front of me. There was mashed potatoes, peas and a lamb chop or something. I had no intention of eating it even though I was starving, it could be poisoned for all I knew. I wasn't about to take that risk so I just sat and stared at it.

How did things turn out so fucking bad?I had made one mistake, ok granted it was an epic cock up but still, why did bad things keep happening to me?

How was I meant to get over losing Jess and move on with my life when I'm constantly reminded of what happened? Its like someone doesn't want me to move on.

I heard movement behind the door and panicked again. The door creaked open and someone stepped in. I looked up and saw someone standing there all in black with a black hoodie over his face. He was tall and thin, definatly not James! James was shorter.

He pointed a gun at me and my heart literally stopped beating.

'Get up' he ordered.

I scrambled to my feet not wanting to piss off a random gun wielding lunatic.

He walked over to me and I instinctivly backed up, but I was against a wall so I had no where else to go. He stood in front of me and gripped my arm and whispered 'If you do as your told I won't have to hurt you'

He smelled like cigarrettes and stale beer. I nodded not trusting my own voice and he dragged me from the room.

'I see you got out of the ties?'

I just nodded, if I spoke it probably would have come out as a squeek.

I was absolutely terrified and started whimpering again. Was I about to die?

I had no idea who the person standing next to me was, well at least I didnt think so but he obviously knew me. I kept sneaking glances at him out of the corner of my eye, he had a very long sharp nose and sunken eyes. Black hair whisped out of the side of his hoodie onto his face.

He pulled me down a darkened corridor, everywhere smelled like old piss and through a few doors, he was pulling me so fast I hardly had a chance to take everything in.

I even contemplated trying to escape but he had a gun, how far would I get without him shooting me in the back?

I just kept my mouth shut and carried on walking. He led me do a door and pushed it open.

'Sit' he told me as he pushed me into the room. I complied and sat down on the old wooden chair. There was one light hanging from the ceiling and again a few windows, I couldn't see outside now which I presumed meant it was night time.

He closed the door and leaned against it glaring at me with a menacing look on his face, he had pulled down his hood but I still had no idea who he was and what he wanted with me. He was scruffy looking, his hair all greasy and matted to his head. He obviously hadn't shaved in a while. He was pale and thin and by the looks of it in desperate need of a good meal!

I had to know why I was here so I mustered all the courage I could and sat upright.

'Who are you?" I demanded.

'You don't know me' He replied coldly. _Well yeah, I had made that connection myself thank you very much._

'If I don't know you, what do you want with me?'

He laughed as if I should know what I was doing here. It wasn't a funny ha ha laugh, it was a vicious laugh with no feeling.

'You'll find out soon enough' Was all he said.

What the hell did that mean? Was someone else coming? I was relieved to see it wasn't James that was holding me here but he could still be in the building and the thought that he was lurking around here somewhere terrified me.

'Did you take those pictures of me?' I asked

'Yep' he said popping the 'p'.

'And sent those things to my house' It wasnt a question, it was a statement.

'Quite the clever little one aren't you? I can see why James was so taken with you' He gave a little laugh.

My blood ran cold, I knew deep down this had something to do with that sadistic bastard but hearing it come from his lips chilled me to the core. This guy knew James. He was here I could feel it in my bones.

Shit, I had to get away.

I stood up from the chair, picked it up and threw it at him and ran for the door.

It missed him and bounced off the wall. He darted for me as I made my break towards the door and grabbed both of my arms and threw me back onto the floor.

I screamed out as I hit the cold dirty tiles, he walked over to me and kneeled down at the side of me. Rubbing the gun down the side of my face he sniggered. The cold hard metal scared the living shit out of me .

'But he didn't tell me just how fiesty you were' He taunted.

'Fuck you' I spat.

'Now there's a thought' I looked up and saw the evil smirk on his face. Oh my god, was he going to rape me? I could not go through that... not after last time.

He leaned down and whispered into my hair. When Edward did that it made my stomach flip and my heart race but when he did it it made my stomach turn, I wanted to vomit.

'I told you, if you did as you were told I wouldn't harm you' His voice was raspy and threatening.

I was so frightened that I was frozen in place. He stood up and laughed as he moved back towards the door.

'Now if you try that again I will hurt you' he warned.

I stayed on the floor just staring at him. I was really terrified.

This was real, whoever he was knew James and he was out to hurt me, to punish me for what I did to him? But why 2 years later? Why not get me while I was vulnerable in the hospital?

None of this made sense.

I needed to get the fuck out of here before I wasn't able to walk. Maybe I could lure him into a false sense of security and then when he let his guard down I could bolt?

No, that shit only happened in the films. He obviously had planned this well enough there was no way he was going to let his guard down.

'Whats your name?' I asked.

I knew I had to try and find out what was going on.

'Why?' He replied

'Well, I figured if we are stuck here together I might as well know your name, its not like I'm gonna be able to tell anyone' My voice was wavering, he must have heard the fright in it and he sniggered again.

'Good point, I might as well tell you. It's not like your going to be leaving here' I gulped and sat up wincing at the pain in my head and shoulder.

'Luke' he said.

'I'm Bella' I said even though I knew he already knew that.

He just chucked again. I had no idea what I was doing but it was better than sitting here wondering what was going through this maniacs head. I had no intention of getting friendly with him, I just wanted to kill time and maybe distract him. Who knows, I might be able to distract him enough to get the gun from him? I know, wishful thinking on my part. Another thing that only happens in the movies

'Why am I here?' I asked him again.

'I think you know why Bella' he said. When he said my name it sounded all wrong. When Edward said it it sounded so seductive and sexy but when _Luke_ said it it came out all smarmy and creepy.

'If I knew why I was here, do you think I would be asking?' I snapped at him.

_Good idea Bella, get snippy with a freak with a gun, excellent plan! _

He just glared at me with those horrible ice blue eyes. He stood up straight and waved the gun at me.

'I don't really think you wanna be taking that tone with me, remember I have the gun' he reminded me.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' I said raising my arms in like a surrender. _Way to go Bella you fucktard!_

He relaxed and leaned against the door with his arms folded watching my every move.

'You were brought here because of what you did'

What, that made no sense? I didn't do anything!. Ok, yes I did, I shot James but any idiot could see that was purely self defence.

'I didn't do anything' I shouted.

'Yes you DID, you shot James' He snarled at me.

'Because he stabbed me and killed my best friend you fucking idiot' I shreaked.

_Uhoh, stupid stupid move_.

He looked furious. He crossed over to me in about 3 steps and slapped me so hard across my cheek I thought my teeth had broken.

Fuck, that hurt. Tears stung my eyes and my face was hot and throbbing.

'Don't fucking talk to me like that bitch' He spat. 'Especially if you want to live to see tomorrow'

I flinched at him as he spat venom at me. My lip was bleeding and my cheek was really sore, he had one hell of a mean back hand that was for sure.

'You fucking shot my brother and now your going to pay'

_Brother? _My eyes widended in fear.I didn't know he had a brother.... this was pay back?

'What? Your brother?' I stammered. I was so confused. This was retribution for shooting his sick twisted brother? Did they breed crazy in this family? After what his brother had done he still wanted revenge?

'Opps, did I forget to mention that?' He snickered at me in a menacing tone.

As he leaned over me I heard the door swing open and in stepped someone.

Luke started sniggering again and moved out of the way. My mouth hung open when I saw who was standing my blood ran cold and my heart literally stopped beating. _This could not be happening._

'_YOU' _I said, the fear quite evident in my voice.

**Im becoming queen of the clilffies lol! so sorry people!! **

**not many chappies left now guys, maybe 5 at the most!**

**SO, who do we think it is? **


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm so totally amazed with the response to the last chapter, Thank you for everyone that took the time to read this and review it and thank you to the people that sent me private messages! IT really made my day.**

**I would really like to take this opportunity to thank my regular readers and reviewers in particular Susan Collins, Suhryna, auroraboralis, cheermom13, because I want to, lovinglife2010. Your all incredible. Thank you to the people I havent mentioned either, I really do appreciate everything!**

**Aww look at me getting all soppy!**

**Anyhooo, A huge thank you to my beta Magenta, if you haven't checked out her story Angel Of War, totally do so after this obviously lol! Its awesome!**

**As always I don't own Twilight or its characters I just mess with them and make them miserable!**

**Right, now to find out who it was...... lets see how many of you guessed right!**

My head was spinning, I felt nauseous and like I was about to pass out. This made absolutely no sense what so ever.

My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and I had a seriously bad headache, my throat felt like it was tightening and I was cold, like seriously cold all over my body.

I was trying so hard to figure out what was going on and why this was happening but I just could not get my head around it all. All this thinking was hurting. You know the feeling of dread you get when you watch a horror film? Instead of it dying down once you get over the initial shock it had been in my chest since the moment I woke up. Now looking at the person in front of me it had increased ten fold.

I couldn't even begin to describe my shock as to what was happening, if I thought things were bizarre before, I had seriously misjudged the situation, things were getting worse and worse by the minute. I was suddenly in the middle of a very fucked up situation.... well a more fucked up situation than I was in before.

'_You' _I said again.

'Surprised?' I was asked.

I had nothing to say, surprised didn't even begin to cover what I was feeling right at this moment in time.

Horror and dread were up there but surprise was not.

'Why?' I asked suddenly feeling really teary.

Luke sniggered and came towards me again. I immediatly backed up away from him and he laughed at me again.

'I see you met Luke?' He likes to hit things in case you hadn't noticed'

_Hmm, that did not happen to escape my attention thank you._ I thought sarcastically although I had no intention of saying it out loud incase mr muscle over here cracked me round the face again.

My question as to why this was all happening remained unanswered, instead I was pulled from the room, dragged down a hallway and then up some stairs.

The building was old and horrible, clearly no one had been here for a while, it was deserted and left to fall to pieces. I wondered if it had been a hospital once? It had that kind of feel about it.

It was still dark so I couldn't see anything out of the windows.

We headed up 2 flights of stairs and out into a long dark hallway, I was reluctant to walk down there and stopped. Luke gripped my arm tighter, laughed at me and carried on pulling me. The way he was holding me ensured I would have bruises on my arms the next morning, although that was the least of my worries. Would I even be alive in the morning?

Tears brimmed my eyes again as I realised this might be the last night I have here. All I could think about was my family and all the things I hadn't said. I hadn't told them I loved them and how much they meant to me, I knew they knew that but it was different when actually saying it.

I had told Edward I was in love with him but now I would never know if he felt the same. I cried silent tears as we slowly walked down the old damp ridden hallway. Lights were flicking on and off over head making it seem much more eery.

Who the hell would find me here? No one would know where I was, and even if they did I would probably be dead before they had a chance to get to me. I hoped and prayed my father wouldn't be the one to find me, seeing something like that would kill him. No one should have to go through that.

We rounded a corner at the bottom of the corridor and I was pushed through a doorway into a bright room with lights that actually worked.

I was thrown onto a moldy old sofa and winced from the pain in my shoulder which was still causing me some bother.

'Behave' Luke growled at me. I didn't respond, I just stared at him.

If only looks could kill.

The door slammed shut and I lifted my eyes up and came face to face with cold dead eyes.

I had seen these eyes so many times before but they were so different now.

Standing over me in a menacing way was Tanya... Edward's ex Tanya that cheated on him in San Fransisco. I hadn't seen her for 2 years.

Tanya was now a shadow of her former self. Her once flawless, perfect skin was potted and blemished. Her nails were bloodied and dirty, her gorgeous blonde hair was greasy, limp and dull. It looked like the life had literally been sucked out of her.

But why the fuck was she here? Why had she kidnapped me and why was she looking like she had just clawed her way out of a grave?

She glared at me and flashed me a sadistic smile while moving round the room like a predator stalking its prey. I never once broke eye contact with her, afraid that if I did she might attack.

'So Bella, how did you like my little gifts?' She taunted.

'Why Tanya?' I asked confused.

'No' she spat, 'You dont get to ask the questions. I do. You just sit there and behave or I'll have Luke here smack you around a little bit' She smiled at me and I recoiled back where I was sitting.

She was obviously off her head, I had no idea what had happened to turn this former beauty queen into worzel gummage but it obviously had something to do with James.

'You didn't like my presents?' She pouted.

I shook my head.

'That's not very nice Bella,I went to a lot of trouble to do all that for you, You should learn to be a little bit more grateful'

'Excuse me?' I said annoyed. 'I should be grateful that you sent fucked up things to my house and had lurch over here take pictures of me??'

I felt a searing pain in my face as Luke reached over and smacked me again. _Fuck, whats with all the hitting?_

I really should think before I spoke, this was getting painful, although at least if I can feel pain it reminds me Im not dead.... yet!

'I think we should teach Bella a thing or 2 about being grateful, what do you think Lukey?' She sang.

Luke started his maniacal laughing and Tanya threw her head back and joined in. I used this opportunity to bolt for the door. I shot up and flew over and ripped open the door and ran as fast as my legs could carry me down the hallway which was not one of my brightest ideas considering it was dark and I had no idea where I was going.

I ran off into one of the side rooms and heard Tanya calling for me.

My breathe was fast and panicky and my body ached from being smacked and tied up. I hid behind what looked like industrial kitchen equiptment. I prayed they wouldn't find me but I heard their footsteps approach. I heard Tayna hiss at Luke, demanding that he find me.

I croched in a corner and prayed for this nightmare to be over! Maybe if I stayed here long enough they would figure I ran to another floor and look there giveing me time to run for my life.

I heard Tanya singing my name and the door creaked open. I held my breathe and slunk down even further. I heard her breathing and moving closer to me and I gasped. She started laughing out loud, a shrill cackle that should have broken glass and then I heard Luke come into the room too.

Footsteps came closer to me and I panicked, fuck they knew where I was, they were toying with me. All of a sudden I was pulled up by my hair and I screamed.

'Naughty Bella running away from me just when we have been reunited' Tanya sniggered.

Luke grabbed my hair roughly and shoved me into a wall causing a huge groan to escape from my mouth. I was in a serious amount of pain and they were enjoying seeing me like this.

He didn't let go of my hair and pushed me towards the door and back up the hallway. I was sobbing and mumbling incoherantly at this point.

Tanya found this hilarious and laughed at me some more.

I was shoved back into the same room I was in before I ran. Luke let go of my hair and practically threw me onto the sofa. I groaned in pain again but just slumped there waiting for whatever they had to throw at me next.

'So where were we before you rudely interupted us by running off?' Tanya said. I could not believe the change in her, she looked fuckin terrible.

'Ah yes, we were just about to explain how we were going to ruin your life after you ruined OURS' She screamed the last word making me jump.

' I.. I didn't' I stuttered.

What had I ever done to her?

'Yes, _you_ did' She said again.

'How?' I asked sounding confused.

'Well first you killed James and then you stole my boyfriend' She said getting really aggitated with me, apparently I was being stupid for not knowing what the fuck the loony duo were on about.

Ok now I was really confused, who the hell was her boyfriend? and how the fuck did she know James.

'James' I stated.

'Yes James. _OUR _brother' She motioned towards Luke and suddenly everything clicked into place. The reason why she hated me so much when her and Edward were together, the way she treated me and why she would want to harm me. Although I still had no idea what she was about her boyfriend for, the only boyfriend I knew she had was Edward and I had hardly stolen him away.

'What are you talking about Tanya?' I begged her.

'You shot James and then you made Edward leave me' Ok now I was really fucking confused, how could I have made Edward leave her when I was in London when they split up?

'Tanya, I didn't make Edward leave you, I moved away' I said defending myself.

'No, you are the reason he left me, if it wasn't for you he would still be with me, we would have been married by now but nooooo he had to go and constantly be talking and thinking about you. _You _ruined _everything_ and now you will pay.I have waited so long to make you suffer the way you have made me and my family suffer. You killed our brother'

Did she not have a fucking clue what her brother did to me and Jess? Was she fucking stupid? And as for Edward, I had no clue what she was talking about, Rose told me she cheated on him and thats why he left.

'James deserved _everything_ he got after what he did to Jessica' I spat.' He deserved to die and I hope he rots in hell'

Tanya took 2 steps and hit me so hard across the face, my mouth filled with blood and I spat it out on to the floor gasping in pain. FUCK.

'He was a good man, Bella. You killed a good man'

'He was an _animal'_ I growled while still hunched over in pain.

I was grabbed by my hair and pulled to the floor and kicked violently in the stomach. The pain was so intense I couldn't breathe.

I wasn't sure which of them kicked me but it fucking hurt. I heard Luke laughing agan the sadistic fuck, obviously crazy _did_ run in the family.

I held my hand over my stomach and cried. I was stupid to answer back but if I was going to die, I was going to do it fighting.

Tanya kneeled next to me and whispered in my ear. 'You will pay for what you have done'.

They left the room and left me lying there in my own blood. I had no idea how long I was lying curled up on the floor for but eventually I managed to pull myself up and lean against the sofa clutching my stomach.

I was alone and frightened and in a serious amount of pain. I had no hope, my life was over I just knew it. I sobbed so hard I thought I might stop breathing.

I was thankful that I was left alone, but I was in desperate need of something to drink. My mouth was sore and I had dried blood around my lips.

Eventually I heard footsteps approaching and my entire body tensed in fear. The door creaked open and Luke stepped in carrying a mug of water. It's as if he had read my mind and I was actually really grateful regardless of the situation I was in.

'Here' he handed me the mug.

I took it without hesitation and gulped it down without even thinking. It was horrible tinny water but it was better than nothing. My throat felt like I had swallowed razor blades.

'Thanks' I muttered.

He took the mug back off me and left the room slamming the door shut behind him.

I leaned back against the sofa and let my eyes droop closed. I thought of Edward and his gorgeous green eyes, his brooding looks and his wild crazy hair. I laughed out loud but also sobbed, it wasn't a happy laugh.

I would never see that smile of his again, the way his eyes crinkled at the side or the intensity in his eyes when he looked at me. I would never get the chance to kiss him again or make love to him. I had wanted for so many years for him to be the one to take my virginity. I sobbed again, thinking of poor Alice and Rose, they had become like sisters to me. They were incredible and it broke my heart to think I might not see them again. They would be devastated like my brothers. I had only just gotten to know them again and missed them so much already. I just prayed there was an after life so I could see them again once I was finally gone.

Death scared me so much, It was the uncertainly that scared me the most and the fact that the people I would be leaving behind would be devastated. They had already been through so much, they didn't need this extra trauma.

I was exhaused from crying and being in so much pain that I finally succumbed to sleep.

I woke up to find water being dripped onto my face, I sat up straight which caused my ribs to cease up in pain and I groaned out loud.

Tanya was standing above me holding a hug of water but instead of handing it to me like her brother did she was tipping it on me.

'Wakey wakey Bella' She snapped.

She moved back and sat back on a metal chair that she had obviously brought with her into the room.

I sat up further groaning in pain every time I moved.

'We're going to have a little chat about James' She said.

' Why?" I replied.

'Because I said so. I'm in charge here not you' She retorted.

I pulled myself up and sat on the sofa ignoring how sore and aching my entire body was.

She had a menacing look on her face so I wondered what she had planned and where Luke was.

'Why did you kill my brother' She demanded.

'Because he murdered Jessica' I replied looking her in the eye.

'_You_ had no right to hurt him, he was a good man' She shouted. _No he fucking wasn't._

'He was not a good man, he stalked my best friend'

'He loved her'

_Erm come again????_

He didn't love her, that bastard wasn't capable of love, he wasn't capable of feeling any emotion other than hate. He was a vile disgusting creature, I did the world a favour by shooting him.

'That was not _LOVE' _I shouted back

'Aww are you jealous that he didn't love you?' She taunted.

'I dumped him so I obviously didn't give a shit'

'He was really pissed at that, he was really annoyed he couldn't be close to Jessica. You ruined that for him'.

'Dont you say her name'I shouted.

'You might want to rethink your tone'She said calmly pulling a gun from the waistband of her trousers.

_God I really wanted to stop aggitating crazy people, it wasn't healthy!_

'He didn't love her, he was infatuated with her, if he loved her he wouldn't have done what he did'

'Love makes people do crazy things' She said staring me in the eye. I couldn't help but think she wasn't talking just about James.

'You think that justifies raping and strangling someone?' I screamed again.

'As I said love makes people crazy, Speaking of love, how is Edward? I heard you calling his name as you slept' She laughed but it was a menacing laugh.

'Fine' I snapped.

'You know, when he found out who I was he left me'

_What? holy fuck, he knew? Why didn't he tell me?_

'What?' I said utterly confused.

'Luke turned up at our apartment one night drunk or high.. whatever and he overheard us talking about James and you. He left me that night, he didn't even try to work things out he just left. He said your family meant too much to him and he LEFT ME' She screamed at me again and I flinched back.

I had no idea, no wonder my dad said he was loyal. That was why Rose was so reluctant to mention Tanya to me.

Everything seemed to click into place as Tanya mindlessly rambled about how much she loved Edward and how much of a mess she was when he left.

'I had to win him back but the only way to get his attention is to get rid of you' Ok she had _my_ attention. My eyes snapped up to hers.

'I've seen him looking at you, I've been following you for weeks. He never looked at me like that. I can help him forget, I can fix him.'

Fuck me sideways she was insane, she seriously had a screw loose. Where were the men in the white jackets when they were needed?

'Tanya, you can't do this, if you want Edward you can have him, Me and him we aren't together in fact he hates me. I'll leave if you want and go back to London?' I was nervous and rambling, but fully prepared to leave again if it meant my family and me were safe again.

She furrowed her brow like she was contemplating what I was saying.

'No, no you will just go to the police if I let you leave and I can't risk losing Edward again. We were meant to be together. We're soul mates' She touched her chest with right hand and smiled at me. _Fucking lunatic._

She stood up and began pacing in front of me muttering things that I couldn't understand, she really did have a screw loose.

Suddenly she stopped right in front of me.

'You didn't need to kill James you know, he was a good man' Yeah she kept saying that but it meant less and less every time she said it. Was she trying to convince me or her that he was a good person? I already knew he wasn't.

'No Tanya he _wasn't_. Good men don't rape innocent girls, they dont stab their ex girlfriends or murder the person they claim to be in love with'.

Tears welled in my eyes as I rememebered what he had done to me. I still felt physically sick to this day when I thought about him and how he treated me.

She looked at me thoughtfully rubbing the barrell of the gun across her temple.

'Hmm, you make a valid point but I'm afraid as this is my game your opinion doesn't count'

_Oh my fucking god, she was insane, she needed to be sectioned and medicated and locked in a padded cell._

We stared at each other for what felt like hours when in actual fact it cant have been more than 3 minutes. We were interupted by Luke bursting through the door.

'Sis, er, we got a problem' He said in a panicked tone.

They looked at each other and Tanya stood up, she glared at me again and stalked out of the room slamming the door shut behind her,

I hadn't realised I was holding my breathe until she had left.

What problem? Was I in even more danger?

I heard raised voices but I couldn't make out what they were saying and eventually they faded away which to me indicated they had left the corridor. I crept over to the door and tugged on it praying it would open, when it did I almost fucking dropped dead. If I wasn't so fucking terrified I might have done a happy dance.

I stepped into the corridor and heard the voices, so I ran in the opposite direction and down a flight of stairs, I came to a window and saw the sun was coming up, I must have been here all night, it felt like weeks.

I had no idea where I was running to and chances are if I was found again I would get myself killed but I had to take the chance. My heart was pounding so fast I could hear it in my ears and I was in a serious amount of pain but by then the adrenaline had kicked in and I was running on auto pilot.

I heard a blood curdling scream and almost jumped out of my skin, I guess that was tanya figuring out I was gone, I started running faster. I had no idea where to run to, everything looked the same in this dim light, I was panicking and shaking like a leaf. I could hear footsteps thundering over head and darted down another hallway.

You know on wrestling when one of them does this really cool move where he holds out his arm and someone runs in to it? The clothes line move? Yeah, its not so cool when it happens to you. I ran full force into someones arm, it hit me full on in the throat and almost choked me. I fell back onto the floor banging my head in the process.

I was pulled up by the scruff of my neck and came face to face with one seriously fucking pissed off Luke. He had a crazy look on his face and his eyes were all blood shot. He looked high. My throat was sore and I was coughing like mad but he didn't care, he pulled me down a series of hallways as I gasped for breathe and then slammed me up against a wall.

So much for my great escape plan.

Luke breathed into my face while snarling and rubbing his horrible nose up the side of my face. I cried hot tears and was pretty disgusted when he licked my cheek. He laughed as I flinched away from him.

'Your lucky Tanya doesn't want you dead......... yet, I could have had so much fun with you' He hissed.

'Fuck you' I spat.

He just laughed and roughly shoved me up a flight of stairs, I fell and bashed my already bruised body. Luke didn't even falter, he just grabbed my hair and pulled me up causing me to scream out in pain. We finally made it to the familiar corridor and he dragged me down it still holding on to my hair, my scalp felt like it was on fire.

He pushed open the door and threw me in, my heart immediatly dropped and shattered at the same time.

Sat on the mouldy old smelly sofa was Edward. _My Edward._

**Dun dun dun.**

**Whats gonna happen next?**

**Next chap will be up next week before Wed.I have a really busy week coming up so I'll try to update before then.**

**See you next time guys xxxxxx **


	20. Chapter 20

**yayyyyyy I finally hit 100 reviews! Thank you so much, you guys totally make me smile**

**I thought I would update now as I dont know if I'm gonna have time during the week! I have started a new story too called Consumed by Fire. I'm not posting it just yet but when I do please check it out:D**

**So, the drama continues!! Thank you to my awesome beta Magenta, if you haven't checked out her story Angel of War, please do so! its incredible!**

**I don't own Twilight but I have just ordered a cute lil Edward doll that I fully intend on taking everywhere with me off Amazon! Yay!!**

I stood there glued to the spot, I didn't understand what was happening. As if things could get any stranger.

A million thoughts wizzed through my head as I looked at Edward sitting there and I felt nothing but shame at the thought that he might be in on this whole fiasco.

But when I saw the relief and sadness written on his face as he looked at me I knew he had nothing to do with all this, but I was confused as to why he was here.

I was pleased that I was able to see him one last time before I died but I was filled with dread at the thought of him and Tanya being in the same room as each other. Would she kill him too?

Luke who still had hold of the back of my hair shoved me to the floor and smiled his nasty assed snaggle tooth grin at me. I was on my knees on the dirty grimy floor, I didn't dare look up at Edward, I didn't want to him to see how completely broken and defeated I was.

'Oh looky who came back' Tanya sang seemingly quite pleased with herself. 'We have ourselves a little visitor'

'Fuck you' I snapped at her. Luke's hand smacked me round the side of the head and I fell forward putting my hands out to break my fall.

'Keep your fucking hands off her' Edward snarled at Luke.

Luke stepped forward and punched Edward in the face. I flinched and instinctively reached out to him but was pulled back out of his reach.

I realised I hadn't seen his hands and as he slumped to the side I figured out why, he was tied up the way I was when I had woken up in the boot of the car.

'Tanya, please don't hurt him' I begged. 'He has done nothing wrong, it was me that killed James.

'_Wrong, _He left me when he found out I was James's sister, he did everything wrong. He told me he loved me and he dropped me at the first sign of trouble, you don't do that to someone if you love them'

The hurt in her voice was evident but I couldn't find it in me to care about her. She was as crazy as her fucked up brother.

I thought she had cheated on him, I had no idea he knew her true identity. Hell, I didn't know her true identity. No wonder my dad said he was loyal and why Edward was reluctant to talk to me about her.I knew there was more to the story but thought he would tell me in his own time. I had no idea I was going to find out this way.

'Come Lukey lets leave these 2 love birds to chat, they don't have long left together' She chuckled and they walked to the door.

'And don't be trying anything stupid, remember I still have the gun.'

The door slammed shut and I let my shoulders slump. I was exhausted. Edward fell to his knees next to me,

'Bella, are you alright'? He asked me quietly.

I just nodded still with my head down, I cried thick hot tears. I honestly didn't think I would see him again.

I lifted my head and our eyes met, his green eyes bored into mine and I choked back more tears.

I realised his hands were still tied and scooted round to untie them and he thanked me.

He then turned to face me and leaned into my hair inhaling my scent. His arms came around my waist and he pulled me towards him. We were both still on our knees and they were quite honestly killing me but I didn't care, not at that precise moment, all I cared about was Edward and being in his arms again.

I was in the arms of the man I loved and I wanted this to last as long as possible. Who knows what that freak had up her sleeve.

'I'm so sorry Bella' He whispered. 'I thought I had lost you'

I rest my head on his shoulder and nuzzled into his neck.

'Are you hurt?' he asked sounding concerned.

'Yes' I admitted 'But I'm better now you're here' I smiled for what felt like the first time in ages but my face ached from being hit so many times.

We stayed there for a few minutes just holding each other, he was soothing me by running his hand up and down my back, even in such a scary situation he was still relaxing me.

I pulled back and looked at him, we needed to talk before Tanya came back.

'You knew about her?' I asked.

'Yes, I woke up one night to find her and Luke in the living room talking about James and you. I confronted her and she admitted being his sister. I left a few hours later. There was no way I could stay with her knowing she had kept that from me'

'Does anyone else know?" I enquired.

'Yes, I told your family. I didn't tell you incase it upset you, I didn't want to bring up the past I'm so sorry. Maybe this could have been avoided if you had known.

Suddenly I was very aware that he was _here, _I looked at him with a very confused expression on my face.

'Edward how did you know where I was??'

'Your father had your car chipped when the letters first started arriving' He stated.

My dad had told me that a few weeks ago but at the time I had thought he was being a tad dramatic.

'Right... so how did you find me?'

'You were brought here in your own car Bella, I used his computer to find you, I called him and left him a message telling him where I was and where to find you.

The police will be here as soon as your dad picks up the message. He's been so worried Bella, we all have. But sweetie don't mention anything to Tanya when she comes back, she's volatile and unstable. I don't want her doing anything stupid impulsivly'

I nodded taking everything in. He had come after me off his own back even after I accused him of being involved in all of this. I loved him even more in that instant as he was risking his own life to be here trying to rescue me. It was selfless and so incredibly stupid but I couldn't help being so pleased with him.

'I was so scared Bella, when Jasper rang me to see if I had heard from you I panicked. I jumped in the car and started looking for you, I found your purse and phone at Jess's grave and knew something had happened. There was a log there with blood on it too which as you can imagine made us worry'.

The fact that he had gone out of his way and put himself in danger made my heart swell. Maybe if we got out of this there would be hope for us?

'I missed you' I said quietly.

'I missed you too' He said back.

'Just promise me you wont do or say anything to provoke either of them Bella, they are insane.'

I nodded and promised him I wouldn't be wreckless. He took my face in his hands and pressed his lips against mine. It was soft and full of need, this was Edward apologising and accepting my apology at the same time.

'How long have I been here?' I asked when I had pulled away from him.

'Three days, everyone has been going out of their minds with worry'

My poor dad, he had been through so much over the last few years, this was the last thing he needed.

I looked into Edwards gorgeous eyes and sighed, I was amazed he was here and so grateful at the same time.

He leaned down and kissed me again. God I wanted so much to be able to survive this. I had given up hope before but now he was here I couldn't help but think that we _might _just get out of this.

He pulled back and placed soft kisses all over my face, my eyes, my nose and neck before kissing my lips again.

Just then the door slammed open and in strolled Tanya.

'Aww how sweet' She spat. 'Its a shame this is going to be your last kiss'

She grabbed me by my hair and pulled me away from Edward.

I screamed in pain and held my head. My scalp was in pieces from being yanked around so much.

'So I've decided I won't be killing Edward, he's far too pretty for that, and as he's still in love with me I have decided to forgive him for leaving me.

I looked up at her and she had this sick smile on her face, she was looking at Edward in complete adoration.

'Tanya I do _not_ love you' Edward replied his voice laced with distaste.

'Yes, you _do_' She snapped 'You've just forgotten . I can remind you'

With that she walzted over to Edward straddled him and planted a horrible kiss on his lips. I wanted to gag and by the looks of it so did he.

The thought of him being with anyone else but me made me want to spit venom, it literally made me feel sick. He was _mine_, not hers. I wanted to rip her fucking head off .

He put his hands on her shoulders and for a split second I thought he was about to kiss her back. He shoved her back and held her away from him.

He stood up and she staggered to her feet.

'Tanya, what the fuck?' He shouted.

'You love me' She stated.

'No Tanya' He said in a determined voice.

'But Edward, I forgive you' She whined. I just sat back in the corner and watched, not wanting to get involved or piss the bitch off even more.

'You lied to me. You told me they deserved what James did to them Tanya. How can I be with anyone who thinks something like that?

'I did this for you Edward, to show you how much I love you'

'Your fucking insane' I shouted back, what did she think was going to happen? She was going to get rid of me and they would go back to being happy? If she honestly believed that then she was seriously fuckin deluded in the head.

She pointed her gun at me and cocked her head to the side, stepping towards me I thought shit shes gonna clout me again.

'Shut the fuck up Bella, or I'm going to blow your fucking head off' She sounded so calm it terrified me.

I just closed my mouth and slunk back against the wall. I looked at Edward who was wide eyed and clearly bricking himself as well.

'Tanya, let Bella go. We can talk once shes gone' He begged.

She turned to look at him and cackled her crazy laugh.

'You just told me you didn't love me Edward, I cant trust you'

'No, I don't love you , but I can learn. But I'm not prepared to let you hurt Bella'

She stood there still for a few moments obviously thinking about his offer, I could not let him stay here with her, she was a lunatic. I knew if anyone could calm her Edward could but that didnt stop me panicking at the thought of him being left behind. If anything happened to him I would never forgive myself!

I was convinced she was about to agree to his offer, he reached out tentativly.

'Come on sweetie, give me the gun' I knew he was only saying this to lure her in but hearing him call her that and seeing her kiss him earlier made my heart clench and made me want to tear her fucking head off.

I heard shouting and a commotion on the other side of the door in the hallway and immediatly tensed. Tanya heard it too and spun around wielding the gun, she glared down at me and then darted at me, pulling me to my feet by my hair again. Whats with the all the fuckin hair pulling? This really was painful, I was gonna end up bald thats for sure!

She gripped me round my throat with her arm and pressed the gun into my chest, my breathing increased , I was petrified. Were the police here? Would Tanya going to do something stupid now she was cornered? I heard gunshots and flinched back. Tanya tensed and gasped.

'Luke' she whispered.

Shit, if he was dead there was going to be trouble, she had already lost one brother, god knows what she would do if another one died.

'Tanya please, let her go' Edward begged, I couldn't see him but the fear was evident in his voice.

'Shut the fuck up Edward' she spat.

'Tanya you are being unreasonable, please just think about what your doing' Edward shouted.

She spun us both around and pressed the gun roughly to my temple, her finger hovering over the trigger.

Bile rose in my throat and my chest was hammering. Edward's eyes were wide and tears were running down his face. I had never seen him so vulnerable before it broke my heart. I too started crying, I knew for sure this was it, she was going to kill me.

Without thinking I blurted out 'Edward I love you' She stiffened behind me and I braced myself.

I gazed at him through my tears. God he was beautiful even all dishevelled and broken. I just wanted to throw my arms around him and never let go. He looked at me and his bottom lip and chin quivvered.

'I love you too Bella' He said. I sighed and smiled at him, I had longed so much to hear them words coming from his mouth, I was devastated though that it was said under such horrible circumstances.

I loved Edward with my entire heart and he loved me back. In any other situation I would have jumped on him and kissed him until I passed out from lack of oxygen. But having Tanyas arm around my throat and a gun pressed into my temple that wasn't going to happen.

Tanya let out a furious growl and let me go, I thought for a split second it was over and she had given up but she lurched foward and smacked me with the handle of the gun, pain surged through my head and then there was blackness.

* * * * * *

I could faintly hear Edward shouting, I could hear Tanya begging and I could hear pounding but I was pretty sure that was my head, it was hurting something chronic. I was all fuzzy and disorientated.

I heard shuffling, grunting and yelling and then a pop but no matter how hard I tried to open my eyes to see what was going on my brain wouldn't comply. Everything was muffled, like I had my hands over my ears or something, but I knew I didn't.

I heard more groaning and then Tanya shreaking. _God she was loud_.

The fuzzyness started dissipating and I was left with her high pitched whale. My eyes started fluttering open and my hand reached up to my forehead, shit it was hurting, _oh yeah thats cos the megaskank wacked me with the butt of her gun, Thanks very much._

I suddenly realised I had heard groaning and my eyes flitted round the room in search of Edward but all I could see was Tanya standing in the middle of it sort of bent over with both hands over her mouth screaming over and over again. I sat up and looked over to where she was screaming and my blood froze and my heart literally stopped beating.

Edward, My Edward, who had just proclaimed his love for me was slumped up against the far wall, blood all over his shirt and down the wall behind him.

He had been shot and by the sounds Tanya was making it was obvious that this was not meant to happen.

I scrambled over to him on my knees. Brushing past the gun that was now on the floor. I should have taken it but I was more concerned about Edward who was not moving.

'Edward, Edward please talk to me' I begged, tears running down my face.

'Tanya what have you done?" I shouted. She just stood there froze.

I was bordering on hysterical now.

He wasn't moving, talking or making any noises. _oh my fucking god_.

'Edward baby please wake up' I cried. I had no idea what to do, blood made me feel sick but I didn't feel that right now, all I felt was sheer desperation.

I pulled off my hoodie, which just happened to be Edwards and pressed it to his wound, Im sure I remember somewhere about having to apply pressure to something like this?

I could hear his breathing but it was really shallow, I checked his pulse and I found it but it was really weak.

'Tanya you need to call an ambulance before he dies' I shouted at her. She was just standing there muttering over and over again that she was sorry.

'Don't fucking stand there, get help' I shreaked.

'This was never meant to happen, we were meant to live together for ever' She said, her eyes were glazed over and she was crying.

She bent down and picked up the gun. This is it I thought, shes going to kill me too.

'Please Tanya no, let me help him first and then you can do whatever the fuck you want to me' I begged her.

'We were soul mates, he loved me' She nodded at her statement. She honestly believed that he still loved her, how fucked up was that?

It was clear from the look on her face that this was never meant to happen but I hated her so much, it should have been her lying here in a heap on the floor not my beautiful Edward. She had loved him, in her own twisted way she had loved him like I did and he didn't feel the same way, it had to have broken her heart.

'I'm sorry' She said sorrowfully.

She raised the gun and I flinched waiting for the pain, I sobbed and looked at her, hoping that she would change her mind and have some compassion. She looked awful, she just kept staring at Edward like I wasn't there. Her eyes were hollow and red from where she had been crying, but what I noticed most of all was that they were dead. She was empty.

'I love you Edward, I'll never stop loving you' She blinked and furious tears ran down her face.

'Tanya no' I sobbed. She brought the gun to her under her chin and I froze. _What the fuck was she doing?_ I know she had done some despicable things but this didn't need to happen.I thought she was going to kill me not herself.

'Tanya NO' I screamed, I didn't dare let go of Edward in case it hurt him anymore.

She looked into my eyes and told me she was sorry before pulling the trigger. I screamed and turned away as she shot herself. I was mortified, how could she do that to herself?

I sobbed into my blood soaked hoodie that was stopping Edward bleeding out any more.

I couldn't take any more, I prayed that Edward would be ok but deep down I knew he was already gone. His breathing was so shallow and his pulse so low that I was sure he had died.

I heard someone shouting and lifted my head and looked towards the door, the opposite direction to where Tanya was now lying, I didn't want to see her like that, it was an image I knew I would never get out of my head. The voice continued shouting for Edward and me.

I recognised the voice but it was muffled so I couldn't hear who it was properly.

'In here' I shouted.

I heard a few more voices, they were getting louder so I assumed they were getting closer to where we were.

'Bella' It shouted again. _Jake??_ What was Jake doing here? No fuck that I didn't care who was here as long as Edward got to the hospital as soon as possible.

'Bella where are you?' He shouted again.

I was so pleased, I never ever thought I would be so happy to hear his voice. Then came Emmett's booming voice calling for Edward.

'I'm here' I shouted again. Shit it was over, I survived. But instead of being happy I was shattered. More people had died because of James, I had most probably lost the love of my life and almost given my family a heart attack again.

The door kicked open and my head snapped round to look at them.

'Fuck' Shouted Emmett as he saw Tanya. or what was left of eyes were wide with hand flew over his mouth and he gagged.

'Bells?' Jake shouted when he saw me.

'Jake' I sobbed 'Edward needs help'

Emmett came over and picked me up. 'No, please help Edward' I screamed.

'Bella come on, he'll be alright, we have to get out of here' Emmett said motioning towards Tanya

'Jake man, you got this?' He asked Jake.

'Sure'. With that Jake grabbed hold of one of Edwards arms and flung him over his shoulder with such ease. I sobbed into my brothers chest seeing how lifeless he was.

I buried my head in his chest as we turned around not wanting to see Tanya's remains.

'Shh sweetie come on your ok now' Emmett soothed.

I was inconsolable though, I just wanted Edward and there was a very big chance that he wasn't coming back.

My body was battered and bruised and I was in some serious pain but all I could think about was the fact that Edward had been shot while protecting me. I was so in love with him I couldn't even think about not seeing him again.

I could hear sirens and people shouting but I was so tired I wanted to sleep for a week.

Emmett carried me down the series of hallways and staircases until he finally pushed open a door, he stepped out into the sunlight which made me squint, it was so bright.

'Bella' I heard my dad shout.

'She's ok dad' Emmett replied.

Three Police cars and two ambulances screeched to a halt in front of us.

I was laid on the floor and my dad brushed my hair away from my face and gazed at me. He looked up and saw Jake coming out of the building carrying my Edward. He shook his head and returned his gaze back to me.

'Oh baby look what they did to you' My dad sobbed. In my entire life I had never seen him cry like that, it absolutely broke my heart. My dad was one of the most important people in my life and I almost lost him... again.

'Dad, Edward' I croaked out.

'He's in good hands baby' I looked over and saw that the paramedics's were with him, they had put him on a stretcher and put an oxygen mask over his face.

My poor broken Edward, I sobbed again and my dad lifted me up, holding me against his chest.

'I thought I had lost you Bells' He sobbed.

'I'm so sorry dad, I should never have gone out alone' I gushed.

'This is not your fault sweetie ok, they were sick people'

The paramedic's came over and said they needed to take a look at me but I refused to be seen until they took care of Edward. They assured me that he was being taken care of. They told me I needed to get to the hospital to be checked over. I hadn't eaten in what felt like a long time and I was dying for a drink.

Emmett came back over to me and helped me up. 'Thank you so much' I said through my tears 'I owe you my life'

'Ahh pizza will do' He joked. _God I had missed him so much_.

The police came over and spoke to my dad, they looked back at the building and said something about a body, I knew they meant Tanya.

I looked at the place where I had been held captive for 3 days, I had no idea where we were, It looked like a disused factory of some sorts, it was old and there were hardly any windows, the outside was dirty, pretty much the same as the inside.

'How are you feeling?' One of the police officers asked me.

'I've been better' I replied dryly. I just really wanted to get to the hospital and check on Edward. I alread thought the worst but I needed to be close to him.

'Come on Bells, we need to get you to the hospital' My dad said reading my mind. I over heard Emmett telling the police officers that there were 2 bodies in there that needed to be recovered. I had forgotten all about Luke, he was dead too? _Good, he deserved it I thought bitterly._

The entire family were nuts, they deserved to be where they were, all of them.

I climbed into the back of the ambulance and we headed for the hospital, my dad rode with me. All I could think about was Edward and whether he was going to make it or not. I was silent on the way there, the paramedic guy took my blood pressure and asked me questions but I didn't respond. The journey was long and we were not getting there fast enough.

I know I was safe and I should have felt grateful but my mind was concentrating on Edward alone.

We eventually made it to the hospital and I hopped out, I was taken into a room and my wounds were cleaned. I did argue and tell the nurses until I knew what was happening with Edward they could stay away from me. I was informed that Edward was in surgery and I was of no use to him in my current state so I took my place on the bed while they cleaned up my head, face and arms which were covered in blood.

Despite everything I had come away relativly unscathed. I had a cut to the right of my forehead from where Tanya had hit me that needed 4 stitches, a cut on my left cheekbone where Luke had cracked me but I got away with those butterfly stitches and I needed a few in my head where I was hit while in the graveyard. They told me I was slightly dehydrated too from lack of water but I wasn't actually hurt so that was something.. I suppose.

They told me as a precaution I would need an X ray on my shoulder, I was pretty sure it wasn't broken but they wanted to rule it out before I could be discharged. I just sat there nodding but not listening to a word they were saying, I just wanted to be near Edward.

They told me he was on the 3rd floor, so I headed up there as soon as they finished cleaning me up. My X rays came back fine which I thought they would but they put my arm in a sling anyway.

I found my dad talking to the police and told him I was good and where I was going, he told me Emmett and Jake were up there and he would be up in a minute.

I stepped onto the lift and headed up to where Edward was. Was he ok? Would Carlisle and Esme blame me for Edward getting hurt?

I had so many thoughts going through my head it hurt, mostly from the stitches but I was in so much pain, The thought of losing Edward was crippling me, I would be nothing without him. He had risked everything by coming in there knowing full well that he could end up dead.

I got off the elevator and down the corridor towards the nurses station. I asked them where Edward was and as I did I saw Carlisle striding down it looking a complete wreck. His normally perfectly groomed hair was all over the place, his eyes all red and blood shot no doubt from crying and his clothes were all crinkled.

When he caught sight of me I stopped in my tracks, I was so ashamed that it was my fault his son was lying in here.

'Bella' He sighed.

'Carlisle' I replied looking at the floor.

'Are you ok?' He asked.

'No, not really' I said honestly. 'How is Edward?'

'I'm just heading down there now to find out, Esme is in the lounge, she's been so worried about you'

'I'm so sorry' I said my voice wavering.

'Hey, come on. You have nothing to say sorry for. This is not your fault, there was no stopping Edward once he knew you were in danger'

'I got him shot' I sobbed.

'No you didn't, Come on, I'll walk you to the lounge' He put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the room, I was so nervous and full of dread.

He opened the door and inside was Esme, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and Rose.

I was dreading their reaction toward me, I had caused thier close friend and son to get shot so I knew there was a chance they might be kinda reluctant to see me.

Alice's face lit up when she saw me though, her and Rose hopped up and hugged me so tightly I thought I was going to end up with broken ribs.

'Bella, your alright?" Alice sobbed into my hair, I too started sobbing. I looked over at Esme who was wiping her eyes, I expected her to be looking at me with some sort of repulsion but her eyes were full of relief and adoration. She stood and pulled me into one of the most loving embraces I had ever felt.

'I'm so glad your alright sweetheart' She cried.

'I'm so sorry Edward got hurt' I sobbed into her shoulder.

'Shush now, all will be ok'

'I'm going to check on Edward' Carlisle said 'I wont be long'

'Alright dear' Esme replied.

Carlisle headed off down the hall to find out if there was any news about Edward. I saw between my brothers, Jasper's arm was around me and my head was on his chest, he was doodling on my back with his finger soothing me and telling me everything would be ok.

I so wanted to believe him but that feeling of dread that had settled in my chest would not go away. We had been sat there for about 10 minutes in silence when the door opened, no one felt the need to speak, it was just such a tense situation there was no point filling it with idle chit chat, and to be honest I was so worn out all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep but I had to know about Edward, I had to know if he was alright.

I looked up as the door opened and the colour drained from my face, in walked a very crushed looking Carlisle.

_Oh dear god NO._

**IM SOORRRYYYYYY please dont lynch me lol! I promise I wont end with a cliffy next time lol!**

**Only 3 more chapters people!!**

**Thank you so much for reading this! You guys are wicked!**

**See you next week xxxxx**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey Guys, sorry the update took so long, I was going to do it this morning but I forgot! I'm sowwwwwy!**

**Anyhoo, its here now. I hope you like it! Thanks to my incredible beta Magenta:D**

**I don't Own Twilight .. but Edward totally owns me!!**

'No, No' I repeated as I stared at Carlisle standing in the doorway.

Esme stood up and ran to him and hugged him hard, tears were running down his face as he buried his head in her shoulders.

Jasper gripped onto me as my breathing became incredibly erratic, what was going on? Why was no one saying anything?

'I shouldn't have moved him' Jake muttered. 'I should have let the paramedics deal with him'

I wanted to scream the building down, was Edward gone? I could not go through this again, my heart was already broken and if I lost him too I knew it would never be fixed.

'Carlisle?' Emmett asked.

He lifted his head off Esmes shoulder and stared at us all, the shock visible on his face. I didn't want him to say it, I knew I would never recover if I heard that Edward hadn't made it.

'Carlisle, whats going on?' How's Edward?' Esme pushed.

He just shook his head knocking the wind out of me. He took Esme's face in his hand and kissed her fore head. Pulling back he looked at her and told her 'He's in a really bad way sweetie I'm so so sorry, they are doing everything they can but they don't think hes going to survive. He's still in surgery now'

Tears were running down his face and Esme started howling into Carlisles shirt.

I was completely numb, I didn't scream or cry or pass out like I had expected, I just sat there completely quite trying to take everything in.

The thought of never seeing his cheeky smile again or his gorgeous green eyes almost crushed me, I was dizzy and then I started feeling sick. I was going to vomit. I stood up and ran from the room and to the nearest bathroom where I dry heaved until my chest hurt.

I slumped onto the floor in severe pain, the physical pain was fine, the emotional pain was consuming me.

I had been sat on the floor for a while when the door opened.

'Bella?' Alice shouted frantically.

'Here' I choked out through my tears.

Alice pushed open the door and found me curled up next to the toilet crying my heart out.

'Oh Bella sweetie' Alice said through tears of her own.

She parked herself next to me and pushed the hair out of my face.

'I can't lose him Alice' I stated. 'I'm completely in love with him'

She nodded understanding how I felt and hugged me to her, I cried some more, my throat burned and my eyes were stinging but the tears kept coming.

I was completely and utterly heart broken. The love of my life, the only love I had ever known was gone. How was I meant to recover from that?

Rose appeared and then stuck her head out of the door to tell someone I was in here and ok.

'Is this a private party or can anyone join?" She asked.

God, I had missed her. I smiled at her even though I could barely see her with all the tears in my eyes.

We all sat on the floor of the cubible which was a bit of a squash and hugged.

'You know he's going to be ok' Rose stated.

'I wish I could believe that Rose' I told her. I wanted more than _anything_ to believe that.

'I think he'll be alright too' Alice said. I wish I could be that optimistic.

Maybe half an hour later Jasper burst through the door scaring the life out of me.

'Guys, the doctor is back. He wants to talk to everyone'

I looked at Alice and Rose, so this was it? _Please god, I'll do anything just please let him be ok._

We pulled ourselves off the floor and headed back to the lounge where everyone else was. I didn't care that I was sat on such a filthy floor, I was still covered in grime from being held hostage for so long. I probably really smelled too but that was the least of my worries right now.

We pushed open the door and the doctor was waiting for us, he was probably about 50 ish with balding grey hair and a moustache, he kinda reminded me of Dr Phil.

My dad had also found his way to the room, we stepped in and I headed over to him who pulled me into his chest.

The doctor cleared his throat , introduced himself as Doctor Evans and began talking to us about Edward.

'Edward is now out of surgery and in recovery but he sustained some very serious injuries to his chest. We removed the bullet but as a result of being shot 2 of his ribs were broken. He also had a tension pneumothorax in his left lung as a result of the broken ribs. His lung has been reinflated and reattached to his ribs and a chest drain has been inserted to Remove the air from the pleural cavity .

We also had to remove part of his spleen by as we could not stop the bleeding. Now the next 24 hours are crucial, we want to make sure that his lung stays reinflated and that he doesn't develop any post-splenectomy sepsis or any other type of infection. He's very weak at the moment and will need to stay in the ICU for a few days just so we can keep an eye on him but I don't see why he shouldn't make a full recovery. Any questions?'

Carlisle shook the doctors hand and patted him on the back thanking him, Esme was crying again but they were tears of joy this time.

'Can we see him please?' She asked.

'Of course but only 2 people at a time please, he needs rest'

I sobbed into my fathers chest thanking god that he was going to be alright. I was such a pessimist, I automatically assumed the worst. I suppose I'm used to thinking that way, that way if it does happen the way I think I wont be too disapointed and anything else is a nice surprise!

'See Bells, I told you he was going to be ok' Rose said. I just nodded my head while still crying on my dad. I was so completely over whelmed by everything. I was exhausted, I closed my eyes and finally for the first time in days allowed myself to relax. My eye lids were heavy and I finally succumbed to sleep.

I woke up on the sofa in the lounge. My dad was reading the news paper and Esme was doing some sort of cross stitch. Everyone else had gone.

'Morning sleepy head' My dad said as I stretched and sat up.

'Hi' I said back. 'How long was I sleeping?'

'All night' My dad smiled back at me.

'Oh, sorry. Hows Edward?'

'He's still unconsciouss sweetie' Esme responded smiling at me.

'Alice brought you some clean clothes and the drs have said you can use their showers, I didnt think you would want to go home so I asked them already' My dad said. He was a life saver, there was no way in hell I was leaving this hospital unless Edward was with me.

'Thank you' I replied sincerelly.

'Go take a shower sweetie and then you can go and see Edward'

I nodded and stood up feeling sore and achy all over from being so bruised.

I followed my dad out of the door and to the nurses station, he handed me my bag and one of the nurses took me to the shower room.

'How are you feeling pet?' She asked

'I've been better' I replied which was totally true.

'You look better now you have slept, there is a hair drier and some towels in here for you as well'

I thanked her and locked the door. I peeled my clothes off slowly, I was in so much pain. My back ached and so did my shoulders. I turned on the shower and stepped in, letting the warm water cascade down my back.

God this felt good, it was relaxing my bruised muscles. I looked down and saw how battered I really was and sobbed again. I was careful washing my hair in case I tugged on my stitches and I pulled them out.

Surely going through something so horrific once was bad enough? The evil fuckers had to subject me to it again?

I thought back to the last time this had happened, I was such a different person, I never thought I would recover from that.

After finding out Jess had died I gave up hope. I wanted to die too, I was in so much pain that I actually welcomed death. I didn't try to fight back at first, I thought 'whats the point?' This time I was so much stronger, I was no longer weak Bella who let people walk all over her and treat her like shit. If I was going to die I was going to die fighting!

Being able to shoot James last time was a complete miracle, his sheer stupidity had led to his death, if he hadn't left the gun lying where I could reach it chances are I would have died and not him.

I had pretty much admitted defeat until he told me the horrific things he had done to Jess. He had brutally raped her, and then he had told me every detail. Just the thought of Jess being so terrified broke my heart, I knew right there and then I had to survive for her. He had told me he was going to do the same to me and I had lashed out at him kicking and screaming which is how I ended up getting stabbed, I'm not sure whether he had planned to do that but as I lunged at him and grabbed his hair we had ended up falling to the floor. I didn't even feel the knife pierce my skin at first, I was so pumped up on adrenaline but the second time I did though.

It completely knocked the wind out me. He pulled the knife out of me and stepped back his eyes wide and menacing. He was holding the knife out in front of him and it was covered in blood... My blood!

I staggered back clutching my abdomen and slumped down against the wall.

He had shouted that it was my fault I had been hurt and If I had only behaved I would never have gotten hurt. I felt the warm sticky liquid oozing from me and felt the life slipping away from me.

I slipped in and out of consciousness as he stomped around me, he then picked up his phone and made a frantic phone call explaining what he had done to me. It was then that I noticed his gun sitting on a counter in front of me, I had used all of my power to pull myself up and grab it and the rest is history.

Thankfully this time I didn't end up getting too hurt, it was a miracle actually. yes, I was bruised from head to toe but I had come out of this relatively unhurt compared to Edward.

I was dreading seeing him but I couldn't wait at the same time. I climbed out of the shower and dried myself off. I pulled out the clothes that Alice had packed me and threw them on without even looking at what I was wearing.

I brushed my hair and it was then that I saw myself in the mirror. I recoilled in horror, shit I was a mess! I had a black swollen eye, my lip was puffy and cut from where Luke had hit me and My head was bruised and swollen and full of stitches!

I cried at the state of me and then cried when I hurt my lip. I hurried up and dried my hair and headed back to the lounge to where my father was.

'Hey sweetie' He smiled when I walked into the room,

'You didn't tell me I looked like the hunch back of notre damm dad' I said as I put my bag down.

'You don't thats why' He stated. I rolled my eyes and said I was going to head down to see nodded and said he woudl be here when I got back.

I asked the nurses at the station where his room was and they took me to him.

I stepped in the door and was stunned by all the machinery surrounding Edward, he lay on the bed perfectly still connected to a heart monitor.

He was wearing a pair of hospital issue scrub bottoms and had nothing on top, his torso was heavily bandaged. He still looked beautiful despite being in such a mess.

I stepped further into the room and sat down in the chair next to the bed, I scooted it closer to him and took his hand in mine. He was warm, I sat there stroking his hand for a while before realising he smelled nothing like what he usually did. Instead he smelled all clinical and sterile.

I rubbed my hand along his jaw, his chest and his arm, I spoke to him and told him he had to wake up so he could take me on a date.

I told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was for getting him into this mess in the first place. He never once responded. The only noise came from the heart monitor, its monotonous repetitive beep driving me insane.

I wanted to shake him awake and tell him never to scare me like that again, but no matter what I said or did he didn't move.

I reached up and ran my hand through his hair and kissed his cheek before resting my head on his arm while still holding his hand. I dozed off and dreamt of Edward and me on holiday in the sun on the beach, holding hands and kissing.

I felt movement and was jolted awake wondering what was going on. I lifted my head and looked at Edward who was staring back at me, His emerald green eyes blazing into mine.

'Your awake' I gasped.

'Yes, and now so are you' He smirked.

'How long have you been up for?' I asked suddenly realising I wasn't here for him when he woke up.

'A while' He replied

'I was so worried Edward' I gushed.

He lifted his hand and brushed the hair away from my face, his hand stopped when he came to the huge white plaster on my forehead. He rubbed it gently not taking his eyes away from mine.

'Does this hurt?' He asked.

'No, its not too bad. How are you feeling?'

'I'll live' He smirked

'Good' I said back

'You were talking about me in your sleep again' He smiled at me mischeviously.

I smiled back, I couldn't help it, his smile was infectious. Despite being through what he had he was still smiling. I was amazed!

'What did I say?" I enquired.

'Apparantly we are going on holiday when I'm outta here' He replied.

I blushed, shit that was kind of a really erotic dream, I wonder what else I had said.

'Is that all I said?' I asked in a small voice.

'Nope, but If your really nice to me I might tell you' He gave me a little chuckle which turned into a wince. Laughing obviously was painful to him.

'Come here' He said.

I leaned forward towards his face and he kissed my forehead. I really missed his touch.

'I missed you' I told him.

'I missed you too' He replied back with a lazy smirk on his face. God I wanted to jump him even now but I doubted the nurses and doctors would be impressed with that.

He cupped my cheek in his hand and pulled me towards him, kissing my lips. I closed my eyes and let a tear spill onto my cheek.

My Edward was back, I was so incredibly happy. I was going to do everything in my power to make sure I never lost him again.

The kiss was a nice kiss but Edward licked my bottom lip, I opened my mouth and let his tongue explore my mouth. I was lost in his kiss. In my entire life I had never had such an intense kiss, it made me turn to jelly. I reached up and laced my fingers through his hair pulling him even closer to me, I was completely breathless but had no intention of breaking this kiss off.

Someone cleared their throat behind us and I pulled away from him. Stood at the door was my dad and Carlisle.

_Wow, how embarrassing_. Caught by our dads snogging in a hospital bed. Great!

'Not interupting anything are we?' My dad asked.

I was pretty sure I had turned a very bright crimson but Edward just chuckled and reached for my hand.

'Feeling better I see?' Carlisle chuckled.

I was beyond mortified but when I looked at my dad he was beaming, I had never seen him so happy.

'What?' I asked him.

'Nothing baby, I'm just glad you have finally seen what everyone else has seen for a long time'

'Huh?' I responded.

'That you like each other' He pointed at us and smiled again.

'Oh, right yeah' I smiled. This was so embarassing, talking about this with my dad.

'Anyway I just came in to tell you I need to go down the station and fill in some paper work. The police want to take statements off you both alright?"

'Ok thank you' I replied.

'I'm glad your OK Edward' He said looking at Edward.

'Thank you sir' He responded while rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. I really wanted to kiss him again but his dad was still in the room looking at his chart..

My dad left the room and headed off down the hall with Carlisle following him.

'My god, the shame' I blushed.

'Get used to it Bella, he's going to be seeing a lot more of that' My heart fluttered and almost jumped out of my throat. I beamed and looked at my lap.

'I mean it. Look at me' he commanded.

I looked up and his gaze almost melted my underwear. It was so intense and full of passion.

'I meant what I said back in that room, I love you. I'm not letting you go' I was so happy. I had wanted to hear them words for so long and finally hearing them without a gun weilding maniac in the room filled me with pride.

'I love you too' I said, I leaned over and kissed him again. My heart about to burst.

Edward stayed in the hospital for just over 10 days, he dazzled the nurses by winking at them in order to get ice cream out of them or if he wanted me to stay the night and tormented the drs by trying to walk when he wasnt meant to be and trying to read his own charts. I guess having a doctor as a father came in handy. Eventually they agreed he was fine and let him go home, he was over the moon. If he was in pain he didn't show it, in fact I had seen him smile more in the last week than I had ever seen him smile and I prayed that had something to do with the fact that we were now together. _wow It was still like a dream. Edward was finally mine_

He agreed that he would go back to his parents house until he was better, Esme was so worried about him that she wanted to keep a constant eye on him which only made sense so I was back and forth to his house all the time. He had asked me to stay with him there but I couldn't leave my dad just yet after everything he had been through.

I saw Edward pretty much every day and when we weren't together we were texting each other or speaking on MSN. I changed his name in my phone too from assmunch as I didn't think it was appropriate to call my boyfriend something so derogatory.

I was in love, and I had a boyfriend, I was beaming all the time. Sometimes I had to pinch myself to make sure this was all real. I never in my wildest dreams thought this would actually happen, I mean I wanted it to but I never thought it would!

I had had my stitches removed and most of the bruising had gone down, my shoulder was still sore but I was assured it would go away in a few more weeks.

Edward's lung had stayed inflated and so far he had no side affects from partially losing his spleen. I didn't even know what your spleen is for, obviously it wasn't that important if I had no idea what it was.... _yes thats my logic and im sticking to it!_

Rose was in full wedding preperation mode and had decided since what had happened with Edward and I that life was too short so instead of the huge lavish wedding she wanted in a few years they were now getting married abroad in Jamaica. I couldn't wait, I had never been there before and Edward had promised me a holiday.

It was in 4 weeks just after New Years and with any luck he would be completely on the mend then and able to fly over there.

Rose's dress was stunning, it was actually very simple but then again she could have worn a bin bag and been the most beautiful woman in the room,

It was ivory white and satin, was strapless and hugged her every curve.

The bodice had tiny beads all over it and was done up like a corset at the back, the skirt was slightly ruffled and just simply breathtaking.

She had me in tears the first time she had worn it. Alice too, it was like the dress had been designed just for her it was gorgeous.

Me and Alice were to wear dark red almost burgandy bridesmaids dresses which coordinated with the suits that the boys were wearing. We hadn't seen them yet but I knew Rose had impecable taste, there was no way she would dress us up as fluffy fairies.. well I hoped so anyway.

Rose's flowers also had the same shade of red in them, it was incredible how fast it was all coming together.

I had the organisational skills of a panda so I knew where to come when I eventually planned my wedding.

I woke up the day after the dress fitting really excited. I was picking Angela up from the airport in like 5 hours! I was really pleased about seeing her again, she had heard what had happened and was completely horrified which is understandable but I was trying my hardest not to dwell on it, I was determined not to let this affect me like last time. She was understandably upset but I assured her I was fine, she was debating on whether to come or not but I was adamant that I wanted her here, everyone wanted to meet her.

I had told her about Edward and she couldn't wait to meet the man that had changed me so much.

I jumped up and got myself showered, I would need to leave soon if I wanted to make the airport for 1pm. Emmett was coming with me, even though it was all over my dad was still sceptical about letting me go out on my own, he wanted to know where I was all the time.

Chritmas was approaching and I couldn't wait, I loved this time of year, I was praying for snow on christmas day.

Edward was on the mend and was walking around a lot more, he still wasn't able to drive, at Carlisle's insistance. He probably would have if his dad hadn't told him not to. I really missed him around the house but he had assured me that he would be back in no time.

After getting dressed and eating breakfast I called up to Emmett to let him know I was ready and soon he came bounding down the stairs with a huge grin on his was upstairs so I knew what they had been up to, I just hoped he had washed his hands before getting into the car! Ugh!

I still hadn't had my car back, and to be honest I wasn't sure if I wanted it back after being locked in the boot of it.

I had asked Edward if I could drive his and his eye brows raised so high I thought they would fly right off his head!

_That'll be a no then!_

We headed to the airport with Emmett driving as my shoulder was still sore and chatted about the weather and the wedding and how I was feeling and honestly I was feeling really good. I was just glad things were finally going right for everyone.

We got stuck in a bit of traffic on the way there so by the time we got parked and made it to the arrivals we only had 25 minutes left before Angela got here.

We sat down and waited.

'So, is your friend hot?' Emmett asked looking at me.

I gaped at him with my mouth wide open.

'What?' I asked him 'Em your engaged, you cant be looking at other women'

_What a jackass,_

'I'm not asking for me pleb I'm asking for Jake'. Ah ok yeah that made sense! Wait, what? Jake was taken.

'Why, I thought he was seeing Leah?' I repied.

'They broke up, apparantly he's the wrong sex for her' _Oh..... OHHHHHH!_

'Nooooooo way' I laughed

'Way, who knew that she was a secret rug muncher eh?' He raised his eye brow suggestivly at me and I burst out laughing! He had such a way with words, he cracked me up.

'So, your asking so you can hook him up with Ang?'

'Sure, why not. It will take his mind off being dumped for a chick.'

'She is single, and yes she's hot. Maybe we can do a little matchmaking?'

'I owe Jake a lot after how much he helped out with... with you know what, so this is the least I can do for him'

I nodded in agreement, he didn't have to risk his life to come barging in the building to pull me and Edward out but he did and I would be eternally grateful for that.

'So, are you ok after that?' Emmett asked me.

'Yeah, I think I am. Things are different this time, _I'm_ different. I'm stronger now'

Emmett smiled at me and put his arm around my shoulder. 'You sure are Tink' He gushed. I rested my head on his chest and we sat there in silence for a few minutes.

'Thank you Em, for everything you did'

'Your welcome sweetie, I would do it again in a heart beat'

I had found out afterwards that once it was discovered that I was missing there was a frantic search started, Edward was called and had immediatly came to help. He had found my purse and phone on Jessicas grave with a bloodied log and contacted my father straight away.

Jake and Emmett trawled the woods behind my house while Jasper my dad and Edward searched every inch of the town looking for me.

They hadn't realised I was gone for almost 24 hours as they assumed I was locked away in my room but it was only when Alice couldn't get in touch with me that my dad barged into my room and found I was gone and that my car wasn't in the garage. Mine was one of the only ones that was kept in the garage all the others were kept on the driveway so he had no reason to notice I was missing.

My dad felt terrible when he realised I had been gone for that long and he hadn't picked up on it.

They eventually remembered about my car being chipped and had located it but it took them a few hours to round up the police and explain everything to them. Emmett and Jake and Edward thought they were taking too long and decided to jump in the car and come find me themselves.

Edward had entered the building first and told the others to wait for the police as he was certain he knew who was responsible and only he could coax Tanya out of whatever state she would be in.

It was only when they heard a gun shot that they flew into the building and took matters in to their own hands. They had come across Luke in the hallway and he had shot at them, they were too fast and managed to wrestle the gun from him and shot him before he had a chance to do it to them.

Emmett had told me when they heard that second gun shot as they were searching every room looking for me that they thought the worst, they thought I was dead.

It broke my heart to see them so upset at the thought of losing me. They were all heroes in my eyes and that would never change and the least I could do was try and hook Angela and Jake up.

'Hey' Emmett said coaxing me out of my thoughts.

'Huh? I asked

'You were away with the fairies then, you alright?'

'Yeah, sorry I was just thinking'

'They just called her flight number, she'll be here soon'

I wanted to squeel with glee, I was so excited about seeing her I thought I was going to throw up. I hope she likes my friends and family.

I fully intended on them all being in my life for a very long time so it meant a lot that they all got on well.

The door way opened and passengers started filing out, I eventually caught sight of Angela and bounced up and down clapping my hands while Emmett looked at me as though I was special or something. Special as in yellow sunshine bus special.

We both started squeeling and I ran towards Ang, she dropped her bags and ran towards me with open arms! I was over the moon, we hugged and cried and hugged and then cried some more all while Emmett looked at us like we had 6 heads between us.

'Oh your finally here' I gushed

'Bella, you look fantastic' She said holding my shoulders and looking over me'

'You too' I said back.

Emmett cleared his throat and suddenly I remembered that he was here.

'Oh right sorry this is my brother Emmett'

Angela reached out and shook his hand. 'Nice to meet you, your the one thats getting married?'

He beamed his cheeky grin at her and said 'Nice to meet you too and guilty'

We headed to the baggage carosel and eventually Angelas suitcase arrived. Emmett being the gentleman he is carried all of her bags to the car while we gusged to each other, I told her I was so pleased she was here and couldn't wait for her to meet everyone else. We were having a meal at our house tonight with everyone I was so excited. Jake and the Cullens were also coming over. My entire extended family together under one roof. I was just so over whelmed I could have cried.

The only person that couldnt be here in person was Jess, but I knew for sure she would be looking down on us smiling her beautiful smile. I was the happiest I had been in my entire life and that was mainly due to Edward. I had the man I loved, the best friends in the world and the most incredibly loving family in the world. I had it all!

Edward had text me to make sure we had made it safely and said he would see us when we got back and that he was excited about meeting Ang. He told me he loved me and filled the page of my phone with kisses. Just that made me blush like a teenager.

Edward Cullen, the man of my dreams, my teenage crush was now _mine. _And I could not have been happier.

**So what do you guys think? **

**1 more chapter and an epi and thats IT guys!**

**I'll get the next chapter up in a week or so xxxxxxxxxxx **


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys. I was gonna wait until next week to update this but I thought with it being Easter an all I would be super nice and update early:D**

**Soo, this is the final Chapter... Sob sob. I'm really gonna be sad to see this story end, I know its not the best story in the world but Its a start and I can improve on it.**

**Thank you to my awesome beta Magenta for inspiring me and always being there to listen to me when I need someone to talk to. Your wicked babe, thank you for all your help with this. Its very greatly appreciated.**

**I don't own Twilight....**

**Right, the final chapter:**

Christmas was incredible, all the people I adored were under the same roof, we had an amazing holiday.I had laughed more in the last few weeks than I had in the last few years, I was so happy. I felt so blessed to be able to be here and take part in something so special. I know its only Christmas but it was my first Christmas at home in 2 years and I was ecstatic to be spending it with everyone.

Angela had a wicked time staying with us and was really quite sad to go back home, she loved it here, it was so different to London. While London was busy, noisy and severely overcrowded, Forks was a small sleepy town where everyone knew everyone, It was such a friendly place compared to London. Evidently she hadn't met Lauren and her stupid little friends yet. But none the less she was happier than I had ever seen her.

I desperately wanted her to stay here forever, she said herself that she had nothing to go back too. Her relationship with Ben was over and she had no intention of going back to him after he cheated on her. She had a job yeah, but she could get a job here no problem. And she had no family, all she had was the house and she could easily rent that out while she was staying here.

She had even hit it off with Jake. He had taken her on a few 'dates'. He wasn't aware thats what they were, I had just asked him to show her a few sites and take her to a few restaurants but nevertheless he had gushed to Emmett about how incredible Ang was.

She liked him too, she wasn't interested in getting into a serious relationship again because of Ben but she was totally more than up for a bit of fun with Jake.

Seeing everyone together and happy made my heart swell with pride.

Edward was doing much better, he was pretty much back to his annoyingly handsome self. It was surprising just how much I missed his cheekyness when he wasn't here. I would count the minutes until he arrived and then throw myself at him when he did come through the front door. I didn't want to seem like a clingy girlfriend or anything but I really did cherish every minute we had together. He saved my life, I was going to spend the rest of my life making it up to him if he let me.

My dad pretty much worshipped Edward now for risking his own life to save mine, in my dads eyes he was a hero. Everything was just going perfectly you know. I could not have been happier.

I spent every spare minute with Edward, kissing and cuddling. I wanted so much to just rip his clothes off him and go all cowgirl on him but he was worried that I wasn't ready. I think he was worried about doing too much too soon, but I assured him I was ready.

I had only slept with one person before and that wasn't exactly earth moving. It was with a kid called Riley when I was 17 at a party that me and Jess had attended. It was not long before I met James actually and only Jessica knew that I had slept with him. I wanted to just get it over with so I could say I was no longer a virgin but to be honest those 7 minutes were painfully slow and dull. He thought it rocked but I didn't have the heart to tell him it was seriously NOT very good, not that I had anything to compare it too, I just assumed that me counting the shapes on the bedroom curtains while he was getting on with it was a bad thing? He had asked for a repeat performance but I wasn't that desperate and told him no thanks.

My logic was, when I finally got my chance with Edward I didn't want to be a fumbling idiot. I didn't even sleep with James, the thought actually repulsed me at the time. And it repulsed me even more now.

So now I wanted nothing more than to show Edward how much I loved him but his reluctance was beginning to get on my nerves.

I had told Rose and Alice about it and they assured me that it was normal, I had only just told them about Riley so they concluded that Edward must have presumed I was still a virgin. It had never come up in conversation so maybe he did think that?

It was something that would have to be rectified in the near future thats for sure. I didn't know how much longer I could put up with being in such close proximity to Edward all the time and not being able to jump on him.

Angela could not believe the change in me, the last time she had seen me I had been a wreck, what a difference a few months can make huh?

She adored my family and friends and they welcomed her with open arms, they thought she was incredible. My dad thanked her for taking me in when I lived in London, he was eternally grateful that she had befriended me. Chances are if she hadn't I might have ended up on the streets or something equally as nasty.

For Christmas we went all out, presents, the biggest tree we could find and the most wonderful cooked dinner on the planet. We had the Cullens and the Blacks over and everyone had such a wonderful time. We laughed, we joked, we reminisced and we generally had a brilliant day.

Edward had bought me a gorgeous neckless with a heart shaped pendant on it. I hadn't expected anything off him so I was really surpised he had gone out of his way to get me something so beautiful. He told me after when we were alone that as I was the keeper of his heart the neckless seemed fitting. Me, being the sentimental sap I was burst into tears and threw my arms around him, kissing him until I was breathless.

I had wanted to show my appreciation but as usual when I got too carried away he would break away and tell me we should slow down._ Arghh, he was irritating me._

For New Years the Cullens held their annual New Years eve bash, the house and garden were transformed and full of twinkling christmas lights. It was a really pretty site.I had seen it about 3 years before and if possible the garden had gotten prettier. They had erected a huge gazibo with a bar inside for everyone, and put on a massive buffett dinner for the guests.

I think the entire of forks had turned up, including Mike, Lauren and Tyler.

Rose clocked her and made her way to my side, giving her the most evil glare she could. She said that Lauren looked kinda afraid which made me smile, she deserved to be terrified of Rose after smacking me for something that was none of her concern.

I caught Lauren later on in the evening at around 11pm sliding up to Edward. He appeared to be ignoring her but the stabbing pain in my chest I felt was incredibly persistant. I wanted to go over there and gouge her eyes out with my finger nails. Alice and Ang thought I was hilarious, maybe it was the alcohol making me so brave who knows, but I marched my drunken arse over there and planted a huge kiss on Edward letting her know he was taken.

The look on her face was priceless when I pushed her out of the way. Edward obviously knew what I was doing and was pretty happy to join in, wrapping his arms around me and touching my backside. He kissed me so passionately it took my breathe away.

Alice had told me that Lauren had stormed off and locked herself in the toilet shouting that she had been humiliated. It totally made my night.

As if I was gonna let anyone get their hands on my man. Especially that disease ridden skank bag!

We had an awesome time night though. I definitely drank too much Vodka, I even told Edward I wanted to be with him forever, he just chuckled into my hair and told me he would love nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with me. I had the hugest smile on my face for the rest of the evening.

At midnight we said Happy New Year and I kissed him with all the passion I could muster and led him back towards the house.

As we were leaving the garden I caught a glimpse of Jake and Angela having a very passionate kiss of their own. It made me beam to see her so happy. I knew they would get on, I would have to tell Emmett just how awesome he was for mentioning hooking them up in the first place. I saw Alice and Jasper in a very loving embrace as we headed back to the back door.

I led Edward into the house and up the stairs to his old bedroom. I closed the door behind us and smiled mischeviously at him, he knew what I wanted and we weren't leaving until I got my way.

The room smelled just like him, it was and so fucking sexy.

He smiled at me and walked towards me pushing me into the door and pressing himself up against me.

'Bella' He groaned. He brought his head down and started kissing my neck, his hands resting on my hips.

I ran my hands up his shoulders and through his hair and moaned as he started planting kisses round my jaw and to my lips. His kisses made me so fucking horny it wasn't even funny.

His tongue started roaming around my mouth making me all kinds of wet. My heart was pounding so much and I was breathing so heavily I thought I might lose conscienceness from lack of oxygen.

He broke away from the kiss and rested his forehead against mine, gazing into my eyes.

'Are you sure?' He asked me breathlessly.

'I'm more than sure' I beamed up at him.

'Good, I can't wait anymore. You have no idea how much I want you.'

'I'm pretty sure I do' I chuckled back.

He started kissing my throat again and I reached under his shirt to touch his bare chest.

He groaned into my neck making me want to jump him there and then, the noises he made were incredible.

I pulled his shirt up and over his head revealing his naked torso, I had seen it before but every time I did it made my heart flutter like hell.

The only thing that was different now was the scar that he had on his chest from the bullet. It was healing but it was still very noticable. He had a few more scars from the surgery they did but they were only small, even with these he was still perfect in my eyes.

I ran my nails down his chest making sure I stayed away from any painful areas and he threw his head back. I smirked knowing I had caused him to react like that.

I knew he wanted me, he was hard enough to break through rock.

He thrust his hips into mine while kissing me again, he pulled off my top so I was stood there in front of him in my bra and jeans.

I bit my lip and let him kiss me where ever he wanted to, the feeling was so intense it made me burn.

He picked me up and carried me over to the bed not breaking away from the kiss. I was laid down on my back and he was hovering above me flashing me his irresistable smile. I smiled back, I couldn't help it. His smile was infectious.

He kissed me again while carressing my face with his hand, my hands roamed down the contours of his back. This incredible guy was mine, I still had a hard time believing it. After all this time he was mine and I was about to make love to him too.

'What?' He asked me.

'Huh?" I was confused.

'You were smiling as I was kissing you, did I do something you find amusing Miss Swan?'

'I was just gloating to myself' I beamed up at him. 'I still cant believe your mine'.

He planted another kiss on my lips before pulling back, he was on top of me with his pelvis pushing into mine, he was leaning on his arms showing off his muscles.

'You'd better believe it baby' He whispered seductivly into my ear making my fadge tingle in anticipation.

He slid down me and stopped at my pants, he planted kisses on my own scars which had faded, he carried on kissing me along my stomach, he looked up at me silently asking my permission to carry on. I nodded and he undid my jeans and slid them off. I was lying in front of him in my underwear, normally I would have been so self conscious but Edward had a way of making me feel so desirable.

He pulled his own trousers off and stood there in white boxer shorts, his penis looked like it was ready to push its way through them, the beast wanted out.

I chuckled again and he smiled at me when he saw where I was looking.

He was so gorgeous, and he was all mine. I sat up and kneeled on the bed in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me again. He reached around and undid my bra, it fell to the floor and he gazed at me with the most incredible look in his eyes. The way he was looking at me was completely mesmerising

'I love you' He said resting his forehead against mine again.

'I love you too' I replied smiling at him.

He lifted me and lay me on the bed again, he pushed his hips into mine making me groan like a cheap porn star. I was feeling this way now and he hadn't even really done anything yet.

I couldn't wait to finally make love to him. I bucked my hips impatiently trying to make him go faster but he just chuckled at me.

He slid his boxers off and I slid mine off, we were both completely naked and I felt so sexy. He made me feel like this, so wanted and loved.

He grabbed a condom from his top drawer, opened it and rolled it on while I watched him. I even found him doing that such an amazing turn on.

He climbed on top of me and positioned himself between my legs. I was starting to feel so nervous. I didn't really know what I was doing. I was beginning to panic.

'Relax baby' He whispered rubbing his nose against my cheek.

'I'm sorry' I replied.

'You have nothing to say sorry for' He kissed my cheek. I just nodded and closed my eyes letting the feeling of his lips calm me down.

'Are you sure this is what you want? He asked.

'Yes, more than anything' I said sincerely.

He smiled at me, kissed my lips and reached down. He touched my clit with his thumb almost making me fly off the bed. I had dreamed about him touching me for such a long time and it was now finally happening. I was giddy as hell.

He slowly started pushing into me. He was rather big, and as my fadge had been outta comission for such a long time it was rather painful being stretched like that but he went slowly and once he was completely inside me he stopped and kissed me some more. _Oh my god, he feels fantastic._

I ran my fingers down his back and he slowly started moving within me.

I was throbbing and panting like never before. It certainly did not feel like this with Riley that was for sure.

The feeling was so intense I actually felt like I was going to cry, how retarded is that?

He started moaning too which turned me on even more. I loved hearing him moan.

The muscles in my stomach started to tighten and I eventually exploded in ecstasy calling out his name. I had had orgasms before but only self induced ones and that was _nothing _like I had experienced before.

He carried on thrusting and it wasn't long before he came as well grunting into my hair. We lay there together panting for god knows how long before he rolled off me and lay on his side staring at me.

'Are you ok?' he asked moving a stray piece of hair from my face.

'I'm fantastic. Thank you' I replied. I moved up to kiss him.

I fell asleep in his arms that night, I had never felt so loved and wanted in my life. I wanted to fall asleep in Edwards arms every single night.

* * * * *

Rose's wedding was approaching fast. I was so excited about it, I had never been to a wedding before let alone one in Jamaica. We had finally seen our bridesmaid dresses which as I thought were stunning. I was worried with my complexion I would look too pale in dark red but I really did feel elegant and beautiful in it.

Rose wanted me to wear my hair down and have it curled, I knew Edward liked it when I wore my hair down so I agreed.

Alice looked a vision too, but then again she was naturally stunning so like Rose she could have worn a bin bag and looked incredible.

At her final dress fitting Rose confided that was really nervous and was convinced Emmett wasn't gonna turn up but I told her that thought was ridiculous. He was completely in love with her, there was no way in hell he would think about not turning up.

I would kick his ass for sure if he contemplated doing something so ridiculous.

We headed to Seattle for the hen night and I got completely wrecked, I spent the night telling everyone how in love I was and that I loved everyone. I even fell off my heels a few times too which made Rose cackle like a witch.

Angela told me she wanted to move to Forks for good so I was bouncing up and down like a baby. Alice also told us that her and Jasper were thinking about moving in together. They were practically living together anyway but wanted somewhere to call their own.

Everyone was growing up, maturing and getting on with their lives, when did we get so damn old?

Esme got completely totalled and started talking about hers and Carlisle's sex life, I was horrified. This woman, my future mother inlaw was telling me about her sex life... I had to get a round of shots in and get more drunk to get the image of Esme in a kinky french maids outfit out of my head. Carlisle had a secret fetish for role playing. I had laughed my head off, wait til Edward got a load of this.

The boys we staying in and having the stag party in our house. Emmett had insisted he didn't want a stripper but Rose knew that he had a fantasty about police women so he had a stripper dress as a cop and come to the house to tell them the music was too loud.

Edward told me the look on Em's face was priceless when he realised who she was.

I think I would have been insanely jealous at the thought of some stripper grinding all over my man at his stag party but Rose was confident and had nothing to worry about. Emmett was crazy about her, that was as clear as day.

Thankfully we had another few days before we were due to fly cos I had the worst hangover known to man the morning after the hen bash. My head was throbbing and I felt sick. We had stayed in a hotel in the city so we didn't have to ride home so late and waking up on my own without Edward was horrible, it probably made me feel even worse. Thankfully I felt ok once we had gotten home which is more than can be said about Esme who was convinced she was dying. After the amount of alcohol she consumed I'm hardly surprised she felt so rough, I had never known her to knock back booze like that. She was hilarious when drunk and had told me many a secret about Edward.

She also told me that he admitted a few weeks after I came home that he was in love with me but didn't want to push incase it frightened me off. I beamed with pride at that revelation. I always knew we would be together and now we were.

The morning of the flight even I was nervous, Rose was getting married in less than 24 hours. Angela was coming too, Rose and her had hit it off and she practically begged Ang to come with us. She said she felt like a free loader but we insisted that she was part of the family and wanted nothing more than to share this with her. Ang finally agreed but only cos she found out Jake was coming too.

He didn't think he could make it before cos of work committments but he had managed to get the week off so he was coming too. She liked him, I knew it, she hadn't actually admitted it to me but I knew the look she gave Jake, and she wanted him... Bad. And he wanted her too.

Things with me and Edward had gotten even better if that was even possible in the few weeks after we started sleeping together.

We were at it like rabbits ,I was constantly pulling him into my room and stripping him bare. I was insatiable, but it was his fault for being so damn gorgeous, and he never complained. He did things to me that should be illegal, noone should feel this good all the damn time, its criminal. He made me feel all sorts of incredible. I was completely in love and smiled from ear to ear all the time.

I told him what his mom had said about him loving me and for the first time ever he had blushed and admitted it was true. He told me that was why he was so upset about me accusing him of sending something so malicious to the house, He was devastated that I would think he was capable of that. I told him I knew deep down that he wasn't capable of it, I was just lashing out because I was so confused and hurt and he understood that.

He told me he was terrified at the thought of never seeing me again and realised he had to do something about how he felt when he saw me again. And to say I was glad he did would be a severe understatement.

The morning of the wedding was busy and panicked. Rose was terrified and spent the morning crying. She was so over whelmed, which is understandable. She cried on my shoulder before telling me she loved me and to get my ass moving.

The wedding was beautiful, I cried the entire time. Rose walked down the isle with her father who looked dashing as did my own dad. I could see so much of my dad in Emmett when I saw them both standing together.

Rose looked incredible, her dress was just stunning and suited her perfectly. Emmett looked so handsome in his charcoal black suit. They were the perfect couple and I could not have been happier for them. I had always wanted a sister and now I had one in Rose.

Alice and I had walked behind Rose carrying white and red flowers to match our dresses and I really did feel like a princess. All eyes were on Rose except Edward's. He was gazing at me, looking me up and down. He had a mischevious look on his face and his eyes glinted. I couldn't help but blush.. _Was it getting even hotter in here?_

The vows that they had written to each other were said and in no time Rose and Emmett became man and wife. I literally felt like I was going to burst with pride. I looked over at Edward who seemed equally as happy.

Even my dad shed a little tear, I looked back to see him dabbing his eyes.

Rosalie's family were lovely, they adored my brother and were glad Rose was marrying into such a wonderful family. Y_ep, I agree we were pretty damn awesome._

We moved on to the reception which was held in the most stunning hotel. Emmett and Rose had their first dance. For someone so big my brother danced with elegance and grace. Me thinks he had been having some secret dance lessons to learn whatever dance they were doing. I had never known my brother to move to fluidly before. Rose as always was graceful and gorgeous. I looked on while Edward held me, he was standing behind me kissing my neck.

I danced with Edward at the reception . The band that played were fantastic, I didn't want to leave the dance floor which was unusal as I didn't normally dance, but being in Edwards arms made me feel so safe and desired that I could have stayed there for ever with him.

The speeches were made and dinner was served, it was stunning. The cake was cut and we had pictures taken on the beach and the whole time Edward held my hand and told me how stunning he thought I was.I just smiled at him and kissed him passionately on the lips.

Rose's smile was infectious, she was beaming, even Emmett was all smiles. I dont think they had taken the smile off their faces the entire day. He had just married the woman of his dreams, he couldn't help but smile lovingly at Rose. It was honestly the most perfect day ever.

Alice and Jasper looked all loved up, they couldn't keep thier hands off each other. Seeing Jasper throw Alice around the dance floor was amazing, I had no idea either of my brothers could dance so well, it put my stumbling to shame. But thankfully it was all in the leading and Edward was an incredible leader, he whisked me around the dance floor to the fast songs and held me close for the slow ones.

Alice and Jasper were next to get married that was for sure. I could see how much he adored her. Angela and Jake were getting on really well too, he would gaze at her when she wasn't with him and couldn't keep his hands off her when she was. In the entire time I had known Angela she had never looked at someone the way she was looking at Jake. Not even Ben. I really did hope things would work out for them both, they both had saved my life in very different ways and I wanted nothing more than to see them both get the happiness they deserved.

I made my way over to my dad through out the night and held him, telling him how much I loved him. I realised I didn't tell him enough and I wanted to voice how grateful I was for everything. He just kissed me on the forehead and told me to go have fun.

The only thing that would have made this day even more perfect was Jess being here but I knew she would be watching and smiling over us. As much as she adored Emmett I knew she would have been over the moon for him.

I couldn't help thinking that if I had never come back things would have turned out so differently. Coming back home and facing my fears had been truly terrifying but it was by far the best decision I had ever made.

I would never have felt this way if I had just stayed there in London wallowing in self pity.

Jessica dying was quite possibly the hardest thing I had ever gone through but I knew deep down that she would want me to be happy, who knows maybe she was the reason that all this today was possible? Maybe it was some kind of divine intervention?

Part of me had died the day she did and I'll never get that back. But by coming back here and picking up the pieces of my once shattered life I realised I had built a new one. Jessica may have been gone but she would never _ever_ be forgotten I would make sure of that. And one day I was sure I would see her again, until then I had to make the most of my life.

I had the most incredible family that loved me unconditionally, the most wonderfully loyal friends who would do anything for me and the most amazingly gorgeous boyfriend anyone could ask for. He was my best friend as well as my soul mate and I had ever intention of spending the rest of my life with him.

**So guys, what did we all think? I finally added a lemon lol! Sorry it took so long, it just didn't seem right before you know.**

**Thank you all so much for reading this, you have no idea how much this means to me! You guys have been fantastic! Please if you can, check out my new story Consumed by fire. **

**I have written the epi for this and I'll be putting it up in a week or so. **

**Thank you again so much for reading this, you all are fantastic:D**

**See you again.**

**Sae xxxxxxxxx **


	23. Chapter 23

**Alrighty then, here is the Epi I promised you all! I hope you like it. **

**Thanks to my awesome beta Magenta Masen who has helped me out so much where this story is concerned! I cant believe its all over, I'm gonna miss this story loads!!! **

**I don't own Twilight but I do own a husband who is currently de weeding my garden!!**

**Here we go...........**

"Edward..... EDWARD" I hissed "Wake up, please. I don't feel well"

Edward stirred and moaned, then rolled over putting the pillow over his head gaining him an elbow to the ribs.

He sat up, looked at the clock which said 5.28am and groaned.

''Bella, honey what are you doing?''

He looked at me and his eyes suddenly got wide.

''Are you alright?'' He shouted

I nodded my head and smiled weakly at him as he scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. I really didn't feel too good but I didn't want him to see me panicking.

He sprinted out of bed and into the bathroom leaving me sat on the bed thinking. He rushed back out and threw some clothes on. His hair was its usual unruly messy self. I loved it like that, he was so damn cute and he didn't even know it. Ok well he did and he was smug but it was times like this when he had just woken up that I thought he was so completely sexy.

I had fallen asleep last night aware something wasn't right but I pushed it to the back of my mind and let Edward caress my back. Every single night without fail he would kiss me and tell me how much he loved me.

''Right ok.. Don't panic'' He chanted to himself.

It wasn't him that should have been panicking right now. It was me. Ohh this was not gonna be fun.

* * * *

The last 5 years had been glorious. Edward and myself had moved out of my father's home and into a place of our own in Port Angeles. It was a modest 3 bedroomed apartment close to the centre of town and close enough for everyone to visit.

We had been living together now for 4 years and while we did argue sometimes it was still blissful. We argued over silly things like him leaving his socks on the bathroom floor and putting empty milk cartons back in the fridge but the majority of the time we got on really well.

My father was now also living in Port Angeles closer to his work, there was no need for him to be living in such a huge house all by himself now everyone had moved out. Rose and Emmett had moved to Seattle as Rose had been promoted and gotten a new job.

Alice and Jasper had decided to go travelling for a year around the world. I was insanely jealous but I liked the comfort of my own bed and staying in hostels and hotels all round the world was not my idea of being comfy. They called all the time and sent us pictures in emails of all the places they had visited.

Angela and Jake had gotten engaged after about 5 months of being together and he had moved to London to be near her, they had just moved back to Forks a few months previously. I was over the moon at the prospect of her living so close to us, she had become such a massive part of my life and having her near was so fantastic.

My dad was going to sell the house but couldn't bare to part with something that meant to much to my mom so Angela and Jake had agreed to move in, and when they came home Jasper and Alice were moving back in there too. The house was big enough that we could have all stayed there but I really wanted a place of my own with Edward.

Not long after Rose and Emmett's wedding Esme was diagnosed with Cancer. As you can imagine everyone was devastated. Edward was a wreck and so was Carlisle despite putting on a brave face.

I had considered Esme my mother as my own had died when I was so young and the prospect of losing her was dreadful. Edward took it the hardest which was only understandable. He spent so many nights crying into my neck. It wasn't fair. She had been having tests for a few months before but didn't want to worry anyone incase it turned out to be nothing. But a biopsy a few weeks previously had confirmed she had cancer of the womb.

Esme was told she would have to have a hysterectomy to get rid of all the cancerous cells and as you can imagine she was devastated. The doctors had informed her that it was the most effective way to get rid of all the cancer and she agreed. She was informed that she would need radiotherapy after the surgery to make sure the cancer stayed away. Despite having such a horrible illness and being so poorly she kept the smile on her face, she was always so positive and I really did admire her for that. She was so much stronger than people gave her credit for. She was so much stronger than me.

The operation was a complete sucess and 2 long years later she was given the all clear. We were all over the moon, it was such a horrible time for everyone. We celebrated by going on a 4 week cruise of the Mediterranean. Seeing her out there laughing and smiling was such a beautiful feeling. We had come so very close to losing her, it terrified me to be perfectly honest.

Edward and I had become rather unstable after the diagnosis, I knew it was only because he was worried but he had shut me out and that hurt me. I wanted nothing more than to be there to comfort him but he would rather be on his own.

He had started working with my father in his office and spent alot of his time there instead of being home with me. And when he was home he would sit in the living room watching football and drinking beer, he barely came to bed, if he did I was already asleep and he would be gone by the time I woke up. It completely broke my heart to see him doing this to himself.. to _us. _Especially after all we had been through. I was losing him and it was slowly killing me.

It took me packing my bags and going back to my dads to make him realise how much of an idiot he had been. I told him that all I wanted to do was be there for him and hold him when he needed me. I could see how much this was hurting him, I knew he was facing the prospect of losing his mother which scared the shit out of him but in the process he was hurting me too. I knew he was suffering but I hated it when he pushed me away and we ended up making up... pretty much all around the house.

* * * * *

Edward ran around our bedroom shouting out random things to himself while putting on his trousers. He stopped and looked at me concern in his eyes.

''Are you ok?'' He asked me. I was fine, considering.

''I'm ok sweetie. I need to get dressed'' I slowly stood and pulled on my sweats, a t shirt and a pair of slip on trainer things.

I made my way down to the kitchen and poured myself some orange juice. The dishes were still in the sink from last night I could clear up later. I didn't care right now about the mess. We had had a really spicy chicken dish which would probably account for why I felt so rough now. Edward loved it, I had spent a good few hours cooking but half way through I started feeling funny and decided to leave the rest and go lie down.

I could still hear Edward running around the bedroom in a flap. The people downstairs were gonna have a fit if we woke them up this early in the morning. They were a wonderful family and had gone out of their way to welcome us when we moved here and I felt terrible about them being woken up.

I looked around feeling nostalgic and smiled. The picture that was once in my bedroom of Jess and myself was now in the dining room on the wall, it took pride of place. I would talk to it and sometimes found myself just staring at it.

* * *

Edward had taken me out for my birthday about 3 years ago to a fun fair. I loved things like that so he had taken me to one that was in Port Angeles. He then took me to a really cute Italian restaurant, bought me a rose and told me how much he loved me. He had been acting really strangly all day, I knew he was up to something, I had seen that look in his eye before, But I had no idea what he had up his sleeve.

We had the most stunning meal, I had lasagna and garlic bread but Edward just pushed his food around his plate.I asked him what was wrong and he had told me nothing and smiled at me. Not the smile I was used to seeing, this was a far away distant kinda smile. One that told me that even though he was here, he wasn't _quite_ here. If that makes sense?

After about 10 minutes the waiter came and took our plates away. I was starting to get concerned and paranoid. Was Edward about to break up with me? Surely he wouldn't do that to me on my birthday? He was acting completely out of sorts it was scaring me.

He took my hand in his and kissed it calming me somewhat but I still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling I had in my chest.

Edward scooted his chair closer to mine and told me he loved me. Even now after all this time hearing that still sent shivers down my spine and made me break out in goose bumps. I loved him more than I could ever imagine, my heart literally would feel like it was about to burst out of my chest whenever he was near me, touching me or even speaking to me. Even now his voice made me melt.

He told me he couldn't imagine life without me and then dropped to his knee producing the most stunning ring I had ever seen.

_Oh my fucking god He's proposing to me? _

People around us had gone quiet which made me even more nervous. I'll never forget what he said to me.

'Bella Swan, you are the love of my life. You make me so happy, I don't ever want to be without you. Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?'

He had the most intense look in his eyes, he looked terrified yet so determined at the same time. I loved that despite everything we had been through he was still unsure of how I would react to him asking me to marry him.

I had started crying at this point, I was still staring at the ring when I blurted out 'Yes' with no hesitation. The people in the restaurant started applauded us and Edward put the ring on my finger. It was stunning. It was white gold with a beautiful diamond in the middle. It wasn't too big but not too small, it was just perfect. Like Edward. I smiled all the way home, we rang everyone to tell them and surprise surprise they already knew.

Edward had been planning this for months according to Rose. He had gone to Emmett to ask for advice about how to do it. Emmett had suggested sticking the ring in my food to find it but Edward thought knowing my luck I would end up choking on it and end up in the ER all night. Despite the years I still was accident prone.

Never the less I was amazed. I was getting married to the man of my dreams.

I didn't want a lavish wedding, I just wanted something small and personal with the people I loved the most and Edward agreed, as long as we were together that was all that mattered.

* * * *

We rushed into the elevator and down to the car, I had insisted I was fine and we didn't need to rush but Edward was adamant we had to hurry, I just rolled my eyes and moved faster for his sake.

''Edward I'm hungry'' I grumbled.

''Now?'' He asked.

''Yes. now'' I demanded.

''But baby they are expecting us'' He said not taking his eyes off the road.

''I know, but I really need bacon. Please? I promise it wont take long''

He chuckled at me, he had gotten used to me demanding things at random times of the day.

I smiled at him, he really was the most gorgeous man on the planet.

He pulled into the only cafe we knew that would be open at this time of the day and he jumped out. He knew exactly what I wanted.

Since living in London I really loved bacon and ketchup sandwhiches. Just the thought of them made my mouth water and it had to be really crispy bacon too. I was starving. I hadn't eaten much of last nights dinner. It had taken me ages to make too. I had made spicy chicken with pesto and chilli's and bow tie pasta. It was nice but it really made my stomach hurt. I didn't sleep much last night either. I was back and foreward to the toilet. I had woken Edward to tell him I wasn't feeling very well at about 2am. He had gotten up and got me some pepto bismol and a glass of water but I felt worse as the hours wore on.

I was convinced I was dying of food poisining or something,but since Edward had eaten the same thing and was fine it couldn't have been so it had to be something else.

Edward returned with my sandwhich which I pretty much snatched off him and stuffed down my throat, My god did I have an appetite. I would be the size of a house if I carried on like this but Edward had told me it didn't matter what I looked like he would still love him, which made me both beam and cry at the same time.

''Better?'' he asked motioning towards the empty wrapper that was in my hand.

''Much better thank you, I really needed that''

''I can see that, you almost took off your fingers while chewing on that'' He laughed at me.

''You keep laughing buddy, you wont be laughing later'' I warned him with a smile on my face.

He carried on driving, it had started drizzling and the sun was coming up. It was almost 7am by this point. Edward was smiling to himself while reaching over and rubbing my leg. I was smiling too, I was unbelievably happy and terrified at the same time.

I called Rose and Alice to let her know where we were heading and after almost deafening me down the phone with their squealing they said they would meet us there.

* * * * * *

Mine and Edwards wedding was just like we wanted it, small and personal. My dad gave me away and told me I looked stunning. I had worn a strapless white satin gown that was tight around my breast and hips and then had a wider skirt. It had white sequins along the breast and the material gathered around my waist making it appear smaller than I was and then down the left side the sequins continued. I had worn my hair up and had a few stray strands curled down my face and neck, I wore a beautiful silver, diamond encrusted tiara and matching neckless given to me by Carlisle and Esme. I had insisted that it was too much but they were adamant that nothing was too much for their favourite daughter in law which made me burst with pride.

I had Angela, Alice and Rose as my bridesmaids. They wore pretty turqiouse colored knee length dresses which matched the guys's tuxedos.

The boys wore dark grey suits with white waistcoats that had swirls in them to match the colour of the girls' dresses. Their ties were also the same colour, as were the hankerchiefs that stuck out of their pockets. Everyone matched, it was beautiful.

We had a small ceremony in Port Angels in a place called the Cutting Garden. It was tranquil and quant and perfect for us. It was Edward that had come across this place while he was looking online for somewhere. He had seen it, fallen in love with it and booked a date there and then. I was so surprised that he had taken the initiative to do that himself but it was just stunning so I totally understood why he liked it.

The day was perfect. It was just what I had always wanted. I was now Mrs Bella Cullen. It had taken me so long to get used to being called that but I loved it.

Edward had taken me to Mauritius for our honeymoon, I had never been anywhere so damn incredible before. I thought Jamaica was amazing, I had never expected to be somewhere so close to heaven before. The beach... what we saw of it was stunning. I got to know the hotel room VERY well over the next 10 days. I was so in love and so happy I thought I might die from smiling so much.

* * * * *

I closed my eyes waiting for the pain to die down. That chicken was seriously bad that was for sure. I told Edward to pull over quickly, I opened the door and threw up onto the concrete clutching my stomach in panic in his eyes was evident, he just wanted to get me to the hospital as fast as possible but I knew if I had thrown up in his car I would never hear the end of it. He was still completely in love with his car. I pulled myself up and wiped my face with a wet wipe from the dashboard.

"Baby you OK?" Edward asked me. I just nodded as I rested my head against the back of the seat. I was not OK, I knew that but I didn't really want to worry him any more than necessary

Edward carried on driving and 15 minutes later we arrived at the hospital, he wanted to have a doctor look over me to make sure all was ok.

Being pregnant did not agree with me. I hated being so fat and needy all the time. I was so hormonal and snapped at Edward for the slightest little thing. He just took it in his stride and rolled his eyes at me which usually ended up with me throwing a cushion or a shoe at him.

I had morning sickness from hell, I never understood why it was called morning sickness, I was sick morning noon and night and then it started again the next day. Eggs made me vomit and the smell of coffee made me nauseous. And dont even get me started on the heartburn and having to pee every 3 seconds. Pregnancy was evil, designed to test women to their limits. I hated being so completely out of control.

I was given a scan and had heart the babies heart beat so I knew he was ok. I was in quite alot of pain so the doctors wanted to be thorough with me.

Finding out I was pregnant had been a huge shock. Yes we were married but we hadn't talked about having kids or not. It had just been thrust upon us. I was working with Alice and Angela in a boutique that Alice had opened in Port Angeles and was loving every minute of it. I always knew Alice would do something with fashion, she was addicted to it.

But on the plus side I got to sample her clothing so it was worth being her guinea pig. I had been feeling really rough and was cranky and Angela suggested I do a pregnancy test. I laughed at her at first and told her it was not necessary but I did one none the less. I was horrified at first when the test came back positive. I was convinced it was broken and made Alice go buy me a new one. That too came back positive. I spent the rest of the day in a daze.

I remember driving to Edward at work and bursting into his office. He looked so shocked to see me.I burst into tears and told him I was pregnant. He just stood there gaping at me before grabbing me, spinning me around and kissing me.

''That's wonderful news Bella'' He said. ''Why are you crying?''

''I dont know'' I sobbed into his chest. I didn't know whether to be happy or scared but as the months wore on the more excited I became.

Edward fussed over me to the point of me wanting to beat him up, I was pregnant not an invalid. I just wanted to be left alone. I was more than capable of cooking dinner without him constantly watching over me.

We had decided not to find out the sex of the baby, I wanted to be surprised. I had thought of a few boy names but none so far for a girl. Despite not knowing I kept calling the baby a 'he'. It was natural, I must have been having a boy. I think thats why I automatically started looking for baby boy names and not girl ones. When looking at baby clothes I would head straight to the boys section and coo over them and not the girls.

I had asked Edward if he had a preferance but he just told me as long as the baby was healthy he would be more than happy either way.

Edward, Emmett and Jasper had painted our spare room and turned it into a nursery for the baby. Edward was so so happy, he would constantly touch my tummy and talk to the baby. He was there at all the appointments, he was really a god send even if he did get on my nerves sometimes. He even bought me one of those foetal heart monitors so he could hear the babies heart beat too. It was so sweet to see him act like this. He really was the happiest I had ever seen him.

The midwife appeared and did an internal which was kinda painful, I hated being invaded like that it was so crude even if it was necessary. I felt terrible now, imagine what it would feel like when I was in labour. I had watched all the tv shows to prepare myself and to be honest it looked horrendous.

I was hooked up to a huge machine to monitor the babies heart beat. He sounded healthy, I couldn't wait to meet him. Edward had stepped out of the room to let the midwife perform the internal which kinda made me giggle, its not like he hadn't seen it all before.

''Well, It looks like your about 5cm dilated Mrs Cullen'' The midwife informed me.

''What? What does that mean?'' I asked her panicking.

''That means, your baby will be here soon'' she smiled at me and patted me on the arm.

''No, that's not right. It's too early. He's not due for another another 2 weeks.'' I protested.

''Sweetie its alright, the baby will be fine. He's obviously just ready to come out and meet you''

''BUT IM NOT READY'' I screeched at her.

Edward heard me shouting and burst through the door.

''What's wrong?" He asked panicking.

''Nothing at all'' The midwife informed him. ''Your baby is on his way''

''What? Really?'' He sounded so cheerful. I'm glad _someone_ was happy.

''I want the drugs. Not the weak ones either. I want the good stuff'' I shouted out.

The midwife just smiled at me and told me she would come back with them in a little while.

I wasn't even having contractions yet, but I wanted to be pumped up when they did come. I had seen the shows. I knew how this went and I was not about to be screaming the place down when they started.

The midwife whose name was Jane checked the machine and told me my contractions were mild and only coming 6 minutes apart but as my waters had broken at home in bed they were going to keep me here until I gave birth.

She told me in a few hours if the contractions didn't come thicker and faster they would give me something to speed them up.

I lay back and closed my eyes. Was I really ready to have a baby? I knew logically I had no choice as he was well on his way but was I really ready for this?

Edward rubbed my forehead and kissed me, I opened my eyes and gazed at him.

''Hi'' He said.

''Hi yourself'' I smiled back at him.

''Are you alright sweetie?'' He asked me while rubbing my head.

''I'm good. We're having a baby'' I smiled at him as a tear slid down my cheek.

''We sure are. Do you need anything?''

''Can you please call my dad and everyone else?'' I asked him sleepily. I hadnt slept well last night so It was catching up on me now.

''OK baby, you just sleep'' Edward kissed me again and left the room.

I fell asleep rather quickly after that and dreamed of Edward and our bronze haired little boy.

I woke up to pain ripping through my stomach. For a split second I forgot where I was. I was alone in the room, the clock on the wall in front of me said it was 5.25pm.

We had been in the hospital for about 8 hours now and I still didn't have my baby. I wondered where Edward and my dad were, the pain had subsided but my back was aching like I wasn't hooked up to the machines anymore so I was able to move around. I was so uncomfortable lying down like this so I dragged my heavy arse up and out of the bed. I needed some fresh air it was hot in here so I went over to the window and opened it.

Pain ripped through me again and I screamed out clutching onto the window frame for support.

_Holy fucking shit, the baby was trying to kill me._

I knew I should have demanded harder about those drugs. I began panting like they did in those tv shows but it did nothing for me. It was meant to be helping me and all it did was piss me off. Where the fuck was Edward and that midwife with the morphine?

The pain finally wore off and I hurried over to the door. well actually I more like waddled. I grabbed my dressing gown and put it on over my night dress that they made me wear earlier after I found out I was in labour. I flung it open and looked down the hall. No sign of Edward.

I wandered down it and found the relatives room. Inside Alice, Angela, my brothers, Rose and the Cullens were.

''Bella?'' Alice gasped when she saw me. ''What are you doing? You should be lying down''

''It hurts when I lie down'' I sobbed. ''Where's Edward?''

''He's gone to the car to get your bag, he wont be long sweetie'' Esme said while putting her arms around my shoulder and rubbing my arm.

I could feel my stomach tightening. _Oh no, another contraction._

I started crying again and grabbed onto Esme who was telling me to breathe. What's with the damn breathing shit? It didnt work. I needed drugs.

The pain in my back and stomach was excruiating. I needed Edward.

Just then he burst through the door looking rather worried with my dad in toe.

''Bella, sweetie'' He gasped.

He put his arm around my incredibly huge stomach and guided me back to my room once the pain had subsided.

The midwife came back and checked me again, she told me I was now about 7cm dilated and gave me something for the pain. I had begged for morphine but she just chuckled at me and told me it wasn't that bad.

_ Oh, I beg to differ nurse lady!!_

Edward was wiping my forehead with a damp cloth telling me I was doing really well and how proud of me he was. I would have loved to share his enthusiasm but I was so tired and in so much pain it was unbearable.

I started on the gas and air which really did take the edge off the pain. Edward was there the entire time, he never left my side which made me feel terrible for calling him all the names under the sun and blaming him for this.

I think I shouted out that he was having the snip as soon as we were home too_. Whoops._

At 11.30pm that night I was finally fully dilated and ready to push. If I thought the contractions were bad I was severely mistaken. The pushing part was unbearable, the burning I felt was so bad I thought it would never end. I knew I would forget the pain once I held my little boy in my arms but at this moment in time I couldn't think about anything except the pain.

I screamed and shouted and told Edward we were getting divorced for all the pain he was causing me. And finally at 12.45am after an hour and 15 minutes of pushing our baby was born.

He was cleaned and placed on my stomach screaming blue murder. Only _he_ wasn't a he, he was a _she_. My mothers intuition was seriously off.

She had a head of bronze hair and the tiniest fingers I had ever seen. She was wrapped in a blanket and I couldn't stop gazing at her. I had a daugher.. _we _had a daughter. Edward was smiling through his tears. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid eyes on.. and she was all mine. She was looking around the room, she had my eyes. A sob ripped through me as I gazed at her, I was just completely amazed that we had created such perfection.

"Hi" I whispered to her as I kissed her perfect little head.

Edward lent down and kissed my forehead.

''You did it Bella, I'm so proud of you.'' I lifted our baby up and passed her to Edward. Seeing him standing there with our child in his arms was quite possibly one of the most touching moments I had ever witnessed.

The midwife informed everyone else that I had had the baby and they slowly started piling into the room.

Lots of cooing took place and one by one they held her. There was not a dry eye in the room.

Edward bent down and kissed me hard on the lips.

''Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world Bella'' He kissed me again. I just smiled at him, I was so tired but this was one of the best moments of my life. I know they say you forget the pain and its very true, looking at my newborn daughter I could hardly remember any of it. All I saw was her.

''So have you thought of a name yet guys?" Carlisle asked while holding his first grandchild.

Edward looked at me and smiled. He had told me a few weeks ago he had thought of a girls name and told me he wanted it to be a surprise but I had just brushed it off still convinced we were having a boy.

''Guys, please meet Jessica Esme Cullen''

I was completely shocked and in awe. My head snapped up and our eyes met. He just nodded his head and smiled at me. What a beautiful dedication to my best friend. I grabbed him and kissed him hard on the lips.

''Thank you'' I smiled up at him.

''Your more than welcome. You don't mind about her middle name?''

''No, I think its perfect. Look at how happy your mom is''.

Esme was crying and kissing her grand daughter, she looked completely in her element.

I lay there in the hospital bed taking in my surroundings, I had not only married the man of my dreams but I now had the most beautiful daughter ever. I had the best friends a girl could ever ask for and a family that loved me so much it hurt. I smiled as I saw everyone interacting with each other. This was how life was meant to be, it was perfect.

I promised that Jessica would never be forgotten and by Edward doing this, she would live on in our daughter forever.

**So Guys what did you all think? That's it! Its all over!**

**Thank you all so so sooooooo much for sticking by me with this, you all are incredible!**

**I hope to hear from you all again. Take it easy **

**Saera xxx **


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